How Soon Do You Reveal your boundaries?

[EmpyreanPleasur]

This got me thinking from other threads...

How early in the process do you reveal your interests or limits? Whether you're soft swingers - or full swap who have met up with someone that you are feeling friendly with, but just aren't interested in playing with. Conversely, if you are interested in someone else, do you clearly reveal your interests early on or chat and visit for a while before you even say anything to them?

I always worry about "misleading" people. My husband says I'm too worried about waving our "soft swing status" like a flag. We are not always soft swing, as we do 3somes, but of course in most clubs, this is not going to lead to anything as most couples play together and not many clubs nearby allow single women.

So, I tend to try to work our limits into the conversation early on...he says I'm too worried about it and it's up to the other couple if it's that important to bring it up first.

How do the rest of you, soft, full swap and everything in between handle this?

[two4youinswva]

When at the club, we lay it out there fairly quick too.
It's just worked into the conversation. We don't whip out a list, per se.

As far as online, our likes and desires are pretty much out there for everyone to see. Of course we don't do much online connecting any more.

[BodyScape02]

We make sure our profile reflects our limits and states our preferences... and like you... I discuss it early... better than waiting till it is too late or too much wine fogs the mind.

I think this is especially important if you are primarily soft swing... as things can get out of hand really quickly when people close the door to a room. Taking one for the team should not be an option…and that is how it happens…miscommunication.

So as long as it is done with class and kindness, the earlier the better. Then you can flirt and seduce your playmates uninterrupted by a … um before we go in the room.(it would be real vibe killer at that point)

Ms. Bodyscape

[Jamie&Kieth]

The people we swing with have and are close friends. I do remember on couple who we were attracted to, friendship started followed by becoming physically attractted. At this stage it's all body signals and we start to open up with our desires.

This usually what has happened, sometimes it has back fired.

Hope this helps

[EmpyreanPleasur]

Now I have to say that I find some posts in various threads that have touched on this topic to be discouraging.

There seems to be an attitude that soft swingers are not worth the time of becoming friends with. Maybe it's different where we live, but we've always had lots of friends who are great to be around and they love us for who we are - not for what we can do for them.

Are there so many people who feel they are "wasting their time" getting to know a couple who won't go all the way with them?

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by EmpyreanPleasur

Are there so many people who feel they are "wasting their time" getting to know a couple who won't go all the way with them?

Our preference is not "soft swing", but then again we will gladly soft swing with a couple that we enjoy.

All we ask is that we know - so that we can make that decision.

We recently had a situation where we felt very strung along - and when things were over, we were left wondering "what the hell just happened?" It is a long story, that I won't go into, but basically there was every reason to expect play - and never a word that there wouldn't be any... Followed by no explanantion as to why there wasn't...

Everyone has the right to decide when and if they want to play, but being open is a fair expectation.

That experience has sort of changed our approach - and it has been an epiphany for us! If we are at the club and find ourselves interested in a couple - instead of bantering about for hours waiting for the conversation to "slip" into sex, we just put it out there.

"We would love to play with you guys." We'll tell a couple. "We'll give you guys some time to discuss. If you're interested, we're out on the dance floor." It has worked well and allowed us to connect with some great couples - one of those couples were soft swing, and it was a blast.

Same goes for anything else - if we are planning something with the hopes of play, we put that on the table, because we all know what happens when you "assume"

Eliminating the guessing games is just a hell of a lot easier and leaves you with a lot less questions on the drive home...

Spoomonkey

[Sweet_Candy]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

"We would love to play with you guys." We'll tell a couple. "We'll give you guys some time to discuss. If you're interested, we're out on the dance floor."
Spoomonkey

Wow can we borrow this approach from you Spoo?

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Our preference is not "soft swing", but then again we will gladly soft swing with a couple that we enjoy.

All we ask is that we know - so that we can make that decision.

We recently had a situation where we felt very strung along - and when things were over, we were left wondering "what the hell just happened?" It is a long story, that I won't go into, but basically there was every reason to expect play - and never a word that there wouldn't be any... Followed by no explanantion as to why there wasn't...

Everyone has the right to decide when and if they want to play, but being open is a fair expectation.

That experience has sort of changed our approach - and it has been an epiphany for us! If we are at the club and find ourselves interested in a couple - instead of bantering about for hours waiting for the conversation to "slip" into sex, we just put it out there.

"We would love to play with you guys." We'll tell a couple. "We'll give you guys some time to discuss. If you're interested, we're out on the dance floor." It has worked well and allowed us to connect with some great couples - one of those couples were soft swing, and it was a blast.

Same goes for anything else - if we are planning something with the hopes of play, we put that on the table, because we all know what happens when you "assume"

Eliminating the guessing games is just a hell of a lot easier and leaves you with a lot less questions on the drive home...

Spoomonkey

Our last two club outings turned into what you described. Strung along and they had no intention of playing, with anyone. I'm going to follow your approach from now on as well. Its no in our character to just say 'hey wanna fuck?' but its basiclly what we are going to be doing.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Chicup

Its no in our character to just say 'hey wanna fuck?' but its basiclly what we are going to be doing.

I hear ya...

We try not to make it sound like that - and actually the "forwardness" is kind of thrilling!

Spoomonkey

[curiousagain]

<EG> Let me play devil's advocate for a second here.


If a single male walked up to a couple and said "wanna fuck" or something to that effect, what would be your reaction?? <EG>

Maybe there's a reason some of them do something similar......

I hadn't thought of that until reading this post.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

If a single male walked up to a couple and said "wanna fuck" or something to that effect, what would be your reaction?? <EG>

Well - let me clarify what we do...

We do actually talk to the couple first. If we feel their is a chemistry, we use make the offer.

So - if we were talking to a single guy and he felt their was chemistry, we would simply answer him honestly. If we wanted to play, we would - if we didn't, we wouldn't.

Now - if we as a couple approached someone out of the blue and said, "We would like to play with you" we would expect anything from confused looks to negative reactions.

Spoomonkey

[curiousagain]

I figured that, I just wanted to prompt y'all to explain it.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

I figured that, I just wanted to prompt y'all to explain it.

We'd kick him in the nuts and then pelt him with straws while all of our "cool friends" stood around with us pointing and laughing...



Spoomonkey

[BodyScape02]

Originally Posted by EmpyreanPleasur

Now I have to say that I find some posts in various threads that have touched on this topic to be discouraging.

There seems to be an attitude that soft swingers are not worth the time of becoming friends with.
...
Are there so many people who feel they are "wasting their time" getting to know a couple who won't go all the way with them?

I don't think you are wrong... there are those people who seem to think that once you go to "full swap" there is and should be no other option..

I think they are nuts ...personally... some of the hottest and most fun times we have had have been"soft" . It is as good a place to start as it is to finish... and could cut down on the impotency problems I have been reading about on other threads

If someone is full swap or nothing... I always wonder why they are so rigid in thier options? Variety is the spice of life... Just assume they are not the right couple for you and go have fun looking for the better eating fish in the sea.

( sorry it is a real pun filled 2x entendre night for me)

~Cat

[Carol_Danny]

We discuss our Lifestyle choices early on. We aren't ever trying to say, "See it our way, or go away", we just want people to know what we are about sexually. We are as Full Swing, Hard, or whatever term you want to use as you can get. But we can as easily play Soft as we can Hard. We enjoy mixing things up, and we like to involve ourselves in various ways to play.

But we have found that many "Soft Swing" couples prefer not to get involved with anyone who goes fully Hard. Therefore, we bring that right out front. We have no problems with Soft Swingers, and count many as very good friends. For us, it's all about the respect, not what your Lifestyle Choices are.

Danny & Carol