He wants to meet privately without my BF - HELP!

[banger]

very, very, well said She and Jaybee, you just can`t take a chance in this world.

[The Fuse]

I am right with SheAndJaybee and PrettyLady on this one.

Don't meet the guy alone.

Don't meet for the first time while your boyfriend is out of town, even if he says his wife is coming, and even if she would be there.

Don't buy the "I screen women for g-g contact with my wife".

Any of these would be enough to send me running in the other direction. If he had your interest in mind, he would avoid even the appearance of impropriety. Even the suggestion shows that he is more concerned with getting in the same room with you than he is with your level of comfort.

I know you aren't meeting him this time because of your new plans, but my bet is that he will try again. Don't be fooled.

[Tybee Swing]

Hi ohash01, I'm so glad you've got the new plans now. I know you're not meeting this guy after all (at least for now), but just wanted to add some thoughts too, because spotting these things could help in the future.

#1 - Like The Fuse said, don't ever meet people alone without your BF/spouse, not even if this guy said his wife would be or might be there, too. That could be a lie, then you show up, and it's just you and him alone. Don't put that option in his hands, keep that option out by only showing up with your partner.

Originally Posted by ohash01

The profile was based mainly around the wife who loves to be with other women while the men watch...(I have never done this, but really really want to!) but the men aren't allowed to participate.

That could be a legitimate request in a profile. That's what some people are looking for. But, it would be very fishy if the woman herself wasn't doing the pursuing, since this is all about her. If she's very much in the background and he's doing all of the "promoting", she could be an excessively passive (manipulated) person. She could be non-existent, like others said. Either way, you don't want any of that!

Originally Posted by ohash01

Well - 2 nights ago the husband Yahoo chats me alone. ... The problem is that he now wants to get together with JUST me. Tomorrow. While BF is out of town.

Did he know that your bf was going out of town? I have a feeling that this was mentioned - and he then jumped on the opportunity. Please don't tell anybody you don't actually know when your bf is or isn't out of town, just for your own safety.

Originally Posted by ohash01

He says he kind of "filters" the women for his wife. Shouldn't the wife be doing that?

Yes, absolutely!! I'm extremely, extremely suspicious of this guy. I think this is the biggest "red light" of all.

Originally Posted by ohash01

I don't want him to get mad though if I say no. I'm afraid he'll go back and tell his wife that he's not okay with me. His wife is really very beautiful and I'm very interested in having my first F-F experience with her.

That's exactly how he wanted you to feel. I think he preyed on you because you really wanted this. Can you see how he's in total control here, because you are afraid to make him mad?

It's important to know that his very beautiful wife may not even exist. Her pictures may have been stolen off of somebody else's profile online somewhere (easy to do). They may have been swiped off of some site, like the ones where people show their amateur pics. They may be some pics that he "collected" from another couple. "Picture collectors" are sleazy men posing as a couple, gaining your trust enough to ask for pics via emails. Now he's got them saved in his computer files to do with as he pleases. Maybe that beautiful woman was a picture collector's "victim". She may even be someone he was in a relationship with once upon a time, like an ex-girlfriend who trusted her bf to take her pics, but now he uses them without her knowledge, against her will. Sadly, this really happens, a lot. I'm sharing all of these possibilities, so that you understand how easy it is for anybody to invent a "beautiful wife" to dangle in front of you, and bait you to meet them.

Originally Posted by ohash01

This just seems a little fishy to me. What do you think? My gut doesn't feel funky about the couple...just about this one situation.

It seems more than a little fishy to me. It reeks like it's been rotting in the sun for 3 days. Not just the one situation (request to meet you alone), but the whole thing.

Big hugs, and be safe.

[MoonLightKiss]

I agree with everyone else here ohash. This situation SCREAMS of deceit and is one huge red light. Is it possible he is telling the truth. I suppose I would have to say any possibility is possible. Is it probable should be the question.

I am straight, but not opposed to a little g-g action with the right woman, during swinging activities. If I was looking for g-g action though, I would never send my husband to "screen" her by himself. First off, I am the one looking to play with her, so I would need to meet her for myself. Second, out of respect for the other woman I would never allow myself or my husband to ask her to meet him alone. Main reason would be, I would not enter that type of situation myself.

It seems to me, ANY man who is respectful of women would understand our need for safety and would not ask to meet just you while the BF is out of town, let alone insist on it.

Any man who would want to meet me, will know my husband will be there. If that is a problem, then he would get told really quick, "If meeting my husband is a problem, so it meeting me." And if he got pissy about it, oh well. That would confirm he was a creep.

[NandTfromCA]

Everyone already gave great advice.

One more thing- We don't meet anyone without having the girls speak on the phone first (doesn't matter if she is bi or straight). It's an easy step if everyone is on board but rules out alot of BS right off the bat, if something fishy is up.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by ohash01

...The problem is that he now wants to get together with JUST me. Tomorrow. While BF is out of town. He says no sex...nothing like that...just lunch somewhere and talking. He says he kind of "filters" the women for his wife. Shouldn't the wife be doing that?

Lots of good 'red flag' advice has already been given, but I feel so strongly about this type of issue that arises through using ad sites that I wanted to respond.

First off, I don't feel that any experienced swinging couple would resort to asking for this type of meet. For the women to meet alone, maybe, but even then it should be only after all four of you have talked on the phone first to make sure that they are a couple and there is a woman interested in meeting you.

To this point you've only messaged each other, you have no way of knowing if it even is a couple. And now that this guy is asking to meet you while your BF is out of town, well that right there is so bad - and dangerous - in so many ways that you can't ignore this huge red flag.

I see this as typical of how men, searching alone, draw couples in. They establish rapport through lots of messaging and then when they feel they have you hooked ask for the private meet, knowing that you will feel guilty if you say no.

You didn't mention if you only told him you couldn't meet because of other plans, or if you wouldn't meet because his request was unacceptable, but I think it is imperative that you let him know the later.

I also feel you should suggest a phone call ASAP with all four of you. If he doesn't agree to it or postpones with excuses, he's someone you should drop immediately.

Good luck and let us know what you discover.

LM

[ohash01]

Update - I have since voice chatted with the wife AND the cam on. She's real. No worries about that. And their little children were bouncing around in the background while we were talking, so at this point I'm assuming they're a couple who (for the most part) are on the same page. I didn't mention the fact that he had wanted to meet in case he really hadn't told her. I'm NOT breaking up marriages.

When I told him I couldn't meet him I told him BOTH that I had found better plans and that I was uncomfortable. Actually, I went to the fair with my roommate and cried like a baby due to the memorial concert that was held for our old state fair band director. He meant a lot to me in my professional development, so I can't say I really found BETTER plans since I ended up very sad, but they were probably safer and smarter plans.

Thanks for all your concern and advice. Like I said, I'm new to this...and I have been reckless in the past. Not reckless, per say, because it brought me boyfriend, but I met him online and then met him alone one night for the very first time at his house. That was one situation where I couldn't have asked for a better outcome, but I know all situations aren't as great as that.

Gotta love the internet.

[Tybee Swing]

Hi ohash01,

I'm glad that you saw there was a real live woman at their house, and talked directly to her (with her visible on the cam).

Did you discuss with her the whole screening thing? Her husband meets women alone without her there, to screen them for her? That still sounds very odd. I'd love to hear what they say is the reason for that. If they say they can't get a babysitter for the kids, I'd still be just as suspicious. Why not let him stay home and let you girls meet?

Best wishes!