Found out hubby was watching nude live video chat without telling me

[maybeyes1968]

Hi Everyone!

I have found out .... well I was checking to see what hubby's been up to and have found out the he has been watching or partaking in live nude video chat .... he did tell me about having a web cam experience with another couple from a site that we are on ..... he shared that ... but I have now discovered that he has gone looking for web/video chat .... and did not share this with me ......

Should I be alarmed ??? I share everything with him ..... not sure how to handle this .......

Any advise????

[Amanda69]

Did you ask him why he didn't share this with you? Maybe he just didn't think of it as any different from regular chat? Maybe he was just checking it out to see if it was interesting then was going to see if you wanted to do it together.

Talk to him...............we don't know the answers only he does.... good luck

[maybeyes1968]

No I haven't asked him yet .... last night I wrote him a note ... but in into his work pant pocket and then when he woke this morning for work .... I removed it ..... didn't feel right ......

He did come into my work that evening ..... we chatted briefly and then he realized he had forgotten to shave and headed home ..... he was alsleep when I arrived ....... It's been over a week ....... well I'm not sure if he's been on it since then or not ....... I just found the email from the site .... he had experienced his first web/cam hot experience a few nights prior to this email that I found .........

so it's been over a week since that email ..... and he hasn't said a word ..... he goes on line to view stories ..... has for years ..... tells me that it's me he pictures while reading ...... with live nude video chat the idea of imaging me is ...... well ....... bull shit!

Not sure yet how to deal with this

[sexyshelby]

I'd have to agree with Amanda. We don't know, only he does. Just ask him. And let him know how you feel about it and how you feel about him not telling you. You two need to have an honest and open conversation about this.

And do it soon...it will only get worse if you wait.

~SS

[sexyshelby]

Make a date to discuss this with him. Mentioning it as he's on the way out the door to work is not the best plan...and neither is leaving him a note, in my opinion. Just say, "honey, I have some things that I'd like to discuss with you. Can we meet for dinner tonight after work?"

Good luck...and don't wait any longer.

~SS

[Amanda69]

last night I wrote him a note

Please excuse this initial over reaction...A NOTE...A NOTE...WHAT ARE WE IN GRADE 2....

Okay got that out. I am glad you thought better of this. Seems like you guys don't get much time together to even have a basic conversation. Makeit a priority, sit him down and TALK to him before this becomes a bigger issue than it needs to.

[maybeyes1968]

Ya he works days and I work nights .... well it was really a note .... LOL ..... it was copy of the Hi there ... message ..... with me asking why ....... we have a little one too and it makes the little bit of time that we do have less ...... this is why he reads stories .... SMiles !!!!!!!!!!!!!

We have a play day planned today with our little one ..... I will ... once she is off playing ask him to chat with me ....... he's one of those guys that will tell me anything .... I just have to ask ..... I get put off by the fact that I always have to ask ......... I had my first live chat .... not with web cam .... with another women ..... I got so hot and excited that I couldn't wait to share the experience with him ..... this is one of the reasons we are in the life style ....... to share !!!!!!

I will chat with him today ....... just didn't want to over react .... this is why I've waited ....... I just don't understand it !!!!!!

[ANGEDKY(mr)]

Originally Posted by Amanda69

Please excuse this initial over reaction...A NOTE...A NOTE...WHAT ARE WE IN GRADE 2....
(

On the outset it does seem a tad juvenille but I gotta say for us, it works as well. Although we tend to use email/I.M. It just opens the gate for the face to face. Solved many a maritial issue this way !! Just proof of the old addage.............To each his own


Maybeyes, not sure I can add anything sounds like you are on the right track. The two of you do need to talk and it sounds like you have total faith in his openness once you bring topics up. Best of luck

[NandTfromCA]

Stewing on something that is bothering you for this long seems counterproductive. You now have all these questions and sub-questions based on your mind going 90mph, and most of them are probably moot.

As soon as we got a moment alone (ie. laying in bed together…while putting away the groceries…in the bathroom), I would just say “I noticed that you were looking at _____ , should I be alarmed?” “I share everything with you so it hurts me that you would do something like this behind my back”.

We always say “talk talk talk, communication is the key”. It’s not the only key but if you can say exactly what is on your mind, and do it with the tone of wanting to come to a resolution and NOT just to bitch someone out, shit gets taken care of pretty fast.

Snap judgment- You two should take a break from anything swing related until you can talk about anything and everything without hesitation.

Take care,

NandT

[robel12550]

Originally Posted by Amanda69

Please excuse this initial over reaction...A NOTE...A NOTE...WHAT ARE WE IN GRADE 2....

Okay got that out. I am glad you thought better of this. Seems like you guys don't get much time together to even have a basic conversation. Makeit a priority, sit him down and TALK to him before this becomes a bigger issue than it needs to.

Kind of reminds you of the Sex in the City episode where Carrie was dumped with a Post-It! lol

[EvilMJ]

I understand that you work different shifts...but to be honest it seems like there is a lot of him doing what ever it is he wants, and you doing your thing with out any commuincation. Talk about recipie for disaster.

The only way to sort this out is sit him down and talk. Ask him your questions, tell him how you are feeling, make firm rules about how this sort of stuff needs to be dealt with. (like no one goes on web cam with out letting their spouce know first, all chats are to be saved so the other half can read them).

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by maybeyes1968

I have found out .... well I was checking to see what hubby's been up to and have found out the he has been watching or partaking in live nude video chat .... not sure how to handle this.

I don't know how you should handle this, but I know what I'd do...

I'd buy a webcam (they're cheap), and attach it to my laptop. The next time I suspected my partner was online camming with someone, I'd take my laptop into another room in the house, (you might be able to go to a friend or neighbors and use their computer, assuming it's in a private part of their house and you can use it in COMPLETE privacy) lock the door behind you, and IM your husband using some newly-generated screen name and profile.

I think you know where I'm going with this...

It will be interesting to see how long it takes him to realize that his new smut-buddy's "stuff" looks amazingly similar to his own wifes...

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by JnCC

I don't know how you should handle this, but I know what I'd do...

I'd buy a webcam (they're cheap), and attach it to my laptop. The next time I suspected my partner was online camming with someone, I'd take my laptop into another room in the house, (you might be able to go to a friend or neighbors and use their computer, assuming it's in a private part of their house and you can use it in COMPLETE privacy) lock the door behind you, and IM your husband using some newly-generated screen name and profile.

I think you know where I'm going with this...

It will be interesting to see how long it takes him to realize that his new smut-buddy's "stuff" looks amazingly similar to his own wifes...

Ooooh, you're evil JnCC! That's kinky.

[TeamSoBe]

Yeah but he would recognize a wall from his own house in the background right away.

[sexyshelby]

Originally Posted by TeamSoBe

Yeah but he would recognize a wall from his own house in the background right away.

I doubt he'll be looking at the wall...

~SS