He wants to meet privately without my BF - HELP!

[ohash01]

My BF and I have been on Swing Lifestyle for a while now, and have had one really good really positive experience. I'm mainly the one that checks our messages and responds, but we always talk if I find someone interesting.

A couple messaged us a while back and I told BF I was going to chat with them. The profile was based mainly around the wife who loves to be with other women while the men watch...(I have never done this, but really really want to!) but the men aren't allowed to participate. We chatted with the couple as a couple a few times, agreed that we were interested, but have been too busy to stay in communicado lately. Well - 2 nights ago the husband Yahoo chats me alone. Which is fine...BF is completely okay with me chatting with only one of the other partners.

The problem is that he now wants to get together with JUST me. Tomorrow. While BF is out of town. He says no sex...nothing like that...just lunch somewhere and talking. He says he kind of "filters" the women for his wife. Shouldn't the wife be doing that? I don't want him to get mad though if I say no. I'm afraid he'll go back and tell his wife that he's not okay with me. His wife is really very beautiful and I'm very interested in having my first F-F experience with her.

I'm not sure if I think he's trying to cheat (I know that she has cheated on him in the past)...or if he really does just want to hang out. I have only guy friends...BF has no problem with me hanging out with guys alone...I don't know though. This just seems a little fishy to me. What do you think? My gut doesn't feel funky about the couple...just about this one situation. I told him it'd be cool if he brought a signed permission slip from his wife. Haha.

[intuition897]

I think, if it was Mr. intuition and me in your shoes, I'd go. Someplace neutral, of course, where you don't need to worry as much about your personal safety. Mr. intuition and I understand one another enough that he wouldn't have a problem with this. And if the guy IS a snake, this would be the time you'd find out!

Y'know as classless as it may sound, if you compared us to animals, the first meeting is like that "butt-sniffing" thing dogs do when they encounter new dogs. They've got all their senses going full-tilt, fully sensitized to pick up any bad vibe, no matter how small. So this is your recon mission. Who knows? This guy might be testing YOU, to see where your loyalties lie.

[ohash01]

I was thinking the same thing. I figure he's on a recon mission. We've exchanged pics, but how sucky would it be if I ended up meeting to make out with his wife and he was totally turned off by me? BF is already turned on by the other girl, but he's easy to turn on. Haha.

There's this cute little Italian cafe not too far away from either of our houses. That's probably a safe bet. I'm definately not comfortable with him coming to my house when BF is out of town.

[Sweet_Candy]

Originally Posted by ohash01

The profile was based mainly around the wife who loves to be with other women while the men watch...(I have never done this, but really really want to!) but the men aren't allowed to participate.

Sound like a scam to me. This guy wants to meet you alone to see if you're compatible with his wife? You're talking about GOG play only shouldn't the wife be meeting you instead of the husband? This really doesn't make sense since you two are not going to be playing with each other.

[Amanda69]

Not alone with him, who knows who this guy is...maybe it has been a single male all along or a married male looking to cheat on his wife. Maybe the whole lets get together just us two girls has just been a primer for him.

Either way if you play with your partner present, you meet with your partner present. If he has an issue with that then you are better off away from the situation.

Play safe

[Pepper & Drew]

Have you actually met or talked over the phone with these people or has it been online only? Because, if you've not met them, I would be highly skeptical that I'd ever even "talked" to the wife. It sounds like a bait and switch to me. My wife would LOVE to play with you, but she doesn't want to meet you to see if she likes you? If they are on the up and up, they won't get mad if you ask to meet her as well. If "they" do get mad, to me, it just indicates that this is a game-player.

Pepper

[prettylady]

It amazes me how women still think they will be ok to go out to lunch with a man they never met and assume that they will be ok just because it is public.
I teach self defence to women and I ask questions about what would you do in this or that situation. You could knock me over with a feather some of the answers they give. any wonder more of them are not raped or killed.
A very good friend of mine who I teach karate to was attacked outside of the youth center in town here while the parents were picking up their children. He came at her with a sword. Ya people a real sword. cut her face up and ran her through before any of the parents could react. This is around dinner hour, in a parking lot with several people around.
YOU ARE NOT SAFE. DO NOT MEET THIS GUY ALONE.
Lunch could go well. HAve your nice nice and go home. Did he follow you? Does he now know where you live.
I don't want to scare you, but come on this is your life we are talking about. If he is real then he will wait until your bf comes home. If he is insulted by this and cant understand why you want to protect yourself take that as a cue to high tail it out of there. Any guy worth his fabric will respect your bounderies.
If you do choose to meet with him. Alow him to leave first. Watch him drive away. Then go to your car. Park infront of the doors to the cafe.
I may sound paranoid, but being a selfdefence instructor I have heard some real scary stories.
Even I would not meet with someone I only knew from the internet alone. My niece likes to tell people her Aunt can kill a man 6 different ways with a popcycle stick. Not sure when I learnt that trick, but I can be very dangerous. But I would rather NOT get myself in a situation that I have to use what I learnt. I hope I never have to hit anyone outside a ring.
Be smart about this. I will stop now.
I just don't feel good about this.
Your friend,
Prettylady
ps if you don't heed my advice and you go and find yourself in trouble, DO NOT KICK HIM IN THE BALLS. Stomp down on the outside of his knee and break it.
As long as we have been trying to kick boys in the balls, boys have been protecting them. You wont land a kick there on someone trying to attack you.
OK now I will stop. Sorry.

[Spoomonkey]

How does your boyfriend feel about it?

Personally, I'd tell you to advise him to shove it up his ass. Or, I'd tell him that I need to meet his wife alone first, just to make sure he is on the "up and up".

Would I trust Mrs Spoo in this situation?

Sure I would.

But - is this the type of situation that makes ANY sense in the lifestyle? No - not at all. Even with the husbands "watching" this is a four person experience. All four people need to meet. If he is not okay with this, then there are plenty of folks to play with.

Don't let your eagerness to have this new experience make you do something you regret.

Spoomonkey

[rpu3]

Sounds fishy to me. If the intent is F-F play with the men watching, then the wife/gf should be there, to see if there's attraction and interest between the two of you. If the man is just going to watch, then I don't know why he needs to meet with you alone, even if it's just lunch in a public place.

If he's looking to see where your loyalties lie, then I guess he won't be disappointed if you tell him that you and your BF prefer to meet the two of them together.

Ditto to everyone else's exhortation to be safe... your safety is worth far more than your wish to not make him mad and for him to report back to his wife that you are not suitable. If it's genuine on his/their part, he should understand and NOT be mad or play games.

Rebecca

[ohash01]

Situation is no longer valid...my old roommate called this morning with plans that I wouldn't miss for the world, let alone a meeting that sounded suspect to me.

I'm just hanging around the house until dude gets online so I can tell him that something came up. Then I'm headed to the state fair! Whoohoo! It's alumni day for all the music nerds that used to be in the State Fair Band!

Thanks for all your concern and advice. Any suggestions on better ways to find a couple? Swing Lifestyle has been dead lately. AFF is not secure...credit cards have gotten stolen from there in the past. And I'm not a club kind of girl. *Ugh* We really have NO idea how to do this or how we got lucky enough for our first experience, except that we knew the people first. This is SO hard. I am getting frustrated.

[prettylady]

YA! I am glad to hear you are not meeting with this guy.
I have to say sorry for my rant about safety. I can't help it. I worry, it is what I do.
Have fun, stay safe and good luck on your search.
Your friend,
Prettylady

[BiloxiCouple]

It sounds like the old line at a club.

A married man comes in alone to check the place/lifestyle out and says it is okay with his wife and she will come next time.

How many wives are going to let their husbands out like this? Especially the first time?

If you really want to meet, take the husband and see what he says. That way your husband AND you can filter the new guy. Then you need another meeting to filter his wife. Then after all the filtering and straining you can shake and bake.

[Mr. Truelove]

Originally Posted by prettylady

YA! I am glad to hear you are not meeting with this guy.
I have to say sorry for my rant about safety. I can't help it. I worry, it is what I do.
Have fun, stay safe and good luck on your search.
Your friend,
Prettylady

I thought it was pretty sound advice. I've also trained in some self-defense...and it's something I try to avoid using. I'd make sure you brought your husband along if you plan on doing this in the future.

Meeting alone,even in a public place, is not something I would be comfortable with my wife doing. Maybe if I am hiding in the background watching.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by ohash01

The problem is that he now wants to get together with JUST me. Tomorrow. While BF is out of town. He says no sex...nothing like that...just lunch somewhere and talking. He says he kind of "filters" the women for his wife.

If anyone says they want to meet "just me"... automatic answer is No.

Now this does not apply to those that we both have met previously and gotten to know.

If he has a problem meeting you and your BF at the same time then chances are it's not going to be a good match.

Follow your gut feeling.


Teresa

[She_n_Jaybee]

Whew! Glad that meeting is off. Those sort of things always worry me, because I've seen too much of what goes on via the internet. One female friend ended her marriage, quit her job and damn near ended up homeless through a situation that started almost exactly the same way. After the 4th or 5th meeting which the guys wife had to miss at the last moment, he explained they were about to seperate, at that poin he had already started her down the road to cheating and it didn't take long for her to leave her husband. Of course it turned out he wasn't getting a divorce. His wife wasn't a swinger, he had no intention of anything other than sex with the woman whose life he had just ruined.

People online have a tendency to at least varnish the truth. After 15 years of watching relationships crumble because of online activity, perhaps, I've gotten a bit cynical. But, with any men that we are chatting with online, I assume they are lying, until they prove otherwise. Pictures don't mean a thing. Have had one "woman" who wanted to see what my (ex)wife looked like send me 3 pictures of herself. Only problem, 2 of the pictures were definitely of different women. Have even had a "couple" that we cammed with that was playing a pre-recorded video they claimed to be live. If your home movie has a reprint of a famous piece of art in the background, you should at least know the name of the artist. Especially when you claim to be artists yourself.

To any woman out there here's my advice: If you are chatting with a couple, get them on the telephone. Make sure you talk to the woman. If you get "she's too shy" or "she just went to the bathroom", assume there is no woman, or it's a man trying to cheat. If you haven't talked on the phone with the woman, don't agree to any meeting without your man along. Chances are the other woman won't show up (because she doesn't exist, or doesn't know). Any meeting that just happens to be suggested just when your boyfriend or husband has to be out of town should be a gigantic "NO!!!". Public place or not, that screams trouble. Also, any meeting with a couple from out of the area, needs some very clear cut rules in advance. First, they need to be responsible for their own lodging. Never agree to let them stay with you to save money. If things go well, they can move from the hotel to your place. But if things go wrong, do you really want people that are nothing like what you thought staying 24/7 in your home?

One clue you should have noticed in chatting with this "couple", she has cheated on him in the past. That's greasing the skids. A subtle nudge in the direction that it's now his turn to cheat on her. Playing with a couple with this sort of past, is generally not a good idea. It's grudge sex, instead of the wonderful thing it should be.

One last note and I'll get off my soapbox If you are chatting with a couple that seems too perfect for what you are looking for, chance are they are too perfect. Be a bit skeptical and it may save you a lot of heartache or worse later on.