Cheating=Swinging? Think again!

[northindycpl]

We have been discussing this topic for a long time now, and probably will for a long time to come... But what is it with Cheaters trying to Swing?

I have a philosophy that since swingers are such an accepting and friendly group, the cheaters flock here thinking this is their safe haven. How wrong can they be!

It is exactly this type of thing that gives swinging a horrible name. I heard something the other day from a woman that said she had the perfect marriage, until her husband started swinging and now they are divorced. head bang

Her marriage failed and it is the fault of swinging!

Pallleeeeese! How pathetic is that?

Bottom line- Swinging is not cheating, and cheaters are not swingers and they aren't welcome into the lifestyle.

I know all of you would agreee; it takes so much work on your marriage, everyday to remain in the lifestyle.

Cheating is the lazy and selfish approach to marriage.

I just had to get that off my chest!

[Spoomonkey]

There are so many misconceptions about swingers:

1. We are open to anything.
2. We have bad marriages and are having sex with others as a way to "patch holes".
3. We are easy.
4. We eat only fried foods.

I imagine that we could make a list a mile long and still just scratch the surface.

Cheaters come aboard, sincerely not understanding the baggage they are asking a swinging couple to carry for them. They figure that it is "just sex" so what's the big deal? Since we don't "value" our marriages (in their opinions) then we aren't going to worry much about the train wrecks that they have at home.

I think one of the refreshing things about swinging, and something I don't mind sharing pointedly with the cheaters who drop in from time to time, is that marriage is highly respected here. It may not always look like the Dr. Dobson ideal, but swinger marriages are typically very strong - not perfect, but strong.

And - we work on these marriages as hard or harder than anyone else in the world.

We actually have a sense of what it takes to keep a marriage strong, to communicate enough to make it exciting and how to work through sticky spots and navigate over life's little bumps in the road.

So - let them come...

Let them defend their reasons for cheating - and tell us that we don't understand...

And let us give them, one at a time, a piece of our mind and an education in what it takes to be a strong couple, a loyal and loving spouse, and a decent human being.



Spoomonkey (feeling a wee bit wicked today)

[HotMoCpl]

This is absolutely the case with my wife and I. Since we married, I've (and she as well) have kept it at home with each other. We've made the decision together about checking out this life style. TOGETHER! That is why one of our rules is.....MARRIED COUPLES ONLY. Singles just don't cut it. Hey, we've been around the military tooooooo long and know most all of the lines.
Cheers.

I've been a bad, bad, bad wittle boy. -Elmer Fud

[Alura]

Dito, HotMoCpl! If our playmates aren't risking just as much as we are, it is not a level playing field. We'll retreat into the safety of couples, thanks!

Alura

[CowboynVixen]

Well said group,

The only thing I have to ad is ont eh subject of singles. We do play wish some select singles, but when we look back to ditermine why we feel differently than the last post, it is because they were in the lifestyle prior to being single, and like the rest of the human race their circumstances changed. We look back in particular at two women and one man who have joined our fun, and the situations have been similar.
1) They were swingers before single
2) They know and respect our marriage and connecion.
3) They were great friends before lovers.

This made all the difference.

[puneswings]

Hey Spoomonkey...

4. We eat only fried foods

I have to ask: What's fried foods got to do with swinging/sex??

[dave110256]

We agree that we would only play with married couples. Maybe cheaters think we are easy prey as some conceave us to be open to anything sexually.(with anyone) I'm not sure that everyone in the general public is aware that swingers are generally happily married couples sharing intimacy.........not just fucking.

[BrandiME]

I will admit that in my former ignorance, I thought swingers would basically screw anyone, anytime, anywhere. Fortunately, I've learned different. The first time I was exposed to what swinging really is it was on HBO's Real Sex program. It certainly opened my eyes to what swinging really is, or should be.

Opened my eyes and made me curious and here we are, two years later, almost ready to dive in.

[Pinmonkey]

Originally Posted by puneswings

Hey Spoomonkey...



I have to ask: What's fried foods got to do with swinging/sex??

I'm not spoomonkey, nor will I play him on a message board, but I would like to answer for him in this case.


Have you, as a male, had your partner eat a fresh onion ring off your "member"? That is the height of foreplay my friend. That and the nice circular burn mark to wear proudly as a badge of courage.


That and greasy fingers make for some fun foreplay.

[OpenVA]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

I think one of the refreshing things about swinging, and something I don't mind sharing pointedly with the cheaters who drop in from time to time, is that marriage is highly respected here. It may not always look like the Dr. Dobson ideal, but swinger marriages are typically very strong - not perfect, but strong.


We actually have a sense of what it takes to keep a marriage strong, to communicate enough to make it exciting and how to work through sticky spots and navigate over life's little bumps in the road.

It is this very attitude that brought my wife and I into the lifestyle, and it is reading posts like this that have kept us from being totaly disheartned because so far we have run into people who think more along the line of cheaters then swingers. we have met some nice people, but more often then not it has been the cheater types.. I think that has more to do with where we were looking.. but we are looking else where now.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by puneswings

I have to ask: What's fried foods got to do with swinging/sex??

Everything, pune...

Everything...



Spoomonkey

PS - Pinmonkey, the trick is to do it without the burns

[tazzie_n_truck]

Yeah, we have to agree, most swingers we have come across are not cheaters, however we have come across people who got together to swing, who were married to other people, got together to cheat on their spouses with each other, and then swapped with other people while cheating on their spouses. And we decided no way with people like that. If you want to swing with us, you have to be a married couple, secure in your marriage and married to each other, and not cheating on a spouse. We have done some swinging with singles also, but just havn't had the luck meeting decent singles like we have with couples, and even then we have had trouble. There is one couple we swap with not on a regular basis, but consistantly and there is another couple we are getting to know that we might start swapping with. But in both circumstances we are with couples who are happily married and secure in their relationship. We have seen couples who say they want to swing, but when we meet them in person, we see what they are really like and have to turn them down. So be careful, know what to look for. And understand that it may take a while to find the right couple to swing with. But in the end it is worth it.

Hope we didn't bore you with all that. lol

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all.

[WesternSwing]

Some of the blame has to point toward the online dating and porn industry. Here is a sample of some of the emails that were in my spam trap today.

"Meet naughty married babes"

"Meet real women, couples and men and get LAID for FREE tonight." (this one is for an actual swingers site)

"Cheating Housewife Services"

"Thousands of horny wives looking for an adventure."

"Married whores"

"Directory of unfaithful wives"

"Get out this evening. Often married women have felt that they need more than are used to getting at home. They're ready and willing to to meet right now. They never play games. They know what they've been looking for and they dont mess around!"

With this kind of crap out there it's no wonder that men looking to cheat confuse cheating and swinging. This kind of garbage is what makes these guys think getting in with swingers is an easy way to do it, especially when a swinger's site promotes it this way! (by the way, it wasn't SLS).

It's also why so many have the wrong idea about why swingers swing. This type of stuff makes it look like we do it because one or the other isn't satisfied in the marriage. What kind of impression does this give the guy that wants to cheat, or the single guy that wants to get into the lifestyle?

Mr. WS

[northindycpl]

Yeah it is pretty pathetic that the spam portrays it that way.

I went the the Horney Houswives website, and there are swingers ads displayed
all over the place. That is how I found SLS to begin with!

[NewTemptations]

My take on this subject for whatever my 2 cents is worth...

Cheaters are NOT trying to swing...they just think they are because they are confused!

Lets face it...the "vanilla" world has a huge misconception about what swinging is. They see us swingers as a bunch of horny people that will just drop down and do anyone that asks (or even just winks at us etc)!

The "cheaters" of this world are people that dont understand the importance of communication with those closest to them (their s/o) Things go wrong in their relationships and because of that their s/o isn't in the mood as often, so the "cheater" looks elsewhere for sex rather than sitting, talking and working out the problem.

I can see their point of view (sorta).... if i had this "vanilla" understanding of swinging and the lack of abilities to work out whatever problems in my own personal relationship, i guess I might be silly enuff to look into the lifestyle in an attempt to fix what I felt was wrong with my life. This wont work for these cheaters in the long run...but they seem to only be looking for the quick fix for their immediate wants, so they are looking in the wrong place!

If nothing else, feel sorry for these people! They really dont have a clue!

Laura