Lost in emotions with my wife and my feeling!

[intuition897]

Somebody's not playing fair. Ask to speak to this guy's wife about her being okay with him playing on his own. If he balks, your suspicions will be confirmed. The fact that he and your wife are discussing her being out of town worries me more than a little. If the wifey is ok with his going solo, why does he need her to be out of town? Plus the little bit of chat:

The Guy (9:51:51 PM): well I meant the last time me and you did it with out him

What the hell is 'it'? Were you aware of any 'it' going on without you? I'm not trying to inflame anything, but I'm just pointing out the little red flags that I see going up.

If this was happening in my own relationship and it was my husband doing the chatting with another woman (who was married but it was 'ok'), I'd be asking him what his intentions were. Are you seriously interested in this woman? If you are, and if you feel that she can treat you better than I can, then by all means make a choice! Just realize that by making her a priority of over me, you are choosing your infatuation with her over the love I'm offering you. I won't stand in the way of his happiness and he is bound here only by his own choosing, but I'd make sure he knew just what he was risking losing before he left for some woman who won't treat him right. I wouldn't be angry that he'd choose someone else over me if it would make him truly a happier, more fulfilled person; I'd be really angry that he'd choose a selfish twit with no integrity over me. That's just a poor decision, plain and simple.

Ok, getting a little carried away here Anyway, this is just what I would do if it was my and my husband's problem. Nobody has to follow suit.

[mrsfreeway]

Sam,

Communication with your wife is the key. As others have told you, calmly talk with your wife about your feelings and tell your wife you appreciate the fact she tells the other guy nothing goes on without you. When you both agreed to swing, you made the decision together and that is how it should be or else it is no longer swinger. Is it possible that you and your wife could chat with the other guy only when you both are there? That might take away possible temptations or cut off any potential dangerous situation before it could start. Hope everyone's two cents has helped in one way or another. Take care and good luck

[SamIAm]

To Everybody,

Thank you for all of your input. I did write her a letter on how I have been feeling after I posted this. She had not read it yet. We were very busy this weekend, but I did calmly talk to her also about what was going on as well.

I don’t have much time to respond to all of you and your questions, I’m sorry but I will try to address them soon. But I do want to quickly address some of the stuff I’ve done since the 1st posting.

As far as the deleted chat, she said she really didn’t know you could delete chats from the massage archive. She is kind of new at using computers, so I guess I’ll have to take her word on this. Plus, I don’t want to push it.

The guy! I did talk to him last Friday. A told him I was upset and why. He told me pretty much the same thing my wife told me they talked about. This was nothing big to me. He cammed, showing her for a few minutes and then she got off. I did talk to him about his wife. Once again saying that she is not into this lifestyle right now, that she is taken a break and that she told him it is okay to play solo. Well, I did tell him that we would like to talk to her someday and he said, he was fine with that. We will see!!! LOL… I will post the chat I had with him if you guys want me too.

I will keep you informed on anything else that comes up and sure am glad I have this web site and you people to turn to for input.

Once again, Thanks!!! Have a great day. Sorry for the drama. soapbox

SamIAm

[northindycpl]

Glad to know things are moving in a better direction for you, and you are feeling better!

Regardless, I feel very strongly that you should get rid of the guy. There are plenty of fish in the sea.....

sam i'm sorry u feel confused and hurt, but i do have to agree w/ the others. i don't think his wife knows anything that is going on. if that is true that will be a big problem for you. also what bothers me is if is wife doesn't know, does that mean samantha knows the truth? if so that is not good that she's hiding that from u. another person wrote cancel this whole thing and if your wife has a problem w/ that then there's your answer. hopefully everything is just fine and your just getting upset for no reason. one more thing my opinion maybe u should just try couples. good luck to u both. Rita

[Nymph an' Satyr]

Here's another vote for saying good bye to the guy. He sounds like nothing but trouble. And as far as the chat disappearing...well I'm cynical about human nature, and even more cynical about coincidence, i.e. the chat disappears when things seem to be heating up. Certainly understand not pushing it with the wife...but I would remain at a heightened sense of awareness. Someone suggested sticking with couples- not bad advice.

[JustAskJulie]

I really wonder about this guy's honesty in regards to his wife. My suggest would be to not play with him again until after you have been able to talk to his wife. If you have his number, why not just call her at home and ask her about it. It will either a) clear your mind or b) put him in the hot water he would rightfully deserve.

If you are uncomfortable with this guy then you might want to have your wife discontinue any chats with him till your questions have been cleared up.

[northindycpl]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I really wonder about this guy's honesty in regards to his wife. My suggest would be to not play with him again until after you have been able to talk to his wife. If you have his number, why not just call her at home and ask her about it. It will either a) clear your mind or b) put him in the hot water he would rightfully deserve.

If you are uncomfortable with this guy then you might want to have your wife discontinue any chats with him till your questions have been cleared up.

Sam,
I tend to agree with Julie on calling him up. This situation has been causing you a lot of termoil, and I see no reason for putting a stop to how you are feeling, by getting rid rid of your fears, so to speak.

Julie is right about calling. You will know once and for all.

Take care!

[SamIAm]

Thank you all for your thoughts and replies. As far as anything else new, not much has changed. To bad.. We have just been to busy to get on line. I'm just at the point were I don't give a crap. If something happens, it happens... I'm sure I'll be back on for some more help when and if I need it. Once again, Thanks all...

TTYL

[biblonde]

Sam,

This may be blunt, but here it goes.

You need to put an end to this dude now! He is systematically working your wife, looking for an opening. He will take small steps towards doing things behind your back until he feels she is comfortable, and will then look for the next opening.

I don't buy the mysterious missing archives either. You dont have to be a rocket scientist to figure out where they are kept and how to turn them off. This is already out of bounds and needs to be terminated without hesitation. If your wife gives you flak, then you should know something is up. For the sake of your marrage and love for your wife, end it and don't look back.

The Mr.

[HotMoCpl]

Here's some food for thought. I want you to listen carefully and do a lot of hard thinking.
As a recruiter for the Army some years ago, we were taught a saying to live by as often things could fall through the cracks.
"You can't have what you never had".
Maybe its time to cover your six and start think harder about the "what if's" that can happen in life. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about here. Worst case scenario, you two split up....let's hope not thought.
Cheers.

I've been a bad, bad, bad wittle boy. -Elmer Fud

[DBL D]

Sam.........I have to agree with Mr. BiBlonde in that you need to take care of this problem ASAP. Something is happening here you may not be able to see with emotions getting in the way. I can see that you want to believe your wife as she tells you nothing is going on. But on the other hand she with her own emotions may be so drawn in she may not be seeing things clear at this time.
Given time without contact with him she may be able to see what Mr. BB said. "He is looking for the next opening" and will use it when he feels it's safe to do so. Keep your eyes OPEN if you want to save your marriage.
Good Luck we wish you well.
Fem D

[macallan_neat]

Originally Posted by SamIAm

TWe have just been to busy to get on line. I'm just at the point were I don't give a crap. If something happens, it happens.

I'm no expert, but this just seems awful. Badbadbadbadbad ... Bad.

There is a potential for more than just sex happening here. There are *two* families juggling fire in this, and everyone involved needs to pay attention to where the torches are, or someone will get burned.

For the want of a nail ...

[SamIAm]

Hi all, I know it has been a long time. But I wanted you to all know that everything is much better now. Some stuff has changes which has help both us grow stronger.

Once again, I just wanted to thank everybody for you words and help.

TTYAL,

Sam xoxoxo

[SussexCouple]

Originally Posted by DBL D

About the "single" guy. One thing I have read (because we haven't decided to do a MFM yet) is to talk with the other mans lady and get her feel on it. If she's okay with it then everything should be cool. If he never wants to let you speak with her, that is a red flag.

Male D

This is IT. I doubt she (his wife) knows anything about this and he's trouble - unhappiness breeds and if he's in an unhappy marriage guess what he'll do to yours. I'm not saying its intentional but I wouldn't want him near us.

The reason people seem to want to meet is that the online stuff is too easy and too intimate too early. AND there's less percieved risk "it's only online" is a dangerous excuse that sits in our minds. There's too much room for deception.

My advise - wipe a clean slate discuss your fellings - agree to diagree if needed - Kill the online stuff and get to some parties. Meet with couples, face to face and only couples until the trust is back by the truck load. Then you are both on an even footing (both has the same to lose).