His actions with the female make me uncomfortable...

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by jonelle514

He tells me that no special feelings are going to come out, but I feel like they are already forming.

I have a feeling you are right. You need to put a stop to all of this, to contact with this couple. You aren't interested in them and as you said if you continue with them you are taking one for the team. That's the first NO. The second NO is that he is going beyond your comfort zone with his communications with this girl.

HUGE RED FLAG is this jealousy/possessiveness that is developing between the two of them. Ask your husband to really think about how he would feel if the roles were reversed.

Sometimes men really need to be smacked upside the head with what is going on. Too often, we ladies are guilty of hinting at what is going on in our heads and thinking that we are communicating fully when we are not... or of expecting the men to read our minds and gather all the details (why not, they know what's going on too right?). They can't read minds, and they don't take hints. Be as straight forward with him as possible and lay out the details of what you see happening and how it makes you feel.

[jonelle514]

we met them online, at Swing Lifestyle. That was about a month ago. They said they have only done oral with other couples and same room sex, never a full swap. They want a full swap with us. My expectations of swinging was to find a couple that we liked and to experience sex with them and maybe progress into a full swap, but we wanted to be friends with them. As in not have sex with them all the time, but be a one couple couple. I know that they want to be a one couple couple also. I am open to all ideas, I just want to take it slow. My husband has always wanted to see me with another woman, but we didn't start talking about swinging until a year ago and finally joined Swing Lifestyle a few months ago.

[jonelle514]

I have talked to him again and he said that he only acts like he is jealous to make her feel good. He says that he does not have deep feelings for her, that it is the newness and she has never been with another guy since she got married so he wants to be her first. He thinks it is like taking someone's virginity. We did talk about rules and he says that he will abide by them.

[iapr]

I know you are probably feeling like you want to get things off your chest and talk to other people that understand but to save you some trouble you really don't need to give us any more background info. We all see the light and everyone is telling you this is a bad situation and you need to put the brakes on big time or everything is going to blow up in your face worse than what it already is.

At this point it really doesn't matter what he "SAYS". Actions speak way louder than words and he has already blown it many times over. This should have been nipped in the bud the first time you realized you were not sexually attracted to either one of them.

YOU ARE BEING MANIPULATED!!! You are being scammed. You are being browbeat into taking one for the team at best and being forced into watching your husband enter into an affair at worst.

He has already fucked it up and screwed the pooch. He has already made several mistakes. From now on everything that you do to allow this situation to go on, YOU are the one making the mistake!!!!

YOU are responsible for your own actions and even though your husband is being an ass, you are also responsible for what takes place within your marriage. These little kids are obviously not considerate enough of you or anyone else so it is time to take responsibility for yourself. GET OUT OF THIS MESS!!! Do whatever it takes to remove yourself from this situation!! Don't let this go on any longer.

[lovinher]

Welcome! You have come to right place. Now the challenge is to get your husband here. Time to put your foot down and when you do you will find just how much your husband cares about your feelings. Whatever you do not do anything whatsoever that you are not comfortable with. It will lead to resentment and jealousy. IMO you are being to way passive about the whole thing. In time you will resent what is or may happen and you both will worse off for it. IMO swinging for couples goes hand in hand with mutual respect and mutual desires. It seems you are not getting that. Do it on your terms or don't do it at all. I think that is one of the most important things a couple must agree on before they start delving or dipping into the lifestyle. This may be harsh but sounds to me like your husband isn't "swinging". He just wants some strange and is already infatuated with other woman and she with him. Your second post, to me, verifies that. If he refuses or points the blame on you, you have some serious marriage problems to work out that go beyond swinging.

I'm curiuos, does he show you these all night chats?
Don't be doormat-even for your husband.


Good luck and I hope it works out for you.

[lizandtom]

Originally Posted by jonelle514

My expectations of swinging was to find a couple that we liked and to experience sex with them and maybe progress into a full swap, but we wanted to be friends with them. As in not have sex with them all the time, but be a one couple couple. I know that they want to be a one couple couple also.

Please realize that you are not joining a country club; you are here to fulfill sexual fantasies. Your expectation of being friends first probably will keep you from ever getting to the sexual stage. We have seen couples "courting" another couple for months, and it just doesn't get to the sex stage, then it dies anyway. I could elaborate further but hope you get the point that you are here to find someone besides your husband sexually interesting to explore further. Since you have no interest in this other couple, then it should be another. Your husband is being a selfish ass and as Lovinher said....

Originally Posted by lovinher

Welcome! You have come to right place. Now the challenge is to get your husband here.

Your husband should definitely come here for a proper swinging education. Swinging ought to go at the slowest persons pace. Right now that would be you.

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by jonelle514

I have talked to him again and he said that he only acts like he is jealous to make her feel good. He says that he does not have deep feelings for her, that it is the newness and she has never been with another guy since she got married so he wants to be her first. He thinks it is like taking someone's virginity. We did talk about rules and he says that he will abide by them.

My BS meter is still pegging 9.9 on this one.

Reality; his jealous feelings are making you feel rotten. What's more important? Her feeling good or you feeling good?

Bottom line; you're not attracted to either person in this couple. They aren't the one couple you are going to be one couple couple with, period. Therefore, regardless of your husband's behavior, this is over. It doesn't matter what he says, does, thinks, feels, or behaves. It's over. Done. Kaput.

Look, you don't NEED this couple. I just did a search on Swing Lifestyle using 32514 as the zip code. I restricted the search to age 21 to 39, active within the last two weeks on Swing Lifestyle, and within 20 miles of 32514. The search came back with 323 matches. I'm very sure there's another couple out there that is willing to be a one couple couple, willing to go at whatever the slowest pace is, and not have the problems of emotional attachments beyond friendship getting in the way.

Everybody here is telling you the same thing. DROP this couple. NOW. Get more assertive with your husband and insist he cut it off cold turkey, and that the two of you need to step back and make darn certain what the rules are and they will NEVER be broken again. He should count his lucky stars he has a wife who is willing and happy to swing. If he thinks the only possible person he could ever have swinging sex with is this other woman, he's deluding himself, being dishonest with himself and probably with you. Well, he's already been dishonest with you anyways.

For what it's worth, my wife and I have a rule of no cuddling when not engaged in play with a playmate. It's intimate, reserved for us. The closest I ever got to actually cuddling another playmate was holding her, and lightly playing with her while both of us were intentionally watching our spouses enjoy each other. That lasted all of a few minutes before we had to return to our own activities I get so turned on by watching my wife with someone else... But anyways, cuddling is right out. Your husband cuddling with the other woman when he didn't expect you to come back in so soon was flat, utterly, completely wrong. He was cheating on you, and trying to cover it up by saying it was a joke was a blatant lie. That he's acting jealous to make this other woman feel good strikes me similarly as a lie.

I STRONGLY agree with IAPR here. Fool you once, shame on him. Fool you twice, shame on you. You know what the score is. You know what the deal is. Don't play the fool. Put an end to this immediately. If your husband can't cut it off with someone you are not comfortable with, then he has no business swinging at all. That's another rule my wife and I have; if either of us says it has to stop with X person/couple, it stops with X person/couple. Period. No trying to convince, no trying to pressure, no trying to get one more opportunity to have sex with X person/couple, nothing. The most we might do is sit down and talk about why it needs to stop, to help understand what is happening to prevent it from happening in the future with new people. No means no. It's not negotiable.

If this affair is allowed to continue it will only get worse. Your radar is strongly telling you there are emotions developing here, and many people here agree with that. Once he starts having sex with her (and worse when it's on a regular basis) this is going to become far, far worse.

Mind, we've only been talking about you and your husband. The other woman certainly knows what is going on and is being utterly disrespectful of you and your marriage. That's a huge red flag in and of itself. If she can't respect you and your marriage, she has no business fucking your husband. She's intentionally screwing with your marriage. For my wife and I, if another couple or single is not willing to respect our marriage, there's no way in heck they get to play with either of us. Our marriage comes first, period. We're in swinging because we have an amazing marriage. We're not in swinging to screw that up. We are in no way fearful of anyone screwing our marriage up, but we are vigilant to keep away people who do not respect our marriage.

STOP this affair. Now. I can't over emphasize this. The house is burning in front of your eyes.

[MrkLin]

What they said ^^^ !

[2inSanDiego4u]

After reading the others replies, we agree for the most part with the advice being given. IMHO, you should pause, create new rules that you're both comfortable with, and most importantly -- FIND A NEW COUPLE TO PLAY WITH. Let this couple go. You need a fresh start. Regarding the new rules, write them down! There should be no question as to what should or should not happen. Try to think about all aspects and angles of a lifestyle encounter. As you go you'll both want to modify the rules. This is fine as long as you both agree to the changes and communicate about everything. Good luck!

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by jonelle514

I have talked to him again and he said that he only acts like he is jealous to make her feel good. He says that he does not have deep feelings for her, that it is the newness and she has never been with another guy since she got married so he wants to be her first. He thinks it is like taking someone's virginity. We did talk about rules and he says that he will abide by them.

Jonelle, What do you not like about each person in this couple ?

Do you feel like if you dont go along with all this, you wont be.....accepted ?

Just a feeling

[i_am_me]

I want to add in that I think I understand what you are feeling. When we got our first chance to play with someone else we did it and ignored some of the warning signs. It took us months to get to the point where we are over that. It very nearly ended the relationship and/or our interest in swinging. I agree with everyone else on here. You have to do what you agreed on and you have to both want this. I know it seems like this is your only option now, but trust me that it is better to let it go than to try to repair your relationship afterwards. You will get another chance, but let it be when you both feel the same way about the couple, you have agreed on rules and you trust each other to follow them.

[sexcupid]

The only question I have after reading this thread...what does the other lady's husband think of all this?!

[Pepper & Drew]

Where there's smoke, there's fire, and if you feel uncomfortable with his actions with this woman, there's a dang good reason. I think you're being played like a DVD, and your husband is running rough-shod over your feeling and boundaries. You really need to sit him down and tell him exactly how serious this is. And, you need to stop seeing this couple, or any other couple for that matter, until you can agree how you'll procede with swinging. Do not deny your gut--it typically is correct.

Now, this is good advice:

Originally Posted by 2insandiego4u

IMHO, you should pause, create new rules that you're both comfortable with, and most importantly -- FIND A NEW COUPLE TO PLAY WITH. Let this couple go. You need a fresh start.

Trust me, they're not the only couple in Pensacola....not by a long shot!

Pepper

[VANudistcpl]

Jonelle,

First let us join in welcoming you to the board.

Second, let me tell you that you should put a stop to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. I didn't learn that when I was younger, but now if either of us feel uncomfortable with a situtation then we stop what is happening.

What happened to me (Mr. VANudist) is that I felt uneasy with the way my former wife acted around one of our first swing experiences. I took one for the team and let her have her way. Long story short we ended up going our separate ways and I am actually glad we did because I would not have met the current wife.

Third, we do enjoy the lifestyle, but we take it at our own pace. Good luck to you.

[Forbidden_Fruit]

We have been active in the lifestyle for about a year and a half. During my introduction my husband (who had prior experience) was nothing but respectful and considerate of my feelings and let my timing lead the way. We have clear boundries and he has never crossed them. We meet lots of people, always for a casual meet first and we are friends with several. There is no pressure, no rushing and certainly no taking one for the team.

If you husband isn't willing to play by the rules then you both need to take a huge step back and get on the same page. Really on the same page. And the two of you need to start talking about how you feel, my guess is he doesn't know. Don't worry about sounding like a jealous wife. They are your feelings and whatever they are they are valid.