Any other women out there that brought up swinging to him?

[TymKeepr]

I've noticed that alot of the posts on this board deal with the male part of a couple doing the coaxing for the female part to swing. Well, being the female part of this couple, I'm the one wanting to try things!

Husband is agreeing, thinks it would be hot to see each other with someone else, etc. but, now, I'm feeling really strange being the instigator. Are there any other couples out there who had or have the female part moving things along???

TymKeepr

[Tanman aka Mike and Marie]

I wouldn't feel too strange about initiating, personally speaking of all the ads that we answered the majority were written, placed, and answered by females.

And for that matter the majority of times when our ads were answered it was by a female.

Imagine that ?

[Vjklander]

We pretty much don't care which wrote or responded. As long as he/she/it is pleasant and honest we'll be happy to meet and/or play.
J

[Roxysbayou]

We prefer to talk to the female half. We find that with a lot of couples we only ever get to talk to the guy, but the woman is never around. Next thing you know I am getting coaxed into trading pics or what have you. Now I have made it a rule, that if she can't ever seem to be available, then I don't bother.

As far as initiating... I think it's great. I think that more women should be proud of their sexuality. Just be sure to keep the line of communication open, and take things one step at a time.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by TymKeepr
I'm feeling really strange being the instigator. Are there any other couples out there who had or have the female part moving things along???

Although my husband was the one that originally instigated the idea through subtle hints, which I wasn't real receptive to, I think that I am the one who suprised him with the "Hey honey, remember how we talked about....".

Without his knowledge I began surfing the web to find out more about swinging. (I didn't even know there was a name for it at the time, but someone locally gave me some info that just sent me searching about swingers). After months of accumulating information and stumbling on this board, I suprised him with the idea that I was open to it when we were making love. He was truly shocked and highly aroused by it at the same time. I don't think he ever expected me to do anything more than fantasize with him. (Which he was content with.)

From there we have been fine tuning what our swinging ideals are and we have made mistakes but have learned greatly by them and they haven't harmed our personal relationship.

Don't feel bad about being the instigator. As Roxy said, it is great that women can feel proud about their sexuality. Many women do not and I was one of the "do not's" due to sexual/society conditioning.

Lori

[Brit_Pair]

Bravo for being prepared to take the initiative. You've every right to express and explore your desires, so why shouldn't you be the instigating force? It's a pity more women don't feel able - for whatever reason - to follow your example.

[teknurse]

I dont think either of us had to coax the other into anything. When the subject first came up we both were in agreement that it would be something we would like to try. I dont even know how it came up but it actually took a couple years for either of us to act. Now we both actively look at profiles together and seperately but wait to reply until we are together. It is almost like a new hobby. The couples we have met have all been great but we do usaually corespond with the female of the couple. My husband and I have always been very assertive and let each other know what we like and how we like it so it was no big leap to invite others to share part of our physical relationship. I say if you dont ask how will you ever get what you want. I also agree with Roxy though, more women need to find their voices. However, I dont think it really matters who starts anyway as long as you both enjoy what you are doing, and who you are doing it with. T

[Ashley]

My boyfriend takes the lead for a couple of reasons
1) He's a veteran swinger, he's been doing this a lot longer than I have
2) He seems to have an instinct for which couples would be interested in swinging with us (see aforementioned experience)
and
3) He just has a more dominant personality

But I'm speaking up a lot more now and things are going much more to my liking. I even developed some hand signals to let him know when I'm not interested in a particular couple, that way we don't have to excuse ourselves in a club situation to talk it over.

[fun_pairTX]

She initiated the idea of swinging, she had always had some bi tendencies that she never acted upon (in previous marriage), and felt we were secure enough for her to voice her feelings after we were together a year or so. I am self employed and she is managment for a national company so our schedules and time available are quite different. I do all of our "legwork". I can't remember the last time she was near a NON work computer. It has worked out well for us though.

[Nymph an' Satyr]

Wife has been bi since highschool. She never really had a chance to do anything about it, life, chldren, all got in the way. The kids are a little older now, and I told her if she ever had a chance to pick up a chick, she should go for it.

Well, she went to a convention (I wasn't there the first time), found a chick and she had a great time. The rest is history

[coupleproyect]

Hi guys! Well i was reading this posts and im in the same situation. My fiance was the one who brought up the idea of viviting a club and first i was like No Never! Then we went twice and didnt swing but ended having sex in the bathroom, we were soo excited! After that time, i secretly began surfing the internet, looking for more info and learning more about the lifestyle. I even became a member of this awesome site, because it was differentfrom all others. The questions, the answers and the info was serious and i felt comfortable. The thing is he has always fantasize about seeing me with another woman, and the last time he brought it up while making love i agreed. I know he tried to avoid looking shocked! but he was! We never touched that topic again. That was like 3 months ago. Since then ive been searching for a woman or couples to get that fantasy real. Step by step. BUT, he was getting upset everytime i spend hours at night in the computer we would come to the room and i didnt hide the whole story, i told him i was in this website just learning and reading swinging stories which i found exciting. For my surprise he would talk with me for a sec and leave to watch tv again, like if he wasnt happy about me searching and reading this website. For a couple of days, he caught me in the website i didnt hide it, and he would say: You are there...again?" I even told him to come to the room that i was chatting with this couple and he stayed in teh living room. Like he was no interested . I dont understand. I came him because of him, and THEN because of us. Now it seems like hes not interested. Whats going on? Thank You!!

[Nymph an' Satyr]

Well.......there is a difference between fantasy and reality. He may have believed that this would always be in the fantasy realm. I think that perhaps he is feeling threatened. A normal response.

You may want to check out this New Swingers forum in depth- you will find much useful information.

You will hear this from the group A LOT- 1. Go at a speed that you are both comfortable with.
2. And talk, talk, talk, and then talk some more

Good luck!

[OhioCouple]

Coupleproyect, I agree with Nymph an' Satyr. He is probably feeling threatened and confused in the change of heart. Many times the idea of swinging never leaves the fantasy stage. I know it made for some great times in our bedroom, even when I was opposed to the idea of it becoming reality.

Move at the speed of your fiance and if you can, get him to read this board with you. As Nymph said, the New Swingers forum will give you an abundance of information that will help you to decided if it is something that the both of you would like to participate in. Don't skip the archives either....especially the one on Jealousy.

Good luck.

Lori