Pt1 HELP!! She's fooling around behind my back!!!

[jaynjacki]

I'm a new member after reading the threads on this forum and seeing all the good advice. I thought may I could get some help with my problem.

Jackie and I have been together for 10 1/2 years. We started swinging about
4 years ago. We've only a met few people and have had 3 MFM,1 FMF and she's enjoyed playing with a couple of woman. Our last 3 some was with a man(Mike) that caught her attention(very nice older man) after about 4 months of chatting with him, we took the next step and had a 3some. It was the first time playing for him(he's not into swinging), Jackie likes feeling a man cum in her(a first for us, she's can't have more children). I wasn't sure how I felt about going bareback, so we decided to have him pull-out when he cam and he did. With continued play she climb on top of him a rode him, when he said he was about to cum she looked at me, and I said go ahead and she rode him hard grinding down into him when he started to fill her with his cum. This caused a flood of emotions in me from Oh My God to excitment, I did say OK.
I got over the negative feelings and wanted to do again, but we never able to arrange the time between work and kids. We did remain friends and he would stop and visit. Then she needed Back surgery that and other health problem has put swinging on the back burner and has cut our own sex way back.

Or so I thought...Now the rest of the story!!!!!

I've often tried to get her interested in playing again. Even encouraged her to try and set something up with Mike(cumed in her guy) even if she had to meet him alone. But she no to that Idear, they continued to see each other meeting for coffee, stopping by to visit alot of times I'd be at work but the 3 kids were there still so nothing could happen then...

During our vacation on Nov 9th I took the 5yo out so so they could be alone and I would get my playtime when I got home.

When I got back she said thay only did some touching & feeling because she hadn't showered yet...In the house her bathrob was out and there were wet towels in the corner, so I grabed her and started kissing and feeling and her pussy was soaked with cum...OK your caught it turned into I was going to telll we the kids got settled so we could play. So OK no problem there...But wait she acted a little different and I've seen it before and I started to think about other times(seemed very wet, overly turned on etc.

After watching alittle she forgot to close a chat with him that was full of...I miss you so much, love you, want you, that was great and........

this is part of an emai.....

"I love you and miss you terribly.

Yeasterday was awsome. Making love to you is thhe most exciting thing I have ever experince. I didn't think I was ever going to stop cumming.
No one has ever done that to me before. It shows just how much you
mean to me. By the way, I liked kissing your belly...


Needed to leave for work...I'll do part 2 latter...thanks

[Vespertine]

Well Jay...

This has nothing to do with swinging and everything to do with having an affair.

Have you talked with your wife about what's going on?

One BIG red flag I noticed was this:

Our last 3 some was with a man(Mike) that caught her attention(very nice older man) after about 4 months of chatting with him, we took the next step and had a 3some. It was the first time playing for him(he's not into swinging

What kind of online site did you and your wife meet this man on?

Who did the chatting online with him? You and your wife, or just her?

I wouldn't think a non-swinger would be a good pick for a playmate. If the man had no experience swinging, perhaps he was looking for an emotional relationship rather than just casual sex.

That's all water under the bridge and nothing you can do can change the past, but it may be a hard lesson learned for future reference (or in the very least, it may help a new couple reading this).

I'll hold any further posting until you post Part 2 of this tragic tale.

[Nymph an' Satyr]

Definitely not swinging.

[jaynjacki]

Yes this isn't swinging...just looking for imput.

We met Mike during a coffee break, we both chatted in person and online with him...

Sorry about the length of this....In part 1 started to rush(Getting ready for work), so Im going start this at finding the AIM chat...

After finding the chat on Nov 16...Im thinking what kind of problem do I have here and how bad is it.

So I asked her what's up with you and Mike and is there anything I should know about. She said we're real good friends and nothing more and wanted to know why I was asking. I told her she seemed to be acting like something was wrong and she has acted that way in the past. I was to rather bluntly I was wrong and that Mike has nothing but respect for us and would never do anything to hurt us...

On the 18th she was acting funny again, we started kissing & touching. But when I tried to reach into her pants she pushed me away and said she need to lay down, that she wasn't feeling very well...

Late on the 19th I came found the other file(whole text is at the end of part 1) with the...yesterday was awsome...making love to is the most exciting thing....I didn't think I was ever going to stop cumming....

The next thing I did was noticed that she had washed any cloths for a few days. I started digging through them checking 2 pairs of panties I found they looked normal and Then I saw her pants form the 18th and shoved down
the leg was a pair of panties they had the stains.....I grab her and asked what the hell did you and mike do yesterday...she denied everything said it was a discharge she was having...I pushed some more and she started yelling that I was crazy she had no reason to hide it from me!!!! and go to bed.(this is at 3am)..Im so ready to blow-up, the kids are asleep in the next room so I backed off and went to sleep about 5:30am to get up at 7:30 for work...

When I got home that night I cofronted her with the chat and email file....
Jackie ended up finally confessing to everything(3 years worth)and how her cheating started, after the first 3some.. in his office with a BJ another when he did us a favor drove her to pick up her car...then sex in the back of the van more than once, twice in the laundryroom in the basement with the kids upstairs and the last was in our bathroom while the 5yo watched a movie in the bedroom(Real respectful of us and the kids).

We have done alot of talking. She claims to only truely love me and that it was just words spoken at the moment with him. Says Im the only man she will ever really love and Im everything to her, and that she will never cheat again...

My problem is I do LOVE Jackie with all my heart, and don't want to lose her.
I feel somewhat resposible for starting it(I like 3somes, but not behind my back and lied about).
I want to believe her that it won't happen again, will never lie or cheat again and that our family is the most importain thing to her...

she also said she would like to keep her friendship with him that she enjoyed talking to each other and that there would be no more cheating...

(At this point I haven't said no to ever having another 3some with him...and yes I would be crazy) Gave a BIG CLEAR NO today.

I talked with him 2 days ago, still trying to figure things out and to get a feel weather if she has actually told me everything. We were susposed to be totally open and honest with each other , he tried to tell me it was only once at the house(the bathroom not the 3 she said)...so much for honesty..

Sense he's not into swinging I explaine in detail that it's susposed to be about honesty and trust, that her cheating is totaly against everything to do with it. He said he could never do that, too worried about catching an STD.
I explained we have always used protection with others except him and how much Jackie enjoys Bi-sexual adventures and we're both into FMF & MFMs.
He then claimed that jackie was only doing to please me, and she really didn't like it at all... He continued with if we saw other people he would be unable to play with us ever again !!! GREAT

I've just finish talking to her about that and she said it's not true...she doesn't like the uncomfortable feeling of meeting new people, afraid of rejection(she a BBW). But once pass that she likes it alot and maybe start swinging again sometime after we get the trust back.

He wants to know if they could still play 1 on 1 sometimes and not just
3somes...I just IM him this....

"We're stopping all outside sexual activites...to hopefully save our marriage and get past the CHEATING that took place. Which I don't think will be possible if we continue outside sex....I LOVE Jackie and will do whatever I need to to stay together".

I'll see if he has any respect soon!

Im sorry this so long, and I no writer....

maybe a part 3 sometime to let everyone know what happen and if your into it "PRAY for US " SUCKER OR NOT I LOVE HER

THANK YOU ALL

JAY

[Dr Jekyll]

It's very sad when your partner cheats on you. It's even worse to face the fact that the excitement of doing something behind your back is what makes cheating even more appealing than swinging. She knows she can have him with your consent, why go behind your back? Of course there is the possibility that she really loves him, which is even worse...

I'm afraid you'll have a long hard road to walk, she's (most probably) going to lie to you again and will do so for some time before you clear things up. If she's serious about not losing you there is a chance, but sadly it is slim.

Stopping all sexual activity outside the two of you is a must. Getting councelling is too. You'll hear two opinions: 1. stay, 2. leave. I say stay, but be carefull. And remember it takes 2 to fix things. You definitely had a part to play in her cheating, but not by allowing to 3-somes, there are needs she has that you didn't fulfill. You need to find out what they are, and fix it if the two of you are ever to be really happy.

If she doesn't come to the reconciliation and councelling party early though, there is no sense in staying longer, and you may save yourself a LOT of heartache by leaving.

Good luck, you will need it...

[robnbarb]

That is pretty bad. hopefully you can work it out, good idea to cut off all contact with the guy (even freindship).

I think also you have tapped into the secret fear of many swingers too.

Affairs are hard to get over, my first marrage was totally demolished by her haveing multiple affairs. That is why I would be very unforgiveing in your shoes.

I would seriously end all swinging (sounds like you have) if you have any chance of working things out.

As for what he said about "not enjoying women" either A. he said it to get under your skin (most likely) B. She is not being honest with you (a very close second) or C. He is in "competition" with you and trying to one up you.

Anyway you slice it, I would get away from him seriously. Work out your marrage.

[SexhoundDog]

This guy isn't a friend, Jay. He's just some guy that likes fucking your wife. Without a doubt, get away from this guy. Hopefully your wife's words about you being the only one will ring true. If so, she shouldn't have a problem not seeing this guy any more either. If not, she'll be screwing around with him on the side, and then you'll have to decide what you want to do. Good luck, I really hope your wife loves you like you love her.

[jcbicouple]

Originally Posted by jaynjacki

she also said she would like to keep her friendship with him that she enjoyed talking to each other and that there would be no more cheating...
JAY

No, No, NO! They are NOT friends, and since they've been lieing and cheating behind your back we'd venture to say, if the relationship continued they'd have a very difficult time keeping their relationship platonic after having sex for three years. Do you honestly think you're going to hear "Honey, Mike and I had a small relapse today" if anything happened again? He's not your friend or he wouldn't have done this to you and he's not your wives friend he's her lover. Do yourself, and your marraige, a favor and kick this man out of your lives forever! We support your trying to save your marraige, and get past this. We wish you the absolute best!

[northindycpl]

Originally Posted by jcbicouple

No, No, NO! They are NOT friends, and since they've been lieing and cheating behind your back we'd venture to say, if the relationship continued they'd have a very difficult time keeping their relationship platonic after having sex for three years. Do you honestly think you're going to hear "Honey, Mike and I had a small relapse today" if anything happened again? He's not your friend or he wouldn't have done this to you and he's not your wives friend he's her lover. Do yourself, and your marraige, a favor and kick this man out of your lives forever! We support your trying to save your marraige, and get past this. We wish you the absolute best!

Dito Dito Dito

Gosh.... I wish you the best of luck! It is possible to save your marriage!

There is a great book called Surviving the Affair you should check into.

[Nymph an' Satyr]

Kick the dude out with NO second thoughts WHAT SO EVER. If I saw him with my wife again- it would be over. No ifs, ands, or buts.

I think that you are being a little too passive here. A little bit of justifiable "I'm really pissed, and I may kick your ass out" is in order. And don't let her make you feel like it's your fault- it's not.

Your wife needs to regain your trust- and in my opinion she has a lot of work ahead of her. She needs to get rid of your justifiable "I'm really pissed, and I may kick your ass out" feeling.

I'd cool the whole swinging thing for awhile. You two need to work on each other.

Seek counseling. Certified counselors will not be shocked by your story. Stay away from faith based counseling- you will just get lectured.

You have kids yes? Talk to a lawyer just for the hell of it.

Good luck buddy- you have a rough row to hoe.

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by jcbicouple

No, No, NO! They are NOT friends, and since they've been lieing and cheating behind your back we'd venture to say, if the relationship continued they'd have a very difficult time keeping their relationship platonic after having sex for three years. Do you honestly think you're going to hear "Honey, Mike and I had a small relapse today" if anything happened again? He's not your friend or he wouldn't have done this to you and he's not your wives friend he's her lover. Do yourself, and your marraige, a favor and kick this man out of your lives forever! We support your trying to save your marraige, and get past this. We wish you the absolute best!

Dito

I'd stop all swinging, disconnect the computer for awhile and focus on repairing your marriage.

Lots of Luck!

[inbeachcouple]

You have a LONG, Uphill battle my friend. We wish you the best of luck and hope everything works out for you. Sounds like you're doing the right thing.

[intuition897]

Quote from jcbicouple:
"Do yourself, and your marraige, a favor and kick this man out of your lives forever!"

Good advice, but one problem: He's not fucking you... at least not in the literal sense of the word. He's fucking your wife. You have not consented to her doing this with him without your knowledge. If it has to be hidden, it is absolutely wrong! But you knew this already, right?

Back to what I was saying, the problem is he's not going to give a damn if YOU tell him to piss off. As far as he's concerned, you're uninvolved, unnecessary, and frankly a nuisance. The only one he's going to believe is the woman he's apparently 'making love' to. Your wife must be the one to tell him; otherwise, they'll just become more discrete.

My advice to you would be to draw the line in the sand. Give her an ultimatum and MAKE her decide where the hell she wants to be! Right now she's enjoying the luxury of NOT having to do just that. There's no need to be mean about it, but you do need to be absolutely firm in letting her know that her past actions may be forgiven - albeit not forgotten - but in the future, her actions will most certainly have consequences, good or bad. And be prepared to back it up by leaving. If you love her, save her from doing this to herself. It's not abandonnment; it's tough love.

[EvilMJ]

I'm sorry but I am still having a hard time getting past the having sex with a 5 year old in the other room.

Maybe I am harsh, but I would have a hard time taking back someone who cheated on me....I would never feel able to trust them again.

[RMRx2]

[QUOTE=You definitely had a part to play in her cheating, but not by allowing to 3-somes, there are needs she has that you didn't fulfill. You need to find out what they are, and fix it if the two of you are ever to be really happy.

...[/QUOTE]

I agree with the "not by allowing 3-somes" part of this, but not necessarily the "there are needs she has that you didn't fulfill" part

Some people work to meet percieved needs that can never be satisifed by anyone. This may or may not be the case with your wife. The advice for counseling was not a bad one. Only you can judge if this is a case where your wife has needs that no one can fill. Your role as husband is to enhance and share your life with your wife, not fill voids. Filling voids is her responsibility as it is everyones. Each of us has to be responsible

At any rate, inviting a third, or even a cpl, is always a risk. It is good advice given here that swinging is only for healthy relationships, that alot of research and talking should proceed the decision to swing, and that you should seek out those who understand the lifestyle and rules of the play.

I can't agree more that all ties to this man be broken.

I feel for your situation and wish you the best with your struggles.

rmrx2