Found out my boyfriend is married

starla · 12-09-2006, 02:54 PM

I am new to this board and new to the lifestyle. So far I like it, but I am still learing "the rules". I have a "what should I do question" and would love some advice from people who have been living this lifestyle.
I have been dating a guy for about a year now. He introduced me to the lifestyle a few months ago. He has been a member of a swingers club for many years and I have joined the same club. I found out that he is married and has been for 16yrs. When I asked him about it, he said he is seperated and had been for the last 5 yrs. I have recently found out that he is lying and is with his wife in every way.
Here is my question: Do I tell his wife or just walk away? I believe that what happens at the club stays there, but I also blieve in honesty and think she has a right to know. What would you do???

**good times** · 12-09-2006, 03:02 PM

Well, what I would probably do is move on from this person.

What I would like to do is a little different though, something like get him drunk until he passes out and then tattoo "CHEATER" on his forehead. But being the civilized person that I am, I would never do something like that in real life.

flkeyscouple · 12-09-2006, 03:15 PM

I take it you mean his wife doesn't know about his swinging or his club life? If that is true, then he's not a swinger - he's a cheater.

That being said - run, do not walk, and get away from him. As much as it would please you to tell his wife, that's not your job nor your place. It is his. He should be man enough to tell his wife. Now that you know he's married - leave him. RUN!

I hope, as you read through this board, that you will find the one thing true swingers have in common is communication and honesty! Welcome to the lifestyle - alone you will the elusive fem!!

Good luck!
Sarah

tribbles · 12-09-2006, 04:09 PM

I'd probably just walk away but it might depend on how easy it would be to tell her and 'get away with it'.

We got so tired of cheaters hitting on us, our profile actually says we will tell on them if we get the chance.

So far it's working. The cheaters are moving on.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

S

Mr.T · 12-09-2006, 04:16 PM

I guess I'm just not as nice a guy as I thought,but I'd be doing whatever was nessessary to screw this guy up royally.He's playing games with peoples heads and I think that he deserves what he gets.

Just my opinnion.I don't take well to being played.

sexyshelby · 12-09-2006, 07:27 PM

Is his wfie also a member of the club? I assume no, in which case I agree with Sara...RUN AWAY!!! He is a cheater, not a swinger. Im surprised people at the club still tolerate him.
Sure, it would be fun to tell his wife, but its not your place. So just run away.

Good luck

~SS

sexyshelby · 12-09-2006, 07:29 PM

By the way,

to the board. Stick around so you can learn more about swinging.

~SS

**LikeMinds321** · 12-09-2006, 08:03 PM

It's not up to you to be honest for him.

Telling his wife that he's been having an affair with you is not up to you to do. He should do this.

What you need to focus on is how you're going to handle your relationship with this married man, and then follow through with what you decide.

LM

starla · 12-09-2006, 08:24 PM

Thanks for all the responses so far. It gives me something to think about. I dont do well to being played either. That is part of the problem. BUT I am happy to be here.....HI all!

ht805cpl · 12-10-2006, 12:39 AM

Its none of my business if a man or woman is cheating, that is their own private thing to deal with, but to play you along with lies and misconceptions is really low, and not a good way to carry on a relationship. Leave him, find someone honst and up front to share your swinging life style wth. Even though you feel betraided and used, telling his wife will not make you feel any better, nor will it do anything to change what has happened. Move on and thank him for the lession in Life. Good things happen to good people, and bad things happen to bad people. Life will take care of him. You take care of yourself. Good Luck, and enjoy the lifestyle.
J n S

ViSexual · 12-10-2006, 04:36 AM

Don't go there!

You really, really don't want to get involved with all the drama that goes with it!

iapr · 12-10-2006, 08:03 AM

If he is that bold and outrageous there is no reason to believe that she doesn't know already.

You don't know the dynamics of their relationship and if you go poking around in it there is no telling what will happen to you. For all you know she may be fully aware of his activities and is just glad to get him out of the house and not bugging her for it. Chalk this one up to lesson learned and walk away.

WesternSwing · 12-10-2006, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starla

I am new to this board and new to the lifestyle. So far I like it, but I am still learing "the rules". I have a "what should I do question" and would love some advice from people who have been living this lifestyle.
I have been dating a guy for about a year now. He introduced me to the lifestyle a few months ago. He has been a member of a swingers club for many years and I have joined the same club. I found out that he is married and has been for 16yrs. When I asked him about it, he said he is seperated and had been for the last 5 yrs. I have recently found out that he is lying and is with his wife in every way.
Here is my question: Do I tell his wife or just walk away? I believe that what happens at the club stays there, but I also blieve in honesty and think she has a right to know. What would you do???

We feel is it not our place to "fix" someone else's relationship by telling the spouse. We'd just walk away, but let them know why we did.

Mr. WS

intuition897 · 12-10-2006, 11:52 AM

Welcome to the board, Starla! Glad you've found us. As you can see so far, there's not much support here for the likes of your boyfriend. I personally like goodtimes suggestion about tattooing his forehead (heh heh heh), but while it's a nice fantasy, I don't think you should actually do it.

Western Swing is right: walk away and let him know why you're leaving. Don't yell or get shrill, just look him dead in the eye and tell him you know who and what he is, and he is not the kind of person you want in your life. Let him know you are ashamed to be with him and that you are very disappointed in him. It's the worst thing you could possibly say to him. Then just walk away. His and his wife's marriage is none of your business although he's insisted upon making it your business. That being the case, don't be sucked in. He'll show his colours soon enough.

Randies' · 12-10-2006, 04:04 PM

Why do you think that this woman needs to be left in the dark and thought badly of? If you know then she should know. I firmly believe that I would know if Mr. Randies' was doing the cheating thing, so this wife may also know but if she doesn't then she should!! Find a way to get the information to her and stay safe yourself. She and you both need to get away from that man/dog/pig/??.

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12-09-2006, 02:54 PM	#1 (permalink)
starla Registered User Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 2 Location: Washington Status: S/F	Found out my boyfriend is married I am new to this board and new to the lifestyle. So far I like it, but I am still learing "the rules". I have a "what should I do question" and would love some advice from people who have been living this lifestyle. I have been dating a guy for about a year now. He introduced me to the lifestyle a few months ago. He has been a member of a swingers club for many years and I have joined the same club. I found out that he is married and has been for 16yrs. When I asked him about it, he said he is seperated and had been for the last 5 yrs. I have recently found out that he is lying and is with his wife in every way. Here is my question: Do I tell his wife or just walk away? I believe that what happens at the club stays there, but I also blieve in honesty and think she has a right to know. What would you do???

12-09-2006, 03:02 PM	#2 (permalink)
good times Mod Squad Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 6,634 Location: Reno, Nevada Status: Married to Mrs Good Times Swing Lifestyle Name:randp	Re: Liars Well, what I would probably do is move on from this person. What I would like to do is a little different though, something like get him drunk until he passes out and then tattoo "CHEATER" on his forehead. But being the civilized person that I am, I would never do something like that in real life. __________________ R (He is R, she is P)

12-09-2006, 03:15 PM	#3 (permalink)
flkeyscouple Sarah&Roger's Female Half Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 1,160 Location: FL Status: couple-female half Swing Lifestyle Name:floridakeyscouple	Re: Liars I take it you mean his wife doesn't know about his swinging or his club life? If that is true, then he's not a swinger - he's a cheater. That being said - run, do not walk, and get away from him. As much as it would please you to tell his wife, that's not your job nor your place. It is his. He should be man enough to tell his wife. Now that you know he's married - leave him. RUN! I hope, as you read through this board, that you will find the one thing true swingers have in common is communication and honesty! Welcome to the lifestyle - alone you will the elusive fem!! Good luck! Sarah

12-09-2006, 04:09 PM	#4 (permalink)
tribbles Fun and Pleasure Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 889 Location: SouthWest Status: Couple	Re: Liars I'd probably just walk away but it might depend on how easy it would be to tell her and 'get away with it'. We got so tired of cheaters hitting on us, our profile actually says we will tell on them if we get the chance. So far it's working. The cheaters are moving on. Good luck with whatever you decide. S __________________ Evel Knievel died of natural causes.

12-09-2006, 04:16 PM	#5 (permalink)
Mr.T Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 173 Location: The great white north. Status: Married couple,Male Half.	Re: Liars I guess I'm just not as nice a guy as I thought,but I'd be doing whatever was nessessary to screw this guy up royally.He's playing games with peoples heads and I think that he deserves what he gets. Just my opinnion.I don't take well to being played. __________________ God gave Man a penis and a brain.And only enough blood to run one at a time.

12-09-2006, 07:27 PM	#6 (permalink)
sexyshelby It's not easy being easy. Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 2,012 Location: In Bed Status: Person	Re: Liars Is his wfie also a member of the club? I assume no, in which case I agree with Sara...RUN AWAY!!! He is a cheater, not a swinger. Im surprised people at the club still tolerate him. Sure, it would be fun to tell his wife, but its not your place. So just run away. Good luck ~SS __________________ What's love got to do with it?

12-09-2006, 07:29 PM	#7 (permalink)
sexyshelby It's not easy being easy. Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 2,012 Location: In Bed Status: Person	Re: Liars By the way, to the board. Stick around so you can learn more about swinging. ~SS __________________ What's love got to do with it?

12-09-2006, 08:03 PM	#8 (permalink)
LikeMinds321 Julie's Helper Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 8,992 Location: On the couch Status: Married to MrLM	Re: Liars It's not up to you to be honest for him. Telling his wife that he's been having an affair with you is not up to you to do. He should do this. What you need to focus on is how you're going to handle your relationship with this married man, and then follow through with what you decide. LM __________________ There are so many more interesting ways to be than right. ~ Robert Rauschenberg

12-09-2006, 08:24 PM	#9 (permalink)
starla Registered User Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 2 Location: Washington Status: S/F	Re: Liars Thanks for all the responses so far. It gives me something to think about. I dont do well to being played either. That is part of the problem. BUT I am happy to be here.....HI all!

12-10-2006, 12:39 AM	#10 (permalink)
ht805cpl Active Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 11 Location: Ventura County Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:ht805cpl	Re: Liars Its none of my business if a man or woman is cheating, that is their own private thing to deal with, but to play you along with lies and misconceptions is really low, and not a good way to carry on a relationship. Leave him, find someone honst and up front to share your swinging life style wth. Even though you feel betraided and used, telling his wife will not make you feel any better, nor will it do anything to change what has happened. Move on and thank him for the lession in Life. Good things happen to good people, and bad things happen to bad people. Life will take care of him. You take care of yourself. Good Luck, and enjoy the lifestyle. J n S

12-10-2006, 04:36 AM	#11 (permalink)
ViSexual Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 217 Location: Florida Status: M. Male	Re: Liars Don't go there! You really, really don't want to get involved with all the drama that goes with it!

12-10-2006, 08:03 AM	#12 (permalink)
iapr Has Left the Building Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 832 Location: State of bliss Status: couple	Re: Liars If he is that bold and outrageous there is no reason to believe that she doesn't know already. You don't know the dynamics of their relationship and if you go poking around in it there is no telling what will happen to you. For all you know she may be fully aware of his activities and is just glad to get him out of the house and not bugging her for it. Chalk this one up to lesson learned and walk away.

12-10-2006, 11:52 AM	#14 (permalink)
intuition897 Canadian, eh? Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 2,620 Location: Kingston, ON Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:intuition897	Re: Liars Welcome to the board, Starla! Glad you've found us. As you can see so far, there's not much support here for the likes of your boyfriend. I personally like goodtimes suggestion about tattooing his forehead (heh heh heh), but while it's a nice fantasy, I don't think you should actually do it. Western Swing is right: walk away and let him know why you're leaving. Don't yell or get shrill, just look him dead in the eye and tell him you know who and what he is, and he is not the kind of person you want in your life. Let him know you are ashamed to be with him and that you are very disappointed in him. It's the worst thing you could possibly say to him. Then just walk away. His and his wife's marriage is none of your business although he's insisted upon making it your business. That being the case, don't be sucked in. He'll show his colours soon enough. __________________ Fear is a symptom of ignorance. Knowledge is the cure.

12-10-2006, 04:04 PM	#15 (permalink)
Randies' Here to Stay Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 33 Location: NWO. Status: commited couple	Re: Liars Why do you think that this woman needs to be left in the dark and thought badly of? If you know then she should know. I firmly believe that I would know if Mr. Randies' was doing the cheating thing, so this wife may also know but if she doesn't then she should!! Find a way to get the information to her and stay safe yourself. She and you both need to get away from that man/dog/pig/??.

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