husband wants it all - Page 2

**Alura** · 09-13-2002, 11:24 AM

I'm just a hick Okie, but the way I see it is that there are more problems here than anyone could possibly cope with. The drinking to the point of drunkeness is reason enough to look for someone you can communicate with, trust and be proud of. Your husband doesn't have any of those qualifications. Add abuse to the equation and the best answer is to dump his sorry ass.

By the way, do you get drunk?

Mr. Alura

swing_no_more · 09-13-2002, 11:31 AM

Well my husband is an extrememly smart person. He is a quick learner and he can conform. I think that he definately has the potential to straighten up. He just has to be willing to do it. That's why I want to give counseling a shot. If it doesn't work...bye bye.

And I do drink on occasion but I never get shitfaced.

swing_no_more · 09-13-2002, 11:36 AM

I'd also like to add that it wasn't always like this. When we were first married we were very happy. He was good to me, treated me with respect, gave me love and affection, anything a woman could want. It was just when we moved to Arizona did things go downhill. I was depressed being away from my family. but he did all he could to cheer me up.
But after about 6 or 7 months in Az, things just started to slowly fall apart. I'd try and keep a spark going but he never seemed interested. so I quit trying. And that's when the shit hit the fan.

4sum · 09-13-2002, 12:09 PM

It seems to me that none of the questions you want answers to are unreasonable. I mean, they're all pretty much yes/no questions, and regardless of whether your husband thinks they're appropriate or not, he shouldn't hesitate to answer them.

Regarding wanting to continue swinging...I think the majority of male halfs of swinging couples on this board would agree that one of the reasons we've been able to sustain swinging is that it brings happiness in pretty much equal measure to ALL parties! If he's just looking to get his ya-yas off then I agree with TeamSoBe...Keep him away from us!

What does he want out of your relationship? Seems to me you need to ask hard questions and demand straight answers. There's a big difference between loving a person, and loving what they'll do for you, and a guy's Johnson is a pitiful judge between the two.

Good luck!

ciscosv · 09-13-2002, 12:32 PM

I have to say that everyone has the same feeling that I initially had about your husband. He does not respect you and he is an abuser. You should be number one in his life no matter what. The guy is a dick to make the comments he does and that does wear away at the self esteem. If you do give the altimatum, stick with it and DO NOT back down no matter what!!!!!!! Show him who holds the balls in the relationship. Trust me when I say that he WILL crawl back to you when you walk away. Guys like him hate when they find out what little control they have in the relationship.

OhioCouple · 09-13-2002, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ciscosv:
Trust me when I say that he WILL crawl back to you when you walk away. Guys like him hate when they find out what little control they have in the relationship.

You are absolutely correct in that assessment. Not only do they crawl back, they haunt you like the ghost of Christmas past and then they come back spookier than before. People like this rarely ( I would love to use the term never but I am sure there have been some) turn around. They are totally self serving and looking out for their own interests. These sort of people make my stomach churn and I have had the unfortunate opportunity to know both male and female self serving individuals.

Lori

OhioCouple · 09-13-2002, 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by swing_no_more:
Well my husband is an extrememly smart person. He is a quick learner and he can conform.

Suprisingly most people like your husband are very, very intelligent. This is how they are able to keep their stronghold on their prey. They despise rejection as it is insulting to them as a person. Therefore they learn quickly how to maniuplate others. Don't for a minute think that you are the only one being manipulated, most certainly he is doing the same with everyone in his social, business and private life. It is a science with these type of people and they quickly learn the "go buttons".

Lori

coolwetbreeze · 09-19-2002, 11:10 AM

Well this is a terrible subject....Love and marriage and then a selfish man...Thats what he is I'm sorry to say... He is very good at the manipulation game. Just who the hell does he think he is anyway??? He pisses me off and makes me want to cry for you at the same time...It's hard to give up a man that you love but it can be done...I had two babies and was only 21 when I told my ex to hit the road...Rough going but I did it. He doesn't deserve you if all he thinks about is himself and what he wants...I so agree with all these other people...He will slowly realize that you are not going to put up with his game if you stand firm....And thats what you have to do...Stand firm sister...You are young and you are strong and hell, you are woman(roar) lol hugs to you and I'll send you my prayers for strength

[ September 19, 2002, 11:12 AM: Message edited by: coolwetbreeze ]

Swingers Ads	Swinger Pics	Swinger Stories	Shopping	Search Swingers	Swingers Clubs	Swinger Articles	Dictionary	FAQs	Swinger Links
Forums	Register	Swinger Events	Search	Today's Posts	Mark Forums Read	Chat Room [1]

09-13-2002, 11:24 AM	#16 (permalink)
Alura Just a hick Okie Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 8,144 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Status: Widower	I'm just a hick Okie, but the way I see it is that there are more problems here than anyone could possibly cope with. The drinking to the point of drunkeness is reason enough to look for someone you can communicate with, trust and be proud of. Your husband doesn't have any of those qualifications. Add abuse to the equation and the best answer is to dump his sorry ass. By the way, do you get drunk? Mr. Alura
	__________________ "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it." —Will Rogers

09-13-2002, 12:09 PM	#19 (permalink)
4sum Here to Stay Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 92 Location: CT Status: Fourple	It seems to me that none of the questions you want answers to are unreasonable. I mean, they're all pretty much yes/no questions, and regardless of whether your husband thinks they're appropriate or not, he shouldn't hesitate to answer them. Regarding wanting to continue swinging...I think the majority of male halfs of swinging couples on this board would agree that one of the reasons we've been able to sustain swinging is that it brings happiness in pretty much equal measure to ALL parties! If he's just looking to get his ya-yas off then I agree with TeamSoBe...Keep him away from us! What does he want out of your relationship? Seems to me you need to ask hard questions and demand straight answers. There's a big difference between loving a person, and loving what they'll do for you, and a guy's Johnson is a pitiful judge between the two. Good luck!
	__________________ Champagne for my true friends! And true pain for my sham friends! ~ Oscar Wilde

09-13-2002, 12:32 PM	#20 (permalink)
ciscosv Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 755 Location: Redford, Michigan Status: Married Couple	I have to say that everyone has the same feeling that I initially had about your husband. He does not respect you and he is an abuser. You should be number one in his life no matter what. The guy is a dick to make the comments he does and that does wear away at the self esteem. If you do give the altimatum, stick with it and DO NOT back down no matter what!!!!!!! Show him who holds the balls in the relationship. Trust me when I say that he WILL crawl back to you when you walk away. Guys like him hate when they find out what little control they have in the relationship.
	__________________ M&M Melts in your mouth, not in your hand

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

09-13-2002, 11:31 AM	#17 (permalink)
swing_no_more Registered Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 9 Location: At the end of my rope	Well my husband is an extrememly smart person. He is a quick learner and he can conform. I think that he definately has the potential to straighten up. He just has to be willing to do it. That's why I want to give counseling a shot. If it doesn't work...bye bye. And I do drink on occasion but I never get shitfaced.

09-13-2002, 11:36 AM	#18 (permalink)
swing_no_more Registered Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 9 Location: At the end of my rope	I'd also like to add that it wasn't always like this. When we were first married we were very happy. He was good to me, treated me with respect, gave me love and affection, anything a woman could want. It was just when we moved to Arizona did things go downhill. I was depressed being away from my family. but he did all he could to cheer me up. But after about 6 or 7 months in Az, things just started to slowly fall apart. I'd try and keep a spark going but he never seemed interested. so I quit trying. And that's when the shit hit the fan.

09-19-2002, 11:10 AM	#23 (permalink)
coolwetbreeze Here to Stay Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 58 Location: Texas Status: female of the couple	Well this is a terrible subject....Love and marriage and then a selfish man...Thats what he is I'm sorry to say... He is very good at the manipulation game. Just who the hell does he think he is anyway??? He pisses me off and makes me want to cry for you at the same time...It's hard to give up a man that you love but it can be done...I had two babies and was only 21 when I told my ex to hit the road...Rough going but I did it. He doesn't deserve you if all he thinks about is himself and what he wants...I so agree with all these other people...He will slowly realize that you are not going to put up with his game if you stand firm....And thats what you have to do...Stand firm sister...You are young and you are strong and hell, you are woman(roar) lol hugs to you and I'll send you my prayers for strength [ September 19, 2002, 11:12 AM: Message edited by: coolwetbreeze ]

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
How to ask my husband to swing ???	Sara1234	Bringing up the topic to my partner	11	04-13-2005 07:18 AM
Want Husband to try Bi	BandJ1968	Male Bisexuality	19	12-13-2004 04:02 PM