Do you dress/groom to please yourself or your swing partners?

[naughty A]

should you dress/groom for yourself, your spouse or your swing partner(s)?

a friend of mine is upset because her husband... persists... in shaving his head, growing a goatee and shaving his chest. because he thinks it makes him more attractive to his swing partners... As it happens she likes a hairy chest... and hates his goatee. (see I'm not the only one in the world that doesn't like them) She feels he should be more concerned about what turns her on rather than others?

but then I think about my choices... and they've always been to suit my spouse... when we go out... I dress in the way that I know he likes... rather than for comfort or warmth... well... sometimes there are compromises and such but I definitely take into consideration what his preferrences would be... To turn the question around ... am I too concerned about what my spouse thinks?

and is this a male/female thing?

[windsor4fun2]

I think you need to dress in a way that you need to feel good about yourself.

With that said you should also be willing to compromise or at least listen to suggestions. I know I am not a GQ dresser so I'll take any help I can get but I won't wear something I don't feel comfortable with regardless how well someone else likes it.

I had a goatee for years but shaved it off because everyone had one. My wife bitched at me for months until I grew it back. It didn't matter to me but it made her happy.

Jesse

[thump29]

I wear was is more comfortable to me. I dont dress up or whatever to impress our swinging partners. Compromises are something we do often, I like him to shave his head and he like me to have my hair a certain color.

I also like to wear things that I know my husband likes so no I dont think you are too concerned about what your husband thinks. We all do it and it is a male/female thing.

[naughty A]

I guess I am not at all concerned about my own habits LOL but very concerned about what I see happening to two very dear friends...

is his ignoring her preferrences for those of other people a sign of trouble?

I wouldn't be so worried for them if he was doing it for himself but because he says he does it to make himself more attractive to other people... it almost seems as if he is placing more value on their opinions rather than his spouse...

I was trying to be non-specific in the question ... because I wanted this to be more about in general rather than a specific example...

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by naughty A
a friend of mine is upset because her husband... persists... in shaving his head, growing a goatee and shaving his chest. because he thinks it makes him more attractive to his swing partners... As it happens she likes a hairy chest... and hates his goatee. (see I'm not the only one in the world that doesn't like them) She feels he should be more concerned about what turns her on rather than others?

I have always dressed (hair styles, clothes, colors, etc) in a way that made me feel most comfortable while also trying to incorporate the preferences of my SO as much as possible - but within my personal limits.
As for your friend, if his choices make him feel better about himself, then she might want to try some compromises (ditch the goatee maybe?). If he is basing his decisions and choices strictly upon his feelings of attractiveness to his swing partners, then yes, I would say there are some problems lurking around the corner. He is totally negating her feelings.
It is my opinion that we should always strive to be appealing to our partners without compromising ourselves, and on the other hand, our partners should not ask us to change things or be or dress in ways that cause us to feel uncomfortable and untrue to ourselves.
Compromise...communicate...compromise...communicat e... -EBF

[Weezie]

I've found that if you dress in what makes you feel comfortable but sexy at the same time, then you automatically become sexy to others without even realizing it. I think bald heads and goatees are very sexy by the way.

[OhioCouple]

For us, I think it is a compromise thing. Sure there are certain things he likes, but if I'm not comfortable in it, then I am going to be uncomfortable for the evening. I'm not real comfortable about wearing all the lingere type outfits and I really don't know why. I have a few, but hardly ever wear them. Usually I'll just wear nice slacks and dressier tops and stuff, with lacy stuff underneath it for going out to meet with other couples or to clubs. Fortunately my husband is one that isn't really turned on by the silk and high heels and stuff, he much prefers his women naked. That kinda hard to do though if you are going to a restaurant.... So we don't compromise in that area.

[windsor4fun2]

Originally posted by naughty A

is his ignoring her preferrences for those of other people a sign of trouble?

... it almost seems as if he is placing more value on their opinions rather than his spouse...

In this context I think there is a problem, if only his lack of consideration for her feelings. His wifes opinion should matter more than swing partners. I wonder if her prefers that look and is using the other peoples opinion to confirm his preference.

Jesse

[bear_n_bunny]

Oh, I very much try to dress for Bear when we go out. If he growls or get's that certain look then I just feel extra sexy. Of course, I would own anything I didn't like in the first place and the only thing really uncomfortable I'll put up with is "fuck me" pumps.

As far as trying to please a swing partner, well, it's not that I don't care for their preferences, but my focus will always be on the one who brung me. For example, Bear like me not to shave my pubic hair. Now, I do my best to keep it tidy, but I know that it not the general preference of gentlemen swingers.

a friend of mine is upset because her husband... persists... in shaving his head, growing a goatee and shaving his chest. because he thinks it makes him more attractive to his swing partners...

Hate goatees and love "light to medium" chest hair. There's nothing like some texture. You know, if I were the wife, I'd be ticked as well.

-- Bunny

[bill&sabrina]

I would honestly compromise with my spouse. There may come a day in time when it is only he and I. He is the one I ultimately need to make happy. Vise versa.
Sabrina

[windsor4fun]

It's easy to forget the "pleasing the spouse" side of things when you've gotten comfortable with each other after years together.
But I would be concerned that she has voiced her concerns and he CONTINUES with behavior he knows she finds upsetting.

I hang out at home in comfy clothes...then put on 'dress-up' stuff to go to a dance. Day to day, going to work etc. I wear no makeup, but doll it up for a dance. If I don't feel like shaving my legs today I wear slacks/jeans so nobody can see....but hubby does, he sees me at my worst....but does that mean I'm puttin' on the glitz for our swingers friends and not him??? I think not, but that's only MHO.

by the way....I love his goatee and the way it tickles my thighs, but I don't think I BITCHED him into growing it back.

Hey Honey .....

[windsor4fun2]

Originally posted by windsor4fun

by the way....I love his goatee and the way it tickles my thighs, but I don't think I BITCHED him into growing it back.

OK maybe "bitched" was to strong a statement. How about "Repeated comments to others within my hearing about how you really liked my goatee and wished I hadn't shaved it off"? Is that better my love?

Jesse

[JMR]

We think you should groom to make yourself happy. AND make some comprimises for your spouse if need be. For example, my wife never shaved her bush til we got toghether, now she loves having a soft clean shaved bush with a 1" wide landing strip down the middle. so for us its about us first then comprimise for our wonderful spouse.