Too Picky? Can't find couples at clubs that interest us both

[keysync]

We've been to a club near here many times over the past year.
My wife and I agreed that neither one of us would "Take one for the team" so to speak.
The thing is we're interested in swapping and have done so at home or others homes which were people we've known for a long time.
But every time we go to the club It seems either I'll find a girl I'm interested in and the wife's not interested in her partner or vise versa.
Is this a common thing to be so picky?
One evening we went to the club and it was packed. Hot women everywhere. I was constantly tapping on the wifes shoulder. "Hey over there", Hey what about them"
Finally at the end of the night she told me that there was alot of pretty girls but their husbands/boyfriends just didn't do anything for her.
In hindsight I wonder if I'm ready and she's still a little reserved on this since we have never done the spur of the moment thing at a club.
I guess I'll have to ask her tonight.

[JustAskJulie]

You said most of the swapping you've done has been with people you've known for a while, it sounds like maybe your wife prefers to get to know people. Guys are typically more easily able to just have sex with a woman they don't know based solely on looks, women typically need a little more of a connection. Ask any woman and she'll tell you at least 3 examples of someone she may not have thought was good looking when she met them but after getting to know them that changed.

Maybe when you go to the club you should focus less on finding someone to swap with and more on just meeting people. Take the pressure off and get to know some people, you might find that she's much more willing when you aren't trying to get her to just jump in the sack with a perfect stranger.

[getnit2gethr]

Ditto to Julie. We were the same way at clubs when we got started a year ago. I know for a fact that I am much more willing to jump in the sack with a complete stranger than my wife is. After months of going to clubs we now know many people so there is always someone to talk to. She is much more relaxed now but she's still a little shy when it comes to meeting new people. It's kinda funny. After getting to know some people she finds many guys attractive that I never would have thought had a chance. As a guy I think the key is to just relax and have fun instead of trying to work too hard at it. Oh! I almost forgot the standard reply. Talk to her about it.

[aahours1]

I have messed up a few times, by allowing my HORMONES to take over and pick the couple. It was NOT GOOD. I heard it all the way home...LOL...What I finally done, was allow my wife to chose and pick the ones she would be interested in. It has never failed that she pick the correct couple for us BOTH. See the women pick with their eye sight, heart and mind. We as men pick with the head of our dicks. So leave it up to the ladies. They know best....and they know us as men.

[catslaughing]

We believe that you cannot be too picky. So, we would say you are not, if nothing appeals to the two of you, head home and fuck off the excitement of the night.

We often meet couples where one or the other just does not do it for us, and occasionally neither works. But we would prefer that we only play with the best for us. Really, why would you choose someone that does not appeal to you both? That is not snobbery, it is not your job to make sure everyone in the lifestyle gets to pair off :-)

Oh yeah my wife has higher standards in women than I do, thank the universe!

[iapr]

Originally Posted by aahours1

I have messed up a few times, by allowing my HORMONES to take over and pick the couple. It was NOT GOOD. I heard it all the way home...LOL...What I finally done, was allow my wife to chose and pick the ones she would be interested in. It has never failed that she pick the correct couple for us BOTH. See the women pick with their eye sight, heart and mind. We as men pick with the head of our dicks. So leave it up to the ladies. They know best....and they know us as men.

Yep this is the key here. Women are the picky and choosey ones so it is they that need to be catered to. Try this, when you go to the club keep your eyes on your own lady and off the other chicks. Stay together as a couple and approach and introduce yourselves to couples and try to get her engaged in conversations with the other male as well as the other female. Don't point out any hot chicks and don't try and sway her selection process based on which females you find attractive. Eventually she will find a guy that trips her trigger and when that happens then try to engage them as a couple.

Keep this in mind as well, of the other couple it will also be that female that will be the picky one so while he is schmoozing your wife you will need to be charming and flirting with the other woman to get her interested in you as well.

Yes it is complex and at times quite difficult but if you concentrate on making your wife comfortable and let her pick out the couples you will over time be more successfull than if you point out hot chicks and hope the she gets it gear on her own with whatever guy happens to be tagging along with the chick. This is a female sport and if you accept that and play by your wifes rules you will reap the benifits.

[spectraschain]

Very well put. Reading the signs YOUR wife/s.o. is sending is key. I tend to focus solely on Spectra, after 23 years suffice it to say I know who to approach without so much as a word between us...

[good times]

Originally Posted by iapr

Yep this is the key here. Women are the picky and choosey ones so it is they that need to be catered to.

A common misconception that I sometimes actually wish were true, while both my wife and I are pickier than most, I am far more picky than she is. Or as one of my good lifestyle friends likes to say, "Mr. GT has an extremely narrow strike zone".

That being said, I have to say that the question of whether one is too picky is really a moot one. The reason for that is that it is something you can't change, we all have our own tastes in what we find attractive or not in others, I have yet to find a way to change that. It is simply the way we are wired individually, in my opinion. In our case, we have come to accept this, we don't hook up with others as often as most swingers, but we have found that when we do hook up with a couple now, it is much better than when we often compromised our own limitations by hooking up with people that we didn't really find all that sexually inspiring.

[spectraschain]

we all have our own tastes in what we find attractive or not in others, I have yet to find a way to change that.

Perhaps we're a touch "polly-anna", but Spectra and I find something attractive about nearly everyone....

Great thing is, we never need to work at it or "compromise" our positions to do so.

[TheSwingerSet]

I think that the best thing to do is to go to the club with no expectations and just have fun, talk to people and get to know them and then see what happens.

And yes I'm the picky one not the Mrs. she can find something that she finds attractive in almost anyone while I need that special something to trip my trigger. So for me talking and getting to know them at least a little helps greatly in finding that "something".

K

[clutch]

We visited clubs a long time ago, but they never floated our boat. What we liked were swing parties with small groups--primarily folks we had other relationships with. And now we swing with just one other couple.

(Before them, it had been a different one-other-couple with the occasional one or two other couples thrown in in a party setting.)

We have friends, however, that love clubs. To each his/her own.

Bottom line, though, nothing is wrong with either one of you. You'll work through this one. I'm sure you're hooked in with Swing Lifestyle, right?

[kfpassion]

At parties I've had experiences where my partner has had a great time-and the sex for me was just mediocre. Swinging was new to me but not my partner-and I was up for experimenting-but after several experiences I became more picky because I wanted better connections-and that is the key with women. At least in terms of getting started. In group situations-it's that first experience that can set the pace. Women need to be eased into "fuck" mode. At least I do.
I think there's been some great advice given so I just wanted to say-I agree.
xoxoxo
TP