Strongly Considering Swinging in Indy without husband knowing

[funnygirl1243]

I'm a 44 year old black woman living in Southern California. I've been married for 20 years and am still very happy with my husband. Sex with him is still very hot, but infrequent over the last 10 years, since our daughter was born.

Lately I've been horny all the time and I have a strong urge to live out my sexual fantasies. My husband and I like to play porn videos when we have sex. I'm very turned all by everything I see in those movies, including the bi-sexual female sex and group sex with men and women.

I experienced having sex with 2 men at once when I was in college. It was so good. I still fantasize about that and would love to do it again. I have a strong urge to also experience sex with one or two other women. I have never told my husband about these fantasies or the impulse to bring them to life.

It would be great if we could have an open discussion about this and decide to swing together, but that's a conversation I'm afraid to have with him.

I have several business trips to Indianapolis scheduled in 2005. Each trip will be about 3-4 days. It occurs to me that I could visit a swingers club and act on these fantasies, without my husband ever knowing anything about it. What he doesn't know wont hurt him. If I did it 2000 miles away, it would probably not compromise my marraige at all. I getting closer and closer to talking myself into it.

I'm not looking for anyone on this forum to condone adultory. However, I would like to know about others' first time swinging experiences. I'd like to know if it was all it was cracked up to be. I'd also like to know about what it's like for a woman on her own in one of these places.

I'd also like to know if a pretty, 44-year old black woman, with a curvaceous, plump mom's body, would even get any action in one of those places? I'd really like a reality check.

[phildog1]

hi, i live in louisville and ive been to a couple of swingers clubs in nashville, and i can assure that youll get some action, women dont seem to have any problem. you sound like a hot lady, i love women that are into mfm 3somes.

[northindycpl]

There are a few clubs in Indy. You will probably not have a problem being able to gain experience.

You can google all of these places, I think they have websites:

Klub Layden (Muncie)
Utopia (Ft. Wayne)
Shenanigans (Noblesville)
Topside 2 ? (Indianapolis)

I have never been to topside two, (I think that is the right name) but I do know that it is in a pretty bad neighborhood, and I know as a woman, I wouldn't want to go there alone.

[Alura]

Welcome from Oklahoma, FunnyGirl! We're glad you've joined us and look forward to hearing more from you.

FunnyGirl wrote:

I have never told my husband about these fantasies or the impulse to bring them to life.

Do you ever wonder what his fantasies are? What are the chances that he's afraid to tell you about them?

You're not likely to get much support for cheating on this board, so it might be better to work on the communication problem with your husband. I know you didn't ask about that, but I don't think I'd be true to the standards of most of the members of this board if I failed to mention it.

You have an excellent opportunity to open up the communication through the porn flicks y'all are already watching. First, get one that shows an FMF and say something like, "I bet you'd really like that, Darling!" When he admits he would, just say, "So would I!"

Then say nothing! Wait until his shock ebbs and listen to what he says.

Once the verbal floodgates are open and y'all are sharing intimate details of your dreams, you'll be in a perfect position to live out all your fantasies in the best possible setting: with your husband. The best part is that you will never be afraid to say anything to him again.

You'll probably even want to take him to Indianapolis with you.

Living a lie is never fun. The stress involved in keeping a secret from your soul-mate could only lessen the joy of the experiences you might have behind his back. "What he doesn't know" will hurt you far more than it hurts him.

Let us know what you decide. The members of this board are very supportive and will help in any way they can.

Again, we're glad to have you with us and look forward to hearing more of your thoughts and ideas!

Mr. Alura

[CB_n_Red]

A big Dito to what Mr Alura said - he's said pretty well everything I would have done!

Go on, talk to your husband! If you phrase it right in the course of one of those videos who knows - you might just find that he's been trying to work out how to bring up the idea with you!

Once the open communication really begins, then life just gets better and better.

Also bear in mind that although what your husband doesn't know might not hurt him, if he ever does find out (and believe me, once you have visited and played at a club your sex life will undoubtedly change and the change will be noticed) your husband will in all probabilty not be very happy at being excluded.

It would be less than great if you come back here in a few months with a sadder tale to tell.

Besides, as I keep saying, we do like happy endings....

CB

[LikeMinds321]

Hi funnygirl -

Welcome to the board.

I am so thankful you shared your thoughts with us. Alura's advice is worth more gold than you can imagine.

When I decided to tell my husband I wanted sex with other men, it was a giant step in my life. It started with first telling him I wanted different types of sex with him that I thought he would never be open to. But to my surprise, he was. When I told him, his eyes opened wide, he smiled in a naughty way, and I knew I reached a hidden place within him that I should have searched for years earlier.

Talk to your husband about your fantasies. You can find a way to live them out together.

LM

[FLRooster]

Originally Posted by northindycpl

..... but I do know that it is in a pretty bad neighborhood, and I know as a woman, I wouldn't want to go there alone.

Really?.....it seemed Ok when I was there...although it was dark of course...

There were some single women there, and the place seemed very safe...IMO

[SexhoundDog]

funnygirl1243,
If you've got a smile on your face, you'll get action alright. However, if you're happily married, do you wonder if you'll have guilt feelings if you play around? You're probably right, no harm done if you don't get caught. But, wouldn't it be interesting to find out if your husband has fantasies he'd love to share with you?
Mr. Alura couldn't have hit the nail on the head any more squarely. For all you know, if you and hubby have similar fantasies, he might just say "Have fun in Indy, Honey . . but tell me all the juicy details when you get back!"

Wouldn't that even be more fun?

[flippinfrackin]

funnygirl,
I like you was afraid to tell hubby of my fantasies. When I finally got up the nerve. We had a chat. Ended up in a huge arguement and we fought for weeks. I went through the cold shoulder game and the accusations and the constant questions.....to now we speak openly about our fantasies. Come to find out. I just needed to prod him a little. He has several fantasies that will work out nicely to my benefit.

As everyone else has said....talk to your hubby. You may be pleasantly surprised.

[good times]

Hi funnygirl1243,

I am not going to tell you you will have any problem finding partners at the clubs for what you are considering because in fact single bi women are in high demand especially if they are willing to play with both the male and the female of a couple.

that being said, I wouldn't recomend that you cheat on your husband, and no matter what you want to call it, that is what you would be doing. Once you go down that road you can never undo it.

Alura had some excellent advice above, most of us have been there and thought the same thing as you do. If my wife hadn't brought it up we never would have started swinging because even though I had thought of it I would have never guessed she would be into it. She thought the same thing about what my feelings would be and except for an accident of fate chronicled elsewhere on this board the subject would have never come up between us. Boy am I glad it did as we have had a great time with it since.

So I would highly recomend you use Alura's advice above and ease into a discussion with your husband about your fantacies and desires and you may be surprised where it leads.

[northindycpl]

Funnygirl,

I see that my darling wife has already responded, and I also have to strongly agree with Mr. Alura.

I just have to add my two cents.

Funnygirl, in my experience it isn't the sex that hurts a marriage, it is the lying and cheating that do the damage.

Please don't cheat on your husband. If you talk to him, and he says no - maybe he sees a valid reason for concern, so ask him to explain his concerns, and treat it as a discussion to learn about each others fears, fantasies and dislikes - not as an interrogation or a negotiation. If he says yes, you will experience an amazing surge in your sex life.

Since my wife and I discovered that we shared so many fantasies and have started trying to make each other's fantasies come true, we have had an amazing sex life. I lust after her constantly, we talk about sex, we think about sex, we dress up for each other, it has had an incredibly positive impact on our lives together. You may very well discover the same.

To actually answer your questions:
I feel fairly certain that an attractive bi-woman interested in sex would have no problems finding excitement at ANY club she attended (if you were to take a poll - I imagine the results would resoundingly be YES! )

Speaking for myself the first visit to a swing club was an incredible experience, the feelings were all mixed up, with some stronger than others but changing at every moment ranging from completely turned on, to anxious, to nervous, to excited, to fearful, to wide-eyed amazement! In fact, every time I go to a club I see something I've never seen before! The best part of the experience though was sharing it and being able to discuss it with the love of my life.

I strongly urge you to take Alura's advice to heart.

Best of luck to you.

Mr. NorthIndyCpl

[soflafun]

I think the label "swinging" refers to a couple doing the deed together. You will not be swinging, you'll be having sex with strangers by yourself behind your husbands back. Not a moral lesson just a matter of semantics. My advice is: go for it! be careful and enjoy the experience! maybe you'll enjoy it so much that you'll want to turn your hubby on to the lifestyle but never mention the experience you had in Indy to him. You'll loose his trust. Write back and share .
S&M

[OhioCouple]

I am in total agreement with everyone here. Excellent advice has been given. I would like to add one thing....opportunity is knocking at your door.

My husband and I like to play porn videos when we have sex. I'm very turned all by everything I see in those movies, including the bi-sexual female sex and group sex with men and women.

This is exactly how it evolved for us. I wasn't real receptive in the begining when we started talking about the 'what if's' , but as I became more comfortable in talking about my own sexual fantasies, I was almost more raring to go than Mr. O.

Don't jeopardize the relationship you have with your husband...instead, capitalize on this opportunity to learn more about each other....you could find yourself more than pleasantly surprised.

[intuition897]

Welcome to the board funnygirl!

I know you didn't ask for this advice, but I have to agree with Alura and most others here on the board. DON'T DO IT! You're welcome to do whatever you wish with your life, but there are no two ways about this. Hiding an act like this from your husband will be difficult due to the change it will create in you, and impossible to hide from yourself. You will bury this betrayal deep inside yourself, but it'll just be buried alive. Sooner or later you won't be able to run from it, and you will have to admit that what you did, no matter how you have rationalized or trivialized it, was wrong. This is not something you will ever be able to rid yourself of. Please understand I'm not trying to go for the holier-than-thou stance here; I'm just genuinely concerned for the health of your relationship and for you. There are far more positive ways of dealing with sexual curiosity/appetite than cheating. Just be brave, take a deep breath and let yourself be vulnerable. Be honest with him and trust him to appreciate the risk you took in telling him. At least you can have said that you'd done your part. He can't ask you to be something other than what you are, which is a vigorous, healthy, sexy woman with a taste for adventure and a fun-loving spirit. If you decide to confide your desires in him, be prepared to reassure him that you're not trying to replace him, and that he is who you choose to be with. I mean use a LOT of reassurance here! And if you can't honestly tell him that you're not trying to replace him, or that you're not unhappy with him sexually, then you guys need to chat about more than swinging. Your relationship needs to be rock-solid going into it. So do your homework, get your relationship into tip-top condition (as necessary), and then approach him gently about swinging. You'll be glad you did.

[HotMoCpl]

I often thought that I would go without my spouse, and even moreso lately as she has developed 'selective' amnisia about the discussions we've had over the last 14+ years. As of right now, I'm not sure if she is going to go through with it. I kind of look at this as some sort of prenuct as the conversation only recently turned on me. If she goes...fine. If not, maybe we'll find a compromise, though I don't know what will satisfy me excepet for her to do what she now chooses to remember. I have great fears of a pending divorce, which quite frankly, scares the hell out of me. Mainly because she is on my military health insurance and has not worked for the past twelve years. I've already told her I would not divorce her because of that. We may just have to live apart and go our own way. I think you owe it to your husbend to discuss it openly with him. Cheating is your business, but the real answer MAY surprise you.
Cheers.