random thoughts of a tired/busy girl
Posted 08-30-2008 at 02:36 AM by aster
i feel like i've met all these new people...and then i'm immediately letting them down by not being available all the time! it sometimes takes me a few days to answer emails, and i'm not always at my desk when people IM me, and this weekend I need to just take a total break to get stuff done. so, i apologize. i hope no one thinks i'm just being a bitch and ignoring them!
this week i've been dealing with the migraine thing, so i'm just really behind on work. tonight i had a WONDERFUL massage, so i think that will help. she really worked on all the kinks in my neck. and monday, i have a fun get together scheduled that i'm hoping will turn into playtime. ...which supposedly also helps headaches!
on top of everything else, i'm trying *REALLY* hard to get back into my diet. I want to loose 5 pounds a month till february...when i have my annual vegas photography trip, cause it would totally freak out all my photo friends to see me at my college weight. (it would already freak them out to see me now...i've lost a lot since they met me.) and i bet it would be easier to flirt in vegas then anyway! all my friends are teeny tiny, so i feel like i get passed over a bunch. *sigh* it'll be good to be that healthy again, too. but who am i kidding? i'd like to be hot(ter)!
is it weird that i feel sexier in the this community of strangers than with that group of friends?
especially since i'm gonna get naked here a lot more (well..possibly...those photographers are a wild bunch!) i guess it's just inevitable that photographers really are constantly judging what is "photogenic" and not just what is "attractive"...one is purely physical, and the other takes into account personality. i normally have reasonable self-esteem, but with all the cameras around (and lets face it, sometimes hot models) i can get overwhelmed and start to feel unnattractive. i don't know that losing weight will fix that, but at least being back to a weight that I am used to...that will help.
ok...rambling over. but this is a blog, right? I'm allowed!
this week i've been dealing with the migraine thing, so i'm just really behind on work. tonight i had a WONDERFUL massage, so i think that will help. she really worked on all the kinks in my neck. and monday, i have a fun get together scheduled that i'm hoping will turn into playtime. ...which supposedly also helps headaches!
on top of everything else, i'm trying *REALLY* hard to get back into my diet. I want to loose 5 pounds a month till february...when i have my annual vegas photography trip, cause it would totally freak out all my photo friends to see me at my college weight. (it would already freak them out to see me now...i've lost a lot since they met me.) and i bet it would be easier to flirt in vegas then anyway! all my friends are teeny tiny, so i feel like i get passed over a bunch. *sigh* it'll be good to be that healthy again, too. but who am i kidding? i'd like to be hot(ter)!
is it weird that i feel sexier in the this community of strangers than with that group of friends?
especially since i'm gonna get naked here a lot more (well..possibly...those photographers are a wild bunch!) i guess it's just inevitable that photographers really are constantly judging what is "photogenic" and not just what is "attractive"...one is purely physical, and the other takes into account personality. i normally have reasonable self-esteem, but with all the cameras around (and lets face it, sometimes hot models) i can get overwhelmed and start to feel unnattractive. i don't know that losing weight will fix that, but at least being back to a weight that I am used to...that will help.ok...rambling over. but this is a blog, right? I'm allowed!
Total Comments 3
Comments
 |  same here. it took almost two months before we had a play date with a couple we met and knew that we were comfortable enough to play with! Being the first one, I guess we wanted to get it over and done with so we could get rid of the nerves. It's hard for us because we have one child who lives with us full time, and another we have every 4th weekend. We had to hire a babysitter for our play date to happen  As for feeling sexier? Hell yeah! Nothing makes you feel sexier than people wanting to have sex with you...and for me, confidence and being comfortable in you own skin is way better than the perfect body. I'm a mum, I have a couple of stretchmarks and a little extra skin around the belly and a pair of breasts that withstood breastfeeding for 12 months..i feel sexy as hell cos they are my badges of motherhood.. Ok I'm going to stop rambling now, that is reserved for the blogger, not the commenter  Cheers, Mrs K&T |
Posted 09-01-2008 at 01:24 AM by hornykat74  |
| |  This has always been an issue for my wife and I too (body image) Right now its what is keeping us on hold actually. Until we feel we really look good, we dont really want to get out there. I have so much admiration for people who are genuinely happy with who they are (I mean not counting Ken and Barbie - LOL ) This has just always been hard for us. Anyhow... Another great entry |
| Posted 09-02-2008 at 07:05 PM by mixtupcpl |
| |  Mrs K&T - I know! It's such a balancing act between taking it slow (what your head wants to do) and jumping in (what your nether regions would prefer). i got really lucky...but that's a different blog entry. and totally keep rambling!! i like the conversation aspect of comments...it's entirely allowed on my blog!mixitupcpl - i came to a decision point (granted it happened on the first day when i signed up and started getting messages, and only took about 5 minutes) where i had to decide whether i wanted to wait till i had a perfect body. but i thought...what the heck! you are all strangers right now anyway...and i really don't fear rejection from strangers...so i decided to jump in anyway. it worked out to my advantage, I've realized there are so many different kinds of people here, and i've gained more confidence. of course, my *actual* plan was to put up the pictures...and if people seemed TOTALLY revolted...I was then going to lose all the weight, get hot, make a COMPLETELY new profile, and introduce myself as someone else. LOL. instead, i'll probably just refresh the profile every few months and erase the old galleries, lol. |
| Posted 09-03-2008 at 01:39 AM by aster Updated 09-03-2008 at 03:20 AM by aster (adding something! ;)) |
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