Unmarried couple can only meet during the day. Are they really a couple?

[DBL D]

I think I understand what you are feeling...but. Aren't we jumping the gun a bit? It's almost like you want to call these two out just because of their preferences to play during the day and not be married to each other. I think folks should only contact people who are really interesting to them and not try and guess what is going on until you hear it from them. What's wrong with a little daytime play now and then? The chances are that you are right in your thinking but it's a little premature to call them cheaters.

Male D

[ANGEDKY(mr)]

Ok, I'm gonna sound like an ass here, but I think it needs to be said..........

Why all the games?? Whatever happened to the honest question??
Just ask 'em !!! If they are in some sort of torrid affair odds are you wont hear from them again, if they arent then you will get an answer and you can explain where you were coming from. If they get pissy then it doesn't matter what their "Status" is who wants sleep with people like that in the first place.


Angedky(mr)

[2jersey]

DBL D and ANGEDKY - we sometimes do the same thing on long threads - read the original post and not all the subsequent replies.

DBL D - We're not calling them cheaters . We agree with what others have said here - we need to be very suspicious of them. As we have said, we intend to give them a chance to further explain their circumstances. There may be a reasonable/acceptable explaination.

ANGEDKY - We intend to ask the direct questions. But, as others have said (and we agree), merely asking the question does not guarantee an honest reply. We may need to dig a little deeper and read between the lines. Yes, this involves some gamesmanship.

[DBL D]

Originally Posted by 2jersey

As a next step, we're going to ask this couple to chat with us online on a weekday evening, and we are going to request a simultaneous voice verification via phone. If they balk at this request, we're finished with them. If they accept, and the chat goes well, we'll agree to meet them for lunch sometime and we'll investigate further. By the time we're finished with them, we'll probably know everything from their social security numbers to the names of their pet goldfish.

Sanctimonious soapbox alert!!! No matter what we do as individuals, we're not going to rid the world of cheaters. But we intend to do our part to limit the opportunities which cheaters have within the 'lifestyle'.

Hi again 2jersey,

I must admit that I didn't read every line written but I thought I was getting the gist of your thoughts. I did read this one too...before I answered...and that's what gave me the feeling that you were wanting to out them...to protect the lifestyle. My wife and I have had a couple experiences e-mailing with couples who weren't married to each other and said they were married to other people. We just told them we have a policy of committed couples only at this time and moved on. As much as I hate to say "no" to anyone, this was a clear case that just doesn't fit with what we're wanting. There are plenty of couples that do fit our ideas and it doesn't make sense to try spend time chatting if it doesn't look or feel right.

If you are indeed serious about wanting this couple, then you are doing the right things.

Male D

[2jersey]

Originally Posted by DBL D

Hi again 2jersey,

I must admit that I didn't read every line written but I thought I was getting the gist of your thoughts. I did read this one too...before I answered...and that's what gave me the feeling that you were wanting to out them...to protect the lifestyle. My wife and I have had a couple experiences e-mailing with couples who weren't married to each other and said they were married to other people. We just told them we have a policy of committed couples only at this time and moved on. As much as I hate to say "no" to anyone, this was a clear case that just doesn't fit with what we're wanting. There are plenty of couples that do fit our ideas and it doesn't make sense to try spend time chatting if it doesn't look or feel right.

If you are indeed serious about wanting this couple, then you are doing the right things.

Male D

We now understand your perspective. When we stood on our soapbox regarding cheating, we were responding to the hypothetical question implied by some of the earlier posts. i.e. Would we even care if they were cheating on spouses?

Although, we are not to a point where we fully identify with the 'lifestyle', we want to respect those on the board who do. And our overwhelming sense is that the lifestyle does not condone either cheating or 'swingers' who make themselves available to cheaters.

The reason that we are keeping our options open with this couple, for the time being, is that they have a nice online profile with nice photos, they live locally - and we, ourselves, are interested in occasional daytime meetings.

BTW, Our interest in daytime meetings should not be construed as evidence that we are cheating on spouses. We are happily married (to each other), living together for 20 years, and have rarely even traded a harsh word - except when I yelled at him in the maternity delivery room.

[ANGEDKY(mr)]

Lets just agree to disagree. I see no reason to dig deeper, especially if its a casual sex encounter. When I ask a question, either I believe the answer or I don't and each one has a seperate and distinct outcome. One, "Cool Lets go for dinner sometime" the other "Sorry 'bout your luck, lie to somebody else" and we would move on..........



additional thought :
Can you really trust them when they say "STD's free" ?? When you didnt like their initial answer to your 1st question and had to do all that digging just to get somewhere

[Edison Carter]

Susan here-- I'm always amazed at how hard people will try to make an obviously bad situation work. C'mon--just forget it and them.

[JM153]

Let me bring the perspective of a member of a committed, unmarried, living apart couple. We are aware, as I assume your other couple is, that many would not want to swing with unmarrieds, much less, ummarieds living apart, therefore we are not offended by questions about our marital state. We do voulnteer our couple status and we will answer truthfully any questions. How long we have been together - how long have we been swinging, our swinging experience, our preferences, etc. However, we are reluctant to go into much detail online. After all we do not know the other couple is real either. If we were the couple, we would prefer the daytime lunch or coffee meet to discuss details of our lives. In an in person meeting, all parties get to size up the other and make a determination if they want to play.

As I read your posts, you have already decided they may be a fit, you are not opposed to their being unmarried, you are not opposed to their living apart - the deal breaker would be they are cheating. So, set up a meet and ask them the questions - both direct and indirect. If your satisfied with the answers then play - if not, move on. They may lie to you, but remember they didn't have to tell you they were unmarried and living apart. They could have lied about their married state (if they have been around awhile they know that is a deal killer for some) and come up with some story as to why they have to play in the daytime.

I know, (takes bow ) unmarried couples can be great play partners, so based on your obvious interest, I recommend a face to face.
JM

[J&BinNJ]

Sounds like a couple that contacted us. They had to be discreet and couldonly play in daytime. Once we emailed them and said we may be interested then they told us they were married, just not to each other. Needless to say we then turned them down.

[meandher2go]

funny, we think we know them too. never playedwith them just got a feeling all was not right there.

NJ is not THAT big...

[DGrey]

Originally Posted by meandher2go

funny, we think we know them too. never playedwith them just got a feeling all was not right there.

NJ is not THAT big...

No indeed, it is not.

E

[Amanda69]

I am curious as to what you will find out. I don't think any genuine couple would mind if you simply said "hey, what you described makes it sound like you guys might be in other relationships?" They could answer "yes", or they could say "really, wow we didn't realize someone might think that and then give you the scoop."

People play in the lifestyle several ways, you decide for yourself what you are willing to do and accept. Stick to that decision and ask the questions you need to in order to get the information you need. If they are offended by that then they weren't the couple for you in the first place.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by 2jersey

we generally exhibit good manners, and we certainly don’t want to insult anyone by asking insinuating questions.

What’s our next move?

Hi Jersey,

Personally, I would ask any question on my mind, anything that sets off an alarm, and ask it politely. In the Lifestyle and especially through ads with strangers whom you may end up getting intimate with, I feel it goes without saying that everybody has the right to ask whatever they need to ask. Anyone on the receiving end of a question should understand that right to ask, also. So, I would ask directly if they are married to others, and could they please explain their situation to you. You have the right to know before you decide to get intimate with them, or even decide to meet them. Like many other couples, my husband and I don't want to meet with cheaters, either.

Best wishes!

[2jersey]

Update, for any interested parties: During a subsequent e-mail exchange with this particular couple, we have ascertained that they have 11 children between the two of them.They have professed their ongoing attraction to us (they have seen all of our photos, and we have seen theirs) - yet they claim to be experiencing a barrage of graduations, confirmations and birthdays, making an immediate dialogue very untimely. Additionally, they have volunteered the information that they are now in play mode with a couple with which they have been corresponding for a significant length of time. They have suggested that we take future correspondence offsite and have provided us with a personal e-mail address.

We already anticipate the chorus of people who will say "move-on 2jersey"!

Any further thoughts on this situation are welcome and appreciated.

[LikeMinds321]

This is getting better all the time.

Why do you think they told you they have an ongoing relationship with another couple? Is this to suggest they don't know when they'll have time to fit you in? Could they be trying to string you along?

Graduations, confirmations and birthdays aren't usually celebrated during daytime weekday hours, when kids are in school. Isn't this the very time they wanted to play? Why would these activities get in the way of a one-hour lunch meet up?

Who is writing to you, do you know for sure? Is it him or her. Since they live in different locations they've each got their own e-mail address. Only one may be able to access Swing Lifestyle at their home. How often are these two even together, with two households and 11 children between them?

How about telling them you want to set up a phone call - all four of you at the same time - next week before developing your relationship further?

See what they say.

LM