Will swinging open the door to thinking that cheating is ok?

HornyHippiesNH · 11-14-2005, 01:29 PM

Hi everyone,

I have a question and figured this would be a good place to ask. I am really interested in swinging. I joined this board and my husband found out and was pretty excited that I am so interested.... See, we are really close. We've been together for over 6 years, but have only been married for 6 months. We have 'played' with a couple who are friends of ours when partying before. They are really into it. We have a bit of playful fun but no oral or penetration. I really like him feeling attractive, it turns me on.

My fear is that if we do explore this more, what could it do to our relationship? Would it lead to thinking its ok to cheat? I'm sure I'm not the first to ask this, so I apologize if there are many threads like this.

What's ironic is, the way we got together was that I knew his old girlfriend, through a friend of mine. I had just moved back to New England from Chicago and she was very vocal about wanting me, and for me to talk to her boyfriend, she said we'd get along very well. We did. We met and it was like love at first sight ( although we learned we had crossed paths many times before). The poor girl, we got together but no threesome for her. I found out he was kind of bored with her ( they were SO not meant to be...) and hinted that he wanted a 3some, and she picked me!!

That being said - the idea excites both of us incredibly!! But I would never, ever risk losing him.

Any advice?

VegasLee · 11-14-2005, 01:40 PM

What can it do to a relationship?

It can rip a so-so or bad relationship apart. It can enhance a great relationship. It is all about the relationship that you have with your partner.

It has NOTHING to do with cheating. If someone starts cheating or is cheating now they have no business being in a swinging relationship. Swinging is about trust of your partner and if they are cheaters you can not trust them. There us much more to the swinging Lifestyle then just the sex.

The honesty, the trust, the openess and the pleasure of knowing that the other person is enjoying their self with the pleasures that they receive. The fact that you can have so much pleasure and fun in your life without being judged by others in this lifestyle.

Is this lifestyle for everyone. NO.... you have to figure out WHY you want to be in this Lifestyle and be honest with yourself and your partner about why you want to be in it. If you can not do that they you will see your relationship come apart.

Good luck to you. I would suggest reading the new swingers area, there is many good threads talking about this subject there.

HornyHippiesNH · 11-14-2005, 02:57 PM

Thank you!!

michelle101 · 11-14-2005, 03:34 PM

I agree with Vegaslee. How swinging affects your relationship depends on what kind of a relationship you had to begin with. Mr.101 and I have been together a long time and have a great relationship which swinging has only seemed to enhance. We couldn't believe it was possible to feel closer than we did, but after our first experience, we felt closer than ever!

We have been having a ball ever since.

You have come to the right place. We learned alot from the board before we actually tried it. I was also the one to do a search and find the board, of course when Mr.101 saw what I was looking at, he was all for it.

Keep reading. The more we discussed the subjects here, the more we understood each other. It really helped us along. Good Luck Mrs.101

intuition897 · 11-14-2005, 04:46 PM

Hi Hippies, Welcome to the board!

Dito what VegasLee said. If your relationship is even so-so, there's a distinct possibility that what happened to your husband's ex-g/f could happen to you. Do not - I repeat DO NOT - swing until you can do it without seeing it as a form of cheating. Because it's not. It's kinda at the other end of the spectrum from cheating. The similarity ends at the sex-with-other-people part. Lee offered you some great advice, and I totally agree that anyone getting involved in swinging should think long and hard about why they really want to do this. If you answer yourself honestly, and you find that your reasons are perhaps more self-serving than not, you may not be happy with the way things turn out. Over and over again, I've observed that the happiest swinging couples are those who really enjoy seeing their partner having a good time, and their own pleasure comes second. This translates as generosity, unselfishness, love and trust. When it's done for the right reasons, swinging can definitely do its part to enhance the relationship.

Carol_Danny · 11-14-2005, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VegasLee

It can rip a so-so or bad relationship apart. It can enhance a great relationship. It is all about the relationship that you have with your partner.

Very succinct! If you have a great relationship now, the Lifestyle can enhance it and actually bring you closer to each other. But, if you have problems, it can tear you apart. We have seen it go both ways.

DBL D · 11-14-2005, 09:48 PM

Does this sound familiar?...What Vegas said!

The idea that extramarital sex is so near means that it has to have an effect. It does in a healthy relationship (swinging-wise) and of course it would in a non-healthy relationship.

Makes sense to me.

M.D.

Spoomonkey · 11-14-2005, 09:54 PM

Dito VegasLee...

Might as well lock the thread after his post

Spoomonkey

NakedInSeattle · 11-15-2005, 11:02 AM

Yep, Lee said it all......we can all go home now.

Jamie&Kieth · 11-15-2005, 07:37 PM

well here is my 6 cents worth (inflation) .... my opinion ... rude but crude

1. TRUST, communication is a must
2. if you fool around with out telling before/after the event = CHEATING
3. realize that SEX with others is just that SEX, nothing more nothing less
3a. for both you & your partner

destin-ez · 11-16-2005, 07:54 PM

Dito what Vegas Lee and everybody else has said. We've been married 29 years and swinging has only enhanced our relationship.

Good luck!!

SluttyWife · 11-16-2005, 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VegasLee

What can it do to a relationship?

It can rip a so-so or bad relationship apart. It can enhance a great relationship. It is all about the relationship that you have with your partner.

It has NOTHING to do with cheating. If someone starts cheating or is cheating now they have no business being in a swinging relationship. Swinging is about trust of your partner and if they are cheaters you can not trust them. There us much more to the swinging Lifestyle then just the sex.

The honesty, the trust, the openess and the pleasure of knowing that the other person is enjoying their self with the pleasures that they receive. The fact that you can have so much pleasure and fun in your life without being judged by others in this lifestyle.

Is this lifestyle for everyone. NO.... you have to figure out WHY you want to be in this Lifestyle and be honest with yourself and your partner about why you want to be in it. If you can not do that they you will see your relationship come apart.

Good luck to you. I would suggest reading the new swingers area, there is many good threads talking about this subject there.

Well said, Vegas Lee!

Couldn't have put it better myself.

Slutty Wife

lovedoctor · 11-16-2005, 09:43 PM

There is a lot of wisdom in Vegas, Lee.

or

There is a lot of wisdom in Vegas Lee.

(Off subject: I hope we pick up some wisdom in Vegas, Lee - I am taking the hubby there for a New Year's surprise!!! )

~D

HornyHippiesNH · 11-18-2005, 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jamie&Kieth

well here is my 6 cents worth (inflation) .... my opinion ... rude but crude

1. TRUST, communication is a must
2. if you fool around with out telling before/after the event = CHEATING
3. realize that SEX with others is just that SEX, nothing more nothing less
3a. for both you & your partner

Thanks - this sums up most of my questions right there.

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11-14-2005, 01:29 PM	#1 (permalink)
HornyHippiesNH Registered Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 6 Location: New Hampshire	Will swinging open the door to thinking that cheating is ok? Hi everyone, I have a question and figured this would be a good place to ask. I am really interested in swinging. I joined this board and my husband found out and was pretty excited that I am so interested.... See, we are really close. We've been together for over 6 years, but have only been married for 6 months. We have 'played' with a couple who are friends of ours when partying before. They are really into it. We have a bit of playful fun but no oral or penetration. I really like him feeling attractive, it turns me on. My fear is that if we do explore this more, what could it do to our relationship? Would it lead to thinking its ok to cheat? I'm sure I'm not the first to ask this, so I apologize if there are many threads like this. What's ironic is, the way we got together was that I knew his old girlfriend, through a friend of mine. I had just moved back to New England from Chicago and she was very vocal about wanting me, and for me to talk to her boyfriend, she said we'd get along very well. We did. We met and it was like love at first sight ( although we learned we had crossed paths many times before). The poor girl, we got together but no threesome for her. I found out he was kind of bored with her ( they were SO not meant to be...) and hinted that he wanted a 3some, and she picked me!! That being said - the idea excites both of us incredibly!! But I would never, ever risk losing him. Any advice?

11-14-2005, 01:40 PM	#2 (permalink)
VegasLee Laura's Male Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 1,950 Location: Las Vegas, Nevada Status: Laura's Male	Re: Advice Needed - Does it affect relationship negatively? What can it do to a relationship? It can rip a so-so or bad relationship apart. It can enhance a great relationship. It is all about the relationship that you have with your partner. It has NOTHING to do with cheating. If someone starts cheating or is cheating now they have no business being in a swinging relationship. Swinging is about trust of your partner and if they are cheaters you can not trust them. There us much more to the swinging Lifestyle then just the sex. The honesty, the trust, the openess and the pleasure of knowing that the other person is enjoying their self with the pleasures that they receive. The fact that you can have so much pleasure and fun in your life without being judged by others in this lifestyle. Is this lifestyle for everyone. NO.... you have to figure out WHY you want to be in this Lifestyle and be honest with yourself and your partner about why you want to be in it. If you can not do that they you will see your relationship come apart. Good luck to you. I would suggest reading the new swingers area, there is many good threads talking about this subject there.
	__________________ You all laugh at me because I am different. I laugh at all of you because you are all the same.

11-14-2005, 02:57 PM	#3 (permalink)
HornyHippiesNH Registered Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 6 Location: New Hampshire	Re: Advice Needed - Does it affect relationship negatively? Thank you!!

11-14-2005, 03:34 PM	#4 (permalink)
michelle101 Here to Stay Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 97 Location: massachusetts Status: married couple Swing Lifestyle Name:michelle101	Re: Advice Needed - Does it affect relationship negatively? I agree with Vegaslee. How swinging affects your relationship depends on what kind of a relationship you had to begin with. Mr.101 and I have been together a long time and have a great relationship which swinging has only seemed to enhance. We couldn't believe it was possible to feel closer than we did, but after our first experience, we felt closer than ever! We have been having a ball ever since. You have come to the right place. We learned alot from the board before we actually tried it. I was also the one to do a search and find the board, of course when Mr.101 saw what I was looking at, he was all for it. Keep reading. The more we discussed the subjects here, the more we understood each other. It really helped us along. Good Luck Mrs.101

11-14-2005, 04:46 PM	#5 (permalink)
intuition897 Canadian, eh? Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 2,633 Location: Kingston, ON Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:intuition897	Re: Advice Needed - Does it affect relationship negatively? Hi Hippies, Welcome to the board! Dito what VegasLee said. If your relationship is even so-so, there's a distinct possibility that what happened to your husband's ex-g/f could happen to you. Do not - I repeat DO NOT - swing until you can do it without seeing it as a form of cheating. Because it's not. It's kinda at the other end of the spectrum from cheating. The similarity ends at the sex-with-other-people part. Lee offered you some great advice, and I totally agree that anyone getting involved in swinging should think long and hard about why they really want to do this. If you answer yourself honestly, and you find that your reasons are perhaps more self-serving than not, you may not be happy with the way things turn out. Over and over again, I've observed that the happiest swinging couples are those who really enjoy seeing their partner having a good time, and their own pleasure comes second. This translates as generosity, unselfishness, love and trust. When it's done for the right reasons, swinging can definitely do its part to enhance the relationship.
	__________________ Fear is a symptom of ignorance. Knowledge is the cure.

11-14-2005, 09:48 PM	#7 (permalink)
DBL D Oh...Why not?... Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 2,312 Location: Northern Call-ee-forn-ee-ah Status: Married Couple	Re: Advice Needed - Does it affect relationship negatively? Does this sound familiar?...What Vegas said! The idea that extramarital sex is so near means that it has to have an effect. It does in a healthy relationship (swinging-wise) and of course it would in a non-healthy relationship. Makes sense to me. M.D.
	__________________ "Just nod if you can hear me..." David Gilmour

11-14-2005, 09:54 PM	#8 (permalink)
Spoomonkey Chimpin' Ain't Easy Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 6,739 Location: Ohio Status: Married Monkeys - will you be our vine? Swing Lifestyle Name:Spoomonkey	Re: Advice Needed - Does it affect relationship negatively? Dito VegasLee... Might as well lock the thread after his post Spoomonkey
	__________________ "Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities." - C. S. Lewis

11-15-2005, 11:02 AM	#9 (permalink)
NakedInSeattle Loving life (style) Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 449 Location: Seattle, WA Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:NakedInSeattle	Re: Advice Needed - Does it affect relationship negatively? Yep, Lee said it all......we can all go home now.

11-15-2005, 07:37 PM	#10 (permalink)
Jamie&Kieth Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 212 Location: Massachusetts Status: M.Female	Re: Advice Needed - Does it affect relationship negatively? well here is my 6 cents worth (inflation) .... my opinion ... rude but crude 1. TRUST, communication is a must 2. if you fool around with out telling before/after the event = CHEATING 3. realize that SEX with others is just that SEX, nothing more nothing less 3a. for both you & your partner

11-16-2005, 07:54 PM	#11 (permalink)
destin-ez Here to Stay Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 51 Location: Wisconsin Status: Very Happily Married Swing Lifestyle Name:destinez	Re: Advice Needed - Does it affect relationship negatively? Dito what Vegas Lee and everybody else has said. We've been married 29 years and swinging has only enhanced our relationship. Good luck!!
	__________________ ~If you can't get off....don't get on~

11-16-2005, 09:43 PM	#13 (permalink)
lovedoctor Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 510 Location: Florida - but right now, I'm on tour! Status: M Female Swing Lifestyle Name:Fllovedoctor	Re: Advice Needed - Does it affect relationship negatively? There is a lot of wisdom in Vegas, Lee. or There is a lot of wisdom in Vegas Lee. (Off subject: I hope we pick up some wisdom in Vegas, Lee - I am taking the hubby there for a New Year's surprise!!! ) ~D
	__________________ "Everyone here is wondering what it's like to be with somebody else..." ~Back 2 Good, Rob Thomas (matchbox twenty)

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