Taking A Break From Swinging. Have You Done This?

[OhioCouple]

Has anyone else done this or gone through it? If so, how did you handle it with your swing partners/friends? How do you handle it tactfully without hurting someones feelings?

I have recently changed our availability status on our online pay site ads due to situations that do not revolve around swinging. Basically what it says is that due to outside circumstances we are unable to swing at this time or meet with new friends. I also included for those that we have corresponded with for some time to please not be offended if we did not return a mail or phone call to them promptly and that it was not intentional.

My husband and I have relatively little time for each other right now, much less trying to form some sort of relationship or continue one with an outside party. (Outside party meaning family.) The problem we are running into though is that people are questioning why and one in particular seems to be rather offended.

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Lori

[Sweetdevil]

Lori,

We have taken breaks from swinging several times. First before we and some time after our marriage. It seem to be the best thing for us do, since we started swinging before getting married.

The next time was to have a child. My wife and I told the couples we swung with of our plans. We would some time attend dances to visit.

And our last time we took a break was for the same reasons you are taking a break. People do understand and you are not to hurt anyone feelings.

[DragonsLair]

Lori,

I think if you are honest with them about this only being a temporary break due to other events going on in your life and that you do intend to resume swinging when things settle down, they shouldn't be offended. If these people are friends outside of swinging, you can still see them when you can. If they persist in not believing you, there's nothing you can do about it. The problem lies with them, not you.

Honesty is the best policy here. Use tact and diplomacy in your conversations and you should be fine.

DragonsLair

He is T. I am A.

[BradAndJanet]

Lori, we're basically doing the same thing. After our first experience we needed to pull back a bit, so we removed our ads. There were a few people we were talking to at the time and we did what you did. We just let them know what we were doing and without going into too much detail, why. Nobody had a problem with it and I would say if anyone had, we would have had to reconsider whether they were really the kind of people we would want to be with.

-B

[Vjklander]

[i]Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
[/B]

I think the way you wrote it is quite sufficient. You don't owe anybody else anything. Take your time to do what you need to do and when and if you are ready to return we'll be here !!! If anyone gets on your case don't even engage them in their flame attempt, just delete and/or block them. *huggles*
Jamie

[Flori_DAMAN]

tell them that your brother john will kick there ass if they try anything.

for crying out loud.

you got a life with your loved ones.

no need to explain.

those that would try to overstep that are jerks.

You may use this as a screening method.

True people, whether they be swingers or not respect where you are at in life.

John.

[OhioCouple]

I would like to thank everyone who responded here and those that responded privately. As a result, my husband and I had a very in depth conversation about where we are at in our lives and what was best for us overall as a couple.

We have made the mutual decision that the physical aspect of swinging is not going to be part of our lives for now but that we will retain our friendships and keep the doors open to return in the future. What I did not state openly in my prior posting is that we were somewhat at odds about how to handle taking a break. My husband did not want to lose the friends we have made (nor do I) and he felt that if we removed ourselves entirely that we would lose them. As several have said if they can't be understanding during this time, that is their problem and not ours.

I can honestly say though I have begun to rethink this whole friendship and sexual relationship thing. I am sure it is because I am stressed out and perhaps I'll feel differently about it later. Right now though I wish that I hadn't been the one to insist on making friends with our play partners.

Lori

[Alura]

We still think making friends is important, Lori. We don't think we'd play with strangers on a regular basis. We just discussed this and decided we MIGHT have a one-night-stand with a couple we met out of town IF we felt it would be safe to do so and if we liked them a lot.

We've taken several breaks from swinging. We're in the midst of one right now. Most often its been because we had no partners but we took a long break when we were having kids.

There could be a myriad of reasons for taking a break. That decision is your's and Gene's alone.

Alura

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by Alura
We still think making friends is important, Lori.

Oh, I know and in my heart of hearts I agree with that. I think we are just being pulled in too many directions at once right now and my better judgement is somewhere miles away from my body.

In all honesty that was our biggest conflict (if you could call it that) when making the decision that we did. My husband who may be the less vocal and the one who doesn't do all the correspondence with the people that we have met, does in fact read most of them and has grown fond of many of the people that we have met online even though we have never met in person. He was concerned that I would want to stop talking with any and everyone that we have built a relationship with since entering into the world of swinging. For my husband to vocalize that sort of sentiment about the people we have corresponded with over time is nothing short of amazing as it isn't his nature.

By the way Alura, ya'll are one of the ones topping that list and if ya ever make it this way....please do drop in.

Lori

[Alura]

I don't think we'd give up a friendship just because our friends felt they needed to take a break from swinging.

Mr. Alura

[Alura]

I think once you are a swinger, you're always a swinger, even if you give it up for awhile.

We may never swing again but we may also swing tomorrow night if someone can get through the four inches of snow on our streets and if they are the right people.

Mrs. Alura

[4sum]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
I can honestly say though I have begun to rethink this whole friendship and sexual relationship thing. I am sure it is because I am stressed out and perhaps I'll feel differently about it later. Right now though I wish that I hadn't been the one to insist on making friends with our play partners.

Lori

Lori & Gene

Friendship is a very valuable state of humanity. True friendship is a pretty rare thing when it comes right down to it, and the older I get the more I become convinced that there are as many shades of the love/friendship/sexuality debate as there are people.

Such as it is though, we've always believed that sex is part of our relationship with each other, but doesn't define our relationship or who we are. This is even more true outside our relationship, and has always helped us to keep a handle on things, especially when we were pushing limits. Point is, it's a poor friend that doesn't want to continue because a phyisical aspect is no long present.

There's nothing that smacks of abandonment or betrayal about deciding not to play for a while. It's your perogative as a functioning couple.

Cheers!

[Alura]

Originally posted by OhioCouple


By the way Alura, ya'll are one of the ones topping that list and if ya ever make it this way....please do drop in.

Lori

You can bet, Lori, that when we find ourselves within striking distance of Dayton we'll be dialing your number, whether y'all are swinging at the time or not.
Alura

[Vjklander]

Originally posted by Alura
I don't think we'd give up a friendship just because our friends felt they needed to take a break from swinging.

Absolutely, we would rather have friendship without the sex than sex without the friendship.

Jamie

[JustAskJulie]

Lori,

I know exactly what you mean. We've been more or less taking a break from the lifestyle ourselves for the last 4-6 months. Basically, since we knew that we were planning to move. We didn't feel it was right to get involved with new people in MI when we would be moving shortly and now with us temp. living in different states it's pretty much impossible for us to swing. Even tho in the past we have had no issues swinging seperately, we don't feel comfortable with it in this situation.

Initially, I tried to meet people down here just to establish some friendships for when he gets here but with everything else that is going on it's just too hard to do. So we really aren't doing anything until the rest of our life settles back down to normal.