Doing things with a swap partner that you don't do with your spouse

[camelsmilk]

Is it appropriate to do things with the new partner that you don't/won't do with your significant other? And, if you do, should you respond differently ( more ecstatic or more excited) than you do with your SO? Just wondering. I want to have fun but not hurt any feelings.

[DBL D]

If everyone understands things there shouldn't be a problem.

I say let yourself go and talk later.

Male D

[mentorcpl]

The key question is what won't you do with your SO and why? If it is something like anal sex and your SO does not like it or does not want to engage in that activity then swapping can provide you with the outlet for that activity and that fantasy. But, make sure that your SO is okay with you plunging ahead with that "forbidden" or "excluded" activity because your SO may take your desire to engage in that activity as a rejection of them.

[DBL D]

Absolutely make sure it is ok with your SO. We agree!

DBL D

[freakykitten]

Be yourself and stay true to yourself, would be my best advice on avoidance of hurt feelings.

[WesternSwing]

One of our "rules" is that we don't do anything with others that we wouldn't do with each other. There is nothing wrong about showing excitement about being with a swing partner though because that's what it's all about. An exciting, lusty time.

Mr. WS

[lovefest04]

I've said this before. I'd love to do anal with my SO but she says I'm too big, so its off limits. If a smaller partner showed interest, I believe she'd want to experiment.

It would be difficult, but swinging is about living out fantasies including, IMHO pushing the envelope.

I have heard a lot of men say they don't like doing oral on a woman, does this mean she shouldn't be allowed to have a swing partner do it?

However, if a couple has an agreement then it should be honored. For example, I have read many posts where the couple has agreed not to kiss swing partners, so yes that should be off limits no matter what.

[camelsmilk]

The best example would be that the male doesn"t let his wife perform oral sex on him but allows a partners to do it or vice versa, is that kosher? or, if the husband reacts ecstatically to an act that the swing partner does with him, much differently than he reacts to the wife doing the same act with him

[graygo98]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

One of our "rules" is that we don't do anything with others that we wouldn't do with each other. There is nothing wrong about showing excitement about being with a swing partner though because that's what it's all about. An exciting, lusty time.

Mr. WS

Dito Dito Dito

[Miss_Piggy]

Originally Posted by camelsmilk

The best example would be that the male doesn"t let his wife perform oral sex on him but allows a partners to do it or vice versa, is that kosher? or, if the husband reacts ecstatically to an act that the swing partner does with him, much differently than he reacts to the wife doing the same act with him

Okay - here's the scenerio. Hubby enjoys recieving roal sex from wife. Hubby and wife have a threesome with another woman involved. Woman gives oral sex to hubby and hubby appears to be having the most intense sexual exterience of his life. Here's wife has a couple of options.

(a) she can get jealous and upset, feeling that her oral sex technique isn't actually that good.
(b) she can be happy that her hubby is having such a good time and leave it at that.
or
(c) she can watch what woman is doing, take mental notes, and work out how she can learn something from this situation.

Personally, I like option C.

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by Miss_Piggy

(c) she can watch what woman is doing, take mental notes, and work out how she can learn something from this situation.

Personally, I like option C.

I like option C, too.

I have no jealousy issues with my husband, so I want him to experience the best of what he can. Unlike an old dog, I'm not too old to learn new tricks, I'm always up for new ideas!

[camelsmilk]

What about if the situation in the example is reversed(woman really enjoyign oral sex from swap partner but won't let husband perform oral sex on her - even though he wants to? and, my example speaks to an activity that is not encouraged or allowed between the married partners, but excitingly engaged in with the swap partner.

[Miss_Piggy]

Originally Posted by camelsmilk

What about if the situation in the example is reversed(woman really enjoyign oral sex from swap partner but won't let husband perform oral sex on her - even though he wants to?)

Okay, this is a little different from the "so and so has a better technique situation". If the woman is unwilling to recieve oral sex from her partner but perfectly pleased to do it with a play partner there is something quite misunderstood within this couple.

I can think of a couple of reasons that she might act this way but really the husband needs to ask her outright about what is going on - open the lines of communication. It's important for the husband to approach this in a very nonthreatening way - taking an "I'm trying to understand this" approach as opposed to an "I'm pissed off and jealous about this" approach. Inj my mind this would be one of those big issues that would require a lot of careful communication (ie attentive listening) to sort out.

[Vespertine]

I once knew a man who loved oral sex, but he had one problem... he couldn't become aroused if someone he really cared about was the one giving him the blowjob.

He had this whacked-out complex with oral sex being 'dirty' and he couldn't stand the thought of the woman he loved performing it on him.

I can see where someone like him might find himself in a similar situation as the OP.

[good times]

I would pick "C" too.

First you have to do whatever you are both comfortable with.

For us, we don't have any limitations in this regard, we are both free to do whatever feels right at the time and if we experiance something new and scream out in passionate exstacy while we are doing it, thats even better. And yes, we have both had a swing partner do something new that was great, and we had just as much fun at home later recreating it between ourselves.

I have to say I find a lot of peoples rules and limitations like, no kissing, nothing we don't do. etc. very confusing. To me that would be like John Force saying "here, you can drive my 320 MPH Funny Car but you can't go over 20 MPH" what would be the point?