Am I being played, and does she just want him?

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by jtboy

They constantly flirt, whether it be in the company of me or others.

She argues that she would feel uncomfortable if I were present when she invited him, and additionally that he would probably be too, but I contest that if I were not present I would feel as though she is going behind my back.

Hi jtboy,

Have you and your wife only discussed this thing with regard your married friend, or have you and your wife discussed swinging, in general? It sounds like the former, and sounds like she's looking for "permission to cheat" with this one guy, rather than for the two of you sharing a lifestyle together.

When you started out discussing this, were you thinking along the lines of a MFM scenario? It seems that your wife has something else entirely in mind.

I agree with everybody else and you already got more than enough advice. I just wanted to add that it sounds like you and your wife aren't on the same page in the discussion.

This board can be a great tool to learn what swinging is all about. This board answers a lot of questions, and using the "search" feature can bring you to threads on virtually any topic that could come up. What if you and your wife continue to talk? How about sitting down with her and reviewing threads here? It could open new doors. Search the word "cheating" here, and you'll find tons of information that will explain how swingers generally feel about playing with married people going behind their spouse's back (as your friend seems to be doing).

If your friend would cheat on his wife, he'd likely cheat on you, his friend, by going behind your back.

Take care. I hope you let us know how this all unfolds for you.

[iapr]

You really don't need us to actually spell this out for you do you? This is not swinging. This is a somewhat sick and twisted plot for two people that have the hots for each other to get it on and they are trying to make it look like you went along with it to keep themselves out of divorce court.

[MoonLightKiss]

Originally Posted by jtboy

Thank you all for your advice. I was kinda hoping that maybe I was just off kilter a bit and that if I sought advice, you could steer me more correct, but it appears as though my 'issues' with this are justified. Now it may have been the wrong decision to let me wife read my post, but I believe that is what being open is all about. She says that she doesn't have a 'thing' for him and also says that he has never been around him without her or him having let me know at the time. Which I known to be a false claim...either way, with your advice, I think it's pretty clear what the right thing to do is. Once again, thank you all.

The part in bold is what tells me that she is not on the right page for swinging. Honesty, as many here could probably say, is the backbone for swinging and doing it in a manner that will not cause a lot of problems. The fact that you know she is being less than truthful should really raise alarms. Until she can be completely honest and forthcoming and you with her, swinging should be put on the back burner. IMO anyway.

When venturing into swinging, ALOT of questions are going to be asked on both sides. The answers need to be completely honest. Until this is possible swinging shouldn't be. Again, just my opinion. But if my husband could not be honest with me about a "friend" showing up unnannounced, there is no way I could believe that he would be honest about the hard questions swinging will raise.

I applaud your ability to be open minded enough to want to fulfill her fantasy. And I also applaud her for coming to you with it rather than just doing it behind your back. But for some reason I get this niggling feeling you are not being told the whole truth. Like iapr I am beginning to question motives here. I am by no means accusing anyone of anything. It simply sounds as if maybe there is more to the story than you are being told judging from what you have written. I could be completely wrong though. Wouldn't be the first time either. But if it were me in your shoes, I would be asking my spouse a whole lot of questions and have a whole lot of suspicions running through my mind. Again though, I could be wrong. You are there and know more about the situation than I do. Good luck to you in this and good luck to your wife.

MLK

[dingdong69]

jtboy, just some words that you could share with your spouse, marriage and swinging have pretty strong bases amongst them; honesty, commintment, love for each other, not the lack of it. just my two cents

[keysync]

Dito

[joaninla]

I will say that our first MFM was with a friend - a better friend of mine than my husband. That it was a friend made a (nervous) situation much better for me, and for the two of them too!

[clutch]

Hey itboy,

Don't even know if you're still reading these. But just in case... sometimes things can get confusing...especially around sex and things of the heart.

I've learned to recognize when I'm in the forest, and I know that at that time, it is safe to let others, who are out of the forest, to see the trees for me and to trust their judgement.

And I'm guessing your intuition is telling you something, too, or else you wouldn't have put this situation out on the swingersboard.

So regarding this situation with the other guy that you know, I would definitely back way off.

At the top of this page (or any page on swingersboard) is some different catagories in boldfaced type--one of them being swinger advice. I would show this to your wife and use it as a springboard for some indepth discussion.

And, for down the road, I personally really like MFM, but it's not necessarily for everyone, and, I would say, definitely not appropriate in the case you're describing. And I don't know if I'd do it if both couples weren't all together at the time and all enjoying themselves one way or another together during the mfm.

Best of luck. Study together and talk together.