Bringing up swinging to my husband without sounding like a nympho or he's not enough?

[babydragon]

I have spent hours reading different posts on here, and it’s left me feeling like, either I am a man stuck in a woman’s body or some kind of strange person. I know that for the most it’s the man who is the main one to introduce the idea of swinging, but for me it’s the total opposite. I have always had an outgoing view on sex, and maybe I am wrong but I don’t associate sex with love. When I am with my Hubby we “make love” (to me it’s not sex).

My main problem is finding ways to introduce ideas without it coming across, as I am some kind of nymph, pervert or even worse my Hubby thinking he is not enough. We have done full swap and it was great, but I must be greedy because I know deep down I want more. I remember thinking that I’d love to sit back and watch the two men giving their full attention to the other female, then getting both of their attention, Does that mean I am some sort of pervert?

I’d love to be able to say to my Hubby hey why don’t we try this… but I always panic wondering if I will freak him out, I am not saying we cant communicate because we can, just he is not as open minded as I am. I seem to spend more and more time fantasying about MMF and FFM, but I really need to find a way of bringing this subject up without saying the wrong thing or explaining it badly.
So far most of the things I asked him about, he’s responded in a good way to but if I ask about if he has any fantasies he’d like to explore, he always says he doesn’t. Bringing new ideas into the discussion has always come down to me except on a very few occasions when he out of the blue says something.

I have probably not worded this well, or made my questions clear but I have always been bad with my own problems.

[ciscosv]

Why should you feel ashamed? The only way you will find out the answers you want is to bring them up in conversation. You make it seem as if you two can really talk about anything. You may reach a new level in your relationship by getting this off your chest.

Maybe he has the same feelings you do about this?

[joseph3d]

Originally posted by babydragon
we cant communicate because we can, just he is not as open minded as I am. I seem to spend more and more time fantasying about MMF and FFM, but I really need to find a way of bringing this subject up without saying the wrong thing or explaining it badly.
So far most of the things I asked him about, he’s responded in a good way to but if I ask about if he has any fantasies he’d like to explore, he always says he doesn’t.

babydragon,
You wrote this very well. Easy to understand. Is it possible that you feel insecure in telling him your thoughts and fantasies, and the fact that he has none, discourages you? Or maybe he is insecure and you are protective of him. I keep thinking that and I may be totally wrong. Forgive me if I am.

I want to advise you to just come out with it. But I don't know your husband, and to steer you that way might be irresponsible. I have written my significant other, email or a letter asking what she thinks. Writing it seems less threatening. Or I sometimes will ask in conversation what she thinks about us doing this or that, and listen very carefully for what clues come out of it. Sometimes the body language will tell you more than what a person actually will say.

Good luck!

[OhioCouple]

BabyDragon, If you are stuck in a man's body, then so am I.

Although my husband was the one to bring up the idea of swinging, I have become so open to the idea of swinging and the possibilities that we have had a couple of encounters that really shocked him.

My husband sounds very much like yours and the best thing I can tell you is to just casually bring up scenarios and pay attention to how he reacts to them. If he doesn't seem receptive, drop it for the moment, but at least the seed would have been planted for you to bring up your desires at a future date.

Lori

[Alura]

We've been a committed couple almost from the day we met, 23 years ago. Early on we agreed that we would never chastise each other for asking a question, and we'd answer to the best of our ability. Since that day, neither of us has feared speaking our minds on any subject. We have the same agreement with our kids.

Perhaps you should tell your husband you feel uneasy about asking him questions and see if maybe he feels the same. Such an agreement might work for y'all, too.

Mr. Alura

[BradAndJanet]

Originally posted by babydragon
...
I remember thinking that I’d love to sit back and watch the two men giving their full attention to the other female, then getting both of their attention, Does that mean I am some sort of pervert?

Well, if you're a pervert, then we are too. That sounds like fun to us.

So, you say he's been receptive to what you've brought up so far. Maybe you're worrying too much? It sounds like you have a foundation to build on, so keep on stackin' those bricks. Go a little further each time you discuss your fantasies and maybe he'll follow.

He sounds a lot like J, somewhat shy and reserved about sex. Am I right? I've been able to drag a few fantasies out of her over the years (that's why we're here ), but like your husband, for a long time she wouldn't admit to having them. I found that after sex, in the dark, she would open up a bit more and I learned a lot from that pillow talk. Maybe if you can figure out when he's the most relaxed, you can get him to tell you some things.

-B

[L]

>have spent hours reading different posts on here, and it’s left me feeling like, either I am a man stuck in a woman’s body or some kind of strange person.

you are not a man stuck in a woman's body!!! that's f'r sure! as f'r being some kind of strange...

aren't we all!

being kind of strange is okay!

>I know that for the most it’s the man who is the main one to introduce the idea of swinging

while men are more likely to be interested in extramarital activity than women, it is NOT (at all!!) unususal for the female to be the motivating partner!!

>always had an outgoing view on sex,

isn't it great to be open and uninhibited!!! isn't it satisfying to enjoy a variety of partners!!!

>My main problem is finding ways to introduce ideas...

there's a proper time for everything. a great idea expressed at the wrong time will have less of an impact than one expressed at the right time and in the proper setting.

>We have done full swap and it was great

your man must be open to idea!!!

>must be greedy because I know deep down I want more.

enjoying good things and sharing happiness is not (always)greedy!! sharing yourself and your man, knowing and caring for others, experiencing joy and passion... is not greedy! it's being ALIVE!!! and open to good things!

>to sit back and watch the two men giving their full attention to the other female, then getting both of their attention, Does that mean I am some sort of pervert?

depends on who you ask!!! depends on who you listen too!!! i don't think someone who enjoys uninhibited passion and adventure with others... is perverted!!! i think folks who are uptight, neurotic, and unable to enjoy life are perverted.

>I’d love to be able to say to my Hubby...

be subtle. be attentive. be loving and turned on. know what excites him... and practice. move slowly, surely, know what you want. engage in erotic adventure... and play him like a man you love. tease him, please him, and lead him to the fruits of your passion! how can he resist??? tell him what you want. touch him like to want. tell him how to touch you. share your energy!!!

>but I really need to find a way of bringing this subject up

refer him to this website!!! have him spend some time reading the posts here!!!

that'll get him thinking about some things!!!


good luck! and have fun!!!



l

[Vjklander]

We've been together over 25 years. To us, love and lust are two different things. Granted, one can enhance the other, but they are separate and distinct. We view our extra-marital sex as "sharing pleasures" (yeah, like in the Auel books ). We tend to do threesomes, MFM or FMF more than MFMF. I'm not sure if that is intentional or not on some level. It probably is because even when with couples we tend to go for a group thing rather than pairing off, so we are never disconnected, if you follow. We are both voyeurs and exhibitionists too. What might help is for you to set some time with your hubby to pick one of the posts on this list, and answer it together. That way you can both have the chance to give your point of view and see what you would like to try and what you want to avoid.
J

[babydragon]

I think I might aswell go bang my head against a brick wall. after reading some of your great replies, I kinda cheated and gave my hubby the link to this thread.

Well so far all I have got from him is silence on this matter, and one quite sarastic remark (which i am still trying to figure out).

Maybe I should just give up, curl up inside my own mind and let my sexuality die a cruel death. (you might think I am being dramatic but thats how it feels)

I have always been a sexual person and I love my husband but I dont know what to do. I feel sufocated.

[Alura]

Keep him reading, BabyDragon, keep him reading...

Alura

[DragonsLair]

Babydragon,

Give your husband time to think about what he's read and what you want. He might be overwhelmed right now or confused. Don't push but if he provides an opening for conversation, you can talk to him about your feelings and desires. He may not move as fast as you'd like but try to be patient.

You do need to realize he may never think the way you do. And it means you have to decide if your relationship with him is more important than fulfilling your fantasies.

Best wishes. I hope things work out well for you.

DragonsLair

He is T. I am A.

[JustAskJulie]

My guess is that he may feel hurt/betrayed that you felt you had to come here and ask your question rather than being able to just bring it up to him as you had your other ideas. The idea that you told someone else before you told him, maybe.

Just keep talking. If he's been open thus far regarding your fantasies I'm sure he will continue to help you explore others.

[Nymph an' Satyr]

My wife is an f-16 fighter jet that just flies into the situation at mach II. I'm a slow moving AWAC that stays in the back and assesses everything before I move. (sorry this whole gulf thing lends itself to bad metaphors)

I've had to tell her to cool her jets more than once.

She travels very fast, I travel slow. I don't know if this is similar to you and your husband or not.

Gradually, I have moved faster and she has moved slower. Our speeds are finally starting to gel at a happy medium/median?.

It took a while though. Again, that communication thing is critical....

[J & K]

My wife is an f-16 fighter jet that just flies into the situation at mach II. I'm a slow moving AWAC that stays in the back and assesses everything before I move. (sorry this whole gulf thing lends itself to bad metaphors)

Now how would you know about F-16's and AWACS? LOL!! I think they go hand-in-hand. They both need eachother. Just like a cpl---hehehehe.

-J

[Buck]

Well, I can be added to the list with Babydragon and Brad (of Brad and Janet). While my wife is extremely sexual with me she claims she doesn't have sexual fantasies and she will rarely verbalize anything with me about the subject. I have come close a couple of times to have her read this website with me but I have chickened out so far. Past history tells me she might like it though, because it was a long time before she really loosened up and would use sex toys in front of me or watch XXX videos with me. Now she regularly does both and really gets into them and usually suggests that we include them more often than I do now.
Its sort of like she won't verbalize anything that we haven't tried yet (but is my idea) but when she does, she loves it. Any thoughts?