Ready to throw in the towel

[wewannabebad2]

Hi everybody. Well, hubby and I have been actively trying to experience this lifestyle for over a year, and at this point however we are ready to throw in the towel and walk away from it all. We've been on this board for over a year just under a different nickname and have learned a lot of good things. Here are some of the things that we have learned that we consider important.

1.) We've learned that communication is a definite must and we talk now more than ever and there's no holds barred.

2.) We have learned that swinging is something that we would love to do together but more likely will not get the chance.

3.) We have learned that people tend to not be honest about who they are and what they want.

4.) We have learned that a lot of vanillas/swingers are not as open-minded as they claimed to be.

Please do not think we're bashing because that is the furthest from the truth. This might be a long post but let me try to explain a little.

We met couple "A" last July or August I can't quite remember when. Anyways, things went pretty good looked like we were all interested in each other to an extent. The female half showed a lot of interest in my husband and on various occasions in me. The male half however really never showed any interest in me at all so I really got the impression he wanted to be friends but not with benefits. So we were cool with that but she kept coming on to us. So I sat her down and asked one day and she said that she would be more than willing for a threesome but when I mentioned it to her husband he was like "Hell no!" So once again we were like okay that's cool but we still wanted to be friends. She keeps saying she still wants to be friends too but now that I've put the brakes on her playing with my husband she acts really cold in indifferent. So I'm like okay not a problem and I have kind of just left it. What I don't know how to handle is the fact that she claims that she wants to be friends but every time I say hey let's get together her responses is "no we're going to the on premise club". It's like since we will not go to this club we're totally irrelevant.

That leads me to another situation that I'm not quite sure what to think of. A new on premise club opened in our town a few months ago. Because my husband is in the military he has put his foot down and said no we're not going because it's close to one of the bases and he doesn't want to get seen going in because he would get into a lot of trouble and jeopardize his career. Whenever we tell people that they just don't seem to understand. The second reason we will not go is it is a two-story building the dance floor and bar is downstairs but all the play rooms are upstairs. So in our opinion it doesn't make sense to pay all that money when we can't enjoy all of the amenities. Yet here is where it gets tricky every couple that we talk to insist on meeting at this club. And when we say no we can't they drop was like a hot potato. Then I've heard from several people that host the meet & greets which, now, that summer is coming on we plan on attending or better yet planned on attending are now going to be held at this club. When I heard this I was like WTF! So that ends any hope of meeting other couples.

And why is it people cannot just come out and say what they think. We have met three other couples besides couple "A". They all claim to be cool with my disability and say that they are actually curious, at least the male halves are. But after the first meeting whenever we get a hold of them to say hey would you like to hook up they will say yeah sure! But then the next day they get a hold of us and say "oh we can't meet because of x..y...z". So we just let it slide and after the second time we just stop contacting them. We may be swinger virgins but we know a brush off when we hear one.

So, I guess my question is what do we do? Others that we have talked to tell us to just be patient and we have been. But I have got to admit that the rejection is really taking a toll. It's kind of like dating again...*lol* we are in this to have fun together and to grow as a couple. We have grown emotionally and we are a stronger couple but it's not fun it hasn't been fun and if this is how it is how can it be fun? Any and all advice is greatly appreciated.

T & K

[LOL_OMG]

Hi hun, we have experienced some of the same obstacles in our (almost 2 year) adventure. The first couple we hit it off with great, had dinner together several times and a friendship definately formed. When it came to playing together the male of the couple wasn't exactly turned on by me. Hell I even gave him a lapdance at a club and he chose to watch TV during it, at which point I sat my bare tush back down.

We have had mixed results on Swing Lifestyle, have met some wonderful people and some weirdos lol. Clubs work better for us but like you said if you can't partake in the upstairs why even go? We have never emailed a couple and proposed to meet up at a club, it seems like then you are kind of committed to playing and that's not our thing on a first meetup. Maybe put in your profile (if you still want to pursue this) that you are not interested in meeting at a club?

You're right it's alot like dating, only dating squared. Of course it's up to you guys, and it sounds like you have benefitted anyways... no matter what you decide.

Mrs

[des1re06]

We empathize with your situation. We would never go to a club, social or house party locally for the same reasons as your hubby. My hubby would be mortified if his students found out, and he would also lose his job. I'm also with the government. So, we feel you're right to stand your ground on this.

It's been difficult for us for this reason, so we've had to focus on couples who are willing to meet one-on-one, or we travel several hours to another city. That said, it has limited us to meeting fewer couples. The couples we have met are more discreet, like us. This is a must for us, because of our careers. Everyone has priorities in life besides this lifestyle, and we respect them.

When we go out of town or to a lifestyle friendly resort, we can let loose and relax. Is this an option?

Finding that "right" couple takes time and patience. I feel your frustration, and have been there myself. We had so many no-shows and rejections, we felt there was something wrong with us, just a couple months ago. We just told ourselves that the right couples would come our way eventually and to relax. Sometimes the greatest things in life happen when we least expect it. And it has!

Hugs,

Mrs. D

[Cpl2share]

Empathy is here. I am severely limited when it comes to stairs, but it sounds like you are a bit further down that road than I am. Both of us are in government service, and not "just" military, we are elected/appointed (one each), so are very much in the lime light in our small community. Meeting anyone is very difficult. To give you a hint: The local paper has a "gossip" page. On this page there are old women who write a run down of what everyone did in the community this week, ie. Joe and Tammy went to the Larsons on Tuesday night to play cribbage. John Hanson had a calf die on Wednesday, ad naseum. In the three years since we started to dabble in the lifestyle, we have found one actual couple from about 40 miles away that we could really play with. Unfortunately, the sexual attraction was not there for Mrs. Cpl toward the other man, so that really damped things down. Keep looking. Then just give up. That is when you will have about 500 couples contact you saying that they really want to play. LOL
Good luck.

[LikeMinds321]

Hi T & K ~

I took a look at your profile on Swing Lifestyle. I see that it is a new profile. Since I don't know what your other profile (which you must have used to meet these other couples since you've been at this about a year) looked like, but if it was worded as your present profile is, I can see some things that might be contributing to the mismatches you've experienced.

First, your profile starts out "...couple looking for fun with a single female or possibly a couple." I think this will tend to draw couples to you where the wife is more interested in playing than her husband is. Think about this, if you and your hubby are most interested in a woman, that doesn't leave much for the other guy except the anticipation of watching his wife with you and your husband. From your post here, it sounds like you really want a 4-way click and you want a man to play with, and since you list yourself at bicurious that suggests you're sexual interaction with a woman will likely be light or you're still at the discovering-your-level-of-bisexual-interest state, which then makes me think that it is your husband who is more interested in playing with a woman and you would like to share this experience with him but aren't that interested in playing with men.

I mention this because you said, we have learned that people tend to not be honest about who they are and what they want. It can be hard to put into words what you want. Maybe people are getting the wrong message about what you want. Please don't feel that I am saying you're not being honest, rather, I'm trying to point out how others might be misinterpreting what you seek because of how you've composed your profile. After reading your post here and comparing it to your profile I'm confused about what you want, so that's why I'm bringing this up.

Since you've discoverd that most people want to meet at the club, but you don't, I think you should say that in your profile. Something like, "we prefer meeting someplace other than the local swinger club." This way people know up front what you won't do.

I think people often say "we'll see you at the club, we'll be there next Saturday" because it doesn't commit them to only you. Or they may not know how to be direct and say they aren't interested. They may be attending the club to meet a number of swingers and this way if they don't click with you in 10 minutes they part ways and can still enjoy their evening with others. This can be an advantage to going to clubs, for you as well. But I understand your desire to stay away for discretion reasons. Maybe you can try traveling to a city an hour or two away from home and try another club.

Your profile doesn't have any pictures. I think most experienced swingers
wouldn't even take a look without pictures. And since you have a disability I think it's especially important to have a full body picture (and your face can be hidden) so that people know what you look like. You can then have private pictures of your face that you can make available to those you are comfortable with. Both you and your husband should be pictured. I also think that with pictures you will have a more promising group of swingers who approach you.

Keep your profile positive; mentioning the negatives only brings the spirit of a profile down and people wonder if you aren't the reason things haven't went well for you.

It took us 9 months to find our first couple, so we understand that patience is a virtue in the lifestyle. You seem like genuine, good-hearted people, in this together. Let people see that in your profile. I think you've done a great job expressing yourself in this thread. Maybe with some profile changes you can draw the right people to you.

Best of luck.

LM

[wewannabebad2]

Hi LM,
yes we had another profile that had much more detail of exactly what we were looking for I just haven't completed the new one yet. Our old nickname was jalean73. I had it deleted when my sister called me to tell me that our profile showed up on Google. Stupid me had used our Yahoo ID. The same goes for this message board she googled my Yahoo ID and everything I ever posted on this board showed up. So as you can see I had changed things pretty quick.
Our old profile had plenty of pictures on it and much more personality we were even paid members. Since having the other profile deleted we decided to take a different approach so that's why you see the interested in "single female/couples". I admit it I would be extremely interested in sharing my husband's experience with another woman but I'm very upfront about that with anybody that contacts us, but I am also not against playing with somebody else's husband if the chemistry is right. And like I said our old profile said all of this. I really wish we hadn't had to delete our old profile
As far as going to clubs go we have been to one in Louisiana but we didn't stay long. It's a long story that involves family. And as far as the clubs in our area go none of them are wheelchair friendly which yes I know is nobody's problem but mine and I'm cool with that.

But please believe us when we say we are very honest and upfront with anybody and everybody that we meet. Our life is an open book and we will answer any questions they ask.

[spectraschain]

Decided to message this post privately.....

Return to topic...hehe

[twohots4u2]

We recommend that you do not give up, it is just too much fun to pass up. On being with the military, your husband is absolutely right. If you swing at a club it should be away from the base where he is stationed. There are too many very narrow minded people above him that could cause him career problems. Also, we would recommend that he not show a photo of himself in uniform on any adult web site.

You mentioned that you have a disability and alluded to clubs that are wheelchair friendly. If you are confined to a wheelchair that may be causing problems as much problems with you as with some of the couples you meet. We met a couple at an on-premises swing club but noticed that she sort of held back. We were in a group room, nude, but she was wearing a knit top. She was encouraging her guy to play with my gal, but seemed reluctant to play with me. My gal asked her why she was wearing the top. She replied that she had a double mastectomy and was embarassed by it. My gal and I both hugged her and my gal told her not to worry, that I was not a breast man anyway and then pointed out how small her own breasts were. We all laughed and that broke the ice. That night I ended up giving her seven orgasms with my tongue, more than she said she ever had. She eased up and we had a very hot time. My gal and I ended moving from soft swinging to full swinging that night with the couple, all of us going away totally sated. The gal overcame her reluctance to swing that night and realized that folks did not feel she had a disability when it came to having fun with sex.

We have found that we have had much more success at on-premises swing clubs than meeting other couples via the Internet sites. We feel that it is easier to pick and choose the couple with whom we want to play at a club, where there is no pressure or sense of rejection of someone says no. There are many others to chose from at a club.

We would suggest that you go to an on-premises swing club in another city such as Houston or Dallas. If you go into one of the group rooms, park the wheelchair over to one side, get nude, and play with your hubby on the mattresses, you will find that it is an absolute turn-on to be in the middle of other couples playing. We feel that you will also find that other couples will readily accept you and invite you to play.

Good luck! Don't give up!

[wewannabebad2]

Okay quick update. I went through and worked on our profile more *this was a cold weekend so we stayed home and I had nothing better to do but sit in front on my computer while my husband studied and you can only jump a man so many times before he either passes out or begs for mercy facelick*. The only thing I'm waiting for now is for our picture to be approved. I did however make the picture private, this way I can choose who we want to let see us.
You know it's funny there's only one other thing I've pursued as much as swinging and that was my husband.*lol* I can honestly say he was well worth the pursuit and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I just hope that swinging turns out to be the same.

[Tybee Swing]

Good luck with the new profile!

May I make a small suggestion? Take out the description of his "high and tight" haircut. It broadcasts that he's military, and you're being discreet about that.

Best wishes!

[wewannabebad2]

I never thought about that thank you very much. Other than that does it sound okay? It's still not as personable as our last profile was. Every time I go back and look at it I keep changing things.