Does Cybersex=cheating

[Quin]

IMHO, cyber sex (the typing of words) can be very, very erotic and a turn on. It's no different than reading an erotic book, erotic short story, etc. And basically, I wouldn't consider it cheating on a spouse (provided either or both of the parties are married). It crosses over into cheating, in my mind, when one person takes things a step further by either wanting to cyber sex only with that person, becomes emotionally involved, they begin talking about meeting in person.

Phone sex is totally different from cyber sex as it's done over the phone line by talking (not typing). This also can be very erotic and a turn on for many people. I've indulged a few times with friends and will probably do so again. If one or both of the parties were married (to someone else, of course), yeah I would consider this cheating...it's too personal hearing the voice, not generic like the typing cyber sex.

Webcam sex. Wow this is a new experience for me. The guy I'm dating has a state of the art computer with this cool webcam that moves as you move (for instance you walk across the room, the cam follows you...he's a computer programmer, I'm a computer illiterate LOL). His computer does some of the most amazing stuff, but I digress. We were exploring the webcam part of the internet (rather I was exploring, he was chuckling at my amazement...I was like a kid with a new electronical toy). We stumbled upon others who we talked to via webcam (his audio on his computer is the very best I have ever seen in my life)...well, this one couple in particular were naked (DOH) and we were talking to them...it came around to the couple asking me to strip for them, which I did and loved (but I'd love it anyhow regardless) and my guy and I eventually ended up having sex while they watched and vica versa. I have always been an exhibitionist and this just hit a new level of that with me. My guy seemed to get quite a charge out of showing me off to some of these people he's been cyber-friends with for a while and they're just shocked he has someone who's a lot freer and way more sexually open than his last girlfriend. Now onto cheating in this...is it? I dunno. Would I be upset if he went around doing this without me...no, he probably did it before I came along and will do it long after I'm gone. I think where it may upset me and get me to thinking about cheating would be if he were to take it off the web and into real life by meeting the person(s) while we're a *couple*. If I was involved, not cheating...if he was the only one involved, cheating. The one conclusion I did definitely draw was that my computer is prehistoric and I need him to build me a new one like he has.

Quin

[OhioCouple]

Quin,

Perhaps I mis-understood your post. You feel that "phone sex" is too personal and considered it as cheating if both mates are unaware, but that since a webcam is based on pictures (and in my mind an even more personal level that phone sex) that you are unsure if that is cheating? Doesn't a webcam reveal pretty much everything? Phone sex, reveals only a voice on the other end.

Lori~ Who is inquistive as all get out...

[Quin]

What part did you not understand of the webcam thing where I wrote: I think where it may upset me and get me to thinking about cheating would be if he were to take it off the web and into real life by meeting the person(s) while we're a *couple*. If I was involved, not cheating...if he was the only one involved, cheating. I think that pretty well sums it upfor right now and my feelings on cheating with a webcam. Being an exhibitionist, I would love to have a webcam...I'd have it on me the whole time I was in the room with the computer. Having just experienced this (as in never ever being around a webcam, much less doing something risque on the webcam before last week), it's a bit premature of me to really be firm in anything other than if my guy was to meet someone off the webcam. Ask me in a few weeks after I've performed on his webcam a few more times and talked to a few other people...I'm sure I don't even begin to realize all the capabilities of camnet or webcam yet. Tho right now I have to question if it's any different than someone seeing my two avi's or having possession of the two tapes with me on them having sex with people and masturbating and that someone masturbating and getting off on them.

Quin

[L&K]

ohio couple i think there is a difference .

you asked if there was a difference with people that were lucky enough to find there soul mate , i truly think there is a difference for us lucky few .

S and i met in high school , married at the ripe old age's of 17 and 18 . 25 years 3 kids and 2 grand kids later we are as much in love as the day we met .

why is it different for us , not because we may have what others missed at least on the first time around , more likely because you have what we missed , experience .

The loss felt from a dicorce , the anger from a bad marriage your views would have to differ from ours i think . We certainly dont regret missing out on all those " learning " events but it would have to leave one with different oppions on a lot ot these subects .

Now the cyber sex issue , i will stick to my guns here ANYTHING your partner does not no about is cheating . It does not matter if your on the pc or phone , it is 2 minds exchanging ideas . If your partner is aware then i say it is swinging in a mild form . again 2 minds or more are working together to creat sexual response .

In regards to playboy or like magizines , no it is not the same there is no interatction between minds , it is a photo of some one you do not know or exchange ideas with . The exchange of ideas from person to person by any form of communication makes the difference i feel .

M of swinging i know little , of life i know much

[OhioCouple]

quote:

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Originally posted by Quin:
What part did you not understand of the webcam thing

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I re-read your post. I obviously misunderstood and put my foot in my mouth.

Lori

[sexualhealingmn]

Right ON "M" ... definately nailed that one!

[OhioCouple]

quote:

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Originally posted by M & S:

why is it different for us , not because we may have what others missed at least on the first time around , more likely because you have what we missed , experience .

The loss felt from a dicorce , the anger from a bad marriage your views would have to differ from ours i think . We certainly dont regret missing out on all those " learning " events but it would have to leave one with different oppions on a lot ot these subects .

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This is probably one of the best thought out responses that I have heard in a while. It does make a difference having been through a divorce and such. I envy those that have the "happy ever after" ending, and at time I am bitter for not having such. (Talking about first time out for marriage.)

Hmmm, you have given me a lot to think about.

Lori

[JustAskJulie]

quote:

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Originally posted by OhioCouple:

quote:

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Originally posted by M & S:

why is it different for us , not because we may have what others missed at least on the first time around , more likely because you have what we missed , experience .

The loss felt from a dicorce , the anger from a bad marriage your views would have to differ from ours i think . We certainly dont regret missing out on all those " learning " events but it would have to leave one with different oppions on a lot ot these subects .

---

This is probably one of the best thought out responses that I have heard in a while. It does make a difference having been through a divorce and such. I envy those that have the "happy ever after" ending, and at time I am bitter for not having such. (Talking about first time out for marriage.)

Hmmm, you have given me a lot to think about.

Lori

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On the good side tho at least you did find it. It may have taken you two tries to find your soulmate but some people never find it and spend their lives looking and hopping from one bad relationship to another. You found your "Happy Ever After", you just hit a few more bumps along the way.

[Maverick]

Well OhioCouple asked for my opinion on this thread so here it is as puritanical and naive as it may sound: I think any contact with a memeber of the oposite sex that you feel the need to keep from your spouse is cheating to some degree. If something as trivial as having lunch with a co-worker or fellow student (as in my case) is no big deal then it should be shared with your spouse.
If you feel the need to hide it, then there could be a problem.

On the opposite end of the spectrum , if having sex with someone other than your spouse is agreed to by both parties, then I don't think it is cheating. I think disclosure is the crux.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by Maverick
I think any contact with a memeber of the oposite sex that you feel the need to keep from your spouse is cheating to some degree. If something as trivial as having lunch with a co-worker or fellow student (as in my case) is no big deal then it should be shared with your spouse.
If you feel the need to hide it, then there could be a problem.

On the opposite end of the spectrum , if having sex with someone other than your spouse is agreed to by both parties, then I don't think it is cheating. I think disclosure is the crux.

The only thing I would like to add to this is since I am Bi-sexual, cheating would be with any member of either sex if I chose to be physically intimate with someone without my husbands knowledge.

My husband and I are still in somewhat of a disagreement about this issue. I just truly don't see a problem "unless" it were to be continuous with one person whether by phone, e-mail, IM, webcam as cheating if you did not relay it to your spouse each time you did so. If it were an obssesive behavior that may twist things around somewhat. I would find that as more of a mental problem and perhaps something that needs to be addressed about the person themselves rather than consider it a cheating deal.

I suppose for me, unless there is physical contact or habitual contact with a specific party and I didn't know about it, I really am unconcerned. Certainly I would love to hear all the juicy details as it is very arousing to talk about and my husband and I do share the talk that we have with other couples via IM. We save them for the other to read. Again though, these are people that we both know very well and are at that comfort level with.

I can honestly say though that years ago had I found my significant other doing anything in a sexual manner on today's technology, I would have been highly upset. I don't know if it is a matter of getting older and wiser or one in which I have been the receiver of someone who physically cheated. Key word being "physical".

Lori

[FlyBiNiter]

Ok, I have a bunch of things to say on this topic, so I'll just jump right in.

First of all, I fully agree with those of you who said that if your partner doesn't know, then YES it is cheating whether it's cyber or web cam or in person. If your partner knows and AGREES that it's ok, then it's not. Just that simple.

Had an experience where my mate got nekkid on our webcam with a female we knew, without my knowledge, and I threw a fit. We ironed out that issue, but my problem with it was basically that I didn't know about it, and it happened while I was not there.

Oh, and Quin... where did you manage to find couples on a web cam ????? All we ever managed to find was a mushroom farm, so I lost interest in the cam thing. If there had been actual couples, we might have continued to use the web cam. I just got sick of a bunch of horny old goats asking me to take my shirt off... where's the thrill in that ? Now a couple would have been interesting for my honey and me !!!


:evil:

[Quin]

Oh, and Quin... where did you manage to find couples on a web cam ????? All we ever managed to find was a mushroom farm, so I lost interest in the cam thing. If there had been actual couples, we might have continued to use the web cam. I just got sick of a bunch of horny old goats asking me to take my shirt off... where's the thrill in that ? Now a couple would have been interesting for my honey and me !!!

They're friends of his (this guy sitting next to me who says he's my *manfriend* as opposed to boyfriend). He says they are old friends that used to be in his swinging circle that moved to Vermont when the husband's company shut down in the area and moved. They use their webcam to talk to all their friends back home...swingers and non-swingers, among other things.


I know exactly what you mean about the horny old goats. Being the exhibitionist that I am, I gave a few of them tit shots...they then left us alone....guess they were too busy whackin away.

The manfriend says he thinks he still has a link to a *group* that is comprised of couples who play on the webcam...says he'll look for it for ya and pass it on.

Quin
()()

[sinc]

Only would I consider it cheating if I wasnt told about it, or if I wasnt getting any because of it.
I admit I would be upset if was costing a noticible amount.

[Paul&Audrey]

The wife and I both enjoy cyber sex with others... And there is no jealosy in the slightest..I look at it as added help warming her up for me to make love to her...

~~bare~~

[Flori_DAMAN]

How about the new virtual sex toys? You an now buy vibrators that an be used to manipulate the person on the other computer. Of course this is just the beginning. Virtual sex will be possible without ever going to a hotel to some degree.

In my opinion if you have orgasms with other people its gotta be cheating if your s/o isn't aware. Otherwise the lines will get harder and harder to distinguish.

Now, pornography or watching an x rated video has no interraction with others, verbal, typing, visual or voice. That in my opinion is very different than gettin nekked in front of your cam and wacking off while another person does it with you.

And masturbating isn't even in the ball park. That is like saying you are cheating if you fantasize about someone else while you have sex with your partner. Our minds are our possesion, as are our bodies, but trust between lovers is a mutual possesion. One that implies you just don't do things that your partner doesn't approve of when it comes to sex.

If Tam were to say that I couldnt wack off to porn then I would have to consider whether my relationship is worth the rule. If not then it would be my responsibility to leave the relationship if wacking off to a hustler were that much of an important part of my life. Which btw it isn't. Many marraiges have indeed disolved due to porn addiction almost excuslively by males.

Now, there have been times that I have met a stunning female, flirted with her and definiitely used that experience to masturbate. I'm pretty sure this is common not only among highly sexual swingers but sexual beings everwhere. John.