For the wives - what changed your mind about swinging?

[Harold_N_Ann]

I know that there must be wives out there (like mine) who thought theur husbands were crazy and the idea disgusting when they brought up the idea of swinging. Now, however, you are happy and swinging.

What changed your mind?

Actually, Ann was never shocked or disbusted and we have talked about it for years, now, but she is still not ready to take the step.

I know it must be her own decision and I am not pushing her. I was just wondering what thing or things led you to adopt the lifestyle, even if you were against it, initially.

[Roxysbayou]

I can honestly say that we stepped into this from day one together. Sorry if I am repeating myself.

We were on vacation together in the mountains, and attended a little nightclub one night while we were there. A very attractive women started flirting pretty strongly with me, we didn't do anything that night , but it opened a whole new can of worms in our life. We talked about what happened the entire 13 hour trip back home the next day, and began to tell each other our wildest fantasies. We started out looking for another bi-fem, which wasn't happening, then moved on to couples and eventually full swap.

We are not as active in the lifestyle as we would like to be, basically because we have small children and don't get the chance often enough. But are longing for the day when we will have more freedom to play.

Roxy

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by Harold_N_Ann
I was just wondering what thing or things led you to adopt the lifestyle, even if you were against it, initially.

I can't speak for my signifigant others that have participated in the lifestyle with me. However I have had three partners over my 25 year swinging span.

I think all three of them were against it initially and with the exception of one it took an average of two years to actually participate. My first was the best and longest. She was the victim of sudden death after over a decade of pretty frequent swinging. We were married or living together for 13 years.

I will just use her as an example.

Her first reaction was that I was a man with a dick and talking with it. She kinda shrugged it off and figured I would lose interest soon. Every now and then I would bring home a swingers magazine and she would look at it showing little interest.

This led to some light fantazing in bed creating situations while we were making love.

We would rent xx videos and certain scenes seemed to really "perk her up". We really escalated the talk during sex about these fantasies.

I occasionally brought up the idea of just going to a club to see what it was like, with the idea of doing nothing.

One day she actually agreed. I was shocked. She got dressed up in a short skirt, did the hair, and much to my delight trimmed her pussy hair before we went.

I was rather shocked when on the way she suggested maybe we should get some rubbers "just in case".

Not one, but a FEW LOL.

I would have to write a story to fill the details of that first night, but I had the most memorable fuck of my life that night.

Unfortunately one of the reasons I had such a good fuck was because he wifes hubby we were with was impotent. My wife was not so happy bout all that.

It took quite a while to get over that, we went through a rather long learning curve but within a few years we were regulars at many clubs and met lots of people through the mail (before internet days).

This was over two decades ago, but I remember distinctly that it was a very slow process. We were younger than most of the swingers at that time and kind of had a hard time finding compatable couples so we tried to find big clubs, which wasn't real hard as we were near some rather large metropolis's.

I don't think there was any ONE thing that caused her to go from repulsed by the idea to actually being the one that suggested it as often as I did.

IT was an evolution of sorts. You are doing the right thing by not pushing it, as I have seen quite a few unwilling partners at clubs and I kinda think it has a detrimental effect on their relationship.

If it never happens you still have the fantasies to share, and if it does then hey you got even more.

Guess I didn't really answer the question but there is no cut and dried answer. If something piques ones interest sexually and the idea comes up now and then eventually familiarity itself breeds comfort with an idea.

John

[OhioCouple]

Actually John you pretty much summed it up for me overall.

IT was an evolution of sorts.

I never thought that you could have a sexual relationship with anyone (male or female) outside of a committed relationship, so in the beginning when my husband first hinted around by asking if I would like to have an FF encounter, I felt threatened in our own relationship. (does that make sense?) We eventually began watching more XXX movies and from time to time he would make more comments. We began to open up more in our own sexual lives and found that the idea of multiple partners enhanced our own love lives. The thought of openly being your own porn movie (for lack of better words) was so erotic.

Due to the moral issues that are ingrained in our heads (much more so for women than men) we had to then investigate it further. The more we found out the hotter our own love life became as we discovered there is an acceptable way to achieve fantasies (other than through mind and hand stimulation) with other people.... AND FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT!

Although we aren't currently swinging right now, neither of us have any regrets and often we use one of our experiences in our love making.

Just keep taking it slow and let her be the one to decide if and when she is ready. If and when you do ever decide to 'plunge' in, neither of you will regret it if you are both in aggreement and have placed a guidline of rules and boundries beforehand and do your darndest to adhere to them.

Lori

[CuriousAngel]

It was a slow evolution here for me also. Picture this a babptist sunday school teacher with nothing but hangups. He started with the same scenario sex talk during hot sex. Then gradually movies harder and harder core. Then on to a friendship with a couple that the woman was bi then there was same room sex. Then etc... but now I am the wildest thing Mississippi ever grew. Or so I feel like now. But, even still I am terribly shy at first and it takes me a few drinks and getting to know the other parties envolved is the hardest part but, then he died. Left me all alone in this big world a nympho by his creation. Then, I found this lifestyle again once I was single and over his death enough but now I have a new life a new love and we are yes you guessed it starting in this lifestyle again. He and this life style are the hottest things that has ever happened to me and I have no regrets. I suppose its true that most women come to this kicking and dragging feet and then have to be drug home from the encounters by the very men that drug them there to start with.
A:evil:

[teknurse]

The wife and I are still green as grass in the lifestyle, but I felt compelled to add my own experience. We had talked about the whole swinging thing a few years ago, even looked up some local clubs etc at the time. We sort of let it drop for various reasons, mostly because we had no time in our schedules for anything like swinging. Recently, my wife and I went to Florida Bike Week for our first real vacation in 10 years, and rediscovered how much fun we have together when we are out. Added to that freedom, she had a somewhat risque encounter with another woman, which got us talking about finding people to let it all hang out with. Let me tell you, that was the best trip in a car I've ever had. 15 hours of my wife with sex on the brain. To say that my wife is not one to do things by halves should let you know how our first club trip went. We're a long way from ironing out all the wrinkles, but we're having a ball doing it!

[Handyman69]

You are going to laugh but it started after my breast implants. I guess I finally felt good about myself and I brought it up to him again. We read and talked for quite awhile and then jumped in. By that time I had also taken some weight off and really was feeling good about myself. Anyway, here we are 11 months later...still loving it (and I am really glad that I brought up the subject again.)

Rhonda

[jusfun2003]

I'm gonna suggest to the wife soon about a MFM possibility, and I know shes gonna think Im crazy. Anyone else make that suggestion first and what was the womans reaction. After the initial reaction what happened and how do woman feel about the idae of a MFM with no strings attached. Im going to explain to her I just want to see her totally sexual pleased and satisfied and that I get more excited.appreacte any helpful feedback

[Ashley]

Well we almost broke up over it...and I'm still not as enthusiastic as he is. The turning point for me was realizing that I am in control of the situation. If I don't want to do something I just say "no". I try not to hurt people's feelings unless they are aggressive, then I don't mind hurting feelings. I'm jealous but I've learned to manage it by realizing that he always goes home with me. He totally respects my wishes in every aspect of the lifestyle. And he loves it so much, it's so much a part of who he is....he's like a little puppy dog, I love him so how could I refuse?

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by jusfun2003
I'm gonna suggest to the wife soon about a MFM possibility, and I know shes gonna think Im crazy. Anyone else make that suggestion first and what was the womans reaction. After the initial reaction what happened and how do woman feel about the idae of a MFM with no strings attached. Im going to explain to her I just want to see her totally sexual pleased and satisfied and that I get more excited.appreacte any helpful feedback

If you have lived with this woman for any amount of time the question of your sanity will not be an issue.

They pick up on that right away anyhow.

John

[kookla]

What changed your mind?

Definitely an evolution, a very slow one. We're still very new at this, but I must say, the road to here has been an interesting one. I was so totally and completely against anything of this nature and thought, why on earth would people bother getting married, if they still wanted to have sex with other people???...I am now realizing that sex is totally seperate from committment and love and that has been a wonderful realization. Very freeing

What changed my mind was probably letting go of my inhibitions and the societal constraints and realizing how much happier I/we was/were for it. I am becoming a totally different person and I'm likin' this person

Let's see, one night, while I was very pg with baby #3, I woke up around midnite. Dh was not in bed. I had to pee anyway, so I decided to go out to the other bathroom and look for him along the way. Well, lo and behold, he was on the 'puter, looking at porn, and masturbating...I was so upset (not because he was masturbating, but because he was looking at porn). He was so into it, he hadn't even heard me. I went outside for some fresh air, collect my thoughts, and try to figure out how to handle this. I probably wouldn't have been so upset, except for the fact that I had asked him, recently, to refrain from doing that because I was kinda at a low point (esteem-wise) and it didn't help knowing that he was looking at women that I could never compete with. I came back inside, quietly, proceeded back towards the 'puter room, stood in the doorway, went to say something, and wound up bursting into tears and running into the bathroom *sigh* I heard dh say, "Oh shit!" as he quickly turned off the 'puter, exited the room, and waited for me to come out of the bathroom. A few minutes later I came out and we sat down and had a very long talk. We talked about my feelings on the matter, so he knew where I was coming from, then we talked about his feelings on the matter so I knew where he was coming from. It was probably one of the best talks we ever had, followed by some of the best sex we ever had

Long story longer, from there we have discovered things about ourselves, especially about me, that neither one of us ever new existed. I've let go of a lot of baggage (both sexual and emotional) and am now discovering some very exciting things with my husband

[BradAndJanet]

What a wonderful story, kookla! I am very happy for you and your husband. Thanks for sharing it with us.

-B

[Fire_and_Air]

In the beginning, when we first started talking about swinging, we were equally enthusiastic about it. I thought, wow, this is such a sexy lifestyle... we can live out our fantasies without hiding or cheating. But then our first swinging experience was pretty bad... and the other woman tried sneaking in some naughty time with my bf a few times without my or her husband's knowledge, which really soured me on swinging for a while. I was uneasy about continuing with the swinging, but we have met some new people who are helping me build my trust back up, and I'm beginning to gain some of my original enthusiasm back.

[21mfmarried]

I got my wife into all of this more or less. She has had a GREAT time, and she has had quite a few partners since we started, but it has always been MFM. Getting a man to...be sexual is much easier then getting another woman to agree to. Especially when you are on the heavier end of the line. I am not obese, but I could lose a few if you know what I mean. We have talked to a lot of people about going to the clubs, and I don't think either of us would have a problem there. But, we have heard that the majority of the clubs tend to be people of middle to older ages. Me and my wife both being 21, would like to try and stay a little more in our age range. Does anyone have any tips to help us out? I really want to try and find a couple in the area that we can swing with, but everytime we find a couple either she doesn't like the guy ( more often this is the case ), or I don't like the girl. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[OhioCouple]

Welcome to the board 21mfmarried! Why not stop in the intro's and get an official howdy do?

You happen to be from our area and when it comes to the club scene there are a variety of age groups in two of the three local clubs that we have attended. Like most clubs (I assume) they vary on different nights of gravitating towards one particular age group. I have however noticed that Temptations seems to have an overall more youthful crowd.

As for looking for couples in your age group. Have you tried an online pay site to place an ad yet? If not, I would highly recommend trying Swappernet. They have an ABUNDANCE of local members there. We have belonged to three sites in the 1 1/2 that we have been swinging and that site was the most lucrative for connecting with local swingers. Where as you are on the opposite end of the spectrum, (being younger) we are in the older catagory and have had absolutely no problems what so ever meeting people in our age groups.

Most importantly, recognize that it takes time to find the right partners to click with. Getting four people that all have a mutual attraction isn't an easy thing to do, no matter what age you are. Be patient though, you'll find them....we have.