How do we talk to our wives about swinging?

[ctcpl]

The whole concept and act of swinging is hopefully based on all parties sharing in the experience. My hope is that when we are with another couple, that my husband enjoys himself as much as i do. When we originally entered into this, we agreed to tell each other everything. If one of us even had a doubt about anything or anyone, it wasn't going to happen.

If you are planning to not, at the very least, keep discussing this with your wife, you obviously could care less how she feels. That is a disaster waiting to happen! Some people need time to "warm up" to the idea of swinging before they get their feet wet. Give her some time! You at least owe your wife of 8 years that much!

[DBL D]

Sorry Mr&Mrs-naughty,

No disrespect intended.

It's kinda like--there's NAKED...and then there's NEKID.

Male D

[rdt2play]

WOW! This thread is awesome. I'm at the same point as shady,only my wife just laughs and says I wouldn't have the guts to do it. But I refuse to cheat on her because I love her dearly and I couldn't live with myself if I destroyed our 24 year relationship. After a few more "baby steps" I'll try and get her to look at this site. This will be the first thread I show her.

Pardon my ignorance, I should have introduced myself first.
I'm a happily married 50 year old male who has been fantasizing about this for years. I've been lurking at this site for a while now and just registered the other day. Since then I've been reading as much as I can. You guys are good people giving good advice. Thanks!

Originally Posted by DBL D

Sorry Mr&Mrs-naughty,

No disrespect intended.

It's kinda like--there's NAKED...and then there's NEKID.

Male D

I know, I was just giving you a hard time.

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by DBL D

Sorry to have to be so harsh.
Male D

I don't think you were harsh enough. *eyes the quote below*

By shadyvirgin: I think I should cheat on her. She is expecting it now anyway. And it is alot less complicated.

Yeah, I think that's a great idea! /sarcasm

Don't let the name worry you. "Shady" as in I don't want my wife to know yet that this is the direction I wanted to go when I said we needed something to spice up our sex life.

Wow, Glad you cleared that up. I was worried for a minute that you might be insinuating yourself a "cheater". /moresarcasm

[EvilMJ]

It took me a few minutes to bring my jaw off my desk....wow.

I am going to point out something that is strickly my own opinon and not meant to be judgemental. But if I were your wife and found out that you were having these discussions without my knowledge with the neighbour, I would be just as hurt, angry and upset as if you had actually cheated on me.

Swinging is based on trust, communication and love. If you don't have those things it just isn't going to work. If she is saying no because she is feeling insecure, you aren't doing anything to alay her fears and make her feel confident that you love her and only her, you are doing quite the opposite.

I think the best advice for you right now is to put yourself in your wife's shoes and try to understand where she is coming from, and then you maybe you may have a chance at getting her to talk about it. Swinging is not for everyone and maybe it's not for her (and that doesn't make her a bad person either) , I guess you have to really decide which is more important,swinging or your marriage.

Best of luck

[sensuality]

Okay guys and gals...I think we can ALL agree on this selfish $##*&%#'s motivations
And, please, Mr. -shady"slut"- DO NOT insult Eminem and any of his fans by using his name in any more of your posts...
You are a heartless, cruel man!And, I use the term "MAN" questionably!

[Spoomonkey]

I am leaning towards "troll" here...

Or - at the very least someone who really wanted to do things, but isn't mature enough to let nature take it's course. Swinging isn't something you bring up spontaneously - like a trip to the mall. It is something that most couples have to really talk about - and most men have to be very patient about.

This "she got pissed and I slept on the couch so now I think I am going to cheat" crap is pretty much the same as a three year old pitching a tantrum because he didn't get a sucker at the bank... This response is childish, selfish and disasterous.

If you are willing to cheat, then no wonder she wasn't willing to swing. She has no reason to trust you - and I am somewhat glad that she doesn't... She'd end up being the sucker, wouldn't she? In a sense, your "discussion" wasn't that at all - it was an ultimatum. She probably just knows you better than you'd like to admit... She smelled snake...

I think that lots of wives worry at first that husbands want to swing as a form of "sanctioned" cheating... In your wife's case, she was right...

Swinging is for big boys.

Now wipe your nose and grow up...

Spoomonkey

[sensuality]

Dito Dito

[shadyvirgin]

You guys have got to be fucking kidding me. Why so much anger? First, This is no bullshit. Everything I have witten is true. Second, I told my wife I wanted to fuck every woman I know. Whats wrong with that? I'm being honest. I can bet that at least half you haters........nevermind. Third, someone please explain to me just what the fuck swinging is and why everyone is looking down their nose at me now. The way I see it is that swinging is about fucking someone you are not married to (a differant flavor). It's just sex. I think my wife is right-we (you and me) are all cheaters. Don't try to make me feel bad with all this childish name calling. Fourth, I see questions and stories about threesomes on this site all the time. Are they any different than me?
I am glad you haters showed me the real you. To everyone who has been sincere and honest - I thank you.
To everyone who hates me - "I dont give a fuck if you dont like my shit, cause I was high when I wrote this so suck my dick" - EMINEM
Shady (IMSTILLONHARD)

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by shadyvirgin

Third, someone please explain to me just what the fuck swinging is and why everyone is looking down their nose at me now.

Swinging is the consensual and agreed upon choice of a couple to engage in sexual adventure with others.

You are talking about having sex behind your wife's back because she rebuffed your attempt to entice her into the lifestyle. AND further, you are already betraying the friend with whom you first discussed this by talking behind his back to his wife.

The big difference is this - my wife and I BOTH enjoy swinging. And if one of us did not, then neither of us would be involved. It's just that simple. Swinging can occur in the swirling muck of any kind of dysfuntion - but you will find that most of the happy, stable, mature swinging couples do what they do from the foundation of a strong and trusting relationship.

If you choose to cheat on your wife, you can call it swinging... Heck - you can even call it cricket, but it doesn't change what it is. The majority of the couples on this board fit perfectly into the definition that I have given and the idea of one spouse hurting another in the pursuit of their juvenile libido just never sits well.

Do a term search of the boards on the word cheater. You'd be surprised how consistent an opinion this is.

Spoomonkey

PS - sorry I have no Eminem to quote... But I'll work on that...

[sensuality]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

If you choose to cheat on your wife, you can call it swinging... Heck - you can even call it cricket, but it doesn't change what it is. The majority of the couples on this board fit perfectly into the definition that I have given and the idea of one spouse hurting another in the pursuit of their juvenile libido just never sits well.



P.S - sorry I have no Eminem to quote... But I'll work on that...

I could not have said the first part better!
I have lots of Eminem to quote, but I'm not willing to waste his expertise on this &@*&!@# !

[shadyvirgin]

Damn Spoomonkey, you sound like you were reading the definition of the word swinger straight from Websters. So it's okay to have sex with other people as long as you have permission? I have not cheated on my wife yet so please don't treat me like I have. To be totally honest I probably won't. If you read my first post you will remember that I have not had sex with anyone except my wife. Bottom line - I want to have carnal knowledge with another woman. Be honest, is that so fucking hard to grasp? Am I really that fucking different? I think not.
That Sensuality is some peice of work isn't she. I wonder what her husband would have to say about all of this. I will not quote Eminem this time as it pisses Sensuality off something fierce. I probably caused her to slap her husband three times she's so angry. He's probably sitting there wondering what he did to cause her to make his face burn. Sorry Mr. Sensuality.
Shady

[JustAskJulie]

Shady (wow you really picked a good name for yourself). I think we've all taken enough of our time trying to explain to you exactly what swinging is and is not. It's quite obvious that you don't get it and that you would probably fair much better on another site dedicated to the things that you want to do. You came here and posted a question to which you were given honest and sincere advice from the beginning.

You knew exactly what this group was about and you knew exactly what type of response you would get when you returned with your suggestion to cheat on your wife. Personally, I feel like you were probably just playing us from the start and are nothing but a little troll.

Noone attacked you but since you didn't like the responses you got you turned around attacked others. That type of response is not welcome here and you have already been warned regarding your language towards other users. If it continues you will not be asked to leave, you will be shown the door.

[DBL D]

Thanks Julie,

Shady's like a math problem on an I. Q. Test that you just can't figure out,
but you know you know the answer to. ::::::Surrender::::::

None of us can say that you don't know which way the wind's blowin'.

Male D