Strongly Considering Swinging in Indy without husband knowing

[Alura]

I think you missed a post, Julie! Check out the one on page two written 12-11-2004, 04:44 AM. FunnyGirl decided cheating was a bad idea, apparently even before she read our imput.

Mr. Alura

[DukeofA]

Just an observation from someone with very little lifstyle experience... If your husband doesn't know, isn't that called infidelity instead of swinging?

[WindsrCpl]

From the husband's point of view I can tell you that I would be more upset with the idea of cheating than having my wife open up her fantasies to me.

Cheating destroys trust.... CONFIDING in your husband about your fantasies BUILDS trust.

I know my wife was VERY surprised when I told her that the thought of watching her with another man really turned me on...but she also was excited at the idea as well but was afraid to admit it because of how she thought I would feel.

You never know what he might say until you actually let him in.

[highlander]

If you go to a swing club, you _will_ get action.

What you need to think about here though:
1) have you really given your husband the chance to share this experience with you? Have you communicated to him that you really need more frequently sex?

2) do you have a sense of how to make sure if you proceed on your own that you are protecting your marriage from pregnancy and disease?

Personally, I think it is hypocritcal for folks to patronize commercial swingers establishments that allow married folks to attend without their partners and thing condemn folks for using these places this way. If you really don't want to deal with "cheaters"-there are clubs that are pretty careful in how they screen folks.

By the same token, I think it is silly for folks to actively do stuff like watch pornos and _not_ expect their partners might want to take things to the next step-with or without them.

Originally Posted by funnygirl1243

I'm a 44 year old black woman living in Southern California. I've been married for 20 years and am still very happy with my husband. Sex with him is still very hot, but infrequent over the last 10 years, since our daughter was born.

Lately I've been horny all the time and I have a strong urge to live out my sexual fantasies. My husband and I like to play porn videos when we have sex. I'm very turned all by everything I see in those movies, including the bi-sexual female sex and group sex with men and women.

I experienced having sex with 2 men at once when I was in college. It was so good. I still fantasize about that and would love to do it again. I have a strong urge to also experience sex with one or two other women. I have never told my husband about these fantasies or the impulse to bring them to life.

It would be great if we could have an open discussion about this and decide to swing together, but that's a conversation I'm afraid to have with him.

I have several business trips to Indianapolis scheduled in 2005. Each trip will be about 3-4 days. It occurs to me that I could visit a swingers club and act on these fantasies, without my husband ever knowing anything about it. What he doesn't know wont hurt him. If I did it 2000 miles away, it would probably not compromise my marraige at all. I getting closer and closer to talking myself into it.

I'm not looking for anyone on this forum to condone adultory. However, I would like to know about others' first time swinging experiences. I'd like to know if it was all it was cracked up to be. I'd also like to know about what it's like for a woman on her own in one of these places.

I'd also like to know if a pretty, 44-year old black woman, with a curvaceous, plump mom's body, would even get any action in one of those places? I'd really like a reality check.