Husband played with female friend after I said not to

[Alura]

Concerning the "troll situation" I will say that trolls are a real bother and we who have been here awhile find them tiring. Sometimes we become jaded and are too quick to categorize unusual posts as bullshit. In this land of democracy, though, I feel all those accused (OJ included) should be considered innocent until proven guilty. Then we can pounce on them.

Transplantdbrit, Mrs. Alura is also a cancer survivor, having recovered almost miraculously in the recent past. Our hearts go out to you for both your struggle against cancer and the loss of your child. We will appeal to the Great Spriit for your continued recovery and your ability to become pregnant in the future and carry the child full term.

As my late uncle, Blind Bear, was fond of saying, "Shouldadones don't count." What's done is done, cannot be changed, and is only valuable as a tool to be used for learning.

Sex is a great therapy for deep sadness. It's not surprising that your husband took advantage of familiar territory to help him cope, and even sleep, a bit better. Try to understand his weaknesses, for which you must surely love him as for his strengths.

The child your friend may be carrying is faultless. Love him/her as much as you would your own. Love your friend like a sister.

You've worked too long and too successfully at a fulfilling marriage to throw it away for one night of weakness. Build it into an even stronger part of your life.

Please keep us updated.

(BTW, I lived in London (Shepherd's Bush) for awhile. Where are you from?)

Mr. Alura

[MoonLightKiss]

Originally Posted by SuAndBud

bickering will shortly break-out beween the Boardies.


.

Looks like it has started already. :surrender

To the OP: If your story is true, then you have my condolences and my sympathies. Its tragic to suffer through a miscarraige when you are walking a path that says you will not ever get pregnant. Its nearly cruel, because when the test comes back and says yes you are pregnant...you get your hopes up. And to be betrayed by the one person you needed to hold your hand is even worse.

HOWEVER, my personal feelings are on the fence with this thread. I also see where the others are coming from. This thread does have that, oh whats the word...extreme drama that lends an air of disbelief. Many of us here have been burned by proven trolls with very similiar drama filled stories. This board is littered with trolls saying "Someone got pregnant, yada yada."

And new swingers shouldn't be afraid to post. There is a big, and I mean HUGE difference between, "I am new, what if" and "It really happened." We all have what if scenarios that run through our mind and some of them scare us to death. By talking about the what if's we can avoid the problems. But when you bring a story and say it happened that is so drama filled I feel like I am watching Sammy Brady on DAYS up to her old tricks, even I tend to see why the word troll is being said.

[lovinher]

Life is full of drama. Without it, things would be pretty boring.

[transplantdbrit]

Hello everyone.
To answer the question of where I'm from. I was born in Oxford, raised in Brackley. Now on to the subject at hand. For those of you that have deemed me a "troll". I can honestly say that I am not. I now realize that first posts asking for advice in highly emotional situations are not viewed well by many of the long-term members. Before now, I never had need for input from strangers on my marital situation. Of course to become a member to this board might have been quite a bit of fun, not to mention a place to meet other couples. As it is now, I am turning to all of you as like-minded adults, for some advice on my situation. I do realize this is a bit soap-operaish, but genuine never-the-less. I have read everything all have had to say. For those that gave some good ideas and insights, thank you. For everyone else, I'm sorry that you have come by some with less than honorable posts. Play devil's advocate if you must. If you have something to offer, please by all means tell me.

As things stand at home right now, my hubby and I have had some communication. He explained himself and I listened. As far as my gf goes, she called me yesterday, but not much was said. I'm not sure what to say to her. I know I can forgive them both, and screw-ups are all a part of the human condition. I just have to wait things out to see if she is expecting. Yes, for the person that said it wouldn't be the child's fault, I whole heartedly agree. Also yes, his chance to be a father is valid too. My husband loves me and does not want me to leave. I love him and don't want to leave. We must all hope for the best, but prepare for the worst in life. Unfortunately, I'm not sure which scenario fits which bill. I don't want to be selfish and hope for no baby, but I can't help but feel jealous at the thought of her giving birth to his baby. I have been doing quite a bit of soul searching about how I would honestly react to the latter. Unfortunately, I have it in me to have a marriage with swinging, but NOT for a true poly-amorous blended family. While sitting here writing my thoughts to all of you, it seems I have solved a bit of my own problem. Now to wait and see what comes. That will determine my next step. Thank you for the many insights, and I will post the outcome.

[flkeyscouple]

Originally Posted by transplantdbrit

Thursday can't get here fast enough! I told her to go the the store and get one of those early (5 days before your period) tests. She is going to but she has said that she is fairly sure she already knows what the result will be, as she already has one child.

So, how did the early test come out. You said yesterday that she was going to do that. Did she?

Your jealousy is easily understood - having someone else having your hubby's baby... that's pretty hard to deal with. But as others have said, and you've already agreed, if she is pregnant and she does deliver, it's not the baby's fault. Does she have a hubby?? If so, how is he handling this?

Mrs. FLKeysCouple

[transplantdbrit]

She said she was going to take one but didn't. I said I would purchase it and she said okay. I have it, but she has not come over to take it. To answer the hubby question, no she is single.

[SuAndBud]

Originally Posted by transplantdbrit

To answer the hubby question, no she is single.

So now we have a unicorn to go with the Troll, huh?

Nice one!

Did you meet her in Oxford, cuz that must've been long, long ago and far, far away from Florida.

No wonder the tale is Grimm.

Hark! I think I can hear a boy in the distance. He seems to be shouting something. What's that? Wolf, wolf?!!

Your husband's not Danny Kaye is he? (or was that Hans Christian, not Grimm who left his digit all night in the Dyke?).

Sorry, Sparky (he's my magic talking computer keyboard, dontcha know) sometimes seems to have a mind all of his own.

Anyway, hope you all live happily ever after.

[transplantdbrit]

Wow...you are quite harsh. At least you're literate. Sorry you have so little faith in others. You must have been really snowed by someone in the past. I will admit it is odd to have people you have never met verbally bash you for doing nothing wrong.

[tribbles]

Originally Posted by SuAndBud

So now we have a unicorn to go with the Troll, huh?

Nice one!

Did you meet her in Oxford, cuz that must've been long, long ago and far, far away from Florida.

No wonder the tale is Grimm.

Hark! I think I can hear a boy in the distance. He seems to be shouting something. What's that? Wolf, wolf?!!

Your husband's not Danny Kaye is he? (or was that Hans Christian, not Grimm who left his digit all night in the Dyke?).

Sorry, Sparky (he's my magic talking computer keyboard, dontcha know) sometimes seems to have a mind all of his own.

Anyway, hope you all live happily ever after.

If there was a 'report this post' button, I'd have hit it.

Okay, so maybe it IS a troll....YOU don't have to slam the OP without knowing and you could just use your ability to IGNORE stuff you don't agree with. A real troll will enjoy the shit you are stirring. If you ignored them, they would go away faster AND you wouldn't leave a bad impression in newbies and others minds.

I've been reprimanded for a lot less snark in posts here.

Your post Bud or Su, is over the top, IMHO.

No one is asking you to feed any poster you think is a troll...but let the rest of us do as we see fit without your negative input.

Swinging is about what works for each person....why isn't responding to posts also about that? Hmmmm?

S

[ANGEDKY(mr)]

Originally Posted by tribbles

If there was a 'report this post' button, I'd have hit it.

Okay, so maybe it IS a troll....YOU don't have to slam the OP without knowing and you could just use your ability to IGNORE stuff you don't agree with. A real troll will enjoy the shit you are stirring. If you ignored them, they would go away faster AND you wouldn't leave a bad impression in newbies and others minds.

I've been reprimanded for a lot less snark in posts here.

Your post Bud or Su, is over the top, IMHO.

No one is asking you to feed any poster you think is a troll...but let the rest of us do as we see fit without your negative input.

Swinging is about what works for each person....why isn't responding to posts also about that? Hmmmm?

S

It is there... as you are reading the post at the bottom left, just to the immediate right of the green (or grey) "Online" indicator, there is a tiny yellow triangle, that will allow you to report it.

[tribbles]

Thanks!

S

[transplantdbrit]

Okay everyone, let's not all get nasty. Personally I think we're all grown up enough to not dig out anyone's eyes. This message board is for those in the lifestyle and the issues, both positive and negative, that come up. I can handle someone thinking I'm a troll. The case is that I'm not, but it will never make any difference to someone that has their mind already decided. The last thing I want is for a difference of opinion to result in a written knock-down, drag out fight on a message board that is supposed to be an electronic safe-haven for adult friends.

For those that have given wonderful points of view and great advice, thank you. For the others that think I'm sucking the life out of the universe, you have the right to your opinion. Personally, I am sorry you think this of me. There is no need to further this topic as it seems to create anger. Take a deep breath and make nice. In my defense, I'm sorry that I was not a member of this forum before now. If this were the case, there wouldn't be the bashing.

[MoonLightKiss]

Ok, OK, I admit it, I will be the first one to join the "pounce on the troll" brigade. And there are times when I will even go so far as to call them a low life troll in many various forms. BUT I usually save those attacks for PROVEN trolls. Like I said earlier, the OP could be a troll...then again, its possible, even if its not probable, that there is some level of sincerity there.

But I got to agree with tribbles on this. Some of these posts are going way over the top IMO for something that has yet to be PROVEN. Su and Bud. Normally I find your posts to be well thought out, educated, and while they may not always coincide with my own opinions, respectful. But really, is it necessary to attack each other.

Su and Bud, you said it yourself that trolls come here and often find a way to provoke the members until they are squabbling among themselves. So why give into it if you believe this to be the case here? Why squabble with the other members here? Are these attacks on other members the very thing you purported to say you hated seeing happen here when trolls come-a-callin?

[JustAskJulie]

ENOUGH! is Enough! Folks. I've deleted a couple of posts from this thread due to their nature being purely that of a personal attack on another poster. That's simply not cool. If you have a problem with someone or with what they posted to you in any thread, report it to a moderator and we will deal with it. Do not bring it into another thread. It's very rare that I delete ANYTHING on this site other than spam, and I know this annoys some of you, but in this case I felt it necessary. Personal Attacks are not acceptable. If you have a problem with someone take it private and deal with it.

As for whether or not the OP is/was a troll. That remains to be seen. As someone else mentioned, why is it that the second a "what if?" question becomes an "it happened" thread we question it. If there are things we are so worried about happening then why do we find it so hard to believe that they could really happen? Actually, I think people question these posts so much because the idea that these events could really happen scares the crap out of them, because if it COULD really happen to someone else then it COULD really happen to any one of us.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I think people question these posts so much because the idea that these events could really happen scares the crap out of them, because if it COULD really happen to someone else then it COULD really happen to any one of us.

No, this couldn't really happen to me, which is why I question its honesty.

I was just going to ignore this thread because I would have nothing but harsh words, true or not, but I did want to point out why Likeminds might have found this thread to be questionable.

If its true its not a swingers question really, the only question is 'do I find a lawyer'.