Couple no longer interested in us because they didn't like our boundaries

[LetsParty]

In my humble opinion, I just always compare the Lifestyle to regular dating.

There is no right. There is no wrong.

If I dated a woman who only wanted to go to second base, and I found that frustrating and confining, well, I'd just move on. Of course, rules do get bent A LOT in dating AND in the lifestyle, too.

Personally, we don't play with people with those kinds of rules.

We are all about the whole libertine... free... if it feels good, do it.... push envelopes... type of encounter.

If we meet a couple and for them it's about F-F play only... like, "My wife won't touch your husband because we have rules"... well... we'd just move on.

Everyday rules change.

I don't think it's fair to label yourselves as a 'bad' swingers. No way.

Just find people who think more along your lines, and you should be okay.

(As an aside, one thing we don't EVER do is tit-for-tat type of activities. If someone's wife is dying to give me a blowjob and does so... then great for her! It does NOT mean my wife has to give him a blowjob. One time a guy was totally enjoying licking my wife's ass. I didn't feel compelled to reciprocate on her ass! That's cool. But the whole rule thing is something we don't get, and we choose to play with people without rules whenever possible.)

But don't judge yourselves harshly!

[Amanda69]

Because we aren't willing to perform some of the same acts, we were told that they don't think they can continue doing anything with us sexually. I say "too bad for you" and let's find another couple that understands what it is we are looking for. Is this too confining? Are we not "good swingers" because we won't bend our boundaries (at least not yet)? Is there such a thing as "taking too long?"

As a couple you decide what is right and what is wrong for you. Keep in mind this also means couples you play with also have that right to decide what is right for them. Everyone decides from what is communicated verbally and nonverbally who will or could be a match for them. This couple has decided they don't like the way things are going.

You are not "bad" swingers. You are not "taking too long". But I do agree with a prior poster given your boundaries we wouldn't be interested in playing with you either.

Boundaries and rules are set to make your play time fun for you, enjoy but also don't fault others if they decide you are not for them because of those boundaries and rules.

[GotBatteries?]

Chiming in with the majority here. Reverse the situation. Your lady helps the other lady give her man head and you sit back and watch. You watch him fondle your lady, you watch your lady with another lady...eh...after a while, wouldnt you want to maybe, ease on in and stop watching and participate? Even if you are only participating with the same level that the other male is participating in? Seems only fair.

Or you could just move on and find another couple that is on the same level, the same page.

I agree with this statement...to a point:
"As an aside, one thing we don't EVER do is tit-for-tat type of activities." You (I really should have quoted it but...eh, sorry) used the example of anal oral and you werent feeling the need to reciprocate...tit-for-tat...I agree with you that there is no need to reciprocate in kind, but I am willing to be you reciprocated in spirit. You probably participated in some activity that got the other ladies motor running and everyone felt included and no one felt left out or shafted. So...that still would be a tit-for-tat? I think?

[aahours1]

It took us over three (3) years to be with another couple in the same room. We do not go alone, at all. But now we are comfortable with other couples. I leave everything up to my lady(fiancee). She calls the shots and who we can or should not be with. She knows me very well and knows what I like. But I can also just sit back and watch thing develope with the ladies, without me getting involved. We have meet a ton load of people and couples, we own our own swingers club, but we are friends totally with. In the 6 years we have been in the lifestyle we have been with only 3 other couples and one of those where with the previous owners of the club. It takes time for everyone involved to feel and get comfortable with all envolved. Especially the ladies. Men can jump in on any gal, he he just feels like it. I found men not to be as picky as ladies are and maybe that is good. They protect us men alot of the time in that area. THANK YOU LADIES

[telly2]

You didn't go wrong, they knew your boundries, and the fact that she initiated a BJ, was her perogative, if they knew that your wife wouldn't then that was thier issue not yours.

My advice to you maybe to find a bi female to play with, if exploring your wifes bi side is the main event. Or another couple with the same intent as you, I am sure there are couples out there with the same intent.

My feelings are this lifestyle is for the benefit of all not just one, If people can't accept your boundries are hard limits and not a thing that weill change at their will, that is their prob. Getting into a relationship to change people never works and only causes heart break.

I hope you find a couple who will accept you for what you are not what they want you to turn in to. There is no standard for any lifestyle.

[azcpl01]

Thank you to everyone who has responded. I don't want to keep this thread going but I think there were valid points made. We just wanted to get a feel from others who have had similar situations and how it was dealt with. We are still great friends with the couple and who knows, maybe something will spark up again.
The best thing about the responses was what I have felt about the lifestyle from the beginning. It's very open, each person or couple defines their own rules, and there is someone out there looking for the same thing.
Thank you for giving us something to discuss between ourselves. It has made us look at this situation from different angles.