Husband played with female friend after I said not to

[lovinher]

So Chicup did you bother to read the first post? She did say they had some fun with this so called friend. I would call that swinging and it is relevant to her problem. The deception would have a little more sting to it if this was a vanilla couple. So what if a swinger asks a question that may not have anything to do with the actual act of swinging. There are all kinds of topics covered here that have nothing at all to do with swinging. I don't understand your hostility here and your post above says quite a bit about you.

You question the honesty of the post because it couldn't happen to you? Read that again...did you REALLY mean that? I have plenty to say but I don't know how to say it without being obnoxious so I'll leave it at that.

Sorry Julie for the personal attack. Delete away.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by tribbles

Okay, so maybe it IS a troll....YOU don't have to slam the OP without knowing and you could just use your ability to IGNORE stuff you don't agree with. A real troll will enjoy the shit you are stirring. If you ignored them, they would go away faster AND you wouldn't leave a bad impression in newbies and others minds.

Excellent comment.

[blondie77]

Okay, I'm almost sorry I started this...but for some reason this whole thread has really got me worked up. I've been on this board for a year now but I rarely post. I've gotten advice here via other peoples questions, but haven't had the nerve to start any new threads for a long time. Most of the advice given here is great, as are the people, and I admire a lot of people on this board.

I think the thing that bothers me the most about this whole thing is how quickly some people are to slam a person or start in with the "troll calling" and telling people how wrong they are for their opinons. Believe me when I say I have plenty of situations in my life that have felt "soap opera-ish" but I haven't dared to post questions for fear of attack. Maybe attack is too strong a word, but sometimes it does feel as though there are some posters who like to stir the pot as much as any troll. All I am looking for in this board is good sound advice, friendship, entertainment, and perhaps to learn a thing or two. For the most part I find that here. I am a very calm, easy going person, not shy, but reserved; always ready to let someone else do the talking. But I absolutely cannot stand all this negativity. I love this board and all it stands for, but it really leaves a bad taste in my mouth wehn someone who really COULD have a problem immediately gets "outed" as a troll and flamed so harshly. Is that really neccesary? I mean seriously...does it really matter if it's a troll or not? Does it really affect you THAT much? If you don't take them seriously, fine. Don't respond. Or call them a troll and leave it at that. But to go on and on? Why not just leave it as you think they're a troll and leave the negativity and harshness aside. Let the rest of us who believe (even if we foolishly believe) to comment and make fools of ourselves (like someone insinuated earlier), but at least we feel like we might be helping someone. To all you long time board members: I know trolls must get old after awhile and perhaps it is harmful to the board, I don't know. I haven't been here long enough to KNOW when someone is a troll or not, I'll be honest about that. But as someone who doesn't post very often (like myself) and to the "newbies" to the board, some of the harshness and "flaming" can be a little intimidating. I myself think sometimes that if I'm not witty enough or don't have a "plausible" enough problem that I won't be taken seriously. Perhaps we (the silent majority) don't matter much, but we're still here and we're still part of this board.

I'm sorry to go on and on, sorry this is so long, and sorry if I've offended anyone. I just needed to let my feelings known and I hope that you all won't think badly of me because of it. I just hope that perhaps we can all show a little more kindness in the future.
Blondie

PS...I don't mean to take this thread over and steal it from the OP...feel free to delete this or move it as you see fit.....

[SuAndBud]

blondie77,

I agree that some of the posts aimed at the Troll might appear harsh but, hey, that's life.

Some of the topics found here are quite dark. Some people pour their hearts out. Some confess to having fetishes and desires that might be considered stomach churning to others. Some of us have discussed abuse (including rape - and worse) that have happened to ourselves or our friends &/or loved ones.

Life can be "dark".

The Life style can be dark.

In the grand scheme of things, a little bit of board knockabout is no bad thing. Certainly makes for some lively (lol) posting.

Whilst no-one would want to see every thread turned into a verbal blood-bath, people do have different opinions and it is exactly these differences that makes one thread or another interesting and gives it long life.

How many threads have you noticed that start out quite interestingly and then just degenerate into a mutual back-slapping chorus of agreement amongst certain like-minded members? How mind numbingly boring is that. Bet you quickly consign that particular thread to the "been there, seen that - nothing left to say" pile to which you can never bother to return, much as most of us do.

There will be spats on the board (thank Buddha) because the contributors have differing opinions on a range of subjects whilst having shared opinions on a range of others.

The day everyone on the board is in complete accord with everyone else will be the day the board folds because it will mean there is only one (or maybe two or three or four, judging from my own observations) contributing members left.

Certain subjects raised are challenging, both morally and intellectually. Good. Helps keep the board alive. Food for the soul, really.

Yes it would be nice (horrible word) if we all loved each other. But we don't. The board is a reflection of real life, surely.

I have been accused (wrongly in my opinion) of personally attacking another member of the board. My personal take on that particular issue is that I did not attack so much as I retaliated as a means of defense to attacks I had experienced from that board member. My post in question has subsequently been deleted in order that other board members have no access to the evidence and cannot, therefore, draw your own conclusions. I have further been warned and effectively told to kow-tow to certain board members. It appears I have made the unforgivable mistake of not allowing one of the moderators to beat up on me as and when they see fit with impunity.

Now, THAT is dark. THAT is abuse. THAT should be of far more concern to the board members in general than the occasional life emulating rough & tumble that is bound to ensue when someone poses a question to which there are bound to be different opinions and potential solutions.

No doubt Julie will delete this post, too.

THAT is, indeed, a dark day for the board

[wyandly]

To the OP: I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. My advise is to pay no attention to any bickering or accusations on this thread. Instead, seek out other threads and read them to gain the insight that many of the contributing members of this board posses. You will find that this sort back and forth is not the norm, and that many people are truly able to help others with problems and issues that are very difficult talk about. I wish you luck in improving your situation, and in finding a solution that your are able to live with.
To the rest: Yes, i grew up with drama. Yes, i like the excitment that comes with drama. Yes, occasionly I read stuff here to see other people's drama, and get my 'fix'. But I also come here to read in amazement just how quickly, wisley, and maturely the members on this board are able to diffuse drama and break down complicated problems in a way that helps others heal (read: I love the insight). Although I know I shouldnt have expectations, this feeling of disillusionment is hard to shake.
I'm not trying to atack or defend anyone, as I happen to be very flameable (Warning to self: do not post anywhere near an open flame! ..should I have taken my own advise? we'll see). Im just saying that this kind of bickering sucks!

[Alura]

In May of 2001, when I discovered this board, one of the first posts I read was, "You are an asshole, (Screenname)!" "What a pity," I thought, "that such juvenile behavior exists on a board with such fine potential."

Nevertheless, I continued to read the posts. When I was invited to become a Moderator, I accepted, hoping to be involved in the effort then underway to discourage "flaming" in favor of courteous and respectful discussions.

The Mods on this board are dedicated to making this website to be among the (if not THE) friendliest swinger-oriented site available. We've come a long way and I, for one, am proud of our efforts.

It's important that we recognize the difference between a difference of opinion and unnecessary insulting posts. Differences of opinion are never chastized; flaming always is.

Now, Folks, can we please leave the discussion of flaming behind and get on with what we do best: helping people deal with challenging situations involving intermarital sexual relations?

TransplantdBrit, please accept my personal apologies for the off-topic turn this discussion has taken. As a Moderator, I should have been more alert and tried to turn the thread around earlier.

Mr. Alura

[prettylady]

Originally Posted by SuAndBud

So now we have a unicorn to go with the Troll, huh?

Nice one!

Did you meet her in Oxford, cuz that must've been long, long ago and far, far away from Florida.

No wonder the tale is Grimm.

Hark! I think I can hear a boy in the distance. He seems to be shouting something. What's that? Wolf, wolf?!!

Your husband's not Danny Kaye is he? (or was that Hans Christian, not Grimm who left his digit all night in the Dyke?).

Sorry, Sparky (he's my magic talking computer keyboard, dontcha know) sometimes seems to have a mind all of his own.

Anyway, hope you all live happily ever after.

I hope to good God that this op is a troll.
I would hate to be in a desprite situation feeling completely lost and confused and have this chucked at me.
I get raising the Troll flag, I even wondered myself. But damn this has been a really sad thread.
How about archiving this in the "oh my god we did not just say that" file.
I hope this thread dies, and dies soon.
Your friend,
Prettylady

[prettylady]

Originally Posted by Alura

The Mods on this board are dedicated to making this website to be among the (if not THE) friendliest swinger-oriented site available. We've come a long way and I, for one, am proud of our efforts.

Mr. Alura

At the risk of being called an ass kisser.
I think the mods do a wonderful job of redirecting threads and keeping them honest.

OP I hope you find your happiness.
Your friend,
Prettylady

[lovinher]

How about we let this post just fade away. The poster was given some good advice and hopefully we'll hear about the outcome.

This was sad.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by lovinher

So Chicup did you bother to read the first post? She did say they had some fun with this so called friend. I would call that swinging and it is relevant to her problem. The deception would have a little more sting to it if this was a vanilla couple.

Swinging is ancillary to the problem but, no its not a swinger problem per say.

So what if a swinger asks a question that may not have anything to do with the actual act of swinging. There are all kinds of topics covered here that have nothing at all to do with swinging. I don't understand your hostility here and your post above says quite a bit about you.

Which one would that be?

You question the honesty of the post because it couldn't happen to you? Read that again...did you REALLY mean that? I have plenty to say but I don't know how to say it without being obnoxious so I'll leave it at that.

I would say that Julies assesment of why some people think it is a troll is wrong. I don't know what got your panties in a bunch here, but whatever works for you. This is one of those posts where what kind of insight can you give?

So your husband knocked up a friend of yours on the day you had a miscarriage, and the only one that seems to care is you?

If it happened, get a divorce lawyer, but there can be no swinging perspective on this.

Not many swingers would laugh off not using a condom while ovulating and having someone elses husband ejaculate inside her.

Not many swinging husbands would act like assholes about doing the same.

[SuAndBud]

Chicup,

Although I generally respect your take on stuff, I've also felt the lash of your tongue (figuratively speaking) in the past and have not responded due to the fact that I figured you were entitled to your opinion. But that also means I don't owe you any favours, so am not "fluffing you up" here.

On this matter we seem to be almost "on the same page" inasmuch that you suspect it to be a Troll thread.

I know it's a Troll thread.

Sure as eggs. If I'm wrong (yer, rite) I'll never, ever, bother this board again and neither will Su.

I'm only disappointed that, perhaps because the Troll stooped to the depths of using the C word (that's cancer - not the four letter C word. Shame on you for posting at all, Troll, but double shame on you for that. You're a very sad person.) But a lot of other Board Members who really ought to know better and do know better haven't stuck their heads above the parapet here. Their abstentions have not gone unnoticed. If you ever want to know how low sick people will stoop, simply witness the suicide bomber in the school playground scenario. There are other examples, but you all get the gist.

One good thing that has been achieved from this thread its that we've taken it off of the Troll. We might be debating and even disagreeing, but at least it's healthier than feeding that damn Troll. Another is that the board seems a lot livelier today than it has done of late.

Julie seems to be very keen to demand that we don't "abuse" each other. Does that rule not apply to Trolls? Julie KNOWS this was a Troll thread yet allows said Troll's poison to infect and even chastises those who are subsequently infected! Incidentally, abuse can be considered a subjective issue (we're in receipt of some of your "private" rebukes, Jules, and have experience at first-hand of just how subjective. You'll note our lack of a "private" response to them. We can speak openly. We don't require any cloak of secrecy when communicating with your good self ).

I'd have expected a tad more care and consideration from someone so experienced in Swingers Board matters.

I'm disappointed in Julie (does that mean this post gets deleted now?).

By the way, it's per se (not per say) it's Latin dontcha know (but then I'm only 9 miles - not a continent - away from our Mainland European cousins and London used to be Roman Londinium - as you will already be aware).

Just thought you should know that.

[prettylady]

For the love of Pete, drop this already. Your post was true to yourself and that I can respect. But why the slam at the end? why the need to correct someones spelling or understanding of how things are pronounced or worded. You had my understanding(not that I agreed with you about Julie)up until then.
Your friend,
Prettylady

I am done here.

[SuAndBud]

PrettyLady,

It's called humour. It was never intended as a dig at Chicup. Quite the reverse, it was intended to put it all into some sort of perspective. None of this thread is really that important (least of all to the Troll O/P). That we should worry about something as pithy as a spelling error is testament to just how unimportant the rest of that War & Peace of a post I made was.

I thought the claim that you guys don't get irony was an Urban Myth.???

Chill a little.

Your English Friend.

Bud.

[JustAskJulie]

You want public rebuke, I'll give you public rebuke.

Your posts aimed at AngeyKY in this thread did not belong in this thread or on this board. THey were completely personal attacks at them and served no other purpose to attack them. You have had an attitude many times and this was not the first time you were "warned" by the mods on this site. This is the LAST time, however, as you are working your way to soon being banned. Go ahead post again, because you are getting very close.

I'd love to know how you KNOW that this post was a TROLL post because I certainly do NOT know that it is a troll post, nor do I believe that it was a troll post after having a private conversation with the original poster where they expressed their feelings at how they were treated here - something that Trolls typically don't do. The OP did not deserve the treatment that they got here. I don't even have a problem with someone saying that they think a post was a troll post but there is a line that was crossed here when the attacks started on the OP and another line crossed when you felt the need to attack another user in regards to something completely unrelated to this thread.

Typically, myself and the mods try to deal with issues behind the scenes, through PMs. We rarely feel the need to call people out publicly and try to save that as a last resort.... 1 step shy of wishing you farewell from this site. Now, you are at a point where you can do one of two things, either start treating other users of this site with respect or leave (either by your own choice or not).

[LOL_OMG]

Just read the post and all the bleh bleh's after and I would like to get back to the ORIGINAL post. I don't believe this is a swinger issue, because as you had stated you and the MR always did things together. What happened the night in question is that you were passed out and he basically cheated on you, which I'm sure hurts. Of course he was probably grieving and upset and seeking solace, but that doesn't change the fact that you two weren't "playing".

I don't know your relationship with your hubby or your girlfriend, but I do know that in life you can make things better...or worse. How much are these relationships worth to your life? I would guess both quite a bit. I would take that into consideration when things unfold...for yourself, your husband, your girlfriend, and possibly a child who may need you all.