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  1. #1
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    Default Embarrassed by flaccid penis

    I was going to post this in the "penis size" forum, but I don't seem to be able to. If this is better located elsewhere, please feel free to move accordinglly .

    Since it looks like we are very soon going to be activlly jumping back into the swinging world, and this time metting with strangers rather than playing with friends as we have in the past, I thought it a good time to try to adress one of my insecurities.


    I am embarrassed by my flaccid penis..

    Now when hard, I have no issue. I am not large by any standard, and only a partner of Lilliputian stature would ever refer to me as huge, but when hard I rest quite comfortably on the left hand side of one standard deviation from the average (math geek speak for between 5 and 6 inches depending on overall excitement level). I don't worry about being too small mainly because if I were, odds are I would know it by now, and my level of experience assures me that what I have is plenty adequate to get the job done for most partners. Hell I thought I was completely standard right up until I started pursuing Craiglist!

    So when hard, I have no issue. When soft though...,,,.

    I know there are those that show, and those who grow. And I am quite definitely one who grows (man I envy those that show all the time). When soft though my cock is quite small. Like really small. Especially when a case of the nerves hits, the fight or flight reaction sets in (that parasympathetic nervous system can sure be a bitch) and blood starts rushing to eyes, brain and limbs, but leaves the part I want flush distressingly in want of fluid.

    So I wonder, do I need to worry about this? And am I alone in this concern?

    Ladies, do you judge a man's penis while flaccid, or do you reserve judgment until things have progressed. If you see a man with a small flaccid member, are you less likely to play with him?

    Guys, anyone else share this insecurity? And if so, what do you do about it at parties/clubs/elsewhere that potential playmates may see you naked prior to actual play time?

    Or is this concern just silly? Are people likely to see you undressed at parties/clubs/whathaveyou before you play with them?
    This statement is a lie.

  2. #2
    Laura's Male VegasLee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Embarrassed by flaccid penis

    You are borrowing worries that you don't need to.

    YOU are the only one that is going to be concerned about your soft size when you are at a party.

    Keep things simple, don't worry about things that you can not control and that don't really matter.
    You all laugh at me because I am different. I laugh at all of you because you are all the same.

  3. #3
    A Little Of Everything ALilOEverything's Avatar
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    Default Re: Embarrassed by flaccid penis

    Quote Originally Posted by Rackir View Post
    Ladies, do you judge a man's penis while flaccid, or do you reserve judgment until things have progressed. If you see a man with a small flaccid member, are you less likely to play with him?
    The only thing I think about a penis when it's soft is "why is it soft and what can be done about this". I don't think I've ever related a guy's size when he's soft to when he's hard, the variables are just too tremendous. Size is never on the forefront of my mind either.

    My husband has the same concerns as you though, I figured it was just a guy thing to notice something like that.
    ~Lilo

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Embarrassed by flaccid penis

    That is something that never really crossed my mind. I also grow more than I show. I could care less if someone is larger than me, when it counts I get the job done and have never had any complaints. If figure everyone is different so why worry about something you have no control over.

    Mr.Red
    I have abandoned my search for truth, and am now looking for a good fantasy.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Embarrassed by flaccid penis

    Heh. As usual, truth lies somewhere in between.

    To answer one post, guys care about it more than women do because there's a whole lot of advertising and social pressure associated with penis size. And not all of that social pressure come from men, a lot comes from women. What's one of the cutting remarks women sometimes make when they want to disparage some guy? "He's got a small cock." . This is without addressing the whole issue of penis size in porn

    The truth is, that for some percentage of women out there, size does matter. Some percentage want a larger penis, and some are not comfortable with a larger penis. Most women are fine with something one sigma within the norm. Some women won't even go near a guy unless he's well hung. These are often the ones who are advertising for well hung men only. So it's pretty easy to see why guys obsess over size.

    As far as a flaccid penis grows, errr goes, it is true that the larger the penis is flaccid, the less it grows in proportion, but it can be intimidating when a guy's schlong flaccid is larger than yours is erect. Sure, yours may increase sixfold in size flaccid to erect, but even if his only doubles, that's still a large wang.

    It is NOT EASY to overcome body image issues. Especially when there is constant reinforcement for the feeling you're not good enough or don't measure up. My first wife kept going on about large cocks and how much she enjoyed them or how one of her girlfriend's boyfriend had a large cock, and so on and so on. I'm of smack dab in the middle average size, which for most men feels like about three sizes too small. So it affected my self esteem in that area for many years. To be fair, we were both young and pretty insensitive and I'm sure we hurt each other in many ways without even being aware of doing so.

    For one of my partners, I'm too big for her sometimes. When we've played with toys she always chooses the smaller ones. She's small, and I regularly hit bottom on her (pun intended). With my other partner it's pretty clear that she likes larger ones, and that my size probably isn't as much as she'd like. She's larger, so it's harder for me to get as much depth and some positions are out for us. If my cock were 7-8" it'd probably be just right.

    While I don't worry nearly as much about my size as I did years ago, I've also watched some guys flaunt the fact they are large. But then, for all of human history, those who have had the desirable physical characteristics were prone to take advantage of the fact, for whatever "desirable" meant at the time and place. And to be fair, there's a lot of people who don't.

  6. #6
    Swingers Board Addict mixtupcpl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Embarrassed by flaccid penis

    One word... Fluff!!!

    I heard this on Stern a while ago when they had the small penis contest... The guy who won was definitely a "grower". Once hard even Robin said "I can work with that!"

    So Stern admonished the guy... "WHY would you EVER let anyone see that? Just make sure to get yourself to half mast before anyone sees it and you'll be fine!"

    That sage wisdom goes a long way my friend... When in doubt..... FLUFF... Hey... it even works for the BIG BOYS in the big leagues! (all pro's use fluffers, right?)

    The above is really true also, I think.. Size is kind of like wealth. People always say "it doesnt matter", but I dont find a lot of lonely millionaires with 9" cocks I have a good friend who both has a lot of cash AND is well hung (I curse him on a daily basis!) The sheer volume of women he's had, and the level of insane excitement they display upon both discoveries (that the Ferrari key really opens a Ferrari and that the bulge isnt just tissue) is some powerful annecdotal evidence... LOL
    Last edited by mixtupcpl; 08-23-2009 at 08:00 PM.

  7. #7
    Not a potential *** Chicup's Avatar
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    Default Re: Embarrassed by flaccid penis

    As a grower not a shower myself, I hear you, but in swinging its not THAT much of an issue as you should normally be a grower by the time things happen, at least I am.

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    Default Re: Embarrassed by flaccid penis

    Same situation here (average erect size and grower, not shower), though I'm probably not as sensitive about it as you, Rackir.

    Suggestions: keep the weight down, do some crunches, trim the bush (a beard trimmer at the "1" setting is what I use). That helps both flaccid and erect. If you're really sensitive, get a prescription for the blue pill; that makes it tumescent most of the time. For some, horny goat weed has the same effect; happily, it does for me.

    I really became a lot less sensitive about it after our first trip to Desire. Everybody's hanging around with their balls hanging out, so after a while you forget that you're naked. Does wonders for the insecurity.

    On the other hand, as Chicup mentioned, in a swinging situation, when it really matters the dick should already at least tumescent, if not completely erect.

  9. #9
    Swingers Board Addict Sunswept's Avatar
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    Default Re: Embarrassed by flaccid penis

    Quote Originally Posted by Rackir View Post
    Or is this concern just silly? Are people likely to see you undressed at parties/clubs/whathaveyou before you play with them?
    Rackir, the old adage "underpromise and overperform" leaps to mind here.

    Don't worry about it, it's not an issue. Take a trip to Breitenbush Hot springs (between Salem and Bend) and hang out naked in and by the hot springs with everybody if you want to work on your flaccid state confidence in a (relatively) non-sexual environment.
    "I always have a wonderful time, wherever I am, whoever I'm with." Elwood P. Dowd.

  10. #10
    Here to Stay stlfffun's Avatar
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    Default Re: Embarrassed by flaccid penis

    Tht subject has never bothered me or any of the ladies I know (at least thats what they tell me - lol). Flaccid, my penis appears normal to smaller in size, but when erect, it's 7 inches with a nice banana curve. At clubs and parties, it's been seen in various stages of erectness, so I guess they've all seen it. By the way, I was raised as a nudist since childhood by nudist parents and my sisters and I spent a lot of time playing at nudist resorts, so body image, etc. has never been an issue with any of us.
    Last edited by stlfffun; 08-24-2009 at 10:52 AM.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: Embarrassed by flaccid penis

    Quote Originally Posted by ALilOEverything View Post
    The only thing I think about a penis when it's soft is "why is it soft and what can be done about this".

    My wife and I both had the same reaction to reading your post, which was..,,
    "If ya'll are ever up here in Oregon, give us a call!!". It seems you and my wife think along the same lines, and she frequently comes up to me when I'm doing whatever, cops a feel and if I'm not hard proceeds to remedy that situation and then walks away, she says she just likes keeping me hard all the time.
    This statement is a lie.

  12. #12
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    Default Re: Embarrassed by flaccid penis

    Quote Originally Posted by mixtupcpl View Post
    One word... Fluff!!!
    Heh, that reminds me of second or third threesome, and the first that I can recall this particular insecurity rearing it's head (or more to the point this insecurity based on the lack of a rearing head).
    I was hanging out with a girl with whom I had met several times at social gatherings, and had always flirted with heavily, and another guy friend of hers from the same group (it was a local BBS for those who remember those). We had been just goofing off most of the afternoon, drinking quite a bit and generally having fun and getting to know one another, had reached a nice point of inebriation and decided that what we really needed to do was play some poker.

    So down to the table we go, deal out the cards and then (suprise suprise) realize we have nothing to bet with. No problem, we're all inventive and so it took us little time to decide that clothing was the appropriate medium of exchange.

    So the game went on, we were all in various stages of undress but I was the first to lose the underwear hand. For whatever reason though I hadn't yet really risen to the occasion. So rather than just stand and drop the linen, I stood up, stood closer to the lady at the table and asked if she wouldn’t mind doing the honors. Happily she obliged, but decided that she wanted to first feel what she was about to see, and gave me a very pleasant frontal massage prior to sliding my boxers down my legs.

    Yup, that was enough to do that trick. What was revealed was not the source of embarrassment, but rather that nice heavy quarter mast condition that speaks of nothing but promise!

    Off topic but just to finish the story, the rest of the game went great, and they were nice enough to allow me to continue by betting favors against their clothes until they were dressed as appropriately as I. That was actually a great night for insecurities for not only the above account, but when the other gentleman was revealed, though he was fully hard, I found that I was in fact quite a bit larger than he (a situation that has yet to repeat itself that dramatically). Not a knock on him, but wow was that an ego boost!

    So yeah, I do plan on taking advantage of any and all fluffing opportunities. I had actually somehow forgotten that was a not only an option, but actually a responsibility that my wife will likely take into her hands with no prompting needed from me .
    This statement is a lie.

  13. #13
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    Default Re: Embarrassed by flaccid penis

    Thanks all! Your responses have definitely helped me see that my concern is shared and overcome by allot of guys out there. I'm gonna toss this into the "nothing to be done about it" pile and hopefully let it rot there. I'd still love to hear if others have this concern, and especially what ladies in the scene think. But in general I don’t think it's going to be a problem.

    Thanks all!
    This statement is a lie.

  14. #14
    Not a potential *** Chicup's Avatar
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    Default Re: Embarrassed by flaccid penis

    Quote Originally Posted by Rackir View Post
    Thanks all! Your responses have definitely helped me see that my concern is shared and overcome by allot of guys out there. I'm gonna toss this into the "nothing to be done about it" pile and hopefully let it rot there. I'd still love to hear if others have this concern, and especially what ladies in the scene think. But in general I don’t think it's going to be a problem.

    Thanks all!
    Well as far as I know, I've never been turned down due to my penis size.

    By the time the can react to it, its too late, muhahahah!

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