She talks more with my hubby than me

[hot4you]

Hello! Can't wait to get started to see what will happen with this. Isuue#1 - did a 3 some and 4some with the same couple. First time for all of us. Wife of other couple was absoultley blown away with doing it w/my hubby. Now shes troubled and confused. I can't talk with her about it. It seems that she talks more with my hubby than me. hmmmm. Issue #2 I have a womens intuition telling me Wife might try to hook up w/ my hubby secretly. I talked (more like argued) w/my hubby and told him no hiding whatsoever!!!! I love and trust him but I know that if he could he would jump on it! Issue #3 - she shows up at his work...WTF is up of course with "valid" reasons. Issue #4 - hubby not very attentive to me but he's been like that most of our relationship...I think I just am a little more needy with all whats going on. The good news is we have very good communication and we both want to play again but not with that same couple until things clear up on their end. In the meanwhile, hoping to happen upon another playful couple. So here it is...whats a girl to do???

[socolais]

Welcome to the board and congratulations on the first encounter. I think you have the right approach - take your time and let all these new emotions settle and find another couple for the next adventure. Nothing "wrong" with the first couple (they'll figure things out for themselves), you guys may decide to get back together some time in the future. There's some magic in the variety of playmates that sure helped us sort out those strange and exciting feelings. Use this time to grow closer with hubby and come to the mutual understanding that this is just for fun.

[SnowwwWhite]

If you're uncomfortable with this woman contacting your husband and leaving you out of the loop, it's up to your husband to control it and put a stop to it. It's his RESPONSIBILITY. You are his wife and you should come first. And if you're uncomfortable with her focusing on him, he should respect that and do something about it.

But my guess is that this woman would not be pursuing if your husband wasn't giving her signals that he likes the attention and wants to see her. Not to mention you said you fought about her, and that you believe he'd jump at the chance to do a one-on-one with her. These are red flags! This is not swinging, this is cheating!

You can do whatever you want, but if I was in that situation I'd cool it with that specific couple and end contact with the wife as she seems to not respect your marriage or understand boundaries in general. And get on the same page with your husband about YOUR boundaries for all future encounters with other couples. And be firm with him! Maybe I'm wrong but it just doesn't seem appropriate for the female of one couple to avoid communication with the wife of another couple in favor of the husband. You're in this together so you both need to have a comfort level. Otherwise you're just getting dragged along for his exclusive pleasure... and may end up forced into a polyamory situation with a woman who betrayed you to get at your man.

Not good!

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by SnowwwWhite

If you're uncomfortable with this woman contacting your husband and leaving you out of the loop, it's up to your husband to control it and put a stop to it. It's his RESPONSIBILITY. You are his wife and you should come first. And if you're uncomfortable with her focusing on him, he should respect that and do something about it.

The "other woman" is never the concern, really, because unless your husband allows her to butt in when she isn't wanted she'll get no where. The woman won't continue to pursue if she's not getting the response she's seeking.

Your focus should be on your husband understanding how you feel, why you object to this woman's behaviour, and how your husband has handled himself with her. Once you both see the importance of you standing together on this issue, there won't be an "issue" to worry about.

LM

[JustAskJulie]

Here are the issues as I see them from what you posted.

1. This other couple has issues of their own that really don't matter to you in the scheme of things... but they have brought you drama and now it is time to run far away.

2. You need to get your husband to heed what you are saying. The fact that this woman is showing up at his work is enough reason for him to put a stop to her altogether.

3. Trust. If you truely believe that given the opportunity with this woman your husband would jump on it, that is not trust.

Quite honestly this is a side effect of two newbies playing together and quite honestly one of the many reasons why many more experienced couples won't play with newbies at all (becuase of the risk of running into this couple you just described). The deed is now done and all you can do is make it clear to your husband that this relationship with them (whatever it is) is over and that you do not want them in your lives. You don't trust her and you don't feel that they are ready to swing. Let him know that you still want to pursue such activities but just not with this couple and you want to move on and begin the search for a new more compatible couple.

[des1re06]

First,

Two, I totally agree with all points above.

The wife of the other couple doesn't know how to separate play time from vanilla time. Not good.

Good luck!

Mrs. D

[hot4you]

Wow, you guys are awesome. I really didn't know what to expect after airing my concerns and was anxious to see what insight I could find here. With all the support I received thus far, its helping me to think rationally. After pondering what was replied back I have a plan of action and feel secure in my desicions and will be able to get past this. Thank all of you for such caring comments. It's nice to know that there are good people out there. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

[petra6998]

Follow your feelings...sounds like she is getting attached and not in a good way..