Single, but still Married

[erl36]

Hello all: I have never been in this lifestyle, but have wondered about it. My problem however is I am married, but wife stopped our sex life years ago so that leaves me single even though I am married. So if I joined a club I understand that single men are not welcome. They must have a partner and of course I don't have one and as much as I've tried to find one, no luck. I am an older man and it seems all the women, both younger and older, all want younger men. So where does that leave me. ALL ALONE. I am in the Pensacola, Florida area and If someone out there can help it will be greatly appreciated.
Jim

[Alura]

This is a tough question, Jim, and there are no simple answers. Of course, the only real answer would be to work things out with your wife to both resume your sex life together and, perhaps, explore wider possibilities together.

It takes a strong marriage to swing and that is the reason most swingers will not consider "married but single" playmates. There is just too much drama, not to mention a real danger, involved in sneaky sex. With all the married couples who are ready and able to play, why take a chance?

Is there a physical reason your wife can't make love with you? If not, what can you lose by talking in depth with her (even if it requires a marriage conselor)?

Really, you can't solve the problem on your own. Your wife must be involved, otherwise the problem will persist.

Divorce is also a valid option if she refuses to work out marital problems with you.

Mr. Alura

[aahours1]

There are alot of gals out there that do like older gentlemem. I have one, she is 36 and I am 56. If you take care of yourself and are not FAT, Sloppy or arogant, obnoxious, dirty, unclean ora drunkered you will be excepted. Most clubs WILL allow single guys to attend if they are sponsored by a COUPLE (male/female). So you may want to go that route. find a couple that is looking for a single guy, that would answer your question.

[LikeMinds321]

Jim ~

You have two major things going against you, and therefore I doubt you will find a place for yourself in the swinging world.

If you're over 60 it's extremely hard to find people interested in you UNLESS you look ten years younger and can relate to the interests people in their 40's have. Most swingers are in their 30s and 40s.

The only swingers I know that are still swinging at your age (which I read in your other posts is 70) are those who have been swinging for many years and developed solid swing relationships with swingers they have continued to keep in touch with.

But an even bigger problem is that you would be a cheating husband and swingers prefer to stay far away from cheaters.

Being in a sexless marriage must be very tough, but I think trying to find sex through swinging will be just as tough for you.

LM

[iapr]

As has been mentioned before the swinging community will probably not be a good venue for a variety of reasons. However keep in mind that at your age women out number men dozens to one and those are pretty good odds. While most of those women will also not support a cheating husband it only takes one. While I cannot support adultry I do realize people are going to find a way to meet their needs whether I agree with it or not.

A suggestion I would make so as not hurt a third party would be to seek out the services of a professional. That way you could get the entertainment you need and walk away without any strings.

[prettylady]

Do you love your wife? Does she love you? if so then I think you would be better off going without then seeking the "services of a professional" (I love the way you put that) I know you will here around the swinging world that sex is just sex, and as one signature says, "whats love got to do with it anyway" (another saying I love). But what about the connection you get with being with someone you like. You wont get any better connection with a "Professional" then you would the lovely ladies of Playboy. At least masterbating to playboy wont destroy your marriage, or cause you to catch something icky.( that is the medical term for STD's).
If you need to seek out relations. I would suggest talking to your wife. See if you can't work things out there. I mean really talk, not a 5 minute thing bettween commercials. Like Alura says, try councelling.
If all else fails bring up that you have needs that need to be met. If she is unable to be there for you with this, can we talk about alternatives.
I know easier said then done. The people here are way more open minded then the average population.
But cheating my friend, is most definatly not the way to go.
As you can testify people in their 70's still like sex, so if you keep your eyes open, and check the swinger or alternative lifestyle sites you will likely find your match.
PLEASE, take care of things at home first.
Your friend,
Prettylady

[n2ez]

Here we go again with the high morals swingers, like to hear from the men on this one! lets set the stage first! lets say this liitle cutie wants in to play with you and Wifey, I mean she is a babe type real nice all around, buttttttt oh oh 'MARRIED" and her hubbie doesn't know she is out there looking to swing with you, now from what I read here, you will tell her no way honey! ask your hubbie first.... I just don't think the average guy half of the cpl would throw her out! or without at least some very spirited discussions with his wife! lol
I do find some ads funny to almost always it list "No Married Men" have yet to see one with "No Married Women" this would lead one to think Married Women are exempt from the rule?

For me I only swing with married couples, nothing hotter then playing with a guy and his wife, no ffm stuff for me, find that very boring, have been very lucky to meet some very wonderful people that more then love to share play with a married man, and yep! I am in my 50's also and don't agree that somehow only swinging is for people in there 30's-40's I and the couples I know are in very good shape and honestly could surpass many a you kids!! lol

So yes you do need to keep in shape, be very clean, very open, and yes tool size does matter, I am lucky there too lol it can open alot of doors for sure, but you still have to know how to use it no matter how good looking it is! lol

Lots of nice folks here an don't be discouraged...good luck

Eric

[n2ez]

Originally Posted by iapr

As has been mentioned before the swinging community will probably not be a good venue for a variety of reasons. However keep in mind that at your age women out number men dozens to one and those are pretty good odds. While most of those women will also not support a cheating husband it only takes one. While I cannot support adultry I do realize people are going to find a way to meet their needs whether I agree with it or not.

A suggestion I would make so as not hurt a third party would be to seek out the services of a professional. That way you could get the entertainment you need and walk away without any strings.

Just a quick note here...in Biblical terms even Swinging with another couple is Adultery.....

[Alura]

n2ez wrote:

Here we go again with the high morals swingers, like to hear from the men on this one!

"High morals" may have little to do with the decision to eschew married people, n2ez. I don't know about Texas, but here in Oklahoma we have a law known as the "concealed carry" law. For $200 one can spend a weekend getting a license to carry a gun and a lot of folks have.

Some mates left in the dark about their spouses' extra-marital sexual activities seem to get upset when they find out. You never know when that wronged wife is packing heat in her purse.

One thing "married but single" people seldom seem to understand: They simply aren't necessary, nor is their drama. If a couple wants to experience an MFM, (or FMF) they can simply find a like-minded couple who are ready and willing to take turns.

I'm just a hick Okie, but it seems to me most folks who put "NO MARRIED MEN" in their ads don't even think of writing "NO MARRIED WOMEN" because it's so rarely a problem. I've never seen an ad with "NO SPACE ALIENS," either.

Mr. Alura

[prettylady]

Originally Posted by n2ez

Here we go again with the high morals swingers, Eric

I am sorry about my high morals. :surrender
I just figured hurting someone elses feelings was not very nice.
We may only seem like we have high morals to you, simply because you seem to have low standards.
I think my argument was valid. I told him to look into what makes him happy, but do you really think that sneaking behind his wifes back is going to make him happy. Our OP seems like a genuine gentleman. Therefore, I still stand by the whole high moral idea of giving a shit about his wifes feelings.
We also don't know the whole story. We still don't know if it is medical reasons, lack of sex drive, or lack of love that is keeping them apart. Until then we are flying blind and giving the best advice we can.
Mine being do what makes you happy, just don't shit on others while doing it.
Your friend,
Prettylady

Sorry for being rude

[flkeyscouple]

Very well said, Prettylady!

Sarah

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by n2ez

Here we go again with the high morals swingers, like to hear from the men on this one! lets set the stage first! lets say this liitle cutie wants in to play with you and Wifey, I mean she is a babe type real nice all around, buttttttt oh oh 'MARRIED" and her hubbie doesn't know she is out there looking to swing with you, now from what I read here, you will tell her no way honey! ask your hubbie first.... I just don't think the average guy half of the cpl would throw her out! or without at least some very spirited discussions with his wife! lol
I do find some ads funny to almost always it list "No Married Men" have yet to see one with "No Married Women" this would lead one to think Married Women are exempt from the rule?

Well a couple of points here, out of order.

The 'no married men' is due to the fact that so many married men are looking to cheat with swingers. I'm sure there are some married women doing the same, but they don't spam your inbox. Also the married cheating women we have run into have all been paired with a married cheating man. The 'we are married but not to each other.'

Now for the main question.

First I know my wifes view on cheating and I know she would never play with anyone cheating period. She hates cheating in all forms and will stop reading a book or watching a movie if the main character is cheating. She would never agree to play with a cheater, ever. So lets assume she doesn't know but I do. Now lets make this other woman a complete hottie, my ideal type of fantasy woman, I would most likely WANT to let her cheat. That being said I know how my wife would react if we played and then found out she was a cheater, and god help me if she found out I knew (heh) so I still wouldn't do it, its not worth it to just get laid.

Now add to this but when people do cheat, they often will tell their spouse when they are upset and trying to get back at them. I really don't want some pissed off husband on my ass.

So no I wouldn't play with a hot cheater. Swinging satisfies at basic instinct to find other sexual outlets, which I think is the root of a lot of cheating. It makes me resistant to 'thinking with my dick.'

[n2ez]

Finally an honest guy...thanks, that is what I have thought all along, the Wife is mostly worried if she puts up with one "cheater" she might find the hubbie just might try it himself! not that he would , after all we all remember that murder trial out in CA, most women were more pissed at the guy because he " Cheated on her" it was just secondary that he killed her lol I am of the opinion that most women are very insecure about that little subject...hence no problem for some with a fem "cheater" not you but many I would bet, just read the classic swinger profile/ads the ones I read anyway mostly stipulate No Married men have never seen one No Married Women, and yours may well be the exception and that is somewhat honest of you...

[prettylady]

Ya, umm I think, N2eZ, you missed Chicups point.
Although he may want to have sex with said hottie. He wouldn't.
Theres a big difference between looking and touching, wanting and having.
Your friend,
Prettylady

Are you legitamite? Or are you trying to stir up some S**t?

[Alura]

n2ez wrote:

Finally an honest guy...thanks, that is what I have thought all along, the Wife is mostly worried if she puts up with one "cheater" she might find the hubbie just might try it himself!

Nonsense. It's been my experience in life that whenever one speculates about another's motives or actions, he has a 99%* chance of being wrong. Most swingers we've met have strong communications skills with their spouses and, therefore, have no intentions or needs to cheat. They are quite secure in their relationship and rarely worry about their loved one cheating.

One of the problems with cheaters is that they readily assume that other marriages are as weak as their own.

*My teenage son has informed me that 47.25% of statistics are made up on the spot.

Mr. Alura