Our Exploration Begins

[melontstr]

WARNING: Long post! :-)

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I discovered this site over two years ago. (I think there was a thread over on Literotica that mentioned it.)

Swinging was something that had remained in my fantasy life for many years, but admittedly I had not ever looked into what the whole 'scene' was really like. I was immediately intrigued by the rational, informative, and often entertaining dialogue I found here. In just reading the threads, I learned a great deal about "the lifestyle".

In the intervening time, my wife and I (very happily married for twenty years) were experiencing some 'growth' in our relationship as well. We always had a fantastic marriage, rock-solid. Our sex life was certainly very good (with the usual ups & downs that twenty years together can bring). But, like many couples, there were things we never discussed much ... and thoughts & ideas we just left unspoken.

I hope it doesn't sound like we spent twenty years living falsely with each other - nothing could be further from the truth. In all respects we were just the normal, average, happy couple. I have learned that it is actually the rare exception for any couple (happy or not) to reach a level of honesty that I like to call "dangerous honesty".

We both realized that we weren't satisfied with 'good enough' in our marriage, and that we wanted to take the leap into that sort of honesty. Being an average male, a good many of the things I needed to be more open about had to do with sex. We had a very good year! (Amazing how just opening up more created such a renewed spark.)

There were other elements, physical, emotional, intellectual ... but the bottom-line is that we found ourselves in a place where we enjoyed new-found honesty, increased intimacy, and most of all, a desire for more. We really started openly wondering (together) if we might want to "broaden our horizons" a bit.

A large part of this decision was driven by the realization that none of our current group of friends was in the same place we were. In addition, we had begun to feel like there were large parts of our experience and desires that we just "couldn't share" with them.

Just one small example:
We got a hot tub for the first time this year. (Woo-hoo!) Of course, as long as the kids are in bed, we enjoy the tub 'au naturel'. We are both very social, and we are always happiest when sharing our time with friends. We thought: "there is not a single couple we know, who we could ask over to have a drink and get in the hot tub naked!"

My wife certainly did not equate these sorts of discussions with a leaning toward a "swinging lifestyle" ... she just felt (as did I) that we wanted some friends who shared our views and our desire for some of this type of experience. As we talked more (and discussed together what sorts of activities we were potentially interested in) she started to ask: "Okay, so how do we go about meeting this elusive 'naked hot-tubbing' couple? It's not like we can go up to them in a bar and ask!"

After a bit of thought (and some more reading), I suggested we try placing an ad at some of the lifestyle sites. She and I had a good discussion about what I had read & learned over the past two years about swinging, and we talked about the myths & realities. (Again, more good conversation!)

We have now been listed a couple of months, and have really enjoyed the "beginning" of our exploration! We are currently in definite "soft" territory, and are having open and thorough discussions about exactly what we are comfortable with and where we might like to go. We have met two couples face-to-face, and are having dialogue with a few others online.

All-in-all, the experience has been great, and we both feel so much more relaxed and "free" about the whole thing. We can't wait to see how everything unfolds! If there is one piece of advice that I think applies universally to any couple, it is: talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, TALK!

I guess the reason I decided to post this "story" is that I wanted to express my appreciation to the folks here (especially the site people), for helping us to become informed and make good, healthy decisions about "the lifestyle."

If our experience "clicks" with anyone, and you'd like to chat with us about it, please feel free.

Have a great year, everyone!

[Fringeswinger]

Very well said, written, and positive. Although I'm not in that "lucky number" of couples where both partners agree to at least "talk about it", I do enjoy reading about everyone's adventures.

I certainly understand the fears about being totally honest regarding ones sexual needs and fantasies. I'm a bit of an irrational "chicken' there as well. Those of you who have overcome that fear sucessfully and without damage are certainly brave and fortunate to have an understanding partner. That is probably the ultimate in compatability.

[melontstr]

Hey, Fringe,

Thanks a lot for the thoughtful reply. I agree that it is a scary step to take. When we decided to "go there" I told my wife that I would be completely happy with her for the rest of our lives if she decided she did NOT want us to be so honest with each other ... I would have completely understood ... but I think we also both knew it would limit our growth. She was nervous, and so was I ... but what an amazing place it is "here on the other side."

Best of luck to you with your situation.

[Mr. Truelove]

Glad to hear such a great story! I hope you are blessed with a great experience in the lifestyle.

Mr. Truelove

[edmustang]

You know, melontstr, you hit it on the head for me. That's one of the reasons I'm interested in the lifestyle as well. I realized awhile ago that I, too, don't have close "naked in a hottub" friends either. That really is a whole lot of what I'm looking for, friends that are good enough friends that there are few, if any, taboos. I am looking to go farther than you, but to each his/her own.

Good luck to you!

[flkeyscouple]

I can relate to your 'coming totally honest' experience. We've done the same thing and I agree with you - it's amazing how simply opening up and 'telling all' can ignite the passion and 'renewed spark'!

Congratulations on your experiences, and WELCOME to participating on the board!! It's great to have you as an active member!!

Sarah

[lovemonkey#1]

very nice post. my wife and i have only been swinging for about 2 years and we have been extremely lucky so far. all the people that we've met have been intelligent, warm, and friendly.

we had the "naked hot tub couple" discussion before too. i think that's funny. it seems like doing something like that shouldn't be that big of a deal among close friends, but apparently it is. it's kind of sad that we have to look online for people to hang out naked with. oh well!

have fun on your journey!!!

[Thrax]

I ditto your recognition of and "thank you" to Julie, the moderators, and a great group of folks that post here.

I'm glad your "lurking" on the Board was helpful in your decision to explore the lifestyle together in a thoughtful, prepared manner. Maybe you and your wife can now "pay back" by posting your thoughts on current threads or even starting some new ones. Don't worry, no pressure! But we'd like to hear what you have to say.

All the best in your further explorations!

Thrax

[carlos_pchot]

Hello there, it's great to hear such a good stories coming out from a good learning process on the lifestyle, and that the site has such a part on that process, my best wishes to both of you and keep participating on it so we can continue with it.

Take care
Carlos

[gatorvol64]

What a happy, well-written, and positive post. I noticed the "two years" part. Some would think that is a long time but, after 20 years together, it was just a small portion of your life with each other. Your post will show some that are getting a little anxious and frustrated that taking your time is more than worth the effort. I hope your journey continues to be all that you both want.

Vol

[Alura]

Y'know, Melontstr, a post like yours makes it all worthwhile.

Having hung out here as long as we have, one tends to get jaded with all the trolls, repeat questions, and people who just don't get it. Obviously, you and your wife do "get it" and we're very happy y'all are with us.

We look forward to hearing more from you and, hopefully, your wife.

Mr. Alura

[oncewere]

Just for fun you might try a nudist park near you. It can be a mind bending experience, not necessarily sexual, but freeing. Lots of people out there will share your hot tub naked with you without being pushy or threatening. Lots of nice people amongst the nudists.

[Darkblue]

Melonstr
Well done a great post and all so very true,posting on here has helped my good wife and myself a lot and the forum has answered nearly all my questions and the peeps on here have been and still are a brilliant source of information to the Lifestyle..

We are so glad to hear that things are moving along for you both well done and keep going, it gets better(so i am told) we are getting there and were enjoying the experience a great deal....

Steve and Susanne

[dayhiker]

Hi,
I like that you came back to say thank you. There is something about saying thanks that says a person is in the right place. They apperachiate what others are giving.

I remember 40 years ago the book coming out "The Power of Positive Thinking" by Peal. Some church people I knew couldn't whole acpect the ideal of the book. But to me as a very young man the idea of being positive about life and people was a good think. When we say thank you we are being positive. I say thank you to all the people tht have given comments about living and relationships that I have read thru the last few years on here too.
I also have thank God daily thru my whole life. I think its where good mental health starts ... beingthankful.
dayhiker