Is swinging better than cheating?

Flori_DAMAN · 02-11-2002, 01:05 PM

Just a note to relate and analyze something that I beleive the swinging lifestyle is great for (amongst many other things

) Recently a female rep came to my office and totally made it clear that she would like to have a lil fun with me. It took me exactly one second to explain that I was in a very happy relationship and was flattered but by no means would consider fooling around behind my wifes back. Oh and the thought of inviting her to our bed was not a consideration because my wife would hate her right off the bat for trying to seduce me with infidelity lol.

Now, I am not saying that I would have if it were not for the swinging relationship, but I am not the most strong willed person in the universe as many of us aren't. At the very least it could have caused pause and regret and at the worse I could have said ; oh what the hell, she will never know anyhow.

This lifestyle has caused us to communicate with such profound depth that I would live in horrible guilt if I ever did anything that violated the trust my wife and I have earned.

That is a lot more than many people that scorn swinging yet cheat on there S/O's can say. Just my thoughts for the day.

This in no way implies that swingers are better than non swingers. I do feel though that we have a higher sense of morality and humble conciences than cheaters.....John.

Corinne · 02-11-2002, 01:21 PM

John,
I do agree with you there! I have recently received a reply to an ad that we placed, looking for a single guy or a couple. The guy told us in his first email that he really wants to be with another women, but his wife could not find out about it. Since I am a nice person (sometimes too nice!

) I sent him an email back explaining that we do not mess around with married people who cheat on their spouse. We received a very angry email back, stating that since we are swingers we are cheating people as well. I have him now on our email blocklist! lol
A lot of people just don't understand this lifestyle, sad as it is!
Corinne

danc694u · 02-11-2002, 01:57 PM

Normal folks love taking the High Moral Ground, when you bust their ass!

I feel that swingers do have higher morals than most non-swingers. Namely because we are so open and honest with our spouses.

I've always wondered how people could look me in the eye, and state how trashy/immoral we were because we swing. Yet, they constantly cheat on their spouse and think nothing of it.

David -- the morality guru

Sweetdevil · 02-11-2002, 03:09 PM

I agree with Michigancouple, that swinging has deepen our communication, and I cannot think of any other way we would have reached the strength and depth of communication.
As far as, the subject of cheating goes it depends on the nature. Just outright cheating no! But within swinging as role-playing with another couple, I think I will have to add this to my things to list!

youngswingers · 02-11-2002, 10:56 PM

In this case, it sounds like some serious sour grapes on the part of a rejected playmate! Cheating implies breaking rules... swinging is all about following rules.

Stratecpl · 02-12-2002, 06:04 AM

Right on, GUYS AND GALS!! I couldn't agree more. John, you made my day. You're right, many of us men are weak individuals and many would cheat. It's the lifestyle that gives us the strength and knowledge of what we really have at home. To receive such an invitation from a woman as you did, is MOST men's dream. I'll bet that it blew her mind when you calmly declined!!

Corrine, we get mails all the time from married guys wanting to cheat on their wives. Just last week we had dinner with a guy who slipped up and spilled the beans about HIS marriage. We explain to them that this IS NOT what we do. We tell them up front that cheating is ALWAYS WRONG, but that sharing is wonderful. Yes, we receive some of those anger-riddled responses, too.... but that "block user" button is great, too.

David, you just might be a morality guru! LOL Your morals seem to be a lot more solid that those of any of those cheaters. Your marriage will stand while theirs fall, this I really believe.

Sweetdevil, you are so right about deepening communications. After all, that's what it is all about. It not only keeps us together, but it brings great excitement back. The same or better than when we even first met.

Youngswingers, you have a better handle on it than most do who have many years on you. Stick to your beliefs, the entire scene would be better if only more thought as you do!

Just my morning thoughts....

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

Sweetdevil · 02-12-2002, 11:52 AM

Ron,

Thanks!

Sluts = SexyLadiesUnitedTogetherforSex!

**TNT** · 02-12-2002, 04:42 PM

I don't look at swining as cheating, although I know there are those out there who do...in fact, being in the lifestyle has given me a strange sense of security.

Ted travels with his job and is away from home a lot. It never enters my mind that he might cheat while he is gone.

He called me one night while he was gone and told me that he was really a stupid man...I asked why and he said that when he was checking into the hotel the two women behind the desk had asked him to their room for pizza (there was a snow storm that night and all employees were staying at the hotel). He told them thanks but he had picked up a burger on his way in, got his room key and went to his room...he didn't even realize what they were suggesting until he was in his room and about to call me. He said they had the strangest look on their faces when he said no.

I just had to laugh at him because the man never notices when a woman is hitting on him, and to me that's the sign of a happy man.

Happy people do not cheat. When you are happy in your relationship its easy to say no without a second thought or regret.

I don't belive in cheating, I don't like cheaters and I don't feel like what we do is cheating. Like Stratecpl said, cheating is bad, but sharing is good.

Teresa

jimcat · 02-12-2002, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by michigancouple:

Now, I am not saying that I would have if it were not for the swinging relationship, but I am not the most strong willed person in the universe as many of us aren't.

This lifestyle has caused us to communicate with such profound depth that I would live in horrible guilt if I ever did anything that violated the trust my wife and I have earned.

That is a lot more than many people that scorn swinging yet cheat on there S/O's can say. Just my thoughts for the day.

This in no way implies that swingers are better than non swingers. I do feel though that we have a higher sense of morality and humble conciences than cheaters.....John.[/QB]

toMICHIGANCOUPLE
Do we swingers have a higher sense of morality? I'm not so sure. We do have the good fortune of having a spouse to explore the lifestyle with. What would many of us do if the spouse had no interest in swinging? With all the visual sexual images we have thrown at us each day I think it would take a saint to commit too a non-cheating long term relationship.Should the couple split if they get the urge for infidelity?
Its easy to sit back and judge as a swinging couple. My wife and I were married many years before the topic of swinging came up.
I was unfaithful in the early years of our marriage and was too young to understand how hurtful that was.After realizing how hurtful I had been I made the decision that it would never happen again.Many years later we decided to try swinging. Spouses who have always been upfront with their partner will have no idea what we went through discussing swinging as all the old "cheating" issues arose. Fortunately we got through these issues and are having fun exploring. I guess I feel lucky now not necesssary someone with a higher morality. I not sure if she had said no to the swinging if I could have long term kept to my no cheating pledge.

Stratecpl · 02-12-2002, 05:41 PM

Teresa said:

"Happy people do not cheat. When you are happy in your relationship its easy to say no without a second thought or regret."

Very true, Teresa! Connie and I have never cheated on each other since we have known each other. I have had numerous opportunities, and so has she. It's the commitment we share that prevents it. True, we swing together. But if one of us one day decides to stop swinging, we will quit swinging together. That's just the way we are. I loved the story about Ted's stay at the hotel. How many times I have had passes made at me, I don't remember. But I usually didn't know it until much later... LOL If I'd known at the time, I still wouldn't have done anything with them. It's flattering that anyone was interested enough to think I was a live one, though. I think we all enjoy the attention that is sometimes afforded us.

What we share in swinging, to me, is better than gold or silver. It's something we share now, to be remembered forever. Hopefully, it will always be with fond memories.

We have close friends who used to cheat on each other. Now they swing together and have a great time, and their marriage is much stronger, too. Who knows?? What works for one, doesn't necessarily work for the next. It's all about personal beliefs and yes, moralities. It's all a series of tests, a part of life.

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

danc694u · 02-12-2002, 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by jimcat:
Do we swingers have a higher sense of morality? I'm not so sure. We do have the good fortune of having a spouse to explore the lifestyle with. What would many of us do if the spouse had no interest in swinging?

...snipped....
I not sure if she had said no to the swinging if I could have long term kept to my no cheating pledge.

I don't think any of us can really take the moral high ground. Swinger or not. Cheater or not.

Morality, like porn, is based on the "Accepted Community Standards".

At this moment in time, the swinging community views cheaters as a plague. Much like they (non-swingers) view us.

This point could not have been more clear, than it was made today by a friend. A longtime friend cornered Maggie at work, to ask how she could just "let go" of me at a social? She views our attending a social as cheating on each other.

Maggies response: It's all about trust. And, then pointed out, that I (David) was the shy one. And she was more likely to actually find and approve a couple, before I ever got out of my seat

oceans · 02-13-2002, 10:28 AM

Cheaters and Swingers are entirely Different. Comparing is not even necessary. Swinging couples are as honest as a couple can be with each other. A person that cheat on their spouse is a lying, betraying, deceitful and has no business being in a relationship let alone being married. Swinging is about being open and honest in sharing a couples utmost desires. Cheating is about selfishness and swinging is all about enhancing what you already have with your partner. Kinda like comparing an honest person to a criminal imho.

Stratecpl · 02-13-2002, 11:44 AM

Well said, Oceans! I like your views!

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

MattMann · 02-13-2002, 12:44 PM

I think non-swingers just define cheating as "having sex with someone other than your spouse" while swingers know that cheating is "having sex with someone other than your spouse without your spouse's knowledge or approval."

The difference being that swingers know that the anguish that comes from being cheated on is not caused by the sex itself, but the lying, sneaking around, loss of trust and feelings of betrayal that come from DISCOVERING your spouse has been having sex behind your back. Unfortunately our society views sex with such a mixture of fear and reverence that I don't think we will ever see sex accepted as what it is or could be: physical enjoyment and not a dirty act or a holy sacrament.

sccple29073 · 02-13-2002, 06:15 PM

I fully agree with everyones comments on this subject. Swinging is definately not cheating. Like previously said swinging is about both partners sharing not going behind the others back to fulfill whatever. i think one of the key things that makes a cheater different from a swinger is the fact that have you ever noticed that the cheater does not put up with being cheated on?
Although the net is a "sometimes" great way to meet new people and I think it has actually opened up swinging to a lot more people, unfortunetly it has also opened up a new avenue for cheaters. Seen to many break-ups over "net meetings" because of cheating.
Thats my dollars worth..lol

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02-11-2002, 01:05 PM	#1 (permalink)
Flori_DAMAN Previously of MichiganCouple Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 2,100 Location: Vero Beach Florida Status: Single Male	Is swinging better than cheating? Just a note to relate and analyze something that I beleive the swinging lifestyle is great for (amongst many other things ) Recently a female rep came to my office and totally made it clear that she would like to have a lil fun with me. It took me exactly one second to explain that I was in a very happy relationship and was flattered but by no means would consider fooling around behind my wifes back. Oh and the thought of inviting her to our bed was not a consideration because my wife would hate her right off the bat for trying to seduce me with infidelity lol. Now, I am not saying that I would have if it were not for the swinging relationship, but I am not the most strong willed person in the universe as many of us aren't. At the very least it could have caused pause and regret and at the worse I could have said ; oh what the hell, she will never know anyhow. This lifestyle has caused us to communicate with such profound depth that I would live in horrible guilt if I ever did anything that violated the trust my wife and I have earned. That is a lot more than many people that scorn swinging yet cheat on there S/O's can say. Just my thoughts for the day. This in no way implies that swingers are better than non swingers. I do feel though that we have a higher sense of morality and humble conciences than cheaters.....John.

02-11-2002, 01:57 PM	#3 (permalink)
danc694u Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 546 Location: Birmingham, AL Status: couple	Normal folks love taking the High Moral Ground, when you bust their ass! I feel that swingers do have higher morals than most non-swingers. Namely because we are so open and honest with our spouses. I've always wondered how people could look me in the eye, and state how trashy/immoral we were because we swing. Yet, they constantly cheat on their spouse and think nothing of it. David -- the morality guru __________________ Phonies and Fakes Need not apply. We're as real as it gets, and don't have time to be wasting on dumbasses.

02-12-2002, 06:04 AM	#6 (permalink)
Stratecpl Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2000 Posts: 456 Location: TN, USA	Right on, GUYS AND GALS!! I couldn't agree more. John, you made my day. You're right, many of us men are weak individuals and many would cheat. It's the lifestyle that gives us the strength and knowledge of what we really have at home. To receive such an invitation from a woman as you did, is MOST men's dream. I'll bet that it blew her mind when you calmly declined!! Corrine, we get mails all the time from married guys wanting to cheat on their wives. Just last week we had dinner with a guy who slipped up and spilled the beans about HIS marriage. We explain to them that this IS NOT what we do. We tell them up front that cheating is ALWAYS WRONG, but that sharing is wonderful. Yes, we receive some of those anger-riddled responses, too.... but that "block user" button is great, too. David, you just might be a morality guru! LOL Your morals seem to be a lot more solid that those of any of those cheaters. Your marriage will stand while theirs fall, this I really believe. Sweetdevil, you are so right about deepening communications. After all, that's what it is all about. It not only keeps us together, but it brings great excitement back. The same or better than when we even first met. Youngswingers, you have a better handle on it than most do who have many years on you. Stick to your beliefs, the entire scene would be better if only more thought as you do! Just my morning thoughts.... Ron, Husband of Stratecpl __________________ "Well behaved women rarely make history"

02-12-2002, 04:42 PM	#8 (permalink)
TNT Julie's Helper Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 4,195 Location: baker, fl, usa Status: couple SLS Name:tblonde312 Blog Entries: 31	I don't look at swining as cheating, although I know there are those out there who do...in fact, being in the lifestyle has given me a strange sense of security. Ted travels with his job and is away from home a lot. It never enters my mind that he might cheat while he is gone. He called me one night while he was gone and told me that he was really a stupid man...I asked why and he said that when he was checking into the hotel the two women behind the desk had asked him to their room for pizza (there was a snow storm that night and all employees were staying at the hotel). He told them thanks but he had picked up a burger on his way in, got his room key and went to his room...he didn't even realize what they were suggesting until he was in his room and about to call me. He said they had the strangest look on their faces when he said no. I just had to laugh at him because the man never notices when a woman is hitting on him, and to me that's the sign of a happy man. Happy people do not cheat. When you are happy in your relationship its easy to say no without a second thought or regret. I don't belive in cheating, I don't like cheaters and I don't feel like what we do is cheating. Like Stratecpl said, cheating is bad, but sharing is good. Teresa __________________ Ted and Teresa No lifetime is enough unless you live it in such a way as to make it enough.

02-11-2002, 01:21 PM	#2 (permalink)
Corinne Registered Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 8 Location: Germany	John, I do agree with you there! I have recently received a reply to an ad that we placed, looking for a single guy or a couple. The guy told us in his first email that he really wants to be with another women, but his wife could not find out about it. Since I am a nice person (sometimes too nice! ) I sent him an email back explaining that we do not mess around with married people who cheat on their spouse. We received a very angry email back, stating that since we are swingers we are cheating people as well. I have him now on our email blocklist! lol A lot of people just don't understand this lifestyle, sad as it is! Corinne

02-11-2002, 03:09 PM	#4 (permalink)
Sweetdevil Here to Stay Join Date: Jul 2000 Posts: 132 Location: Clinton Twp., MI Status: Couple	I agree with Michigancouple, that swinging has deepen our communication, and I cannot think of any other way we would have reached the strength and depth of communication. As far as, the subject of cheating goes it depends on the nature. Just outright cheating no! But within swinging as role-playing with another couple, I think I will have to add this to my things to list!

02-11-2002, 10:56 PM	#5 (permalink)
youngswingers Here to Stay Join Date: Jun 2001 Posts: 98 Location: Austin, TX	In this case, it sounds like some serious sour grapes on the part of a rejected playmate! Cheating implies breaking rules... swinging is all about following rules.

02-12-2002, 11:52 AM	#7 (permalink)
Sweetdevil Here to Stay Join Date: Jul 2000 Posts: 132 Location: Clinton Twp., MI Status: Couple	Ron, Thanks! Sluts = SexyLadiesUnitedTogetherforSex!

02-12-2002, 05:41 PM	#10 (permalink)
Stratecpl Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2000 Posts: 456 Location: TN, USA	Teresa said: "Happy people do not cheat. When you are happy in your relationship its easy to say no without a second thought or regret." Very true, Teresa! Connie and I have never cheated on each other since we have known each other. I have had numerous opportunities, and so has she. It's the commitment we share that prevents it. True, we swing together. But if one of us one day decides to stop swinging, we will quit swinging together. That's just the way we are. I loved the story about Ted's stay at the hotel. How many times I have had passes made at me, I don't remember. But I usually didn't know it until much later... LOL If I'd known at the time, I still wouldn't have done anything with them. It's flattering that anyone was interested enough to think I was a live one, though. I think we all enjoy the attention that is sometimes afforded us. What we share in swinging, to me, is better than gold or silver. It's something we share now, to be remembered forever. Hopefully, it will always be with fond memories. We have close friends who used to cheat on each other. Now they swing together and have a great time, and their marriage is much stronger, too. Who knows?? What works for one, doesn't necessarily work for the next. It's all about personal beliefs and yes, moralities. It's all a series of tests, a part of life. Ron, Husband of Stratecpl __________________ "Well behaved women rarely make history"

02-13-2002, 10:28 AM	#12 (permalink)
oceans Registered Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 4 Location: Chicago, IL	Cheaters and Swingers are entirely Different. Comparing is not even necessary. Swinging couples are as honest as a couple can be with each other. A person that cheat on their spouse is a lying, betraying, deceitful and has no business being in a relationship let alone being married. Swinging is about being open and honest in sharing a couples utmost desires. Cheating is about selfishness and swinging is all about enhancing what you already have with your partner. Kinda like comparing an honest person to a criminal imho.

02-13-2002, 11:44 AM	#13 (permalink)
Stratecpl Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2000 Posts: 456 Location: TN, USA	Well said, Oceans! I like your views! Ron, Husband of Stratecpl __________________ "Well behaved women rarely make history"

02-13-2002, 12:44 PM	#14 (permalink)
MattMann Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 185 Location: NC Status: Married Man	I think non-swingers just define cheating as "having sex with someone other than your spouse" while swingers know that cheating is "having sex with someone other than your spouse without your spouse's knowledge or approval." The difference being that swingers know that the anguish that comes from being cheated on is not caused by the sex itself, but the lying, sneaking around, loss of trust and feelings of betrayal that come from DISCOVERING your spouse has been having sex behind your back. Unfortunately our society views sex with such a mixture of fear and reverence that I don't think we will ever see sex accepted as what it is or could be: physical enjoyment and not a dirty act or a holy sacrament.

02-13-2002, 06:15 PM	#15 (permalink)
sccple29073 Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 61 Location: South carolina	I fully agree with everyones comments on this subject. Swinging is definately not cheating. Like previously said swinging is about both partners sharing not going behind the others back to fulfill whatever. i think one of the key things that makes a cheater different from a swinger is the fact that have you ever noticed that the cheater does not put up with being cheated on? Although the net is a "sometimes" great way to meet new people and I think it has actually opened up swinging to a lot more people, unfortunetly it has also opened up a new avenue for cheaters. Seen to many break-ups over "net meetings" because of cheating. Thats my dollars worth..lol __________________ "only live once"

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