How do we talk to our wives about swinging?

[OhioCouple]

Originally Posted by mrs good times

You poor sick bastard. I'm sorry we are getting a laugh at your expense but we just can't help it.

Wow, Mrs. Good Times, I'm not sure what sparked that sort of response out of you. I shall assume that 'we' means yourself and your self and your husband. Honestly, I'm shocked, that sort of response is so unlike you.

[good times]

I deleted this post as I aparently offended shady which was not my intent. I was trying to be supportive through humor and failed miserably, For that I sincerely apologize.

[mrs good times]

Ohiocouple,

It was just joking. She called him "sick". Get it? Surrender

[shadyvirgin]

JJ, I mean DYNOMITE, I mean good times. Fuck you.

[OhioCouple]

Speaking from the perspective of a female in which this kinda got sprung on me once many moons ago with Mr. O...I pretty much took the stance that your wife did.

Knowing now, what I did not then, and due to the fact of the time between your postings, my best bet is that you brought the subject up, out of eagerness. Entirely understandable. However speaking only for myself, when my husband first brought this up to me, every insecurtiy that I'd ever had, cropped up. We had often had fun talking in fantasy, but he was talking reality and that scared the bejeebers out of me. Of course there were a lot of other factors, such as we had only been together a few years, I'd been cheated on in the past...etc. I voiced my distaste and the matter was dropped. Several years later, I was the one who re-introduced the prospect. By this time I had had time to research the swinging lifestye, time to adjust in my role as a wife and lover, and comfortable with knowing that we had a firm committment to each other. While he had dropped the subject, imagine his surprise when I suggested it.

My advice to you, Shady, is that now you have planted the seed it is time to follow your wife's lead . She may or may not embrace the lifestyle, however you have each learned something new about the other. If you dare, you may want to show her this website for her to read on her own, or the better case scenario...you read it together.

Best of luck to you both and Welcome to the board!!

Mrs. O

[OhioCouple]

Originally Posted by mrs good times

Ohiocouple,

It was just joking. She called him "sick". Get it? Surrender

I get it now Mrs. Good Times. That flew way over my head I suppose. Please forgive the knucklehead that I can be at times. :slam"

[mrs good times]

Shadyvirgin,

If my post offended you I apologize, that was not my intention. After reading the entire post I did find some humor it from you and others so I did not think you would take it poorly.

Again, please accept my apology.

[shadyvirgin]

Thanks, Mrs. O. I have to admit though..........nevermind

[TeamSoBe]

My wife and I have had quite a few emotional screaming matches on the long road toward understanding each other. Plenty of them about this whole fucking-other-people thing. Plenty of them when the word "cheat" came up, and was used forcefully. Plenty where one or the other of us accused the other of being a sicko purv with no self control.

She and I actually get along really well. You wouldn't know during those two hours on the confrontation days, but overall we get along really really well, we love each other very much, and we are comfortable getting frisky with friends. We always end up learning a little about each other after those fights and we never stay pissed off. We have had several different times where we just called everyting off entirely for weeks or months because it wasn't right for one or the other of us. We always end up coming back to wanting to fuck people for kicks. Guess it's just in us.

Keep talking to your wife. Whether either of you ever end up getting laid you'll end up learning about each other and you'll get closer. If it's right for both of you then you'll end up converging on a policy that leads toward rolling around naked with people. If not then that won't happen and hopefully you'll still be happy.

Very important for you at your stage to not be goal-oriented. She's sensitive toward the idea that you're pushing an agenda that involves getting permission to cheat on her and you really will be doing that if you don't watch yourself. Wrap your head around the idea that from where you're standing it will probably take years before you and your wife are ready, and if you're still into it knowing that then keep talking about it even if it leads to some drama every once in a while. Drama is good for your relationship as long as you make a point of learning something from it.

[desert_dwellers]

IMHO: Keep pushing the issue. (as far as you dare)

It sounds to me like you have yet to have a serious conversation about it with her. If she truly cares about you she will hear you out, even if she doesn't like to hear what you have to say. This is obviously something that is important to you (posting to the swingers board is not for "experimenters") so it should be important to her as well.

Good luck Dude! We are all rootin' for ya!

-J

[desert_dwellers]

I would liek to say something here...

I am wife to J (desert_dwellers) and when I approached hubby with the "idea" of an open relationship, I don't think it was something he expected. I am a lover of sex....in all aspects. I haven't found many women like that. I run a website for Moms and give sex advice to those that come to me (most do). I am shocked at how many woman are actually TURNED off from the act of sex itself....and when they actually are willing to LEARN hwo to become better at it, they still are SHOCKED at some of the ideas I try to introduce. Yet..... they WANT to know. These woman WANT to please their husbands.

I would tell you now, take it VERY slow. Some women find it embarassing to admit their wants and needs. Altho....most admit, they WANT another man. Kinda funny how that works huh?????

Just take baby steps....one day at a time. It may be something she may NEVER want. You will know if you have enough communication.

I can say.... me and my husband have communication and it's probably the one thing that makes our relationship work. I urge all women on my site to make DAMN sure they have total communication with their spouses and significant others. If not, all else will fail.

Hope yer off the couch! I always hated that in my last marriage! LOL


-S

[desert_dwellers]

Damn! She's always right!

-J

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by shadyvirgin

JJ, I mean DYNOMITE, I mean good times. Fuck you.

shadyvirgin, this was totally inappropriate and absolutely not the way we handle differing opinions on this board.

Good Times has been around a very long time, and I've never known either of them to be deliberately offensive in their postings. Honest and opinionated like the rest of us? Yes. But offensive? No. They have deleted their original post (and I would assume appropriately so); therefore, I don't really know what warranted this type of response from you. However, given their track record, I can't believe it was so offensive as to result in the above comments.

We were all teasing you...myself included. That is the way we frequently get to know each other here. With friendly joshing back and forth. Sorry if you were offended, but please, no name calling or offensive flames. There are more mature ways to handle issues.

In the future, if you find a post offensive, please report it to the moderators. Next to your name, there is a button you can click placed there for that express purpose.

- EBF

[sensuality]

I have to agee with EBF...I was on another post and it was a pretty heated discussion...on more than one occasion I honestly felt like literally cussing one couple to shreds...However, I came to the conclusion it really isn't worth it and we are all on here to seek guidance and advice of one form or another.You've got to realize sometimes,you're going to read something from someone you may or may not like Just roll with it
There's another post on this thread...can't remember who wrote it ...but it was a lady.She was talking about all the insecurities that crop up when the subject rolls around to swinging...that is so very true!Also, all the things TeamSoBe wrote are extremely valuable to you right now!Take things very slowly from here on out.Also, I hope I didn't offend you when I said she made you sleep on the couch...I just assumed My bad!! Hopefully, in time,things will work themselves out .Good Luck!!

[Elusive BiFem]

We all have bad days, sensuality, and maybe shadyvirgin had one, too. After all, having slept on the couch doesn't make for a good nights sleep....

I'd like to think that he would come back and realize that maybe there are better ways to communicate his negative feelings about things, and maybe realize we aren't here to offend, but to offer our opinions and suggestions based on personal experiences and beliefs. We do tease each other frequently, and sometimes new people don't realize our intent. It takes a while to get to know others and is a learning process in and of itself.

I hope he'll join us again...in a better mood. - EBF