How to discuss taking swinging from fantasy to reality?

AshNFiona · 02-07-2002, 05:38 PM

We'd been married for 20 years when we first swung. I had talked about it in fantasy during sex for several years, about how I would like it if we had a 4-some with a couple that we know well. It was always just a fantasy. Then one day my wife (Fiona) mentioned it to the other woman (Bev) as a joke. Bev mentioned it to her hubby (Mal) as a joke, but he got serious about it and kept on at Bev to approach Fiona seriously. Well, when she did and Fiona told me about it I had an instant hardon. The four of us then talked about it and agreed to give it a try.

So we got together with no fixed plans but just to see how it developed. The biggest hurdle was getting naked in front of each other. Once we got over that, I sat with Bev, and Mal with Fi, and after some initial embarrassment, we had a same room swap session. It was the first time any of the four of us had had sex with someone other than the spouse. That was 3 years ago. Since then we have swung regularly with Mal and Bev, and on two occasions with a third couple joining us.

When Fiona and I look at each other getting pleasured by someone else, we feel so happy at our spouse's enjoyment and at how strong our love for each other is.

Ash.

[ 02-07-2002: Message edited by: PCouple ]

danc694u · 02-07-2002, 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by LIZA:
But it got easier and more fun. Now I hate to say it but it's almost ho-hum, look honey, more sex!

That reminds me of MicroSoft Works. Think about it for a bit. :p

Mmmm...inNC · 02-07-2002, 06:00 PM

PCouple - that sounds so uncomplicated! I was reading a post by Stratecoupl in the General Swingers "Taking a break" board that made me think I should rethink my interest. I do think a natural friendship amongst friends is great!

Mmmm...

Mmmm...inNC · 02-07-2002, 06:10 PM

PCouple my last post did not make a lot sense, what I was trying to say was Stratecoupl post about some of the difficulties of swinging was a downer for me. Your experience with the friends and the attraction seems natural and a best case scenario and encouraging.

Mmmm....

**Alura** · 02-07-2002, 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mmmm...inNC:
PCouple - that sounds so uncomplicated! I do think a natural friendship amongst friends is great!

Mmmm...

That's the only way it has ever worked for us. We've never "connected" with anyone on the internet.
Alura

Mmmm...inNC · 02-07-2002, 07:58 PM

Alura, How & where have you found your partners?

Mmmm...inNC

**Alura** · 02-07-2002, 10:40 PM

Hmmmmm, Mmmmmm,

We haven't had all that many. In twenty years of marriage (legally), we've played with five couples. Two have been ongoing, lasting years, one was interrupted by Desert Storm and two were ended after the first experience as "wish we hadn't done that!" It's interesting that the two we consider "mistakes" happened when we were searching for playmates.

The three relationships that lasted "just happened." We met one couple at the ballet and one at a school function, but we probably would never have spoken to the couple at the ballet if both couples hadn't seemed familiar to the other. We're sure we'd at least seen each other somewhere before but can't determine where or when. Mr. Alura has known the husband of the third couple since before he met Mrs. Alura and still considers him one of his best friends.

Except for the couple we met at a Swingers' Picnic, the others were met in everyday life.

Sorry to be evasive but we are still "in the closet" with our hobby. If we gave too many details, it may well "blow our cover." We've talked about writing some stories but we would have to change the names to protect the guilty (us). Would that be alright, Julie?

Alura

jimcat · 02-08-2002, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mmmm...inNC:
PCouple - that sounds so uncomplicated! I was reading a post by Stratecoupl in the General Swingers "Taking a break" board that made me think I should rethink my interest.

Mmmm...

Mmmm...inNC
My wife and I took completely the opposite
approach to swinging then Stratecoupl. We avoid the internet completely. We don't chat, don't advertise, don't e-mail. We just feel that their is entirely too much misrepresentation by couples and singles.We feel the best approach is a swingers club where you can make an "upfront" assessment of the people your considering playing with.This approach has definetly worked for us. With our jobs and family we dont have the time otherwise--- the swingers club route is very efficent.We've meet many people
and from this can match up with the desired personality and sexual appeal. I really cant fathom people that spend countless hours on the internet other than people who don't have access to a club. Just a suggestion on how not to get frustrated before you get even get started.

Mmmm...inNC · 02-09-2002, 09:18 AM

Soooo shot down... I had my open discussion with my wife last night about including someone else in bed and was told that the fantasy was fine but the reality would not.

danc694u · 02-09-2002, 09:47 AM

Well at the very least, the door has been opened. It may come up again in the future. But for now, you've done all that you can do.

Just don't spend a lot of time dwelling on the fact she refused. Who knows, after thinking about it awhile, she may bring it back up.

You've opened the door. Now all you need to do is allow her to walk through it, at her own pace, if she ever does. There are some people that need a bit of a shove (and some folks here will agree). But, I for one disagree with that tactic.

David

[ 02-09-2002: Message edited by: danc694u ]

Mmmm...inNC · 02-09-2002, 09:55 AM

Thanks!

Our marriage is a good one, for that I am a lucky guy.

Mmmm...

Flori_DAMAN · 02-11-2002, 11:32 AM

I read on an MSN "spice up your sex life" column that most people have fantasies about having sex with strangers, especially women. They suggested playing games. For instance, pretending you are a repair man coming to fix the furnace and seducing the repairman. Of course there can be many such fantasies that could be a blast and if you assure it is strictly fantasy and you totally respect her wishes to not take it beyond fantasy it may be a terrific method of spicing things up in a non-threatening way. Just a suggestion, john.

Ya just gotta have a lil fun now n then

Mmmm...inNC · 02-11-2002, 05:54 PM

John, I like creative solutions! Yours is a good idea and in fact I have had an idea about visiting her hotel room when she is out of town on business as a secret lover.

Mmmm...

jimcat · 02-13-2002, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mmmm...inNC:
Soooo shot down... I had my open discussion with my wife last night about including someone else in bed and was told that the fantasy was fine but the reality would not.

Mmmm....NC
Why not ask her if she'd watch other couples or the two of you could just be with each other in an open room at at a swingers club.
Thats how we got started. I don't think my wife would have done an immediate swap before taking this step first. Once we took this first step she got to observe other couples reactions first hand.Now each time we go the rules get more relaxed. Be sure to tell her that her going is not a future commitment to anything; just expanding your horizons.

Mmmm...inNC · 02-13-2002, 01:42 PM

Jimcat,
I saw your earlier post and believe a club is the best idea. This would get us a lot closer to the experience and have lower risk. We have numerous clubs in the area. I am ready and hoping she will be so I can suggest the idea. My latest discussion with her suggested she is not even entertaining the idea.

Mmmm...

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02-07-2002, 10:40 PM	#22 (permalink)
Alura T-Town Playmates Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 5,993 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Status: Married to Mrs. Alura	Hmmmmm, Mmmmmm, We haven't had all that many. In twenty years of marriage (legally), we've played with five couples. Two have been ongoing, lasting years, one was interrupted by Desert Storm and two were ended after the first experience as "wish we hadn't done that!" It's interesting that the two we consider "mistakes" happened when we were searching for playmates. The three relationships that lasted "just happened." We met one couple at the ballet and one at a school function, but we probably would never have spoken to the couple at the ballet if both couples hadn't seemed familiar to the other. We're sure we'd at least seen each other somewhere before but can't determine where or when. Mr. Alura has known the husband of the third couple since before he met Mrs. Alura and still considers him one of his best friends. Except for the couple we met at a Swingers' Picnic, the others were met in everyday life. Sorry to be evasive but we are still "in the closet" with our hobby. If we gave too many details, it may well "blow our cover." We've talked about writing some stories but we would have to change the names to protect the guilty (us). Would that be alright, Julie? Alura __________________ "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it." —Will Rogers

02-09-2002, 09:47 AM	#25 (permalink)
danc694u Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 546 Location: Birmingham, AL Status: couple	Well at the very least, the door has been opened. It may come up again in the future. But for now, you've done all that you can do. Just don't spend a lot of time dwelling on the fact she refused. Who knows, after thinking about it awhile, she may bring it back up. You've opened the door. Now all you need to do is allow her to walk through it, at her own pace, if she ever does. There are some people that need a bit of a shove (and some folks here will agree). But, I for one disagree with that tactic. David [ 02-09-2002: Message edited by: danc694u ] __________________ Phonies and Fakes Need not apply. We're as real as it gets, and don't have time to be wasting on dumbasses.

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02-07-2002, 05:38 PM	#16 (permalink)
AshNFiona Here to Stay Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 18 Location: U.K. (Manchester) Status: Couple	We'd been married for 20 years when we first swung. I had talked about it in fantasy during sex for several years, about how I would like it if we had a 4-some with a couple that we know well. It was always just a fantasy. Then one day my wife (Fiona) mentioned it to the other woman (Bev) as a joke. Bev mentioned it to her hubby (Mal) as a joke, but he got serious about it and kept on at Bev to approach Fiona seriously. Well, when she did and Fiona told me about it I had an instant hardon. The four of us then talked about it and agreed to give it a try. So we got together with no fixed plans but just to see how it developed. The biggest hurdle was getting naked in front of each other. Once we got over that, I sat with Bev, and Mal with Fi, and after some initial embarrassment, we had a same room swap session. It was the first time any of the four of us had had sex with someone other than the spouse. That was 3 years ago. Since then we have swung regularly with Mal and Bev, and on two occasions with a third couple joining us. When Fiona and I look at each other getting pleasured by someone else, we feel so happy at our spouse's enjoyment and at how strong our love for each other is. Ash. [ 02-07-2002: Message edited by: PCouple ]

02-07-2002, 06:00 PM	#18 (permalink)
Mmmm...inNC Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 44 Location: Greensboro Status: Male half of couple	PCouple - that sounds so uncomplicated! I was reading a post by Stratecoupl in the General Swingers "Taking a break" board that made me think I should rethink my interest. I do think a natural friendship amongst friends is great! Mmmm...

02-07-2002, 06:10 PM	#19 (permalink)
Mmmm...inNC Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 44 Location: Greensboro Status: Male half of couple	PCouple my last post did not make a lot sense, what I was trying to say was Stratecoupl post about some of the difficulties of swinging was a downer for me. Your experience with the friends and the attraction seems natural and a best case scenario and encouraging. Mmmm....

02-07-2002, 07:58 PM	#21 (permalink)
Mmmm...inNC Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 44 Location: Greensboro Status: Male half of couple	Alura, How & where have you found your partners? Mmmm...inNC

02-09-2002, 09:18 AM	#24 (permalink)
Mmmm...inNC Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 44 Location: Greensboro Status: Male half of couple	Soooo shot down... I had my open discussion with my wife last night about including someone else in bed and was told that the fantasy was fine but the reality would not.

02-09-2002, 09:55 AM	#26 (permalink)
Mmmm...inNC Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 44 Location: Greensboro Status: Male half of couple	Thanks! Our marriage is a good one, for that I am a lucky guy. Mmmm...

02-11-2002, 11:32 AM	#27 (permalink)
Flori_DAMAN Previously of MichiganCouple Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 2,100 Location: Vero Beach Florida Status: Single Male	I read on an MSN "spice up your sex life" column that most people have fantasies about having sex with strangers, especially women. They suggested playing games. For instance, pretending you are a repair man coming to fix the furnace and seducing the repairman. Of course there can be many such fantasies that could be a blast and if you assure it is strictly fantasy and you totally respect her wishes to not take it beyond fantasy it may be a terrific method of spicing things up in a non-threatening way. Just a suggestion, john. Ya just gotta have a lil fun now n then

02-11-2002, 05:54 PM	#28 (permalink)
Mmmm...inNC Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 44 Location: Greensboro Status: Male half of couple	John, I like creative solutions! Yours is a good idea and in fact I have had an idea about visiting her hotel room when she is out of town on business as a secret lover. Mmmm...

02-13-2002, 01:42 PM	#30 (permalink)
Mmmm...inNC Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 44 Location: Greensboro Status: Male half of couple	Jimcat, I saw your earlier post and believe a club is the best idea. This would get us a lot closer to the experience and have lower risk. We have numerous clubs in the area. I am ready and hoping she will be so I can suggest the idea. My latest discussion with her suggested she is not even entertaining the idea. Mmmm...