Wife's boundaries too restrictive!

[WesternSwing]

Everyone here has pretty much covered what to do and how to approach your wife. I'll chime in with what allot of others have said also: our list of "rules" has greatly reduced since we started in the lifestyle. In fact, only one still exists, and that is 100% honest at all times. We've pretty much become comfortable with the others and crossed them off the list with certain people.

So give it time, and as you get more experienced and you both become more comfortable with each other in swinging situations the boundries and rules will change. I think most people here would say they had allot of rules and boundries when they started, and looking back now they seem silly.

Mr. WS

[DBL D]

Congrats newbies! We're heading towards our 26th mid Aug. !!!

Contrary to what some may think, rules were not made to be broken. They are there to help everyone out and to keep us out of trouble. I know what you're saying about the rule thing with other couples though. When you are new, that is what you do. When you get to be around those who've been in the lifestyle a long time there really aren't many. It does have to do with comfort.

Aside from rules though, we've found that there are different levels of comfort within the rules. What is too intimate for instance? It gets crazy. We look for those who hopefully have few rules. It frees things up for everyone to make up their minds as they go along. Something that may not feel right on one occaision might feel better during the next.

Try to be patient and hopefully you have an SO who wants to talk about everything in the lifestyle and meets it with enthusiasm.

Male D

[angeel]

Hi, congratulations on your 20th anniversary. We are new to swinging as well. Our first swing was on our 8th anniversary. Made for wonderful memories thats for sure. We had rules too. Our rules was: to never leave the room. Never engage in any form of sex with out the other present. Those were our only rules. We did discuss anal sex and I we decided that it was up to him and the other person. For me, no, I won't do it. I won't feel comfortable with some else going there. As we have gone on further. Those rules have changed. We met a lady who joined us and our single friend. We got a long all night and for the first 30 min back at the apt. She just was not comfortable. So I told my husband to go to another room. For some reason, when they left, I was no longer interested. Less then 5 min later. My husband walks back in. He was not interested with out me. We ended up with each other and put the 2 singles together. We just can't lose sight of each other. That is part of our enjoyment. So the rule is back in Place! It will work out for you as long as you keep talking about it. When she or even you bring up a rule that you feel is important, accept it. Also discuss why it is important. This is your first time. You know you will be with some one other the S/O. You know there will be possible sex. But you do not know any details such as comfort level. When you meet for the first time and the chemistry heats up and the sexual attraction kicks in, you may find a more relaxing rule coming. You may also end up making a rule for use in certain cpl situations or even places or depending on how many cpls or ppl are involved. Make your rules, relax, let the activity itself soothe you both. After the first swing, re-valuate those rules. Did they work for you? Did they help you to be comfortable? Do you think you can enjoy your self better if you did not have a certain rule? Was a rule needed that was not in place. Ask why or why not a rule worked for you. Happy swinging to you both.

[meandher2go]

walk before ya run.

go along with any rules she has for now. with any luck she will see once you two are together with a girl/couple that its all good clean fun. but dont let her change the rules in the bed with the other couple. stick to them till ya get home and talk more about them. this way she knows you can be trusted. then for the next time with the girl/couple, talk more about the rules and set the guidelines for THAT date.

[HotMoCpl]

I told my wife that she will set the boundaries and the first 'playtime' we should find a couple that has very few. She THINKS that kissing is a not go, but then.....she's real good at kissing. I'm from Missouri, The Show Me State!