How to discuss taking swinging from fantasy to reality?

Mmmm...inNC · 02-19-2002, 07:54 PM

Innermost desires? I had posted on the BB about Fantasy / Reality in the quest for learning more about the difference between what I had been thinking and what my wife was interested in. I am now wondering if anyone can now relate experiences about:

1. when they themselves (wife) says no, but later acknowleges they were really wishing they could say yes to other sex partners

2. what it was that prevented them from saying yes and what it took for them to tell the truth about their innermost desires.

Mmmm...

pumperswife · 02-20-2002, 04:02 PM

Hey there Mmmmm...
From the wifes point of view. A little backgound first...when my husband and I got together we discussed a lot of general do's and don't's(sp)just normal stuff; how do you hang the tp, which end do you squeeze the toothpaste..etc,etc...During one of our discussions he told me his ultimate fantasy is to be with more than 1 woman. (cool, just a fantasy and fantasies rarely come true, that's why they're fantasies.) When I committed myself to him I racked my brain trying to figure out how to make his ultimate fantasy come true. Being totally sexually naive I hadn't a clue. Over the first 9 years of marriage I would ponder this on my own. I love him want to do everything possible for him including this but damnitt he's mine, how can I do this? On our 9th anniversary I decide I've got to find a way to fullfill this or try. I brought the subject up to him and I think I blew him away. He never expected anything like this to come out of his wife's mouth. It took us a year of researching and deep discussion between the 2 of us and we finally made it to a local swingers club in our town. We decided we would start slow. I had a fantasy of having sex in the same room as a whole bunch of other people all doing the same thing. So we started there (step 1), we then gradually started interacting with other couples but just the women playing together and the husbands taking care of their own wives (step 2). We've been in this lifestyle for 2 years now and we still haven't done the FULL swap, but we're closer. There's been oral swapping (right term?) or I guess soft swing. He was wanting to see me with another man just to see if we would like that type of thing, and we've finally done that. He (my husband was great)and enjoyed himself until I told him I was done as in I didn't care for it. He has no problem with me and someone else; but I've decided the only man I want is him. The occasional woman in the mix is great too, even though he still hasn't had any penetration with another woman. He says it's ok though 'cause his fantasy has changed over the years...lol...now he loves nothing more than seeing me down on one of our female friends.
I guess what I was trying to say through all this length was take it in baby steps, you don't have to jump in with both feet and blindfolded.
Take care and good luck!

Mmmm...inNC · 02-21-2002, 07:04 PM

Pumperswife, thanks for the input!
Before we were married, I had an occasion in which her girlfriend climbed into bed with us and my wife seemed to enjoy it, I definitely did! She never made a big deal about it and latter told me she had not planned this with the girlfriend. I did figure there would be more of this in our future.

Several years latter the same girlfriend was married to a mutual friend of theirs and was visiting our home from out of state. During their visit I encouraged her to join them in bed, which she did. She returned not long after saying that her girlfriend had been sleeping at the time but woke up and through water on both herself and the husband. This seemed to be pretty much the end of the story, we all remained friends but never spoke of the incident.

I have made some consistant attempts over the yeasr, in which I told her that I would like like to share her. These comments did not receive much reply, though there was a time when she appeared to be working on it with some guy she was attracted to.

Patience is a virtue and after 23 years of marriage and I'm still trying to figure out what she is thinking. I have not had any sexual relationships outside of ours and can not think of anything that I have done that would make her not want to talk. After reading the posts, I have started to feel awkward in the fact that I claim a good and honest relationship.

Mmmm...

JandRa · 04-07-2002, 07:23 PM

Hi there

We are from London, England, and have just started. We have met a couple of different couples and joined two clubs.

I, the male, got started by suggesting to my wife that it would really be cool if there were two of me, so that if I was doing one thing but had to stop to do something else, then there could be two of me doing both and how much fun that would be.

If people were staying, just friends, then we would make love and I would as I changed from one thing to another that I was sure the other guy was looking at her, or making suggestions and was sure he fancied her.

You have to be slow and careful and I agree with the other posters who say you have to understand and get your partner to talk about their fantasies.

Just arrived on the board, so hi to all and looks a really nice place.

Cheers Ra and J

Mmmm...inNC · 04-19-2002, 12:12 PM

RA & J
Thanks for the encouragement. After my last discussion with the wife, I am having a hard time imagining she will ever want to swing. I have learned a lot from reading posts at the Swinger?s Board and it helps me feel normal being able to read posts from other people with the same interest. Thanks to everyone who has shared their stories and advice.

Mmmm...

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02-20-2002, 04:02 PM	#32 (permalink)
pumperswife Active Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 14 Location: Phoenix, Arizona Status: Couple	Hey there Mmmmm... From the wifes point of view. A little backgound first...when my husband and I got together we discussed a lot of general do's and don't's(sp)just normal stuff; how do you hang the tp, which end do you squeeze the toothpaste..etc,etc...During one of our discussions he told me his ultimate fantasy is to be with more than 1 woman. (cool, just a fantasy and fantasies rarely come true, that's why they're fantasies.) When I committed myself to him I racked my brain trying to figure out how to make his ultimate fantasy come true. Being totally sexually naive I hadn't a clue. Over the first 9 years of marriage I would ponder this on my own. I love him want to do everything possible for him including this but damnitt he's mine, how can I do this? On our 9th anniversary I decide I've got to find a way to fullfill this or try. I brought the subject up to him and I think I blew him away. He never expected anything like this to come out of his wife's mouth. It took us a year of researching and deep discussion between the 2 of us and we finally made it to a local swingers club in our town. We decided we would start slow. I had a fantasy of having sex in the same room as a whole bunch of other people all doing the same thing. So we started there (step 1), we then gradually started interacting with other couples but just the women playing together and the husbands taking care of their own wives (step 2). We've been in this lifestyle for 2 years now and we still haven't done the FULL swap, but we're closer. There's been oral swapping (right term?) or I guess soft swing. He was wanting to see me with another man just to see if we would like that type of thing, and we've finally done that. He (my husband was great)and enjoyed himself until I told him I was done as in I didn't care for it. He has no problem with me and someone else; but I've decided the only man I want is him. The occasional woman in the mix is great too, even though he still hasn't had any penetration with another woman. He says it's ok though 'cause his fantasy has changed over the years...lol...now he loves nothing more than seeing me down on one of our female friends. I guess what I was trying to say through all this length was take it in baby steps, you don't have to jump in with both feet and blindfolded. Take care and good luck! __________________ "Good things come to those who wait"

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02-19-2002, 07:54 PM	#31 (permalink)
Mmmm...inNC Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 44 Location: Greensboro Status: Male half of couple	Innermost desires? I had posted on the BB about Fantasy / Reality in the quest for learning more about the difference between what I had been thinking and what my wife was interested in. I am now wondering if anyone can now relate experiences about: 1. when they themselves (wife) says no, but later acknowleges they were really wishing they could say yes to other sex partners 2. what it was that prevented them from saying yes and what it took for them to tell the truth about their innermost desires. Mmmm...

02-21-2002, 07:04 PM	#33 (permalink)
Mmmm...inNC Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 44 Location: Greensboro Status: Male half of couple	Pumperswife, thanks for the input! Before we were married, I had an occasion in which her girlfriend climbed into bed with us and my wife seemed to enjoy it, I definitely did! She never made a big deal about it and latter told me she had not planned this with the girlfriend. I did figure there would be more of this in our future. Several years latter the same girlfriend was married to a mutual friend of theirs and was visiting our home from out of state. During their visit I encouraged her to join them in bed, which she did. She returned not long after saying that her girlfriend had been sleeping at the time but woke up and through water on both herself and the husband. This seemed to be pretty much the end of the story, we all remained friends but never spoke of the incident. I have made some consistant attempts over the yeasr, in which I told her that I would like like to share her. These comments did not receive much reply, though there was a time when she appeared to be working on it with some guy she was attracted to. Patience is a virtue and after 23 years of marriage and I'm still trying to figure out what she is thinking. I have not had any sexual relationships outside of ours and can not think of anything that I have done that would make her not want to talk. After reading the posts, I have started to feel awkward in the fact that I claim a good and honest relationship. Mmmm...

04-07-2002, 07:23 PM	#34 (permalink)
JandRa Registered User Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 1 Location: Herts England	Hi there We are from London, England, and have just started. We have met a couple of different couples and joined two clubs. I, the male, got started by suggesting to my wife that it would really be cool if there were two of me, so that if I was doing one thing but had to stop to do something else, then there could be two of me doing both and how much fun that would be. If people were staying, just friends, then we would make love and I would as I changed from one thing to another that I was sure the other guy was looking at her, or making suggestions and was sure he fancied her. You have to be slow and careful and I agree with the other posters who say you have to understand and get your partner to talk about their fantasies. Just arrived on the board, so hi to all and looks a really nice place. Cheers Ra and J

04-19-2002, 12:12 PM	#35 (permalink)
Mmmm...inNC Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 44 Location: Greensboro Status: Male half of couple	RA & J Thanks for the encouragement. After my last discussion with the wife, I am having a hard time imagining she will ever want to swing. I have learned a lot from reading posts at the Swinger?s Board and it helps me feel normal being able to read posts from other people with the same interest. Thanks to everyone who has shared their stories and advice. Mmmm...