Our SM FWB now has a girlfriend - How do we handle this change?

[NakedInSeattle]

We don't play with singles (male or female) who are in a committed relationship and the "other" doesn't know (and we don't just take his/her word for it). Sorry, but we feel that it's cheating and don't wanna be a part of it.

Not being judgemental, just applying our morals to the situation and what we are comfy with.

[SuAndBud]

Stage Two:

We seem to be getting somewhere. J told D about us being "wannabee" swingers but didn't volunteer that we've already swung with him and she didn't ask.

D said she's intrigued and the thought of playing with us turns her on big-time. Good sign.

J's sort of trapped himself now into not admiting he's already played with Su. He says it's likely D would feel betrayed if she found out now.

When we speak with J on the phone, we often speak to D, too and we all flirt outrageously. Text exchanges between the four of us actually get pretty explicit at times.

We're both very discreet as is he, but we do worry about her figuring out for herself that we've already "been there - done that" if and when we do play together as a foursome.

It's a bit like when you're a teenager and think you've got this sign above your head that proclaims you to be a virgin to non-virgins (if you get our drift). If and when she swings with us is she going to notice how natural we are with each other's limits? Do we steer clear of performing our favourite J and Bud and Su DP session until we've gotten the first time over with?

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by SuAndBud

We haven't seen each other for around 6 months and in that time he's become attached to a particular lady and she to him. They are skirting the issue of swinging but he feels it's too early to suggest a full meeting either with ourselves or others.

He wants to keep the status quo and spend sexy time with us (apart from her if necessary) and we'd like to do the same.

BUT would this be tantamount to a betrayal on his/our part towards her and how can we spend time with them both knowing that he is having sex with Su behind her back?

We don't want to lose what we've had for the past three years, but we don't want to deceive this lady either.

Okay, I have to be honest. Now, if this is a F*** buddy, and they aren't exclusive, and she knows he sees other women, thats one thing. BUT if she is his girlfriend, and believes him to be monogomous to her, ya'll would be betraying her imo. Now, coming from the perspective of a wife this is a real sore point with me, because its about respect. If you want to have sex with my husband let me know! Hell, I may watch lol. But DON'T sneak behind my back trying to do it, because when I find out I'll kick your ass lol. I cussed a woman out (a single female swinger, btw) not a month ago for doing this. Had she shown me respect and just asked me it would have been different. But when Jay sent me that email where she said she wanted to sneak behind my back....well, pissed wasn't the word. It wasn't about the sex, it was about her trying to deceive me and disrespect me that really ticked me off. So, if she is his girlfriend she should at least be aware, imo.

[SuAndBud]

ShellyM,

Thanks for your input but, tiresome as it might be, may we suggest that you read through all the posts (including but not exclusive to the first or last) prior to commenting on a segment of a post rather than on the whole picture?

Thanks.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by SuAndBud

ShellyM,

Thanks for your input but, tiresome as it might be, may we suggest that you read through all the posts (including but not exclusive to the first or last) prior to commenting on a segment of a post rather than on the whole picture?

Thanks.

Find I a hint of sarcasm? lol
I usually try to read them all, but I just don't have the time sometimes to go through every one.
Sorry about that.
You can note my sarcasm in that if you wish.

[SuAndBud]

ShellyM,

Not looking for grief. No sarcasm was incorporated in our response whatsoever. Was merely commenting that at the 18th post you had responded to a segment of the initial post. If you can find the time (now that might be construed as flippant, though still not quite sarcastic), you'l find that things have moved on and we are sincere in our wish to do the right thing in this situation which (as with many aspects of life) is starting to become complicated.

Genuine input from any Board Members with a take on our situation is greatly appreciated.

Heck, we never been in this situation before.

[Jeepgurly]

It looks like my opinion is in the minority here might even stand alone but here goes.

His relationship is not my responsibility. My only loyalty lies to my husband and his to me. I would let my friend worry about his own relationship and allow him to set the stage for how we should act or how much we should say.

I was in a similar situation with a couple of friends of ours and we had had a 4 some with them but truthfully she was such a drag it was better without her and we did it without her all the time. At the time they were just dating and he was not serious about her, so we did it behind her back. And although it probably wasn't the right thing to do I feel no regret because we had a good time and that was the main objective, their relationship problems or his dishonesty is not our problem. We don't think of the other person or couple in any way other then an enhancement for us really. So although they were/are our friends I feel like what goes on with them is their business not mine.