How soon to bring up swinging with a new girlfriend?

My question is this: I started dating this woman one month ago. We completely click and are having much fun. Weve shared things we have done in the past, she has had a few 3-somes, 2 guys, with her ex husband. And she knows I loved watching my ex-wife do 2 guys at the same time, I even liked her coming home freshly done. Anyways, her and I are having great sex and we are being completly open, at what point can I just come out and say I love watching the girl Im with do other guys? When can I break out the custom videos with 2-guys and 1-girl? How do I approach this subject again? I mean there has to be some kinda foundation between her and I before I approach this subject. So women, tell me when is a good time???

[JustAskJulie]

Based on what you posted, you've already told her you enjoy it. However, letting her know you enjoy it and you as a couple being ready to jump on that road again are two different things. You are still a very new couple, at one month things are pretty much always rosy... but that doesn't mean they will be at 6 months or a year. Make sure your relationship is strong and the communication is there before you go jumping down that path. And at this point if you are asking how to broach a subject you've already broached I'd venture to say that the communication might need some working on.

[Brian]

Well I guess Julie missed the question. It wasnt how to broach the subject like it was the first time her and I have talked about it,,,it was,,,"how do I approach this subject again". Im guessing you feel it is too soon to approach the subject again, again Im here trying to get information, not be told I may have communication problems from some woman who has no idea how my girlfriend and I interact. Maybe I wrote the wrong question,,maybe the question should be,,,is it okay again to bring up the fact that my favorite sexual thing is watching 2 guys do 1 woman? But let her know I wouldnt want to watch HER?

[danc694u]

Well...uh...try telling her you like porn. DUH..then break out the movies.

This should be a no-brainer here. If you're able to discuss 3-somes etc etc etc..Then discussing the rest should be easy.

I've read your original post, and the follow up. I can't see what the issue is. Unless the girl hates porn. And, you're looking for a "How To" in getting her to consent that you watch, with or without her present.

You've made 2 conflicting statements. In the first, you say you'd like to see her with 2 guys. In the second, you say you want to watch a MFM, just not her. ???

Where's this going???

[ 12-07-2001: Message edited by: danc694u ]

[Brian]

Well I think I said I like watching the girl Im with be with 2 other guys, I didnt say her. At this stage I wouldnt really want her to do this (YET) but I was wondering if it is too early to start getting into that type of discussion or should her and I have a longer foundation..

[danc694u]

Okay..now we're getting somewhere.

David here.... Personally, I don't think it's ever to early to broach this subject. I made it very clear to my fiancee (Maggie) after the first date, as to what I was about.

Her first reaction was confusion. But she accepted it at face value, since we were only dating and I never asked her to swing with me. She fully participates in the lifestyle now, by her own choice.

I think it's a complete waste of time to lie/deceive/hold back your true nature. Especially in a dating situation. The end goal of the dating/mating ritual, is to find someone you are willing to spend the rest of your life with. At least for most of us it is.

If a person FREAKS when you come out later. Then you wasted a part of your life, that you can never get back. And life is way to short to waste even one day!

[Brian]

Thanks Dave, yeah your pretty much right.
Since she has already done the 2-guys thing I assume shes pretty much open to it again, Ill have to ask her. I was just thinking that it may be too soon in the relationship to open this door right now. I dated a girl before that was a little upset that I was getting into thinking about her with another guy so soon after we started dating, 3 months. She made the comment that if I brought it up after 6 or 7 months or something then it would of been okay. So that probably made me a little gun shy.

Maybe Ill ask her tonight to tell me about these 3-somes she was in and just take it from there.

Thanks Dave

[LIZA]

Well from my (female) perspective, I think for MOST women 1 month is a little early.

In most cases, that would have been way too early for me. However my husband and I had discussed almost all sexual fantasy's and possibility's within a couple monthes into our relationship and had no problem. But we also were relatively sure we would be together in a long-term commitment, which it turns out we are. If this is a casual dating relationship only, she may take offense that you want her to "do" other men. If her previous experience was with her ex-husband, obviously that was a committed (at the time) relationship. I think most women are more comfortable with exploring in the context of a secure, committed relationship. So to make a long story short, I would just let the whole 3sum, swinging thing rest until either SHE brings it up again or you are to the point where it is a serious relationship and you are looking at sharing your life (style) with her

[Brian]

Thanks Liza, we do think this is gonna last for a while. We just seem to click very well, we opened up the sex thing within the 1st week of seeing her. She seemed to like doing the 3-some thing with her ex and I can say I loved doing the 3-some thing with my ex.
She made a comment the other night while I was on top of her "wouldnt that be cool if you were in the corner watching this and you could see the whole thing going on" then she kinda changed it and refered to a video camera.
Obviously I finished quickly with what I was thinking. So maybe Ill just let her bring it up, thanks for the input.. .. .. .. ..

[danc694u]

Originally posted by LIZA:
Well from my (female) perspective, I think for MOST women 1 month is a little early.

Isn't it wonderful I can agree with that statement, and disagree. Liza it sounds like you would have been one of the ones who ran from me That's okay too

It is early, but it also saves time and potential heartache. Which it appears he has already done by bringing the subject up earlier in their relationship.

Clarifying myself here now: I wasn't saying he should "hound" her about it. Just inform her of it, which he has done. He hasn't scared her off by telling her of these things. So there is a potential future there IMHO.

It was 8 months before "swinging" was brought up again in our relationship. But, I was willing to give it that time. When it was brought up again, it was by Maggie, not by me.

I feel that by allowing her to know what I was about in the very beginning of our relationship. I allowed her to make a more thoughtful decision about having any kind of relationship with me at all.

And NO, I did not attend ANY socials while we were dating before she asked to go to one. I had/still have a lot of respect for her. Simply because she did not RUN as fast as she could after finding out about my lifestyle choices.

If she asked for us to quit going to socials today, I would. I would also miss it, but that's where our relationship is now. And, I believe it's there because I was 100% honest, at the very beginning.

[Brian]

Thanks Dave,

Well her and I had a great conversation last night (she has the kids this week so we just talked on the phone) and I pretty much told her all the nasty things I wanted to do and her to do. Although at the end of the conversation I did say I didnt want her to fufill them YET. Turns out she may be a little more kinkier than I am.
So I guess I would say the honesty thing is the best policy.

[danc694u]

On a more positive note. It's great you guys can discuss these things, without fear of totally offending each other or getting jealous.

It's an excellent start for a potentially fulfilling relationship, for both of you. Is what it looks like to me.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by Brian:
is it okay again to bring up the fact that my favorite sexual thing is watching 2 guys do 1 woman? But let her know I wouldnt want to watch HER?

Yes that is a very different question. You see it was easy to assume in the first question that the issue was that you DID want to watch her. Now you are saying tho that you have developed this fantasy with her but have no desire to fulfill it with her at this point. My point in my earlier post was not that it was too early to talk to her about it (which should be easy since you already have talked to her about it) but rather that it was too early to be acting on your fantasy (most likely), which is something that you obviously agree on.

It's never too early to talk about what turns you on. You've already brought it up so she knows that the idea of a 3some does. I agree with Danc if it turns you on talk to her about it. Just because you talk about it doesn't mean that you want to or are ready to do it with her. But it does plant the thought in her head.

Continue to discuss your fantasies with each other, and when the time is right and you feel comfortable with the idea of taking the next step the door is already open to broach that subject.

[Brian]

Thanks Julie,

Yes the door is for-sure open. Shes made the statement if I want her to do it she will, she thinks its great to have the guys "permission" to have other guys. She also seems to be into the guys doing each other too. Maybe I opened pandoras box :-).
Now the problem would be that it would be too easy for me to ask her to come over cum filled. Ill have to restrain from that I guess.

[danc694u]

Pandoras Box can really open your eyes to some things

I know I got surprised myself. Been loving every minute of it too.