His actions with the female make me uncomfortable...

[in4alook]

Ok, other than say you are getting great advice which you should follow I can only add my point of view. By definition breaking the rules is cheating. He needs to understand that, and so do you. Take a break, take the advice, its time to reboot with someone new. Good luck

[funfun31]

If he is waiting for u to leave to room to do anything, that is a red flag, too. If he waited til you weren't there, then he knows you would not approve if he did it in front of you. Long story short; he's being sneaky and that is NEVER a good sign. We've been in the lifestyle about two years, and I have seen behavior like this screw couples up right away. Couples where either half acts this way never last long in the lifestyle. He needs to change his attitude. This is about sex and fun for BOTH of you, not a backdoor route for him to get a "girlfriend." Also, when you go in with rules, you DON'T change them on the fly unless the two of you halt the action, go off together and discuss it in private, then abide by whatever is decided MUTUALLY. We have given newbie couples open permission, that if at any time they need to go talk to each other about the next step, or something that might be making them uncomfortable, etc... to go ahead and talk to each other (we won't run away). That was something our swinging mentor couple taught us. But one of the top five rules in swinging (after all the ones about open, honest communication, not keeping secrets from each other, etc..) is that you NEVER take one for the team. It's a cardinal sin of swinging.

[magiriano]

Originally Posted by jonelle514

Hi, we are pretty new to lifestyle. We have been married 11 years and have two kids. We currently live in FL. I am 30 and he is 33. So far we are still trying to get our feet wet. I am still a little hesitant in doing a full swap, but he is all for it. I do feel that if I give him the okay to do it that I will be taking one for the team, plus his actions with the female make me uncomfortable. I look forward to getting to know people on this site as I have a million questions LOL.

I am the m half here and NOW I can understand how you feel.
I am the one that came up with the idea of swinging (or so I think) and I know we jumped head first and were totally uninformed about what is out there and what can happen.
So far we only had one full swap experience and two experiences in total and they were both bad.
On our first experience we both took one for the team and now know better.
Don't know about you, but I am in the swinging scene for my wife's enjoyment, otherwise I'd have an affair.
If your man is disregarding your feelings then he's looking for a licence to cheat.......
We just ordered almost $300 worth of literature on swinging and after reading
"Recreational Sex" and "Together Sex" we decided to keep swinging but be extremely selective. It is a team sport and all parties involved should enjoy it.

[Cpl2share]

Jonelle: You have gotten a lot of good advice. You might have noticed, everyone here is saying the same things. Take a step back, never take one for the team, and never let anything interfere in your marriage! If he could not control himself in the heat of the moment, BULLSHIT, that is no different than the cheater saying, "The alcohol made me do it." Cut this couple out of your lives and move on. Before you proceed with swinging sit down and talk to hubby. Tell him exactly how you felt, how you do feel and what you expect from him and swinging. If he does not respect that or comply with the rules that you two agree on, stop, for good.

[bbarnsworth]

We haven't seen her on this thread for nearly a month now. I am quite curious what has transpired.

[mrfunfan]

Jonelle,

We have met a lot of guys with sneaky and aggressive behaviour in the lifestyle and it's a shame. Men that cannot control themself should not be in the lifestyle. Just like anything else..if you can't control your drinking..then you shouldn't be drinking should you?? We have been in many situations where the guys just won't let the girls have fun without touching. I always wondered how their wife felt because with us...it made me worry about my wife and his wife.

I have the opposite problem..I am so respectful that girls don't think I am into them and I'm so open and honest with my wife about sex and fantasies that she has the same insecurity issues. She actually worries about me developing feelings and losing me even if I'm just telling her a fantasy. We are just programmed differently I guess and she constantly needs reassurance.

FYI, Guys think with their penis and maybe his is bigger than mine if he can't control it, LOL but what he is saying about not developing feelings or anything special is really true if he is being honest and loves you. My first problem with him is that if he can't control himself and lied about that..that is a red flag.

My wife doesn't like hearing this but I have to say..."When I am able to share everything with my wife spiritually, emotionally, and sexually it brings me even closer to her and I fall even more deeply in love". This doesn't mean I have to fuck or play with anyone. Just the pure thought of my wife wanting to please me sexually and fulfill my fantasies blows my mind and makes me want to worship her!

Our problem is....what brings me closer to her can make her sad because she thinks she isn't enough.... It isn't true and maybe other girls feel this way but I know where my heart is and I love my wife. I want to grow old with her and she is the only one I want to share my fantasies with.

What I have realized in the lifestyle is that I was selfish before...I'm not the only one who can please my wife and make her feel good. I understand and actually enjoy seeing her happy regardless if it was me or someone else that made her day! I remember the days when someone would just give her a compliment and I got jealous...now...if someone compliments her and she smiles...I love to see the smile on her face and damn proud she is mine! I feel the same when I see her having sex

On the other hand, I wish she felt the same in return about me but she has not reached that level. She cannot think of me having a good time without her or with someone else. So I don't do much with girls unless she is OK with it. One day she might, but we are definitely programmed differently.