How do I talk to my wife about swinging

[idahodude]

Hi,
Im new to the board and wanting some advice.
Ive brought up the idea of swinging and threesomes a couple of weeks ago and she basically told me that if i were to have brought it up before we got married (7 months ago) she would have loved it, but now that were married "her body is only for me". I was stunned at the thought of if i would have only brought it up earlier a fantasy of mine would have been reality. Any ideas as to help me bring it up without seeming pressuring?

Also, i write sexual stories about her co-workers, as she works live-in for 5 days straight. She seems to be alittle interested in them as they get quite graphic about the things i would do with them while shes there, but if i bring them up infront of her she gets alittle stand-offish. If i send it to her in a email on her phone she seems to love them. I dont know whats going on in her head sometimes......


Sorry about the rambling message...

[socolais]

I think she's playing with your mind,,,, flirt back

[idahodude]

...

[ShellyM]

OP, who can figure women out lol. I know with me, I prefer to separate sex from work so even though Jay may think my co-worker is hot I'd prefer he keep that between him and his hand when he is masturbating LOL. If she loves it in email form go for it. I know with me, I'm that way in regards to video. We video'd play in June. Jay loves it but I just do NOT want to see it. LOL, just not my thing. So she may just not want to hear it but loves it when you write it and send it. We are all different. Anyways, you are newlyweds. I would suggest that you enjoy each other for awhile; trust me, enjoy this time. Once you start your family and the kids are babies and toddlers you will not have as much time to divulge just on each other. You have your entire lives together, don't rush things...Jay and I were married for 15 years before we started swinging. Have fun with each other and just take things as they come.

[MRnMSbhaven]

Originally Posted by idahodude

Hi,
I dont know whats going on in her head sometimes......

You're not meant to know. If you promise not to tell, I'll give you a little female secret... sometimes even we don't know what goes on inside our head.

I'm with Shelly on this. Give it time. You're young, newly married etc...
we've talked about swinging since we married but it took us 17 years to reach a place where we were both ready. Enjoy each other, there's alot to learn (believe it or not).

Ms B

[idahodude]

thanks everyone. My wifes going to make a post either tonight or this weekend... i think shes got some questions for shelly.. (for some reason im scared :P)...
Be gentle, and only bite gently

[des1re06]

Agree with giving it time. That doesn't mean you both can't fantasize about it in the meantime (group sex videos comes to mind).

Here's a synopsis of how we eased into it.

It took us 8 years, even though I (wife) brought it up on our honeymoon.

He took me to a resort where swingers go (Temptations in Cancun, Desire's sister club that is not full nude), and I had no idea. We had alot of fun partying and the sexual energy and flirting was alot of fun. There was no pressure to swing at all. We went 5 times and never did anything but have great sex with each other. But, we were communicating and learning about this lifestyle. Then we were ready to put a profile up on Swing Lifestyle.

Look into the Swingers Clubs section and also look at resorts for vacations where you can meet and talk to swingers. You don't have to do anything but get to know people and have fun like you would at any party. There are resorts like this here in the US; you just have to ask around for reviews.

Take it slow and you'll both be much happier (IMO) once you DO start living the lifestyle.

Mrs. D

[joaninla]

I'll jump on the same bandwagon here - give it a little time. The good news is that your wife has some interest in swinging/threesomes. Let her know that much of your desires are around her being pleasured and excited (it's all about us, you know). The more you talk about your fantasies and desires, the better your relationship and the more likely you both will come (no pun intended) to a mutually satisfing place.

[idahodude]

Anyone want to give some input on one or more of the fantasy stories i was talking about in my original post?

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by idahodude

thanks everyone. My wifes going to make a post either tonight or this weekend... i think shes got some questions for shelly.. (for some reason im scared :P)...
Be gentle, and only bite gently

I only bite when asked.
The one thing I do know is the harder you push the further from it she will move. You have told her that you are interested and not jealous, secure, etc. She is an adult, intelligent woman. She heard you and is pondering things in her own mind. Let her have her time to figure out her thoughts and emotions. This is not something you just jump into head first to do. So let her be. You have told her your thoughts and as a smart woman she has heard them; reminding her will only annoy her and make her wonder why you want this so badly.

[idahodude]

Originally Posted by ShellyM

I only bite when asked.
The one thing I do know is the harder you push the further from it she will move. You have told her that you are interested and not jealous, secure, etc. She is an adult, intelligent woman. She heard you and is pondering things in her own mind. Let her have her time to figure out her thoughts and emotions. This is not something you just jump into head first to do. So let her be. You have told her your thoughts and as a smart woman she has heard them; reminding her will only annoy her and make her wonder why you want this so badly.

Thanks Shelly.. Weve been talking about it, not full swapping because i know that she wouldnt do that, but just trying to find couple friends in the area who just arent in it for sex. I think that she just thought of a "swinger" as someone who is in it just for sex-sex-sex.. but from what ive seen and read in the few months ive been trolling without registering here its far more than that. I think that helps her with discussing it.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by idahodude

Thanks Shelly.. Weve been talking about it, not full swapping because i know that she wouldnt do that, but just trying to find couple friends in the area who just arent in it for sex. I think that she just thought of a "swinger" as someone who is in it just for sex-sex-sex.. but from what ive seen and read in the few months ive been trolling without registering here its far more than that. I think that helps her with discussing it.

Yes, Jay was that way when we started; he thought it was sex crazed orgies. And yes at times it is that LOL, but not most of the time. Best of luck to you.

[wickedtinkygirl]

So I am the wife that apparently everyone is talking about. My biggest concerns are that its more for him than for me and that it's his way of asking me to have an affair. I have always been a monogomous person, it's the way I was raised. I love my husband dearly and I want to be supportive of his needs, but I feel like what he wants is way to far out of my comfort zone. As far as his stories and wanting to sleep with my coworkers, it just bothers me........and not in a good way. (Like I said it's all in the way I was raised) It could also been contributed to my insecurities too. My biggest fears are that he will fall out of love with me and leave for someone else.

[BiloxiCouple]

Originally Posted by wickedtinkygirl

So I am the wife that apparently everyone is talking about. My biggest concerns are that its more for him than for me and that it's his way of asking me to have an affair. I have always been a monogomous person, it's the way I was raised. I love my husband dearly and I want to be supportive of his needs, but I feel like what he wants is way to far out of my comfort zone. As far as his stories and wanting to sleep with my coworkers, it just bothers me........and not in a good way. (Like I said it's all in the way I was raised) It could also been contributed to my insecurities too. My biggest fears are that he will fall out of love with me and leave for someone else.

By your reply here you are not ready to swing.

Communication is what ya'll need and listening to each other whether its about swinging or anything else. If you feel like you can, search this board here and there is lots of info about some of the questions you have. You are not alone in these feelings and you are absolutely right to decide what you want to do. We encourage people to swing if they are mentally and emotionally ready. I don't think you are there and may never be. Again, it's up to you.

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by wickedtinkygirl

So I am the wife that apparently everyone is talking about. My biggest concerns are that its more for him than for me and that it's his way of asking me to have an affair. I have always been a monogomous person, it's the way I was raised. I love my husband dearly and I want to be supportive of his needs, but I feel like what he wants is way to far out of my comfort zone. As far as his stories and wanting to sleep with my coworkers, it just bothers me........and not in a good way. (Like I said it's all in the way I was raised) It could also been contributed to my insecurities too. My biggest fears are that he will fall out of love with me and leave for someone else.

I agree that you are probably not ready to swing...and as it has been posted here many other times, you may never be and that is ok.

If what he wants is out of your comfort zone, tell him. And the stories...I like stories, but I don't think that I would like to hear stories about co-workers. Like Shelly said, if my sweetie is perving over one of my friends/co-workers/ etc....he needs to keep it to himself.

Now, if he presented the same story with 'any female/male'...would you be more receptive? (To just hearing the erotic material, instead of thinking...'jeez, can he just shut the f up about the hottie 3 desks down from me?')

I don't think that repressing desire/fantasy is a good thing...but what if the shoe were on the other foot? OP, what if your wife was doing this and it was something out of your comfort zone? And how do you know she is receptive to the stories you send while she's working (since you state she's not when you mention them in person)? If you have fantasies, maybe mentioning it like that would be better than specifically saying, 'i think so and so is smokin'! you know what i would love to do with the two of you?'

But again, I'm thinking that maybe putting a face/name in a situation is a guy thing to help the fantasy along? I've mentioned to my sweetie a few times about wanting to have a gang bang (the fantasy is hot to me)...and his general question is 'well when you invision it, who's there?' And I don't have anyone in particular in mind...they are just random guys and if I play the fantasy thru my mind, I don't really recall seeing any of the guys faces...it's just about having a set number of anonymous guys. Whereas when he's describing a fantasy, he sometimes mentions actual people we know. It's a fine edged sword I guess.

Good luck y'all,

Maria