Double standereds

[billygoat4u]

As you may have read from my earlier posts, we are getting pretty close to another couple as friends. And I'm (him) haveing trouble/concerns on seperating some things that he from other couple is doing during non swing times.

I've also found he kinda says one thing and dose another.
He has stated to me that he and his wife have/keep no secrets between them...but in a IM conversation he had with my wife, he tells my wife not to tell me such-n-such. Hmmm he wants us to have secrets??????????

Other thing that got me was that after he found out I was reading thru wifes IM's (with her knowledge) he precceded to inform wife I was invaiding her privicy..n he'd never do it to his wife. This of coarse got my wife to blow up at me n ask i not read her IM's (which i've stopped doing)... However, I've had a number of times I've chatted to his wife, n when he comes back on, he says he was reading our conversation to get caught up on things. Hmmmmmmm

I can't but he can????????????

I'm just waiting to catch him admiting again to reading conversation his wife n i had...then will confront him on double standereds!

[BorisNatasha]

Sounds like he's inciting discord in your marriage. If it was happening to us, I'd drop the other couple like a hot rock.

Boris

[txduo2000]

Originally Posted by BorisNatasha

Sounds like he's inciting discord in your marriage. If it was happening to us, I'd drop the other couple like a hot rock.

Boris

Dito

WTF????? NO WAY we would tolerate such actions as those! NO WAY. From the first, "Don't tell such and such ....." it would be OVER!

[Sweet_Candy]

Cut bait and run! This is your marriage not his and your pursuit of the lifestyle should be by your rules not others. Make peace with your wife, she's your #1 ally. Ditch this couple there are others.

[jennandjamesinm]

Run Forrest Run!!!!! This guy seems like a real shit - there are other fish in the proverbial sea. I'd dump them and if the wife asks why, tell her EXACTLY why..... But I think that you might have an issue with your wife also. She got mad at you for reading IM's?!?!?!? I'm sorry, but is she hiding something? Y'all might need to step back from swinging related things and take a look at what's going on at home. We use the same nic for email and im's when it comes to swinging and we archive IM's so we are both on the same page. Open and honest communicationn is the most important thing in a swinging relationship.

Jenn

[EvilMJ]

Wow...even if my conversations get heated or naughty, they are always open for my husband to read..in fact i insist on it as I do not want any misundersatndings or hurt feelings.

Half the time he is not intersted because he trusts me, but regardless, they are there for him to read should he so choose. I do not hide my conversations and if he started to hide his I would feel like there was something wrong, like he was cheating on my emotionally. So we stick to the everything out in the open policy.

It sounds to me like you wife should read this thread and maybe she would understand where you are coming from. I agree with the others, drop this guy. ANyone I chat with is made aware from the get go that I share my conversations with hubby and they respect that. Anyone that can't respect that, doesn't respect you.

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by jennandjamesinm

Run Forrest Run!!!!! This guy seems like a real shit - there are other fish in the proverbial sea. I'd dump them and if the wife asks why, tell her EXACTLY why..... But I think that you might have an issue with your wife also. She got mad at you for reading IM's?!?!?!? I'm sorry, but is she hiding something? Y'all might need to step back from swinging related things and take a look at what's going on at home. We use the same nic for email and im's when it comes to swinging and we archive IM's so we are both on the same page. Open and honest communicationn is the most important thing in a swinging relationship.

Jenn

I agree. I think maybe you should have a serious discussion with your wife too. If Drew were uptight about my reading his IM's with another playmate, I'd really have a problem with it too. There shouldn't be anything said in IM that either spouse shouldn't be able to read (IMHO). In any event, I'd put my foot down. Now.

Pepper

[curiousagain]

I wouldn't wait for anything. Break all contact now. This guy is trying to cause problems and I wouldn't tolerate it for a second.

[curiousduo30]

Dito to all of the above. My husband is rarely interested in reading IM's but I save them for him anyways. (He rarely uses the computer). If there were ever a time when someone even suggested that there should be a secret kept from my husband, I would not only call them on it immediately, I would also seriously question the reason they may have said what they said. Even if these people seem perfect otherwise, is it really worth the risk to your marriage????

[TNT]

Originally Posted by billygoat4u

but in a IM conversation he had with my wife, he tells my wife not to tell me such-n-such.

My husband does not tell me what do...another man damn sure isn't.

Originally Posted by billygoat4u

I'm just waiting to catch him admiting again to reading conversation his wife n i had...then will confront him on double standereds!

Why wait? You're obviously not comfortable with this man, therefore there is no need to keep the converstation/friendship going. NO ONE interferes with my marriage. If anyone starts to, they are dropped like a hot potatoe.



Teresa

[Chicup]

What everyone else said.

There are times in IM's that I have hidden them from my wife, and she knows I've hidden them, but mostly its because we are planning what to do to her next

This guy has issues.

[CuriousInOregon]

ok I have to say "Dont tell such and such" is a big ol` in our book too. We archive all our messages so we can go back in our discussions for reference and Both Mr. Curious and I have an understanding that its open to read at anytime. We keep no secrets usually we are on the computer together when there is intimate chats. I would say that if there are secrets trying to be created thats a big ol RED FLAG and Things need to be discussed weather it be between you and him you and your wife or the husband and your wife as to let everyone know which page your on. Good luck hope it all works out Happy Swinging

[hilltop]

Dito to everything above in spades!!!!

Move on and quick!

[good times]

Dito to what the others have said. We actually read our messages to each other. Of course it helps that we each have our own computers on desks that face each other.

[intuition897]

Pitch this guy. Like everyone said. Openness and honesty is the swingers motto, and he has no business telling your wife otherwise. How the hell would he know what is and is not okay between you and your wife??

I'm thinking that the trouble you're having with this joker is secondary to the fact that he seems to have gotten under your wife's skin enough to turn her against you. Ok, so maybe "turn her against you" is a bit extreme a phrase, but if the situation is left unchecked, and Mr. Joker had his way, that's exactly what would happen. Nip it in the bud and find out why it's happening in the first place. If she's not doing anything wrong, why is she being secretive about IM's? Is it none of your business? Given the intimate and potentially disastrous nature of swinging, I'm thinking it is your business to know what your life partner is up to.