How do we talk to our wives about swinging?

[taomaster]

Originally Posted by desert_dwellers

These woman WANT to please their husbands.

Wow. What about pleasing themselves? I'd be really uneasy if I felt the Priestess was doing something just to make me happy.

[shadyvirgin]

Look at me! Is this some kind of record for the introductions secton? Over 300 looks and 27 responses. I guess you haven't seen anything like me in quite a while.

Thank you everyone for your advice. I think 99% of you are 100% sincere.
Let me say that everything I have written is true and as you know I am new at this. I was not trying to be funny but looking back I guess I was a hoot.

EBF - Thanks for the reprimand though I beleive I did not need it. Good Times removed his post before you or most anyone else could read it - so I have little defense.

Good times - I really believe your intent was to poke fun at me and incite others to do the same. You know, pick on the virgin. I was however out of line with the FU. For that I apologize. No hard feelings?

With that out of the way, thanks again. I have read all of the responses at least twice and never realized this could be so complicated.

I think I should cheat on her. She is expecting it now anyway. And it is alot less complicated. After all I don't need any advice on how to do that.

Shady

[TeamSoBe]

Aww, you're frustrated. Normal, it's okay. If you love her as much as you seem to then you probably won't. You don't seem to have any sort of overwhelming emotional need to go out and tag something new or anything like that. You seem to me like a stable, devoted guy who thinks maybe it's time to do some sexual exploration, not a compulsive purv cheater type.

Your wife has also only ever had one partner. She probably wants to do some exploring too. She just probably wasn't expecting you to come along and actually suggest it. It you and her both come to a point in your lives where you want to go out and do some exploring then you're all set to go out and do it. What you have now is two people who are not used to indulging themselves sexually who both need to gently come out of their shells.

You planted the seed by mentioning. Now you need to just go back to being a good husband and companion and all of that. That seed might grow and she might also end up wondering about how her life could be different if her partner encouraged her to do some exploring. If it does then you can experience it together and all of the energy and excitement will be something that you share.

I can understand the feeling that you need to get out and do some exploring before you die. If your wife just isn't into it and you still feel that way then whatever, you can consider cheating then. Until then I personally think that your wife deserves at least a chance to slowly come around. I would give her at least a year or two if I were you before writing the idea off. Best at this point if you could go at least a few weeks without brining it up yourself. She might bring it up herself and then she'll feel in control.

[good times]

shadyvirgin,

No hard feelings from my end, I truly meant no offense by my post. A few of your comments appeared to me that you were pocking fun at yourself and I thought I replied in that same spirit. The reason I deleted the content of the post was that after seeing your comment and rereading my post I could see how it could be inerpreted as inappropriate or offensive. I guess I kind of hit the post button on that one before it was thoroughly thought out. If you look at some of my other posts on the board though, I think you will see I don't make it a habit of poking fun at or picking on anybody, especially the "virgins".

[sensuality]

Please do not cheat on your wife If you sincerely feel the need and desire to bed other women, than let her go first.Nobody deserves that.And, in the end, you WILL feel like crap Everyone here understands your desire and your need to explore,but you made a commitment to her and that can't be taken lightly.Eventually, you'd get caught anyway...then what? :rollseyes Just give her a little more time Maybe you're just extremely frustrated right now, which is understandable...but try to see it from her point of view...what if it were her who wanted to swing and you didn't??Honestly, wouldn't that throw you for a loop,at least at first????I repeat, do not cheat on your wife

[BradAndJanet]

Originally Posted by good times

...If you look at some of my other posts on the board though, I think you will see I don't make it a habit of poking fun at or picking on anybody, especially the "virgins".

I'll vouch for that. Nobody here would pick on new people; I can't remember it ever happening. Teasing occurs, yes, from time to time, but we probably should wait until you get to know us first. I think this was just a terrible misunderstanding and a little joke gone astray. I'm glad to see apologies all around and hope we can just move on and forget about it now.

-B

[akamgaxoxo]

Yeah, I agree, it sounds like a little frustration there on your part dude! I can totally understand that! I am the female half of this cpl, and though I was the one who started the interest in the lifestyle, I can honestly say that cheating was NOT something that entered my mind. I have to agree with everyone here...chat with your wife again on this topic, however I would give it a few days, maybe sit down with her and lightly bring up the topic. Maybe just start by asking her if she has any fantasies she would like to share with you, any new and neato sexual ideas, dirty stories you can tell one another in bed. Those are always fun and a way to break the ice! facelick I would also tell her how much you love her, and in no way would this be about cheating on her. My hubby and I like to keep our lines of communication very very open and that is what we did to start and we still do that to this day.
Best of luck to you and don't throw in the towel yet!

[SexhoundDog]

Shady Virgin,
After reading your initial post and your wife's reaction, it kind of reminds me of my own experience over 20 years ago. I don't know if the outcome would've been any different, but you hit the nail on the head when you said you think your wife is insecure. Therefore, she probably thinks your primary interest in swinging is so YOU can have some extra pussy.

I think you can probably rectify your situation where she won't be pissed at you, regardless of whether she wants or doesn't want to swing. The next time you bring it up, you've got to make it clear to her that one of your reasons for wanting to try is that the thought of HER getting some strange dick is a real turn on to you, as much if not more so than you getting some strange pussy.

Along that vein, you might even tell her that the idea of an MFM with the guy of HER choosing is a turn on for you as well, even though you won't be getting any different partner. How does that idea work for you? If it doesn't, you've probably read enough on this board to know you ain't a swinger. If it does work, I think you've got a helluva lot better chance of having her think about the idea, even if she doesn't want to act on it now. At least it will open up the conversation on how she feels about a different dick, and I've got to believe the MFM image might conjure up yummy thoughts in her head. Good luck!

[ChasCouple]

Shady,

Please remember that persistence can and does pay off...my husband brought up the topic shortly after we married 10 years ago, and it took 8 years before I came around to the idea. He'd bring it up periodically and one day I surprised him by giving it the go ahead. We'd been each other's first and only, and I honestly thought he was testing my loyalty or something when he first broached the subject.

So, keep at it (respectfully, of course) and maybe she'll come around. Good luck.

[midnight hour]

She actually thinks that if I stick my dick in another woman that I will lose my mind and forget my way home

Because we have been trained to think that way..or some of us has..and if you think really really hard..somewhere on your buddy list is someone who did that exact same thing...I can think of at least 10....course the whole issue of swinging was not there..but they forgot their way home and that sticks in your craw..especially if you think you are not the model type..and *you* the wife have the tendency to burden most of the child rearing/shopping/moral fabric that keeps a family together..lets face it..left to men few Christmas trees and lights would ever get out of the attic.
So it is a very real fear.
But talk and talk. The first time Mr. Midnight mentioned a threesome I said no and went on..did not interest me, he could talk about it all he wanted during sex, but as for going the jump, I was not ready. A few years later I was. Now we are going to the second hurdle..a full swap perhaps. I expect I will move no faster on this one either..I am a turtle sometimes very careful turtle.
Let me give you a little advice though, talk about it sometimes not all the time. Mr. Midnight has a habit of getting obsessed with something and does not realize it until I could scream. I actually have to tell him that it is just us in the bed tonite..he does not realize it, and it is not his fault. But it gets a little over bearing sometimes.
Go slow..very slow. You never know. I think it was a total surprise with Mr. Midnight when I finally did, and have did so several times.

midnight hour

[shadyvirgin]

"Guess who's back, back again. Shady's back, tell a freind" - EMINEM
Hey guys, alot has changed since my last post. My wife is totally and completely against this whole idea as you know. However the whole idea between my friend, his wife and myself has heated up considerably. His wife and I have talked privately and agreed that we want each other (sexually of course) badly but it would not be fair to our spouses to get a "head start". I think he sees the sexual attraction between his wife and I and might possibly consider a threesome. I am pretty sure she would go for it. What do you think?
Shady(imonhard)

By the way. Does anyone know how to change their user name.

[DBL D]

Hiya Shady,

Man, if you cheat on your wife, your moniker will truly be appropriate.

If you value anything that is suggested on this board you will realize quickly that the success stories come from those who have remained committed to each other. This Swinging thing is about SHARING. You seem on the verge of destroying your relationship...for what? A roll in the hay without her knowledge? Naughty, Naughty. If that is your way of convincing her of your desires then go get the D Papers tomorrow.

Sorry to have to be so harsh.

(Why do I feel like you are feedin' us all a line?)

Male D

[Rett]

If this guy is just having his fun with members on the board it should not even be answered - what a way to seriously converse.

If he is considering cheating on a wife or partner who is committed to him, what a scoundrel, why bother responding to him.

Which is it?

Perhaps he should seriously consider what he is doing!

[sepacouple]

Shady,

If your postings are really real then you need to go and join the cheaters board because this board is the wrong place for you and you obviously don't understand what swinging is really about!!!

If your postings are not real then you don't belong here either!!!

Posted by DBL D:

You seem on the verge of destroying your relationship...for what? A roll in the hay without her knowledge? Naughty, Naughty.

Hey now!!!!