Wife emailing me asking whats up?

[softjade]

I only use one email for corresponding with members from the swinging sites. My husband and I have never met anyone nor participated in any swinging activities and I have only inquired to ads with the main interest in a bi-female.

I got an email a few days ago asking if I had left a message and I responded with a "yes, if you are referring to the site that has PM system", which was answered with,
"yes, which site is that"

so I am hesitant to answer because it doesn't sound like someone who is aware of the swinging sites. She responds today with an email saying that the reason she is asking all these questions is because she found my email written down on a piece of paper, in her husband's handwriting and she is thinking that I am someone trying to meet her husband and she goes on to tell me that if I am an adult, that I should reconsider what I am doing because I am wrecking her home... etc etc.

I never have corresponded with a male. I only inquired on an ad that appeared to be placed by a woman and only inquired on the presumption that it was a consenting Couple! I replied back to her that I only use this email for a swinging site and if she wasn't aware of such sites that her male counterpart must have placed the ads without her consent (which we definitely don't want any part of).

I feel so embarrassed and ashamed and it makes me want to just take off any ads I've placed and just forget about the whole idea. I am just torn up about it because I would never be a home wrecker and I don't want to cause anyone any upset, intentionally or unintentionally.

Please, what to do?

[stoutgatte]

Hey, it is not your fault in any way if someone else places misleading information on a ad. Don't beat yourself up over it, he is the one doing wrong, not you.

Just remember here, he is the one misleading you, not the other way around.

[LikeMinds321]

I believe all swinger sites make it your choice to give out your email address. I'd suggest not doing this until you have talked on the phone with the couple to confirm they are a couple. Unitl then, you can correspond with potential playmates through the swinger site's system.

You must have given out your email address to this person. Right? If so, it was because you thought it was safe to. This experience has shown that it probably would be better not to give your email address to anyone until after you have confirmed who it is you are corresponding with.

Sounds to me like you handled this bad situation in the right manner, you were straight with the woman and she will now have to deal with her husband who is the one that should feel ashamed - not you.

You can also block emails from them if you don't want to hear from them again.

LM

[curiousagain]

Up until a couple of weeks ago, I would have said you were right in your assumptions. But I recently began receiving someone else's emails for some strange reason. At first I thought it was because their email was one letter different from mine someone had used autofill on their outlook and mistakenly sent it to me. Then I realized unless I was in their address book, that wouldn't work. Then I started receiving all their email. I had to contact my ISP THREE times to get it corrected. It was a problem on their end. Some of the emails were obviously a "swapping of pics" so I am sure this sent these people into a slight panic. I certainly wasn't going to tell them, "Hey, no problem, I'm a swinger too, and you look great. You ever play with single males?" I just tried to notify them but when I sent them an email it came back to me. So, I sent an email to someone that had sent them a joke and explained I was getting all of this person's email.

It was a weired situation and I am sure it caused some sleepless nights. Now what if I was married and innocently received these? I would probably have that email address written down so I could inform my ISP when I called. But then again the most likely scenario is what you theorize. But, ya never know.
Play safe and play careful, it's a big world out there.
Curiousagain

[softjade]

Yes, I gave my email address for contact in a correspondence. (I had sent a inquiry to what I thought was "their" ad and included it). I am new, and didn't know not to do that and I suppose this is a hard lesson learned. I want to express what upset me the most is that this woman was hurt and feeling betrayed. I know what that feels like and I would never want anyone to feel that way.

It makes ME mad that her husband may be being dishonest to her. It really scares me to think that these sites can be used like that, I guess I just believed everything was on the up and up.

I see that I will need to be more careful if I decide to stay on with this.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by softjade

It makes ME mad that her husband may be being dishonest to her. It really scares me to think that these sites can be used like that, I guess I just believed everything was on the up and up.

I see that I will need to be more careful if I decide to stay on with this.

The sites are only as good and honest as the people who use them. Imagine how varied people are outside the internet; there are those who cheat on their spouses. These same people can make use of the internet and swinger sites.

Even with this in mind, swinger sites can be used successfully to find good people. Take some precautions, take your time, and you will learn how to proceed with a positive attitude; the less than desirable people will not get you down.

A positive way to look at what happened is that the wife finding out about her husband could open up communication between them that is badly needed. This could be the impetus for a healthy transformation in their marriage.

LM

[biblonde]

truthfully in this lifestyle as with in everyday life you will run into alot of flakes, liers, cheats, and wierdos..but there is also alot of honest upfront people out there. My advice is to go on the side of caution and take the good with the bad. We look at everything that goes wrong as a lesson learned and move on. Know that it wasnt your fault for giving him your email...he is the one that is the scum here! and I really hope the wife gives him an ear full. (I was being nice he deserves..well....)lol You cant control what others do online. best of luck and dont let one bad experiance chase you away really there are great people in this lifestyle that are truthful and honest.

[robnbarb]

I wouldn't beat myself up over it, it is not your fault. We have been at this a short time and have already encountered several lyers and cheats. It happens, there are just some people who use things to thier personal gain and at the expence of thier spouce's. It's sad really, but you have to rool with the punches.

[JustAskJulie]

As others said, this is definately not your fault.

I would have explained to her exactly what went down on your end. Assuming that you have only answered one ad or know exactly which ad her husband posted, I would go so far as to tell her which site it was on and what the screenname for said ad was so that she could look into it and beyond that tell her she needed to talk to her husband. As far as you were concerned it was a consenting couple and now that you know otherwise you have no intent of engaging in any further contact with them/him/ whatever.

As far as giving out your email address, I don't think that's a no-no or a big deal. Some sites don't even have contact methods through their site, and you have to use real email addresses. Most people have an email address set aside that they use just for their contact ads. Many couples prefer to use regular email for contact than to have to constantly go back to the ad site every day to check for messages. That can get rather taxing when you have ads on several sites, so sometimes it's easier to just go ahead and give out your regular email with the initial contact.

What it comes down to is that you didn't do anything wrong, so please don't feel bad.

[sensuality]

Welcome to the world of posers This guy probably made up a profile that his wife never even knew about. Absolutely not your fault, at all.However, his wife needed someone to blame,right? Heaven forbid she actually would blame him Don't sweat the small stuff, honey.There are good and bad people in this world and in the lifestyle.Just keep your eyes open and don't blame yourself for things that have absolutely NOTHING to do with you.

[WesternSwing]

I believe some ads are married men wanting to cheat, and some are just picture collectors trying to get to peoples private pics. This guy is definitely not genuine. It sounds to me like he is looking to cheat on his wife.

That is his problem, not yours. You've done nothing wrong. It's easier for his wife to blame you than her husband because she loves her husband. The shocker for her must have been that he subscribes to a swinger's site. That squarely places the blame on him.

Regardless of what she believes, you are not at fault in any way. This is really an isolated incident and is not common. She and her husband have things to work out and those issues were there before you, or he wouldn't be paying for an ad on a swinger's site.

Mr. WS

[talltxlady]

Definitely not your fault.

My husband and I are so new to swinging, we haven't gotten to swing yet ;-)
When we first talked about placing an ad, we talked about it and he was making very sure that he had my full cooperation on what to put in the ad. There are definitely people out there to be careful around, but I don't think it should keep you from placing ads. I've read or heard somewhere that by placing the ad, it is easier to weed out the undesirables.

Don't know if this helps, but I hope it does.

talltxlady

[misterbates]

We get a response to our ad on Swing Lifestyle...let call them Cple1...male 1/2 of Cple1 wants to get with us We exchange pics and a few e-mails when he tell us that he'll have to get together without mrs Cpl1..because she's against male bi stuff and says noway to his bi play!!!and he really wants to be bi....so we say sorry we dont get into that situation..write us back when she agrees....well 6 months or so later we get response from single dude..call him sngle1....sngle1 has a cert on his profile ..we read ..it's a glowing report from Cple1...and he has given them a wonderful reveiw also....well..to make a long story short..we open the letter and lo and behold the pic(of sngle1) that is attached is the same pic that the male from Cple1 sent us a few months earlier!!!!!..stupid idiot gave himself two wonderful certs!!!!..needless to say we called him on it and haven't heard from him since....

[softjade]

Thanks for the support everyone. I received another email yesterday from someone else, asking me how did I know this girl and was I a friend of hers and am I "messen with her in a way I shouldn't be". I have no idea who any of these people are and it is getting me in the worst of moods.

I refuse to respond to anymore email. I am just going to delete my ads and everything. I really don't need this drama in my life. I know it may be an over-reaction, but this sort of stuff just really freaks me out.

[sensuality]

Don't let other people make you feel this way.Just make an entirely new profile...and report these people to your moderator.We had a bad experience once with these psycho people who got p*ssed off because we wouldn't give them access to our private pics until we saw a pic of the male.So, he got all high and mighty and it was just a weird situation. So, we blocked them from viewing our profile and sending us e-mail and...we reported them.Do not let anyone push you into a corner.Yes, there are strange people in this world, but that's not your problem.Just change your name and get a new profile.Simple as that!!This is supposed to be fun and exciting, not stressful all the time!You deserve to have a little fun...Screw those people with hang-ups...I'd wager they're just trying to scare you and my next guess is they are pretty young and need to get lives {Just my opinion}