Helpless
Posted 05-20-2008 at 09:50 PM by gatorvol64
I want to be the friend Kitten needs this weekend. I'll do all that I can to make it so. But, what can you do for someone you love who feels she is finally able to go through her mom's things so that the house can be sold? I have no words to give her....just my presense and willingness to work beside her.
Mother's Day was a rough day for her. The first she has been without her mother. Yet, I feel it won't compare to this weekend at all. One of the biggest things she'll face it what to do with her mother's ashes. They will be waiting on her when she gets there. (She lives in a different state.) I never got the opportunity to meet her mom. Plans had been made but her mom died unexpectedly. In order to help her decide what to do with them, I'll have to ask more about her mother's likes and dislikes. Did she have a favorite place? A favorite thing to do? That's what would help me make a decision if it were my own mother. But, I'm lucky enough to have a good relationship with all three of my sisters. Kitten doesn't have one with her sister at all.
Normally, keeping her busy keeps her mind off things but the very thing we would want to relieve thoughts of is directly involved in the work she'll be doing. My prayer is that having all three of us there with her will be the crutch she needs. Before us, Tech would have handled things very well but, now she has three of us to lean on. And the beauty of the relationship is that we all three meet different needs or meet the same ones in a different way.
This is the only weekend in a while that we can all go as easily. The unfortunate thing about that is she's had a very stressful couple of weeks at work. Add this stress and I'm not sure how she'll handle it. I'll be reminding (though I doubt it is needed) the rest of us to remember that she may be short and all and that we need to let that roll off our backs. We will have to be there for each other to make sure that happens.
It is probably obvious to all who read my blogs that I use them to get some of my thoughts together. Instead of getting the thoughts together before I post. It's like I'm having a conversation with each of you and you are just letting me talk and work it out as I go. Thank you all for that. I come here for things that I don't even go to others about. Some are for obvious reasons but I could talk with other friends and my family about how I feel lacking in what I'll be able to do for Kitten and they'd be there for me. You are there for all the issues I have in my poly relationship.
Mother's Day was a rough day for her. The first she has been without her mother. Yet, I feel it won't compare to this weekend at all. One of the biggest things she'll face it what to do with her mother's ashes. They will be waiting on her when she gets there. (She lives in a different state.) I never got the opportunity to meet her mom. Plans had been made but her mom died unexpectedly. In order to help her decide what to do with them, I'll have to ask more about her mother's likes and dislikes. Did she have a favorite place? A favorite thing to do? That's what would help me make a decision if it were my own mother. But, I'm lucky enough to have a good relationship with all three of my sisters. Kitten doesn't have one with her sister at all.
Normally, keeping her busy keeps her mind off things but the very thing we would want to relieve thoughts of is directly involved in the work she'll be doing. My prayer is that having all three of us there with her will be the crutch she needs. Before us, Tech would have handled things very well but, now she has three of us to lean on. And the beauty of the relationship is that we all three meet different needs or meet the same ones in a different way.
This is the only weekend in a while that we can all go as easily. The unfortunate thing about that is she's had a very stressful couple of weeks at work. Add this stress and I'm not sure how she'll handle it. I'll be reminding (though I doubt it is needed) the rest of us to remember that she may be short and all and that we need to let that roll off our backs. We will have to be there for each other to make sure that happens.
It is probably obvious to all who read my blogs that I use them to get some of my thoughts together. Instead of getting the thoughts together before I post. It's like I'm having a conversation with each of you and you are just letting me talk and work it out as I go. Thank you all for that. I come here for things that I don't even go to others about. Some are for obvious reasons but I could talk with other friends and my family about how I feel lacking in what I'll be able to do for Kitten and they'd be there for me. You are there for all the issues I have in my poly relationship.
Total Comments 6
Comments
 |  All you can do is be there for her. Don't push her to get things done this weekend just go and be there for her to do whatever you can. |
Posted 05-21-2008 at 01:55 PM by JustAskJulie  |
| |  Just be there...let her talk and tell stories of her mom...sometimes that the best thing you can do is just listen. T. |
Posted 05-21-2008 at 07:25 PM by TNT  |
| |  As one who just recently lost my mother to cancer, I can understand. Just be there to listen and to hold. Do not try to solve anything. Let her be mad if she wants, cry if she wants, & make sure she knows that its ok to laugh at the good memories as well. But most importantly just be there. |
| Posted 05-21-2008 at 09:13 PM by bicuriocpl |
| |  Ditto to everything everyone has said. Your first paragraph says exactly what Kitten needs - your presence and willingness. |
| Posted 05-25-2008 at 06:58 AM by rpu3 |
| |  I understand your post... you would be one exceptional friend to have.You all would be. I've been away from the blogs recently. How are things going ? Ya know, looking back at this post thinking helpless.. I cant think anything but the opposite. Help...full |
| Posted 05-28-2008 at 10:04 AM by fun4Ds Updated 05-28-2008 at 10:42 AM by fun4Ds |
| |  We're back. While it was a difficult time in some ways for Kitten, it was a good weekend for us all and our relationship. We found out how we'd really be in a stressful situation. Stressful as in emotional for Kitten and Tech. And stressful for us all in how much we had to accomplish in such a short time. We did really well. Kitten handled things better than any of us (including herself) thought she would. Cleaning her mother's house out accomplished a needed thing for Kitten. It made her mother's passing a real thing for her. She chose well, I feel, in where she spread her mother's ashes and I feel she is pleased also. She cried. Something she has avoided until now. We laughed at some things we found in the house. At one point, when she was crying, I asked her for her favorite memory of her mother. I got several instead of just one. Thank you all for your support. |
| Posted 05-28-2008 at 10:32 PM by gatorvol64 |
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