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Bi-females what are your limits?  

166 members have voted

  1. 1. Bi-females what are your limits?

    • I will give oral to another female as well as receive.
      137
    • I will receive oral from another woman,but won't give it in return.
      22
    • I will give oral to another woman,but won't receive it in return.
      0
    • I will only kiss and feel out another woman.
      6
    • I will only kiss another female.
      1


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We have talked to a few couples where the female was listed as Bi or Bi curious.When we talked to them they tell us she likes kissing another woman and will let another woman go down on her,but she won't go down on another woman herself. Has anyone else come across this? And if so does the female half still enjoy the play? I know being "curious" means you are still exploring the fact,but doesn't that mean trying it out before you say you won't do something?I know my wife loves giving just as much as receiving and wouldn't like it much if the favor wasn't returned.

 

If there are any women out there that are consider your self Bi or Bi curious and you won't go down on another woman, how come? Just curious myself. :confused:

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In my opinion, that is the difference between by bi-curious and truely bi. When truely bi you give and receive. Bi-curious to me means you're still testing the waters. Then there's socially bi, which we see allot at parties. Women who with music and alcohol will kiss and feel-up other women, but will not go all the way with them. Too many definitions... :confused:

 

Mr. WS

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I think I have an answer for this.

 

My wife is Bi-curious but not sure she wants to experment with that. That is exactly what we tell people. Her thoughts are-The rumor is Women should know what to do with oral, much better than men, note SHOULD. However to recieve she feels she must give, and she is not prepared to do that. I think what it is is that there are alot of women wondering the same, but not being as straight up about it.

 

Just a thought.

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Well,we have ran into other women that say they will recieve but not give. Personally we wont play with them. If I am going to go down on you...i should get the favor in return is my opinion. We let everyone know that I am very Bi and that that is one of the main reasons we are doing this. I would never put down anyone who didnt since I feel everyone has the right to do only as much as they feel comfy.

just my 2 cents for the day

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When we talked to them they tell us she likes kissing another woman and will let another woman go down on her,but she won't go down on another woman herself. Has anyone else come across this? And if so does the female half still enjoy the play? I know being "curious" means you are still exploring the fact,but doesn't that mean trying it out before you say you won't do something?

 

Like my momma used to say, 'how do you know what you like unless you eat it once?' Although she was talking about something TOTALLY different, the same question applies. When I considered myself bi-curious, I wouldn't have dreamed of asking for such a one-way arrangement. Now that I'm no longer curious, but completely bi, if someone says that they are bi, I assume that means they like having sex with women, which to me includes oral sex. (I know, I'm dying to make a crack here, but in the interest of no politics, I'll refrain).

 

Now, if they said they were bi curious from the start, I don't think I'd feel jipped. My frame of mind from the beginning with that woman would be different, because I wouldn't expect to things to move as quickly with a curious woman anyway. Maybe for that reason, when I see bi curious as their orientation, I tend to shy away. I'd like to wait until they've sorted it all out.

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In my humble opinion, they are not 'Bi'.

 

'Bi-comfortable' is maybe a better way to express it...with that title I know they are probably only willing to do certain things. And, after all, one cannot remain 'Bi-Curious' forever (Or can one - I probably need to update my profile!) :D

 

However, I feel that I am biased and as always, I could be mistaken.

 

I've met a few women who have caused me some disillusionment in this regards. Women have asked me to dance not because they want to dance with a pretty woman they are attracted to but merely...as way to get attention from all the men in the room...two hot women dancing dirty together apparently draws the eye. The few times I've learned this, It has made me sad. :( Also, in conversation when people learn that I have gone down on women, some have admitted attitudes similar to mindset the OP has faced.

 

This attitude is hard to deal with as a woman seriously exploring her 'bi' side. It's a rejection...you want someone to pay attention to you because they like YOU not because you are a pull for men...

 

Can one really be 'bi'...sexually attracted to women in some way....if the only focus is attracting men? I don't state this as fact, but question, as this feels a bit harsh...and the world is not black and white.

 

*shrug* On the other hand, I like that they are willing to explore their sexuality to some degree and support anyone, male or female, in such searchings. :)

 

Mrs. 2play

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G puts "socially bi" because she has no desire to have a relationship with a woman. She does it all, and loves it all. so socially bi for us means she is bi during playtime and not in a full time scenario.

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We have talked to a few couples where the female was listed as Bi or Bi curious.When we talked to them they tell us she likes kissing another woman and will let another woman go down on her,but she won't go down on another woman herself. Has anyone else come across this?
The term we use for these women is "passive bi." These women are fairly common, which is unfortunate for "active bi" women like Sheryl.
Personally we wont play with them. If I am going to go down on you...i should get the favor in return is my opinion.
Sheryl feels the same way. She will "veto" a couple based on this, alone. In fact, she has also turned down a couple of FMF threesomes because the other female wasn't actively bisexual.

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Mrs Fun has determined after thinking about it for a whole three seconds, if both parties come away from the encounter with their noses wet, then they are Bi. Otherwise they are of some degree that doesn't interest her.

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In the past I always thought of being Bi as all or nothing but these forums have made it very confusing for me.

 

I like it all, I give AND receive. In fact I like to be with women 1 on 1 with no guy around... with out music or alcohol. I guess where I might fall short of some people's definitions is that I couldn't see myself in a relationship with a woman. BUT I can't see myself in a relationship with other men either so who knows what would happen if something happened to my husband.

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A Lil, that is exactly how I feel. I love giving and receiving, but for me, it is just purely sex. That is it! In my "normal life" I love my husband, don't desire other men (hubby is gorgeous) and don't want a "relationship" with a woman. It's nice to see someone else feels the same way I do. Now I dont know about the 1 on 1 only thing, but my hubby and I decided to inviteanother couple after looking for a single bi woman was almost impossible. I would love to have a 1 on 1, but only if he can watch. That is part of the turn on for me- watching him get off to that site.

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G puts "socially bi" because she has no desire to have a relationship with a woman. She does it all, and loves it all. so socially bi for us means she is bi during playtime and not in a full time scenario.

 

This is essentially how I feel as well and so had used the Socially Bi phrase to describe myself. But while doing that I ran across many people who interpreted it as meaning what I think of as Passivly Bi and that is not accurate for me at all.

 

This whole Bi thing is just too subject to gradations of activity and misunderstanding. I, for one, wish there was some sort of standardized way to communicate this so that everyone shared a common interpretation. Obviously that's not going to happen, so I find myself repeatedly explaining what I mean. In the big scheme of things, I guess that's not such a big issue but when I was new to this lifestyle, it did seem incredibly perplexing to me. Now that I've been engaged in this for a long time, I just accept that labels are pretty worthless on the whole. After all, there are all sorts of flavors of swing as well. This really points to the fact that it's important to communicate so that everyone involved has a good understanding of desires as well as boundaries. We've come to the conclusion that if we haven't talked enough to know these things about the couple we're meeting, we may not have talked enough to be engaged in play yet.

 

Chika

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I hope its ok to give you the straight girls version.

 

We party at clubs and the majority of the women I would consider bi-curious or soft- bi as I have come to call it, (kiss and fondle only, similar to soft swingers). While there are those that will give and recieve the majority I have encountered do not give.

 

I consider myself straight but I will not reject a womans advances to kiss or fondle, however I will not make the advances myself and will not let a woman go down on me as I too would feel obligated to return the favor and it is not something that I would like to try at this time.

 

I think that alot of women, like myself, are not really interested in bi sex but are pressured to go along with the soft stuff because it is expected. That is how I felt in the beginning. I don't necessarily feel pressured anymore and make sure the other woman knows my limits before things go to far because I don't want any misconceptions when the play begins.

 

As for advertisements I think alot of women put bi-curious simply to get more hits on their ads.

 

It is the "hip" thing to do lately, at least thats what Cosmopolitan tells me.

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In my humble opinion, they are not 'Bi'.

 

I've met a few women who have caused me some disillusionment in this regards. Women have asked me to dance not because they want to dance with a pretty woman they are attracted to but merely...as way to get attention from all the men in the room...two hot women dancing dirty together apparently draws the eye. The few times I've learned this, It has made me sad.

Mrs. 2play

 

Why does this make you sad? Thats just the way many women are. In fact, that is a good description of my wife. She is what the previous posters call socially/passive bi. Before we got into this lifestyle-the idea of being with another woman totally turned her off. We were suprised at the amount of female sex play that goes on. My wife now enjoys a certain amount of fem sex play but she is upfront-if the subject comes up-she won't hesitate to let another couple know that she won't go down on another woman-however if the other woman wants to go down on her-thats ok. She enjoys playing with other women in a swinging situation, it feels good to her physically and she feels sexier to the guys but ultimately-its the cock she wants. I bet that most women say they are bi because its so acceptable and virtually expected.

 

This brings up another interesting question: HIV and std's aside, what if women in general, were turned on by 2 guys doing it to each other-really made them hot! Seeing their man rubbing another guy on the floor-yeah baby!! And if fem/fem action didn't turn on guys in general.

Would you then be seeing a lot m/m sex play?

Lots of personals stating "Male-bi/bi-curious, Female-straight"

Makes you wonder!!

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I hope its ok to give you the straight girls version.

 

I think that alot of women, like myself, are not really interested in bi sex but are pressured to go along with the soft stuff because it is expected. That is how I felt in the beginning....As for advertisements I think alot of women put bi-curious simply to get more hits on their ads.

 

It is the "hip" thing to do lately, at least thats what Cosmopolitan tells me.

 

We agree with you totally. That's exactly how my wife felt!

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I (female) consider myself bi because I love to taste, feel, touch another woman. I had my first bi expierence at 15 and have always found certian women attractive sexually but would never consider a romantic relationship with another woman. Our search for female partners is what eventually let to our involvement in the "lifestyle". That being said I have met some women that I would describe as socially bi. Being on the receiving end I could tell that they were not "into" the act and were just going through the motions. I also met with a self described "bi-curious" fem once. Being the expierenced one I tried really hard to make her comfortable and get her to relax. After an hour she finally gave up and left. Was I hurt? No, not everyone is bi. Disappointed? Yes. She was very hot and I would have loved to learn how to "push her buttons".

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Why does this make you sad? Thats just the way many women are.

 

Why? This makes me sad because it's a dishonest act.

 

It's the appearance of being 'Bi' to attract attention.

 

It's a ploy to draw eyes.

 

It's about surface perception and manipulation of said perception.

 

If a woman is only dancing/caressing/getting dirty with me because she wants more attention from all the men in the room, where in this situation is she spending time with me because she likes, well, ME?

 

It’s akin to ‘taking one for the team’, many people here have stated that they don’t WANT people to take one for the team for them. They can tell when someone really doesn’t want to be there…and you know how it makes them feel? Bad. Rejected. (And yes, it can make a person feel sad).

 

However, please don’t take this the wrong way. Being Socially ‘Bi’ is great! I have no problem with women who have fun and get a little close to other women for the fun of it, because they are in the party mood! :) I think it’s great to free inhibitions and have a good time…and if a woman just likes dancing with other women because it’s fun but isn’t really into women it’s all good!

 

You don’t HAVE to be attracted to me to have fun dancing with me – you just have to have fun dancing with me! :) However…if your ONLY reason is to attract attention from men…then don’t dance with me (or at least don’t TELL me that you’re only dancing with me to get male attention gosh darn it!). ;) Pick someone else.

 

Mrs. 2play

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It is the "hip" thing to do lately, at least thats what Cosmopolitan tells me.

 

I really think you're on to something there.

This reminds of when I used to hang out in a chatroom that myself and a bunch friends would frequent.

When someone would come in and start gay bashing, the males in my circle of friends would always start operation stop homophobe.

We would all start acting like we were in a group homosexual relationship.

The homophobes would always take the bait and ask us if we were really gay and i would always respond with "No I'm not gay but my bf so and so is" or somebody else would say "I'm not gay because I haven't kissed my lover yet" or "kissing another man doesn't make us gay" or "It's only a gay act if you kiss and like it".The couple of regulars that were homsexual(one f,one m)always got a kick out of our routine and would say that it was an accurate depiction of how people who have same sex experiences rationalize how they aren't trully bi or gay.

 

My point is,I think some women might think that if a woman goes down on them but they don't return the favor, that doesn't make them bisexual.These people are probably just in denial about their true sexual orientation and they rationlize this by doing so.Some others are probably just selfish and have a stigma where it's all about them.This happens in hetrosexual realtionships too where the man will go down on his lover or vice versa but their lover won't return the favor.In the same chatroom I mentioned above,there were many f's who got it on with women but claimed that they were hetrosexual because "it's only a phase I'm going through at the this time" which suggests the trend and hipness factor mrs.good times mentioned.I really feel sorry for those women that will never get over their fear of being bi and continue their one sided sexual behavior because they are just fooling themselves and are missing out on a trully beautiful thing.The ones that are just selfish,fuck em,who needs them.I kid around with the few lesbian or bi f friends I have by saying that in my next life I want to be a lesbian so I can 69 24/7/365.Yes,I love going downtown that much :lol:

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Spike her drink with some "Juice".

 

Really, I have heard of this with guys but not so much with women. I say let her find out about it with someone else.

 

You wouldn't want her to have a bad reaction to you, if you know what I mean. :hahaha:

 

Male D

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Some women are uncomfortable with bi-orientation, others claim to be bi to be cool. Some are unaware that hubby put them down as Bi on their profile, (we ran into that once). Mrs Fun's opinion is that if you do it again and again then you can be pretty sure of the Bi orientation. Women can also try the bi thing and revert to a totally hetero orientation without stigma.

 

Now men are totally different, we tend to label and the labels stick. As I was once told; "Play to a 2 handicap and they don't call you a golfer". "Throw a 300 game and they don't call you a bowler." "Suck one dick in the locker room and you are gay FOREVER".

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.

 

If a woman is only dancing/caressing/getting dirty with me because she wants more attention from all the men in the room, Mrs. 2play

 

Point made! The key word here is "only". If a women can't stand to play with another women and is only doing it to please her husband, she is disrespecting herself. However, many women get excited by turning the men on in the the room and they actually end up enjoying the fem experience and being in the spirit of the party. But your right, if a women tells you "I don't this, I'm only because my man likes it" then you have every right to tell her to get lost.

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I consider myself "bi-comfortable" (although I do hate labels!). We got into this lifestyle beacuse I wanted to experiment with my bi side and I'm still testing the waters. I've had 2 experiences (kissing, fondling, going down on one another) with women and both were pleasurable. I'm not sure that I will ever truly be bi, but I'm still checking that side of me out.

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Everybod's got their preferences - Mrs 2much falls into the category of "women who will play but won't go down" as she A. loves cock & 2. "just isn't a giver" - it could be awkward for the eager woman who wants to go down on her but gets left hanging, but we haven't run into it yet.

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Everybod's got their preferences - Mrs 2much falls into the category of "women who will play but won't go down" as she A. loves cock & 2. "just isn't a giver" - it could be awkward for the eager woman who wants to go down on her but gets left hanging, but we haven't run into it yet.

 

Just as long as someone does it, if her willing husband wanted to take over and finish the job I'd be fine with that, or even my own husband for that matter. I wouldn't want anyone to do anything they weren't comfortable with. I would even be content playing with a couple with a straight female who didn't want any contact at all. It's all good no matter what. :D

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Lot's of different takes on this but I'll put my 2 cents in anyway. :D

 

I guess you could say I am socially bi or bi friendly. What I mean by that is, well, I love men!! There I said it!! :lol: However, since we got into the lifestyle I have had several different scenerios. One where I went down on the other woman and she didn't reciprocate :sad: Another the female was not bi at all and we just played with each others respective spouses. And, when the other female is bi to any degree then we're all four in a pile with the two women having the greater options (MF, MFM, FF, MFMF :lol: ) and the two men just loving it all.

 

Outside of the lifestyle playtime I am not interested in women, don't want a FF situation and not upset when we play with a couple that the female is totally straight because I always get my favorite . . . the male!!

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

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De and Ci,

You are correct, we are pretty much in agreement on this! I myself love getting to know the variety of preferences out there... :)

 

This has been an educational thread for me!

 

Happy weekend! :)

 

Mrs. 2play

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Well I thought I would take a moment to post here. Ive read through most of the replies and i guess i am a little bit different on the bi-side of things. I am bi 24/7. I dont turn it off or on..or have an "only time" to be bi. Its who or what I am.... I give, I recieve..... its the way I play the game... FF or MFM.... I play to win..and winning is giving and recieving.. Hubby and I have turned down single and couples who would only recieve and not give. If you are curious..that is fine...wanna learn the ropes.... that's great...but you gotta get your face wet if you ever really wanna learn if you enjoy it or not. What's the purpose in just having a woman go down on you... a man can do the exact same thing..... to be bi..you gotta taste, touch and feel a woman...

 

I was bi-curious to start with..but with my very first experience...i went for the whole thing.... if figured if i really wanted to know if i were bi..then i had to get in and do it all...so I did..and have been full totally out there bi ever since....

 

But like I said...I am bi 24/7.... I see a beautiful woman...i wonder... damn would i like to be between her legs....

 

But I love my hubby..and no one...and i mean no one can make me scream like he can..... if something ever happened to hubby.... the next guy would have to know the rules..I am bi and I will always be bi.... have to accept it or not.... this is me and this is the way i am...

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I guess I have been lucky....the women I have been with I WANTED to go down on....beautiful, clean sexy women that I just had to taste!

I cannot imagine being bi and NOT tasting her....

Hugs

Sugarcheeks :kissface:

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I don't have a problem playing with a woman who doesn't return the favor. I prefer to give rather than receive typically anyway (with both guys and girls), so it doesn't really bother me much if the girl doesn't return the favor.

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Interesting thread, and something that my wife and I have talked about. I think a lot of the confusion comes from the fact that some people think "bi" is some sort of yes/no thing. That you are, and are totally into it, or you are not and you are just sort of a poser. I think that there are way more possiblities than just yes/no. Kinsey described a 0 to 6 scale of sexuality.

 

Rating Description

0 Exclusively heterosexual

1 Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual

2 Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual

3 Equally heterosexual and homosexual

4 Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual

5 Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual

6 Exclusively homosexual

 

A lot of women that say they are "bi curious" aren't really curious at all. They know that they have a mild attraction to other women, but its not a big thing with them. They might fall into 1 or 2. Other women in the lifestyle who say they are bi seem to really be focussed only on sex with other women. I guess they might be a 4 or 5.

 

I think that you just have to either talk to the other person(s) about mutual expectations and ask questions or just go with the flow and try not to be judgemental if the other person isn't on the exact same page as you are.

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I (the wife) have always been bi in my opinion (had my first experience with a woman in my teens and loved it). I have been with both Bi and Bi Curious in this LS and I have to say Bi is so much better for me. Before getting into the LS I didn't understand bi curious at all!!

An example:

We played with one couple where during one of the times we were together and I was giving it seemed more like a show for the guys than anything...when I was through...we the females were through...no giving on her end. Fine with me I moved on to the sex. I can understand a woman who isn't fully bi and appreciate it as her choice. I most likely will not do it again though b/c its just like sex I want something out of it too.

 

Another situation with a fully bi woman: We get into the room and before she even speaks to my hubby she pulls out her nexus dildo and goes to town...1/2 an hour or more later we had fully satisfied each other and made sure our spouses were happy and then picked back up with each other again. I have to say it was the best bi experience of my life...and I look forward to more just like it!

 

Basically I know I'm bi and if you don't thats fine I'll help you put on a show or I'll see what you like but most likely I'm going to chose the fully bi woman over the bi curious any day of the week b/c then I know we both are having a good time!!

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I don't have a problem playing with a woman who doesn't return the favor. I prefer to give rather than receive typically anyway (with both guys and girls), so it doesn't really bother me much if the girl doesn't return the favor.

 

:ditto: What she said! :)

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I too am more of a giver, and don't mind. I'm learning to be a receiver though. I've recently learned why I'm more of a giver, and am enjoying learning what my body likes in receiving.

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So, we would have to change our original vote done 3 years ago. At the time, we were fairly new, and Mrs two4you was only a receiver at that point.

 

She's been as much of a giver as a receiver now. Probably more so.

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I think I'm listed as straight on our profile, partly because I don't want to feel like I'm a false advertisement.

 

In reality, I'm open to play with women I feel comfortable with. I have no problems kissing, groping, sucking nipples, etc. I have been down on 1 female, and it was ok...I was a little uncertain of how I was doing...but she seemed to enjoy it.

 

So, I really consider myself 'socially bi' or 'bi-friendly'...in that if another woman touches me, or wants to dance, etc....I'm not going to run screaming from the room or anything, we'll just see where it goes. I don't want to feel obligated to do something by saying I'm bi or bi-curious. It's on a case by case basis...just like actually playing with a male is.

 

While I don't mind putting on a show for the guys...honestly, if I wanted what I would consider a serious playtime with another female...it would have to be one on one. No other distractions, no audience, etc.

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IMO you are not bi if you do not like to go down on the other woman. Again IMO, that is the only thing that can make you bi besides being attracted to women sexually. My gay friends tell me that if the guy is just the giver, he is not gay. It's the reciever that is gay. I always thought that if you were attracted to a guy in any kind of way, you are gay. I don't know if this works the same for the women since they don't have anything to stick each other with but a tongue. Yes there are dildos and stap ons, but they are not true body parts. You are not sharing and feeling in the satisfaction you are giving to your partner. That's how I feel about it anyway. No pun intended.

 

So my point is, do these girls who don't go down feel less bi because of they're way of going about it?

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I'm pretty much like sexcupid. I don't mind kissing, flirting, using a stap-on or dildos, rubbing on a woman, and sucking her breast, but that is as far as i'll go with a woman. I will not go down on a woman or touch genital to genital and because of this, I do not feel that i'm bi. This is only when i'm at a swing party. Other than that, I have no sexual interest in a woman.

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Everyone has the right to be who they are and desire what they want without being judged or made to feel uncomfortable because of their sexual identity.

 

Yes, rejecting a couple because the female isn't full-on bisexual is certainly fair. No harm no foul as long as the rejecting couple doesn't act passively-aggressive or intentionally try to make the other couple feel foolish or awkward for simply being who they are.

 

As for me, I'm what you'd probably call "bi-permissive." I enjoy seeing and touching a woman and might even kiss if things got hot. But the sexual turn-on stops at oral sex or masturbating her. I'm not wired that way so it's a turn-off. Why should I be judged for that? It's my sexual identity and I'm not going to change it just to humor someone or because of the fear of being rejected by more experienced couples. Same way that I won't expect my SO to humor me with a bi experience. Yes, it turns me on to think about two men together, but I'd never get angry or "reject" him because I'm letting him watch me touch a woman but he won't touch a man.

 

We all just need to remember to respect each other..... this is a perfect example of "no means no" and not getting upset because someone just isn't into something you wish they would be.

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Susan here--There is a term for this 'soft' bisexual/lesbian, it is 'Lipstick Lesbian' where they will only kiss with another woman.

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Interesting thread, and something that my wife and I have talked about. I think a lot of the confusion comes from the fact that some people think "bi" is some sort of yes/no thing. That you are, and are totally into it, or you are not and you are just sort of a poser. I think that there are way more possiblities than just yes/no. Kinsey described a 0 to 6 scale of sexuality.

 

Rating Description

0 Exclusively heterosexual

1 Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual

2 Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual

3 Equally heterosexual and homosexual

4 Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual

5 Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual

6 Exclusively homosexual

 

A lot of women that say they are "bi curious" aren't really curious at all. They know that they have a mild attraction to other women, but its not a big thing with them. They might fall into 1 or 2. Other women in the lifestyle who say they are bi seem to really be focussed only on sex with other women. I guess they might be a 4 or 5.

 

I think that you just have to either talk to the other person(s) about mutual expectations and ask questions or just go with the flow and try not to be judgemental if the other person isn't on the exact same page as you are.

 

I have used a similar rating system myself since i started seriously thinking about my sexuality. although my system was 0-10. good to see i was onto something.

 

i always maintain that 0 on my scale (exclusively hetereosexual, never once entertained the thought of a homosexual attraction) or 10 (same as above, just reverse hetero with homo), don't actually exist. every straight person who has been honest with me has admitted to at least one "confused" moment growing up, be it a crush on a teacher, a thrill from the touch of a guy, or even just a "i wonder what it'd feel like". every homosexual person who has opened up to me (significantly fewer i'll admit) has told me that they have at least once wondered about a hetero encounter.

 

i guess my point, and graygo's point is that human sexuallity is fluid. it's not clear cut "straight/bi/gay".

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As I was once told; "Play to a 2 handicap and they don't call you a golfer". "Throw a 300 game and they don't call you a bowler." "Suck one dick in the locker room and you are gay FOREVER".

 

Isn't that the truth...

 

sort of related, at a party in my early University years, a few of the frat boy types were trying to pressure a couple of the girls at a (vanilla) party to make out for their entertainment. a friend and i saw that clearly they were extremely uncomfortable with the idea, and wanted the guys to stop pressuring them.

 

so He and I, (both straight mind you), waltz into the circle that'd been forming and gave our own 'same sex' makeout. that kinda destroyed the mood for the guys:D and they left the girls alone. Sure him and I got a bit of a reputation from it, but funnily enough, the only people who had issue with what we did were the people we didn't want to talk to anyway.

 

After that day, i've never felt so comfortable with my sexuality... i know i'm straight, but i don't "fear" male contact.

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G puts "socially bi" because she has no desire to have a relationship with a woman. She does it all, and loves it all. so socially bi for us means she is bi during playtime and not in a full time scenario.

 

At the moment this describes me and if that should change, I feel that when the time is right, I will know :).

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My wife is very very very slightly bi-curious. It's going to take a lady she's really attracted to and 'clicks' with to get her to try it all out.

 

She's all about the cock! :D

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I am truly bi, and have actually had a friend call me 3/4 lesbian, so i love giving and receiving.

 

If i'm with a couple, and i know the woman won't return the favor though (shes just not that bi), I do admit to being a little more hesitant in giving oral. This is only if she is established, so to speak, in where her bisexuality is and is one of those who is ok with kissing and fondling and receiving oral, but not giving it. If she is still figuring it out, and is still in the exploratory stage, I'm happy to go down and let her decide what she is comfy with.

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To date, I've done about everything but give oral to another woman. I'm listed as bi curious in my sls profile and am very upfront about my "limit". At this point, it's a matter of me feeling brave enough to try it. Ironically, most of my FF experiences have been in group situation, which is when I'd be least likely to feel brave enough.

 

But I figure when I'm ready for the "training wheels" to come off, they will.

 

=)

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I'm bi and while I enjoy giving somewhat more than receiving (in fact my favorite probably is going down on another woman while I'm getting fucked by a man and watching her give oral to my husband), we do not usually (knowingly anyway) go into situations with women who are unwilling to give. We have made it pretty clear in our profile of this. Unfortunately, they're out there and it ends up being a let down for those of us that are actually bi. "Bi for the guy", "bi for show", and "bi-selfish" women, if you're strait, call yourself strait. Be who you are and just be honest about it! No reason to unnecessarily tease the truly bi women. If we were with a couple and she stated honestly, "I've never been with a woman and I'm unsure. I'd like to experience this, but I'm not sure how I feel about giving yet. Can we go slow?", that's one thing (it's at least honest and for that, I'd be willing to do my part to make her feel very good), but to say you also like women, dance, kiss and get touchy-feely with another woman (who is bi) all night and then nothing just isn't being honest.:nono:

 

Not to mention if you're so passive you call yourself bi when you're not to please your man, you're probably going to be too passive with my husband for his tastes as well. People who are sexually skilled and confident don't need to make up stories regarding their sexual preferences. They are who they are and look for like-minded people without apology. There is someone out there for everyone. Be yourself and there's no doubt many into the same thing.

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"Bi for the guy", "bi for show", and "bi-selfish" women

 

The term "bi-selfish" makes me think that the bisexual woman who chooses to use that term in a demeaning way is the more selfish one in the equation. As in she didn't get enough information up front and then expects the other woman to perform an act she's not comfortable with... and punishes her by calling her "selfish."

 

Sure, not wanting to give oral (male or female) is considered selfish. But directing frustration onto a person because they don't want to do something is equally as selfish. I really don't think anyone should ever be guilted or pressured into something.

 

I do agree with the rest of your post.... no wonder you're frustrated. Women should definitely cop to their true sexuality when posting ads. I'm guessing many women think they're bi because they appreciate the female form and enjoy their male partner's reaction to FF play, not to mention it's hip to be bi these days and "everyone's doing it." These women probably just haven't been educated to provide a distinction as a courtesy to true bisexuals. There are plenty of terms available to define a person's sexuality but not everyone knows this.

 

Given that it's probably not that they're intentionally misleading you, it would be really nice and "unselfish" of you to relax and give them some slack. Especially if you're at a club or party where you haven't had a chance to qualify people's complete sexual identity in advance of playing. If you go into the situation without the expectation that a woman is fully bi (unless you've asked) then you won't be disappointed.

 

I assume in your profile that you make it clear you're seeking fully bisexual women who love both giving and receiving. I'm not sure where you've encountered the "bi for the guy" women, but it sounds like it could have been a situation where they didn't realize they needed to be "bi for the girl" as well. They probably thought it was okay for them to just be who they are and do what they want to do and let you do the same.

 

The thing is, you know there's a situation where a lot of women call themselves bi but are clueless as to the real definition (and aren't prepared to provide oral sex to you). It's not like they offer a class for this in school, "Gay and Bisexual Etiquette 101" so it's really not their fault. It's up to the people who know the right way to play to educate the people they come into contact with.... but it should be done in a caring, patient way or some people could come away with a bad impression of their interactions with bisexual women.

 

The problem is not that the women didn't reciprocate. It's that your expectation was not in line with their sexuality. Basically there was a missing piece of information and you made an erroneous assumption. The solution is to qualify your play partners if you want a truly bisexual experience.

 

:)

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The term "bi-selfish" makes me think that the bisexual woman who chooses to use that term in a demeaning way is the more selfish one in the equation. As in she didn't get enough information up front and then expects the other woman to perform an act she's not comfortable with... and punishes her by calling her "selfish."

:)

 

I think if it's a situation with anyone where one person wants someone to give them oral and is not willing in return, it is somewhat selfish. If a man was talking with you for hours, you were kissing, touching, and then when it came time to play, he did nothing (not even manual stimulation) after you "took care of him", you might be a little :confused:. If I did that to a male partner, it would be selfish of me as well. All I'm saying is people really need to communicate. If you're a man who wants head from a woman and are unwilling in return, he should also communicate that too. My post isn't an attack on strait or bi-curious women and of course no one should do anything they aren't comfortable with, but it isn't fair of people to misrepresent themselves either.

 

I have no issue with people exploring their interests/curiosities and our profile is very specific and we have learned through trial and error to communicate extensively (my personal experience of feeling "teased" happened almost a year ago when we were fairly new and needed further communication skills ourselves). Some women call themselves bi-curious because they prefer men as "the main course" (which is very similar to how I am), others do because they have never done anything with women are are truly "curious", but ultimately have little interest beyond a little kissing and teasing. It's pretty tough to know unless you talk beforehand. That we do- extensively.

 

In addition, please don't tell me to "relax". I'm an extremely relaxed, courteous person who is never rude to people (probably part of why I certainly never did or would try to push anyone into anything). That was condescending and somewhat of a personal attack. My post was not directed personally toward anyone, but you chose to take it that way and become defensive. Perhaps you became so defensive because you may have recognized something within yourself and realized it's YOU that needs to communicate a little more. Seriously, just like what you like, don't like what you don't like, just be honest about it. For some of us, being bi is who've we've been for years and it's not a "fad". It's a part of who we are.

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reply to post by SnowwwWhite

 

 

I agree with you.

 

Did you express your feelings in this manner because you were receiving pressure to go beyond your limits from another woman?

 

If yes, you must have felt angst about what was your role in Swing. How did you handle the break off? Did the other woman pout.

 

What is the best way to communicate your feelings at the beginning of a new woman encounter?

 

I understand your husband is not even an issue in this matter.

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