Something incredible almost happened last night, what do I do?

Ready2xplod · 03-09-2003, 11:00 AM

Hi all, my name is Tony, I'm 26, and my wife Karen and I have been married for almost 2 years now. The subject of a threesome, or swinging has come up before, and my wife didn't seem uposed to it, but never really said she's comfortable with it either. The hard part is she will only talk about sex and stufflike that if she's horny, bringing it up at any other time probably wouldn't get much of a response. I really don't want to push the issue and turn her off of the idea, so I try not to bring it up very often. My wife has taken part in this kind of thing before, with an ex, but she was heavily into drigs and partying every day and other things that she is ashamed of, and has succesfully put behind her for years now. I think she is ashamed of all of the stuff she did back then as a whole, and kind of lumps the sexual part of it in with the rest and is a bit ashamed of it too. However she is pretty relaxed sexually with me, and it's obvious that she is into chicks. She has said the she might do another threesome or something if the situation presented itself that she was comfortable in, but nothing else has really been said about it since. There was one instance years ago when we came close: one night before we got married, Karen, a female friend of hers, and I were all together at my apartment watching some movies (in a, uh,.... chemically enhanced state) and all the peices were in place for a threesome, but noone made the first move. I only found out months later that it could have easily happened. DOH!!

Anyway, onto the situation.

My wife and I went out to eat last night to celebrate her birthday. We sat down at the table, and the waitress comes over, she is VERY cute, and obviously full of personality, quite flirtatious, and all smiles. She came back to our table 5-6 times to take our drink order, give us our drinks, get our food order etc. At one point I noticed that my wife seemed to flirt back, but I dismissed it as wishful thinking. The next time she comes the table my wife cracked a joke at her and gave her a sheepish grin, hmmm.... She comes back for our order, my wife is staring her in the eyes, and yep, and grinning again, she's flirting I'll be damned! When the food came her steak was wrong, and had this yucky marinade all over everything. She was kinda pissed off about it, because we didn't have time for her to send it back and wait for a new one to be cooked, so she was stuck eating it. It was too bad because I wanted to see if more flirting went on, and was having fun. I have thought about this all night long. What do you all think I should do? I want to aproach this gently, and not puch my wife toward anything she doesn't want, but then again sometimes I think she wants to let the bad girl out, but is ashamed or unsure of herself. I have a couple more questions about swinging in general to ask later, but I think this is enough to answer for now. I really apreciate the advice, as I love and respect my wife, and want to do right by her, but man the sheer amount of patients this is taking aint easy!

Thanks,
Ready2xplod

**Alura** · 03-09-2003, 02:14 PM

Well, I think you have a pretty good possibility going, Tony! However, nothing will substitute for asking your wife for her opinion. It's possible that you misread the situation with the waitress and Karen was just being friendly, but I don't think so. Go for it...

"Remember that cute waitress, Hon, the one with the yucky steak..."

Mr. Alura

OhioCouple · 03-09-2003, 05:43 PM

I agree with Mr. Alura. The window of opportunity to discuss it has been opened. You can gently approach her with talk about that evening and see if you can get her to open up as to whether there was some attraction there. Take it slow and don't push the issue if she doesn't want to talk about it or avoids the conversation entirely. Let her know how excited the thought makes you. Most importantly don't push the issue though. If she is reluctant to talk any futher about it, let it go. Chances are after she has had some time to think about it, she may bring it up on her own.

Good luck and let us know how it turns out.

Lori

L · 03-09-2003, 11:40 PM

>When the food came her steak was wrong, and had this yucky marmilade all over everything. She was kinda pissed off about it, because we didn't have time for her to send it back and wait to have a new one cooked, so she was stuck eating it.
>What do you all think I should do?

in my opinion...
one should NEVER accept a steak that is not prepared to his, or her liking!!! never. you should have expressed your dissatisfaction immediately
and
because you were pressed for time, inconvenienced, and unable to dine in the comfort and elegence that you are accustomed, the maitre d' should have arranged some suitable accommodation!!!

as far as having another woman join you and your woman??? go for it, man!!! tell your woman you love her... and you enjoy making her happy!!!

l

Ready2xplod · 03-10-2003, 08:24 AM

I think the big issue with moving forward is that with Karen, timing is everything. Doesn't matter what the subject, if I bring soemthing up when she doesn't feel like talking about it or has her mind elswhere, she is like just to shoot it down or blow it off quickly. On the bright side, she decided she liked the reataurant overall, and wants to go back and try it again soon dispite the swrew up. She might be surprised at how soon that happens

I'm trying not to get my hopes up about this particular situation for a few reasons, including the fact that any SMART waitress flirts whenever she can get away with it, or who knows maybe she is already involved with someone. I just have this reoccuring daydream of me approaching this chick, and not getting a good response, and her rushing off to tell all her co-workers about it. How would you approach that situation? That's something I have always wondered about swinging, and threesomes, how do you make the first move without the risk of someone having a very adverse reaction to you, or is that an unavoidable risk? Anyone who has been in a similar situation share the details of how it got started if you don't mind.
Thanks,
Tony

***JustAskJulie*** · 03-10-2003, 11:41 AM

My suggestion, return to the restaurant and ask to be seated in the same waitresses section. See if the flirting continues, if so, don't wait to bring it up, ask Karen about it right then...

mopek · 03-10-2003, 03:31 PM

Good post Julie!
My idea exactly! Go back to the same restaurant (but call first to request the specific waitresses section). That way, you're wife will flirt and the waitress will also know that you guys choose her.

As for bringing the situation up...it is obvious that if you ask her directly "do you want other chicks?" ... her resistance comes up fast.

Maybe say " what's your favorite part of being with another woman " ... that way you're not asking her to commit to some action.

Weave it in in-directly...perhaps make her think it's her idea

if you can.

Ready2xplod · 03-10-2003, 06:49 PM

Mopek wrote "perhaps make her think it's her idea if you can"

Yeah good idea, if I can. Does anyone know how to do Jedi mind tricks?

That'd come in really handy right about now. I'm going to see if I can setup another outing to the restaurant for wednesday when she's off work. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

**Alura** · 03-10-2003, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ready2xplod
I'll keep my fingers crossed.

A more effective tactic, Ready2xplod, might be to bring Karen flowers and a corsage before dinner. When she asks, "Why?" tell her you love her. The waitress will surely notice the flowers she's wearing and start a conversation. This would also let the waitress know that you're a special guy. That'd be good, wouldn't it?

Mr. Alura

Ready2xplod · 03-11-2003, 03:06 PM

Doh! Just bought her flowers yesterday for her birthday. Two times in one week would definately raise suspiscions! She would wonder what I did wrong, that I was covering up for

**Alura** · 03-11-2003, 03:19 PM

You don't need any advice, Man! You're doing great!

Mr. Alura

BradAndJanet · 03-12-2003, 08:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Alura
A more effective tactic, Ready2xplod, might be to bring Karen flowers and a corsage before dinner. When she asks, "Why?" tell her you love her. The waitress will surely notice the flowers she's wearing and start a conversation. This would also let the waitress know that you're a special guy. That'd be good, wouldn't it?

Mr. Alura

Mr. Alura, you are one sly dog...

-B

**Alura** · 03-12-2003, 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BradAndJanet
Mr. Alura, you are one sly dog...

-B

Arf, Brad, Arf, Arf!*

*"Thank you" in Caninese, of course.

Mr. Alura

thesexmonsters · 03-16-2003, 02:17 PM

There was a really cute waitress at a retaurant in our area, but I wasn't sure if she was interested, or just really friendly. Being a bit new at this, I'm not very good at trying to tell whether a girl is into other girls or not, and in particular, whether or not she's into me. I think we've been back to that restaurant about eight times in the last few weeks, and unfortunately, I don't think she works there anymore. Dammit!

- Mrs. Sex Monster

babydragon · 03-18-2003, 06:24 AM

maybe one way to approach it would be during your mental fourplay, ask her about her fantasies, you never know she might mention the waitress

.
She might even ask you about yours and that way it's not you bringing the subject up but her bringing it up

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03-09-2003, 11:00 AM	#1 (permalink)
Ready2xplod Registered Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 4 Location: VB, VA Status: Couple	Something incredible almost happened last night, what do I do? Hi all, my name is Tony, I'm 26, and my wife Karen and I have been married for almost 2 years now. The subject of a threesome, or swinging has come up before, and my wife didn't seem uposed to it, but never really said she's comfortable with it either. The hard part is she will only talk about sex and stufflike that if she's horny, bringing it up at any other time probably wouldn't get much of a response. I really don't want to push the issue and turn her off of the idea, so I try not to bring it up very often. My wife has taken part in this kind of thing before, with an ex, but she was heavily into drigs and partying every day and other things that she is ashamed of, and has succesfully put behind her for years now. I think she is ashamed of all of the stuff she did back then as a whole, and kind of lumps the sexual part of it in with the rest and is a bit ashamed of it too. However she is pretty relaxed sexually with me, and it's obvious that she is into chicks. She has said the she might do another threesome or something if the situation presented itself that she was comfortable in, but nothing else has really been said about it since. There was one instance years ago when we came close: one night before we got married, Karen, a female friend of hers, and I were all together at my apartment watching some movies (in a, uh,.... chemically enhanced state) and all the peices were in place for a threesome, but noone made the first move. I only found out months later that it could have easily happened. DOH!! Anyway, onto the situation. My wife and I went out to eat last night to celebrate her birthday. We sat down at the table, and the waitress comes over, she is VERY cute, and obviously full of personality, quite flirtatious, and all smiles. She came back to our table 5-6 times to take our drink order, give us our drinks, get our food order etc. At one point I noticed that my wife seemed to flirt back, but I dismissed it as wishful thinking. The next time she comes the table my wife cracked a joke at her and gave her a sheepish grin, hmmm.... She comes back for our order, my wife is staring her in the eyes, and yep, and grinning again, she's flirting I'll be damned! When the food came her steak was wrong, and had this yucky marinade all over everything. She was kinda pissed off about it, because we didn't have time for her to send it back and wait for a new one to be cooked, so she was stuck eating it. It was too bad because I wanted to see if more flirting went on, and was having fun. I have thought about this all night long. What do you all think I should do? I want to aproach this gently, and not puch my wife toward anything she doesn't want, but then again sometimes I think she wants to let the bad girl out, but is ashamed or unsure of herself. I have a couple more questions about swinging in general to ask later, but I think this is enough to answer for now. I really apreciate the advice, as I love and respect my wife, and want to do right by her, but man the sheer amount of patients this is taking aint easy! Thanks, Ready2xplod

03-09-2003, 05:43 PM	#3 (permalink)
OhioCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 6,616 Location: Ohio Status: Married Female	I agree with Mr. Alura. The window of opportunity to discuss it has been opened. You can gently approach her with talk about that evening and see if you can get her to open up as to whether there was some attraction there. Take it slow and don't push the issue if she doesn't want to talk about it or avoids the conversation entirely. Let her know how excited the thought makes you. Most importantly don't push the issue though. If she is reluctant to talk any futher about it, let it go. Chances are after she has had some time to think about it, she may bring it up on her own. Good luck and let us know how it turns out. Lori __________________ Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

03-10-2003, 11:41 AM	#6 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 21,494 Location: Alabama Status: Female SLS Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 53	My suggestion, return to the restaurant and ask to be seated in the same waitresses section. See if the flirting continues, if so, don't wait to bring it up, ask Karen about it right then... __________________ Julie Owner/ Admin http://www.swingersboard.com

03-16-2003, 02:17 PM	#14 (permalink)
thesexmonsters Here to Stay Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 64 Location: Central Coast, CA Status: Married Couple	Cute Waitresses There was a really cute waitress at a retaurant in our area, but I wasn't sure if she was interested, or just really friendly. Being a bit new at this, I'm not very good at trying to tell whether a girl is into other girls or not, and in particular, whether or not she's into me. I think we've been back to that restaurant about eight times in the last few weeks, and unfortunately, I don't think she works there anymore. Dammit! - Mrs. Sex Monster __________________ ...We play well with others...

03-09-2003, 02:14 PM	#2 (permalink)
Alura T-Town Playmates Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 6,067 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Status: Married to Mrs. Alura	Well, I think you have a pretty good possibility going, Tony! However, nothing will substitute for asking your wife for her opinion. It's possible that you misread the situation with the waitress and Karen was just being friendly, but I don't think so. Go for it... "Remember that cute waitress, Hon, the one with the yucky steak..." Mr. Alura

03-09-2003, 11:40 PM	#4 (permalink)
L Active Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 34 Location: spokane, wa	>When the food came her steak was wrong, and had this yucky marmilade all over everything. She was kinda pissed off about it, because we didn't have time for her to send it back and wait to have a new one cooked, so she was stuck eating it. >What do you all think I should do? in my opinion... one should NEVER accept a steak that is not prepared to his, or her liking!!! never. you should have expressed your dissatisfaction immediately and because you were pressed for time, inconvenienced, and unable to dine in the comfort and elegence that you are accustomed, the maitre d' should have arranged some suitable accommodation!!! as far as having another woman join you and your woman??? go for it, man!!! tell your woman you love her... and you enjoy making her happy!!! l

03-10-2003, 08:24 AM	#5 (permalink)
Ready2xplod Registered Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 4 Location: VB, VA Status: Couple	I think the big issue with moving forward is that with Karen, timing is everything. Doesn't matter what the subject, if I bring soemthing up when she doesn't feel like talking about it or has her mind elswhere, she is like just to shoot it down or blow it off quickly. On the bright side, she decided she liked the reataurant overall, and wants to go back and try it again soon dispite the swrew up. She might be surprised at how soon that happens I'm trying not to get my hopes up about this particular situation for a few reasons, including the fact that any SMART waitress flirts whenever she can get away with it, or who knows maybe she is already involved with someone. I just have this reoccuring daydream of me approaching this chick, and not getting a good response, and her rushing off to tell all her co-workers about it. How would you approach that situation? That's something I have always wondered about swinging, and threesomes, how do you make the first move without the risk of someone having a very adverse reaction to you, or is that an unavoidable risk? Anyone who has been in a similar situation share the details of how it got started if you don't mind. Thanks, Tony

03-10-2003, 03:31 PM	#7 (permalink)
mopek Here to Stay Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 36 Location: canada Status: couple	Good post Julie! My idea exactly! Go back to the same restaurant (but call first to request the specific waitresses section). That way, you're wife will flirt and the waitress will also know that you guys choose her. As for bringing the situation up...it is obvious that if you ask her directly "do you want other chicks?" ... her resistance comes up fast. Maybe say " what's your favorite part of being with another woman " ... that way you're not asking her to commit to some action. Weave it in in-directly...perhaps make her think it's her idea if you can.

03-10-2003, 06:49 PM	#8 (permalink)
Ready2xplod Registered Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 4 Location: VB, VA Status: Couple	Mopek wrote "perhaps make her think it's her idea if you can" Yeah good idea, if I can. Does anyone know how to do Jedi mind tricks? That'd come in really handy right about now. I'm going to see if I can setup another outing to the restaurant for wednesday when she's off work. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

03-11-2003, 03:06 PM	#10 (permalink)
Ready2xplod Registered Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 4 Location: VB, VA Status: Couple	Doh! Just bought her flowers yesterday for her birthday. Two times in one week would definately raise suspiscions! She would wonder what I did wrong, that I was covering up for

03-11-2003, 03:19 PM	#11 (permalink)
Alura T-Town Playmates Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 6,067 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Status: Married to Mrs. Alura	You don't need any advice, Man! You're doing great! Mr. Alura

03-18-2003, 06:24 AM	#15 (permalink)
babydragon Active Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 102 Location: U.K Status: couple	maybe one way to approach it would be during your mental fourplay, ask her about her fantasies, you never know she might mention the waitress . She might even ask you about yours and that way it's not you bringing the subject up but her bringing it up __________________ Always try things three times: 1st time to try it out. 2nd time to see if it's better. 3rd time just to recap 1st and 2nd.

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