Will other couples respect our tight boundaries?

[vanilla]

Hi, everyone. We've been reading this wonderful site for some time now before getting up the nerve to post. We hope you can offer us as valuable advice as we've so often seen you give to others.

We are on the verge of swinging, ready to attend a club or post an ad. We've talked it through at length, worked out an understanding, and feel very confident about our decision to move forward.

However, we're worried that we're just too straight and that no one will have us. Specifically, the "she" half of us, is pretty wild in bed and has done some pretty crazy things, but when you get right down to it, has some pretty basic limits. She doesn't like anal or oral.

Does this rule us out as swingers? Or are there folks who will still have us?

We've had sex in public numerous times, been to strip clubs, had other guys join us, you name it. But while she's multi-orgasmic, enjoys toys and masturbation, crowd scenes, etc., she simply doesn't enjoy anal (may be some lingering childhood issues there, but we're not sure) or anal (she's a tiny thing, and each time we tried it, preparations and plenty of lube aside, she was in agony for days afterwards each time and didn't get enough pleasure out of it to make it worth the pain). It's as simple as that.

So, we're wondering, are there other couples who will respect these boundaries and have us anyway? Or are we pricing ourselves out of the market, as it were? We hope you can be gentle but direct with us, and give us your honest opinions. We're completely sincere and hopeful that there's still hope for us.

We really do want to swing. We're attractive and fun to be around (so we're told), have been together for roughly 20 years, are very secure, love sex, and have all the right motivations, based on what we've read here. And he's open to basically anything. But we worry that any potential couples we'd partner with won't have us if we discuss bring up these two very basic boundaries.

We're anxious to hear what you have to say. Thanks in advance.

[wrnakedru]

And Welcome to the board! Glad you found your way here, and that you have been reading the storehouse of information available here. Best of all - so glad you have come out from "lurk mode" to make your first post. And if you've been reading for a while, you already know we love to have our opinions asked for!

As far as your question goes about whether you're too straight to be successful as swingers - your reading [hopefully] has also taught you there's a wide range of activity level that folks feel comfortable including when interacting with others. So there are no hard and fast rules about anything. You set your own.

Anal, despite it's inclusion in darned near every porn flick out there - is not something all swingers participate in. And of those who do, a good many only do so on a very occasional basis with their significant other only. [or at least that is my impression from what I have read here]

Now - oral, well, that's a different answer entirely, I believe. Still, I have some questions for you. You say the "she" half doesn't like oral.

Are you referring to 'giving' or 'receiving'? To and/or from males? Females? Both?

I don't mean to infer that any particular response to the above questions is necessarily a "deal breaker" in the making for you - simply that the answer to the above questions may make it easier for us to respond to you in a manner more significant to your question.

Thanks!

WR

[Miss_Piggy]

If couples can be successful swingers without kissing, you folks can be successful without anal and oral. Like wrnakedru said, you make your own rules here. Just be clear with outhers about what you are willing to do and what you are not willing to do and they can take it or leave it. Take care and welcome to the wonderful world of posting.

~Piggy

Mrs naughty is completely turned off by anal sex and it is a definate no-no for her.

That hasnt slowed us down at all!

As far as oral,

She does like that. Something about having another mans cock in her mouth is just naughty.

But she doesnt do it much. maybe for a minute or two.

We have found ,so far, that the men she is with are more interested in pleasing her anyway.

It sounds like you two would make fine swingers!!

[Elusive BiFem]

When I first read your post, I had some great answers planned...scrolled on down, and Darn!! Others had beat me to it. So here I sit with little more than a Dito to add to the others.

Bottom line...don't worry about it. There are all sorts of people out there that have what others might think of as little quirky likes and dislikes and they make allowances for each other. In other words, each and every one of us has a quirk thrown in here and there.

There is far more to the swinging experience than anal or oral sex. I'd only suggest you discuss this freely and openly with potential partners to eliminate any last second confusion about your personal boundaries. I think you will find that absolutely honesty upfront is the most basic key to any successful encounter.

And wrnakedru is right...with a little more info, you might get more specific responses. Care to share?

- EBF

[yawanna]

Welcome and ditto on the Dito

We 'anal' (new slogan??) but as Mr says 'her ass is mine ONLY'.

Very few swingers anal as part of the play...now oral....that's a bit of a prerequisite until things move on. Sort of a party starter.

If she doesn't want to give.. no one is going to put it in her face and demand. If she doesn't want to receive, she can just say so.

'No thanks'. And move on to other activities. I don't think these will be 'deal breakers' at all.

We wish you both well and lots of fun

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE MR NAUGHTY!!!

We are on the same page as far as anal-on the VERY RARE occasion it happens it's ONLY with him.

However, as far as oral-he did not mention that I have VERY SEVERE TMJ and my jaw could lock open(or shut ) if I'm not careful. That is the reason I don't go blowjob crazy. I think it would probably take the fun out of it if I lopped one off one day. <EG>

[b_and_sc]

Anal is a BIG NO-NO for the mrs here!!! with playmates AND hubby!!!! it's strictly off limits

now oral is something different, but as miss piggy said, if there are couples who swing without kissing, I'm SURE as long as you let people know, the lack of oral wouldn't be a problem...

b

[SluttyWife]

Originally posted by Miss_Piggy
If couples can be successful swingers without kissing, you folks can be successful without anal and oral. Like wrnakedru said, you make your own rules here. Just be clear with outhers about what you are willing to do and what you are not willing to do and they can take it or leave it. Take care and welcome to the wonderful world of posting.

~Piggy

You said it baby!
and the wonderful world of swinging!

;-*

[Spoomonkey]

Isn't vanilla secretly everyone's favorite flavor?



I think you'd be surprised at what kind of friends you could make - even with your limits. Granted, if a couple is looking for something else, they may play with you, discover your limits aren't working for them and then just greet you at the club. We have friends like that. We played, we didn't like (usually limits don't have a whole lot to do with that) and now they are just good friends when we see them at the club.

We hug and greet people we have or have not played with and we could have a great night at our club even if we just play pool all night (that is a great place to flirt with folks that you wouldn't think of playing with).

I don't think you've "priced yourselves out of the market" at all. I think you are doing just what you should do (as everyone above me has said) - you're approaching the lifestyle on your terms, and your terms will work

Spoomonkey

[vanilla]

Originally posted by wrnakedru
Now - oral, well, that's a different answer entirely, I believe. Still, I have some questions for you. You say the "she" half doesn't like oral.

Are you referring to 'giving' or 'receiving'? To and/or from males? Females? Both?

I don't mean to infer that any particular response to the above questions is necessarily a "deal breaker" in the making for you - simply that the answer to the above questions may make it easier for us to respond to you in a manner more significant to your question.

First off, thanks so much for the welcome, the responses, and the non-condescending advice. We'd wanted to post our question for ages but were hesitant to do so, fearful that we'd be laughed right off the site: What, you want to swing but won't do oral or anal? Who are you kidding?!?

We were quite nervous and a tad tipsy (to get up the guts) when we posted, and in hindsight, we realize our post was a bit vague. Thanks for pointing that out, wrnakedru, and for asking for clarification.

Here's the deal: He's open to just about anything not involving pain (and maybe that's just because he's yet to try it!). She loves intercourse (loves it) and receiving oral, but doesn't want to give it, for personal reasons. We've learned to deal with that, though it's caused us some frustration over the years. Because we love one another deeply, we look beyond the limit, but weren't sure whether potential swing partners would be willing to.

The possiblity that there was an episode in her childhood that keeps her from performing oral (we're really not sure but suspect there may have been) suggests other baggage, but honestly, there's not. She loves sex and can really cut loose, aside from that limit, when aroused. So, we were left wondering if there was hope for us.

You've given us a ton of confidence to establish our limits and stick to them while pursuing a couple that will do the same. We just hope the folks we encounter as we search (and hopefully, play) will be half as nice as you all have been. Thanks again!

[CoupleInLove]

Hi from Central Calif, Vanilla!
We are fairly new to swinging. We started at a club. We found that we were welcome to just window shop, chat, have a few beers, dance...not much pressure to participate. My wife is very pretty so we did get some interest but we said no, we weren't ready for that yet. Everone was very gracious and moved on to other prospects in the room. That could be a benefit of the club scene, your not the only fish on the menu. What did help a lot was the hosts did a great job of touring the location, explaining the ettiquette(?) and making us feel welcome.
We did end up in the open public room where people are allowed to observe others having sex. We sat off to the side to watch, then the Mrs started handling my erection. To my surprise, when a mattress was available she pulled me onto the bed and got me off. We kind of forgot that there were others watching. Then I returned the favor. When she started cumming and making those moans and groans, the whole room started getting off. We suddenly were aware that we were the center of attention. what and ego boost!
I think you'll find that your new partner's are just happy to have you along for the ride. If you're ok with it, his frustration of not having oral from you could be relieved by the new partner. Be assured there will be plrnty to do without feeling onligated to any particular action.

[WesternSwing]

Like has been said, everyone has their quirks. We have some boundries about what we will and won't do with anyone else because we feel we need to keep something between us that we don't share with others. Anal is one of them. The other is wearing a condom, for safe sex reasons and even if we know the other couple is 100% D&D free, cleansliness.

We too are new to this so we haven't had a whole lot of different couples yet, but even after an episode with others we have sex because we are still so charged, and although some guys do, I don't like "sloppy seconds". If another preson can't respect that, then they aren't right for us. And we won't be pressured into doing something we don't want to. There are plenty more people out there.

For the most part though, everybody we've met has been very open to respecting our wishes as we do theirs. And those that aren't are not worth our time. This should be fun, and everybody should go home without any regrets.