Can't seem to find the right words!

[Kitty2009]

I (f in couple) can't seem to bring up the subject of swinging with my husband! I am unsure if he would be interested, but I am. We are happy but more just great friends and work partners than lovers anymore. I had LOTS of sex when single and would love to get way more into sex again but not screw up my marriage.
Does anyone have advice on how to open the first discusion?

[2inSanDiego4u]

Are you and your husband open about your fantasies? Perhaps talking about your fantasies is a nice way to warm him up to the idea. Not necessarily in the same conversation, but it is a good start. If you plant a seed in his mind about a certain scenario, it might grow into a strong desire for him as well. On the other hand, swinging may not be his thing. IMHO this is a good way to start talking about it.

[N8ture Girl]

First thing would be to find out why you and your hubby are not having sex before talking to him about bringing others into your bedroom...

[Kitty2009]

You are completely right, I have brought up the cause for lack of sex but it doesn't usually go very far. I kind of know the answer though - we're tired and sort of uninspired. We started a business 4 years ago and that has worked out well but has also taken a toll on our spark towards eachother. But I think you hit on what I can use to start the conversation - exactly that and try to open fantasy talk.

[NCfuncouple98]

How long have you been married? We all go through dry spells occasionally!

But as said above, before you even consider bringing others into the bedroom, you must be very secure in your own relationship first. You have to talk about everything, and more than once!

If you want to get back into more sex, you need to start with your husband. Outsiders at this point doesn't sound like a good idea - can only cause problems to magnify.

Become lovers again, and then see how you feel about it. Instead of thinking outside your marriage, focus your energy on him, and see if he will do the same. Tell him how you are feeling - that you are more roommates than lovers now. Perhaps he feels the same way, and without communicating neither of you knows how to move past it!

Marriage is tough. Swinging or having sex outside the marriage won't fix anything that you feel is broken today. It is supposed to enhance what you already have as a couple.

[iapr]

Lots of issues here.

First off if you are having any kind of maritial problems do not even consider swinging. Swinging is an amplifyer, not a solution. Whatever state your marriage is in swinging will amplify it. If you are having sexual problems swinging will amplify the problem, it will not be a cure.

You need to direct your attentions and energies inward towards your relationship with each other, not outwards towards other people.

[fun4Ds]

Welcome to the Swingers Board, Kitty2009

I don't think from the sounds of things you have any more issues than we do. We are tired and sometimes life gets in the way of (US). Especially trying to maintain a business, family, vanilla peoples drama..... Hell, I could go on forever. I for one, feel ya

It is true that Swinging wont fix a troubled marriage in most cases.

However, we at our age, need something to keep our sex lives stimulated. Without sounding like its a problem, one of the things that boosts our sex drives is swinging ! Its nice to get away sometimes and meet people that expand our sexuality. The thing is, good communication between ourselves was the key, in the beginning. I can see how you might not be able to find the right words. Do you have the opportunity for timing now ? Its as important as what to say.

I think you should ask your husband for a little time away from everything he is consumed with, if its the work load or just everyday life that has a hold on him. Start the conversation in a non threatening way, asking if he finds your relationship satisfying in every way. Its not selfish to ask our partners for something when we need it.

How much good quality time do you spend away from all of life's everyday same old, same old, now ? We have been together over 30 years, we do know we get in a rut sometimes...

I think your thoughts are valid Our personal sex lives are vital !

Hopefully, with a little more insight, we may be able to help. As Swingers, we do promote a healthy relationship and life. Just being around people who share a good sexual outlook, does wonders sometimes.....

I could go on sometimes a bit too much, but its also about our well being as individuals. We share not only positive sexual stimulation with our partners, but playmates as well....

Talk to us, its a start How do you really think he feels ?

[2plus2fun]

Originally Posted by Kitty2009

I (f in couple) can't seem to bring up the subject of swinging with my husband! I am unsure if he would be interested, but I am. We are happy but more just great friends and work partners than lovers anymore. I had LOTS of sex when single and would love to get way more into sex again but not screw up my marriage.
Does anyone have advice on how to open the first discusion?

If you start the conversation with "I would just love to have another cock..." then it might not go so well... I would say that the optimum time to bring up the subject is during foreplay... something like "I had a day dream about watching you with another woman today and it got me so hot...". You should be able to easily see his reaction at that point.

[The Fuse]

Like some others here, I think a little more information might help...

I hesitate to ask this, because I don't want to come off as overly suspicious, but... if you and your husband have not been having sex, and it seems that you are both just tired and uninspired, I would like to hear that you are sure he is not having an affair. When a husband loses interest in sex for an extended period of time, that is what I think of.

But if you as a couple just need something to kick your sex drives back in gear, it would be much preferred if you could do it on your own first. If you don't have a strong sexual bond as a couple, then inviting others into your sex life could expose your marriage to a lot of strain.

[JustAskJulie]

I think you have to work on putting the spark back into your own relationship before you consider involving others in it.

If it's seriously a case where you both agree that the "marriage" is dead and you are really nothing more than friends/ business partners anymore, then perhaps the way to go is an open marriage. However, in these types of situations that rarely works either as eventually one or both realize what they are really missing and end up finding someone they feel fills in all the blanks.

However, if it's truely about rebuilding your relationship and re-igniting the spark, then work on that first. It's not to say that you can't throw in some fantasy of sex with others to help with the spark, or even a club visit where you can watch others. But, I think the most important thing is to take some time away (a vacation to a far away land) and really focus on each other and your relationship. Take that time to really reconnect as a couple and really focus on each other.

As others said, swinging is not something you use to fix a broken relationship. It can re-ignite a boring sex life IF everything else in the relationship is up to par (and beyond), but honestly from what you've said that doesn't sound like the case here.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I think you have to work on putting the spark back into your own relationship before you consider involving others in it.

Yep.

You want to be on sexual solid ground before you get into swinging.